I just had to put my kitten to sleep, and I feel sick.

[liberalhistorian]

This morning I had to face the fact that I had to put him down, he was even sicker than he was last weekend. He had seizures and screamed all night, he'd lost control of his bodily functions (my bed and room are a mess), he could barely walk, he was blind, he had no strength, he wouldn't take water, he reeked of what is known as the "death smell", he was just a mess.

I kept him with me last night and went to sleep with him curled up on my chest, on a thick blanket so he wouldn't mess or drool on me. He was really quiet, which was not a good sign. He just wanted to be with me, it seemed, if I quit petting him he'd nudge my hand.

Then I woke up to him having seizure after seizure, body-racking, painful seizures and he'd scream for a minute or so afterward. The seizures got longer and longer, and he started making this really weird, growling, gutteral sound during them. When he wasn't having a seizure, he was screaming. He was messing all over the place.

So I had to face reality this morning, and called the vet. She reassured me that there was nothing they could do for FIP, that it was fatal and a horrible thing for cats, especially a kitten, to suffer, that he was never getting better and would only get worse (how the hell could he get any worse, I wondered) and that I was doing the right thing. I took him in an hour later then. He was actually pretty quiet at the vet's and suddenly seemed to know what was happening and it was almost like he was relieved. He settled down and curled up and quit crying. He just wanted me to pet him, when I stopped he'd open his eyes and nudge my hand again. It was very quick, and in an instant his suffering and pain were over. He was only four months old. Now I'm at work and I have the door to my office shut because I'm in no shape to see or talk to anyone.

I've had to keep him in isolation this week from the other cats, and the two cats and one of our dogs who'd "adopted" him when we first found him in October have been walking around all week looking for him, it's really sad to see. He would sleep curled up under the covers with me, the only cat I've ever had who did that (he hated being the least bit cold), and he loved to sleep in front of any of the heat registers. I hope to God none of the other cats get it, because they would have been exposed to it by now since he had it from the beginning. The vet only tested him for feline leukemia and not for anything else, even though we told them we had four other cats in the house and wanted to be sure he didn't have anything they could get.

On Christmas Day, he finally figured out how to get up in the middle of the tree like he'd been trying to do since we'd put it up, and it was hilarious to watch him flip up and down and in and out of the tree, and to watch how he played with the other animals. When I came home, he'd push past the other animals, come running to me and then try to jump up to me, just like a dog does, he wanted me to pick him up, he was so happy to see me. I've never had a cat do that, either.

I know I did the right thing for him, it's just unbelievably heartbreaking for me and right now I feel sick. I'm going to have to sleep downstairs tonight because my room needs a thorough, total cleaning, bedspread washed, etc., and I don't have the energy for that right now. I'm going to hate walking in the house and not having him there. I do feel a little better, though, knowing that he at least had a few months of love and care in a good home instead of freezing to death alone at six weeks old, which is what he would have done had we not found him.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

1. I am very sorry

Even if one does the right thing, it is still a loss and still makes your heart hurt. ((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))

[liberalhistorian]

21. Thanks, I could really use

all the hugs I can get!

[Insider]

2. bless his little soul

may he bounce happily on the other side free from the sickness

[liberalhistorian]

22. I sure hope that's what he's

doing now.

[SOteric]

3. I am so very sorry for your loss.

:hug:

I'm sure you did the right thing. It's so hard to see the small, fragile creatures we love suffer.

[reprehensor]

4. :(

Sorry. We had to put our kitty Oreo down two months ago. My wife had Oreo for almost 14 years.

It was a sad day. I miss that kitty.

[Demonaut]

5. Its tough but you did a kind and generous thing

[Lisa0825]

I'm so sorry.

My cat was sick recently, and I was really worried about her. Pets are like family to me. I know how much it must hurt. I wish I knew what else to say... I'm sorry for your loss.

[fertilizeonarbusto]

6. Love to you!!!!!!!!!!!!

Remember he had a soul and is watching you from kitty heaven. Please say you will adopt another one. It's the best tribute you could pay him. *HUGS*

[liberalhistorian]

23. I sure hope he's watching me!

We're going to have the other four cats tested for FIP, to see if any of them caught it from him, before we get another one.

[Ripley]

7. I'm so sorry for your loss.

My cat, who is 11, almost died a couple of years ago with a blocked urinary tract. I was really busy one day and didn't pick up on the signs that he was in so much pain...by the next day I raced to the vet and they said they had to keep him overnight and he might not make it. Oh the guilt! Thankfully he lived to remind me about it.

