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I couldn't believe it when Shrub did his own list of states (sovereign ones), in the SOTU. I thought, crimminy, now even Shrubby is copying Dean!
Hope the Daily Show does a bit of editing on the infamous Dean speech and the SOTU, and comes up with something like this.
Here's how it would work:
Dean and Shrub are competing for the big prize, which for fun oughta be the Florida Electoral Votes. The goal of the contest is to say as many states as possible in the shortest period of time.
-Host: Ready, contestants? We'll start the final round in a few seconds. But before we start, let's first thank our sponsor, Diehold Voting Machines.
"Diehold. Because paper trails are for losers."
-Dean draws category "States I'm Going To", and Shrubby , the defending, incumbent champeen, draws the Sovereign State category, "Coalition of the Willing".
(Shrubby hadda think hard about that one, because he also had the choice of states in which the GOP plans to manipulate the election, but he chose the shorter category.)
Host: (Who should this be, guys?) "Contestants- You will have three seconds each to name as many of your states as possible. Remember. Speak clearly, and pronunciation counts. Governor Dean, as the newcomer, you go first.
-Dean: (out of the box with a rapidfire) " South Carolina, and Oklahoma, Arizona"
BUUZZZZZZZZZZZ
-Shrub: (pregnant smirky pause) "Britain...."
BUZZZZZZZZZZZZ
-Dean: South Carolina and Oklahoma, Arizona, and North Dakota and"
BUZZZZZZZZZZZZ
-Shrub: "..........Aushtraylea.......(small nod).....Jap..."
BUZZZZZZZZZZZZ
-Dean: (whipping off jacket, clearly on a roll) "and New Mexico. And we're going to California and Texas and New York. And "
BUZZZZZZZZZZZZ
-Shrub: (getting nervous, talking faster) South Korea, the Philippines, Thaila"
BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
-Dean: (Pumped. A wild man, knows he's winning.) And we're going to South Dakota and Oregon and Washington and Michigan!
BUZZZZZZZZZZZ
-Shrub: (pulls on tie, blinks, and spurts out): Italy, Spain, Poland, Denmark, Hungary, Bulglar..Balgrer....(BUUUUUZZZZZZZZ) Oh, for fuck's sake, Unca Dick how the BUUUUZZZZZZZ BUZZZZZ BUZZZZZZZ
-Dean: And then we're going to Washington, D.C., to take back the White House! YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Host: "That's it, we're out of time. Mr. pResident, unfortunately you were not able to complete your category. The remaining states are: Ukraine, Romania, the Netherlands -- (applause) -- Norway, El Salvador, and the 17 other countries that have committed troops to Iraq."
-Shrub: "That's not fair! Norway and El Salvador actually never even sent their troops there, and then the 17 other countries only did it in exchange for loan forgiveness, and most of their troops refused to go, and the ones that did didn't even have any guns! Colin! Tell them! "
Host: "We're sorry, Mr. pResident, we're out of time. Ed.... tell our lucky winner about today's prize."
Ed: (Video pan of beautiful Broward County, inset of Deihold Voting Machine) Thanks to our wonderful new voting machine technology, we are able to offer a guaranteed win of the 25 Florida Electoral Votes!
-Dean: (Beaming, sweat pouring down, panting...) Thank you, I knew I could do it! I'll never give up!
Video pans out on a pouting Shrub and ecstatic Dean.... Voiceover "Actual Election not guaranteed. Final ratification of election subject to the Supreme Court of the United States. Events such as the declaration of Martial Law, thawing of Osama Bin Laden, or LIHOP event may delay or prevent the 2004 election. In this event, the Electoral Votes may be redeemed in any Democracy using Deihold Voting Machines."
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