I know nothing can replace the uniqueness of your kitty, but eventually you will adopt another one and have a joyful relationship again!

[silverlib]

8. You are absolutely right!

I've been reading your posts and am so awed by all you did to save this kitten, and in the end, you did.

You are an awesome person!

[MuseRider]

9. I am so sorry.

I hate to see these threads, they are so difficult to read but we have all been there. You had no choice and I am certain that if your kitten could come back to tell you one thing it would be thank you for all you did for me while I lived and thank you for removing my pain. Peace, I wish your heart well.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

10. i am so very sorry

i have two cats and i really understand your pain...it must be heartbreaking...all my love...i am sure your cat loved you and would be very sad to see you now.

[Lostmessage]

11. Don't feel bad he was suffering

Have a good cry your baby is in heaven now. You helped him as much as you could possibly have helped him. Clean the house over the weekend and get you another kitty and it will help heal your heartache.:cry: :grouphug:

[bif]

12. You did the right thing. Don't feel bad.

It's sad, but it's for the best.

[hlthe2b]

13. I know you are very sad, but

please keep uppermost in your mind, that because of you, that kitten knew love, comfort, caring, warmth, and most important, an ease of his suffering using the most compassionate form of euthanasia. I only wish that more lovely little animals (and people, for that matter), could experience as much.

Be at peace. I know your little one is. Thank you for being the kind person that you obviously are. I hope you'll be able to reach out to other little ones in need of help in the future.

[Red State Rebel]

14. The Rainbow Bridge...

Rainbow Bridge
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

[liberalhistorian]

19. That is so beautiful, and

I have no doubt that it's true. Considering the number of cats and dogs I've had and loved over the past 39 years of my life, that's going to be one crowded bridge!

[Red State Rebel]

24. I know what you mean...

I first found that when we lost our 13 year old Cocker Spaniel. I was absolutely devestated for days. A few weeks later, we realized we didn't want a house without a dog and went to a rescue at the local Petco. I wanted a lap dog, I came home with a Golden Retriever puppy who had been turned over to the rescue because he got too big to be sold as a puppy at the pet store he was in. It was absolutely the best thing we could have done. He now weighs 123 lbs. and is sleeping in my office right now (the advantages of working for yourself).

You did the right thing for that poor baby and someday that kitty will thank you for it face to face.

[soleft]

15. He was very lucky that you found him

You did the brave thing.

[ronnykmarshall]

16. Kisses to you!

You did the right thing and he's at peace now.

I'll ask Mickey to look out for him. :loveya:

[XanaDUer]

17. That is very sad

and I am sorry. :(

[rsdsharp]

18. I hope this will help

I know how hard it is to put a pet to sleep. Five years ago, my wife and I had to put down our 10 year-old Llasa. He had gotten increasing agressive as he aged, and finnally seriously bit my wife. Despite that, it was one of the most difficult things we ever did. We cried for days afterward.

Perhaps the hope of Rainbow Bridge will help with your pain:

Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

http://www.petloss.com/poems/maingrp/rainbowb.htm

[curse10]

20. I'm so sorry and sad

;(

[Liberal Veteran]

25. I'm so very sorry.

Your love for him was great and I know that it was a true comfort to him to have you care for him.

[ET Awful]

26. I'm so sorry to hear that . . .

You did do the right thing, and it IS heartbreaking. You did the best you could with him. In fact, you mad his life much more worth living than it would have been otherwise, you gave him love which is something he wasn't familiar with.

He had something from you that too many animals don't, a caring loving human of his very own, and it sounds to me like you fit the bill admirably.

I'm really sorry to hear about it historian, and my thoughts, hugs and well wishes go out to you and him (and the rest of your menagerie as well).

ETA

[TXlib]

27. *Hug*

I'm sorry to hear that. And you're right: at least he had a few months in a loving home, instead a a cold, miserable death on the streets.

You did the right thing.

On Edit:

Your story, combined with the Rainbow Bridge homily above had me blubbing like a baby here at work. And I'm normally pathologically unemotional.

[liberalhistorian]

32. I know, the Rainbow

Bridge made me cry like a baby, too. If it made you cry, TXLib, maybe there's hope for yet!

[wysimdnwyg]

28. I don't know what to say, so

:hug:

[RebelOne]

29. It is so hard to lose a pet. It's like losing a child.

At least that's the way I feel. But you did the right thing and at least he is out of his suffering. I had to put a dog down about 6 months ago and it broke my heart. You have my deepest sympathy.

[ScreamingMeemie]

30. You gave him a wonderful life, and you gave him peace.

Remember that. Your Christmas tree story has me in tears. Poor little baby. You will be in my thoughts. These moments in life are so much to bear.

Hugs,Laura

[Sequoia]

31. I feel so very sorry

and know how you feel since I had to put my cat to sleep on the last day of DSL and she was 17. I had her creamated but couldn't afford to get her little box right away until my husband gave it me on Christmas Morning after midnight. Everynow and then we think we feel her spirit and I still miss her so. Reading your post just made me cry a little. We all still miss her and I know you will miss your kitten too. Cry all you want because it does make you feel better. Thinking of you.

[NightTrain]

33. Much love to you

I called your office this morning but was told you'd be coming in late due to a "family emergency." Kinda figured that's what it was.

If you're going to be home tonight or tomorrow night, I'd be happy to give you a call.

[liberalhistorian]

34. Please do, Dean.

I really need to talk to you, and thanks!

[NightTrain]

36. All right, I'll call you. But I gotta warn you...

...I'm in low spirits myself today. See my posting, "Great. Now I'm completely bummed out," for the details.

[liberalhistorian]

45. Aw, geez, Dean,

I just read the thread and I'm really sorry to hear that. I'll try to lift your spirits up a little when I talk to you!

[populistmom]

35. I'm truly sorry

:hug:

[noonwitch]

37. I am sorry for your loss, poor little cat.

You did the right thing for him, and he did have some really good months of loving care. Try to get a friend to come over and do the laundry for you, and hire someone to come clean your carpet.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

38. ~hugggggggs~

That's such a tragic loss, LH! It's emotionally draining to watched a loved one suffer and know that their only chance of wellness is through death.

You gave him the best life he could have had, LH; and I don't doubt for a moment that you'll meet him again one day. Being kind to yourself today is a wise decision. Do you have a friend who might be able to help with cleaning? It might be better for you...

How are your other kitties doing?

[MissMillie]

39. Even in just a few months.... you fall in love

And it sounds like he sure loved you.

I'm sure he's gonna miss you too.

[meti57b]

40. I am very sorry to hear of your loss.

You did all you could possibly do for the little guy. You did the right thing.

[non sociopath skin]

41. You did the best you could for him, friend.

Hugs from the Skin and his six feline friends.

[no_hypocrisy]

42. I'm sorry for your loss. You gave the ultimate gift of love to that baby.

I had a cat who had FIP. The night and day of her life has indelible in my mind.

When I went to the vet, she allowed me to hold Alice until she "fell asleep", so she could feel me holding her and smell my scent.

I cried and cried in the waiting room. Two owners and two nurses had to be calm me down and wouldn't let me leave until I was quiet for about 10 minutes.

I would make the same decision again. It was torture to watch my cat in pain and crying for help that I couldn't give.

Thank you for sharing your saga with us. You have a beautiful soul.

[Brewman_Jax]

43. Sorry to hear...

but you did what you could. Angels take many forms; this time in the form of liberalhistorian.

For you, here is the poem The Traveler by James Dillet Freeman

He has put on invisibility.
Dear Lord, I cannot see---
But this I know although the road ascends
And passes from my sight,
That there will be no night;
That You will take him gently by the hand
And lead him on Along the road of life that never ends,
And he will find it is not death but dawn.
I do not doubt that You are there as here,
And you will hold him dear.
Our life did not begin with birth,
It is not of the earth;
And this that we call death, it is no more
Than the opening and closing of a door---
And in Your house how many rooms must be
Beyond this one where we rest momently.
Dear Lord, I thank you for the faith that frees,
The love that knows it cannot lose its own;
The love that, looking through the shadows, sees
That You and he and I are ever one

[TNOE]

44. This is why DU is just the best place

I was having a bad emotional day yesterday and I was so grateful for the kind words I received, its just a little thing, but it means a lot. I use to never respond to threads like these because I didn't realize the importance of an encouraging word - and I guess I didn't want to be sad, but that is life.

Maybe if you mentioned to one of your good friends about the bedroom - they could clean it up for you? I'm sure someone would offer - I know I would. I had to put my cat down and I swear I thought I was going to wreck my car on the way home,I don't think I've ever cried so hard in my life, was completely hysterical. Think on the love you gave as much as you can and not so much on the loss and I'll bet you'll feel its spirit around you often. You gave peace and love to one of God's creatures which makes you a beautiful person.

[Zuni]

46. My sympathies

I would be devestated if I had to go through that. I'll say a prayer for your kitty.

My condolences,
Z

[Neko hime]

47. Very sorry

I'm sorry to hear about that. You did what you could and he enjoyed himself with you which he would not have been able to do otherwise. Just remember that. Also, adopt a new baby as soon as you can it really helps.

:grouphug:

[UrbScotty]

48. Oh, no. RIP, liberalhistorian's cat.

I hope you find relief in knowing that we are here for you.

[liberalhistorian]

49. Yes, it's very, very helpful

knowing I can turn to my DU family. Thank you, all of you, it really means a lot to me! The hardest part will come tonight because he always slept with me, even when he was really ill.

[Darth_Kitten]

50. I am so sorry for you........

You did everything you could to give him love and comfort and he appreciated that. :hug: He knew there was a special person who loved him.
Sorry for the heartache you are going through.

[sinkingfeeling]

51. So very sorry...

The way a person treats those creatures who cannot speak up is the measure of their soul. You did the only thing and you ushered him away from pain to peace with love.

[BurtWorm]

52. I'm so sorry for you, lh!

:(

[Cleita]

53. You gave him a short but happy life filled with love.

:hug: You filled his last hours on earth with love and then you did the right thing by ending the pain and misery of a disease you couldn't cure. You cry now and get it all out. You did your best and he knows it too.

[Pithlet]

54. He was one lucky little kitten

to have found such a loving person with such a big heart to care for him and give him lots of love and care even in the short time he had. It's horrible to have to go through that, I know :cry: I'm so sorry. :hug:

[nini]

55. You did the right thing and the most LOVING thing you could do

I'm so sorry you had to go through this. It's easy to think if this little guy had not come into your life you wouldn't have had this heartbreak, but you were put there to give that sweet baby the comfort he needed and bless you for doing so.

Sending you strength to get through these tough days.

:hug:

[solinvictus]

56. I'm sorry...

I hate to hear that, especially after reading about your efforts to save the kitten.

[myrna minx]

57. I am so sorry for your loss...

but at least your kitten had such a loving person to care for him for his short time on this earth. You are a very caring and unselfish person to think of his well being over your own sorrow. (((((((HUGS)))))))))

[VOX]

58. Thank you, lh, for giving this little lost guy love and a home...

Although he was very sick, and his time was short, you nevertheless gave him the greatest gifts one can give.

I know that the cross-species bond is quite strong, and your loss runs very deep.

Love and peace to you -- :hug:

[DeposeTheBoyKing]

59. I am so sorry

I have tears in my eyes as I write this. As many others have said, you can take some comfort in knowing what a difference you made in this kitten's life. He had a warm, loving, happy home for at least some time, and you are to be commended for providing that for him. He is no longer suffering, but is running and playing in a better place, not to mention waiting for you!

I lost my 19-year-old baby cat in August, so I know how hard it to lose a furry friend (I refuse to call them "pets;" they're my friends and babies!) I still look for him everywhere I go and burst into tears when I find one of his hairs on the furniture or my clothes, which I'm sure I'll be doing for years. I firmly believe that animals go to heaven because they are innocent and good creatures, and they definitely have souls!

Please know that you have many friends here at DU who are thinking of you and little Stormie and praying for you. Best wishes.

[roguevalley]

60. Don't feel sick. You gave him love, warmth, food and hope for as long as

he could stay. He's in cat heaven now. You did good, honey.

[fudge stripe cookays]

61. I'm so terribly sorry for your kitty

LH, I'm new here, and haven't had a chance to get to know anyone, but I'm so sorry about your baby.

We had this happen at our house back in October, and it's SO difficult. We just grow to love them and all the goofy things that they do, and then they're gone. And they leave a big empty hole.

Your feelings right now mean that you're human and you really do feel pain. Give yourself time to grieve for the little guy-- you really did make his time on earth happier. When the time comes and you feel ready, you can help another little friend.

Again, my deepest sympathies.
FSC

[Kat45]

62. I'm so sorry to hear that.

At least you gave that kitty a lot of love and a happy life, short though it was. Putting her down was tough, but it ended her misery. And because you were holding her, her last thoughts would have been of you and how much you loved her.

[blondeatlast]

63. LH, I'm so, so sorry. We all pulled for the little guy.

At least he knew some love and happiness in his short life. Thanks for taking care of him.

I'm so sorry.

:hug:

[geniph]

64. My heart is breaking for you

FIP is a terrible, terrible disease. One of the two forms is not as contagious as the other, so hopefully the baby only caught it before his immune system was fully developed and the other cats will be all right.

Seizures are a dreadful thing to witness. What you did was the kindest thing, but I know (from too much experience) that that doesn't make it any easier, that one is always somehow convinced there was something else that could have been done, something you could have done to avoid the problem, etc. Rest assured that there was nothing, and that your decision was the correct one.

Our pets are little pieces of our hearts made flesh. A little piece of my heart dies forever with each one I lose.

*hugs*

Love your other pets with all your heart and soul. Peace to you.

[liberalhistorian]

65. It was, indeed, a

terrible thing to witness, I've never seen seizures like that in a cat or a cat that sick before, especially not a kitten who was only four months old, who should have been able to grow up, and who my son and I were looking forward to watching grow up. But at least he's not suffering anymore.

Thank you so much, all of you, I can't tell you how much all of your support and sympathy has helped and how much it means!

[flamingyouth]

66. I am so sorry, LH

He is so lucky he had you, even if it was for a short period of time. I wish I had something to give you great comfort; all I know is that this is the 2-week anniversary of Chester's death, and it will get better for you. You were such a sweetheart to love him and care for him, and you did the best for him that you possibly could. :hug:

:loveya:

[kwolf68]

67. So Sorry

Just know the pain for that creature is now over. Your compassion for animals will be duly noted by the maker, I honestly believe that.

I have two cats and fortunately they have had a healthy 5 years with me.

[Lorien]

68. I'm so, so sorry LH

I lost my beloved kitty if 15 years to cardiomyopathy and hyperthyroid disease last August, and watching him suffer through his seizures was one of the toughest things I've ever been through. We feel so helpless when someone we love is suffering from such an illness, all we can do is offer what comforts we can- and sometimes that means release from this world.You gave him a few months of warmth, safety, and love; all of which were wonderful gifts i'm certain he was grateful for. I have a four month old kitten sleeping in a laundry basket a few yards from me right now (my little Puck, one of two kittens I brought home to keep my older cat and myself company after the loss of Peewee). He sleeps with me under the covers too, and by the heat register. I think I'll give him an extra hug right now.

To grieve is to know that we have truly loved. Peace to the both of you. :hug:

[KayLaw]

69. Thank God

He was fortuitous to have someone caring enough to give him what he needed. My sympathies to you.

[jmowreader]

70. That's a bummer. I'm sorry.

Kenny is bummed too.

[brokensymmetry]

71. I'm sorry to hear it.

I had to deal with a situation that had some similarities to yours, more years ago than I care to admit. I still miss the little guy...

[catmom]

72. I am so very sorry for your loss.

:cry:You have my deepest sympathy, I was pulling for you and the kitten.
May you be at peace knowing you did all you could. and that he will be waiting for you at the rainbow bridge. :hug:

[buddhamama]

73. ((((hugs)))) LH

i am so sorry for the loss of your kitty.

losing a beloved companion is never easy.

peace to kitty

[foreigncorrespondent]

74. LH, I am so sorry.

I am sitting here in tears. I feel so bad for you, and your family. Your little boy will be sadly missed.

I had a kitten once who got caught up in the springs of a rocking chair. It did so much damage to the poor little guy, that I had to make the same decision you made for your little boy, today.

You just hang in there, hon.

(((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))

[KTM]

75. You did the right thing

I've been following your threads, but did not want to post and add to your worries. I had a kitten a few years back, and adorable black rescue we named Milo. He went thorugh all the same symptoms yours did - the seizures, the blindness, etc. We tried everything we could to save him, and he passed just before being transferred from one vet to a specialist. Needless to say, we were heartbroken. It was one of the worst things I've ever endured as a pet owner.

My girlfriend and I, and our remaining three kitties, all send our love and thoughts your way. Take heart in knowing that the little guy was loved - he had a caring human who was there with affection and kindness when he was in his time of need, and he left this world surrounded by love and hope and warmth. You were the best thing in his life, and gave him a period of comfort he otherwise would have never known. Like my Milo, I'm sure your wee one felt that, and was more appreciative then you or I can ever imagine.

[Mikimouse]

76. Rest easy, gentle soul...

I have always believed that kitties and all other furry critters have a special place to go to when they leave this world. In that special place, they can see, and play, and do everyting that they may not have been able to do here. I always try to envision my past fur friends in such a place, with the kitties chasing mice that they just play with. You did the very best that you could. Many hugs to you. :hug:

[indigo32]

77. I'm sorry

:cry:
but he's better off not suffering that way. You did the right thing and we are here for you.
:grouphug: