The Great Adventures of Bush and Rove

[scottcsmith]

Scene: White House Oval Office. PRESIDENT George W. Bush is at his desk, holding a rectangular object in his hands. Sitting near the desk is POLITICAL ADVISOR Karl Rove.

Rove: Sir, is that your new laptop.
Bush: What?
Rove: What you're holding. Is that a new PDA? A laptop?
Bush: No, Karl, it's an Etch-a-Sketch.
Rove: A what?
Bush: Etch-a-Sketch! Didn't you have one of these as a kid? You twist the knobs and make pictures of stuff. Guess what I'm workin' on?
BUSH hands ROVE the Etch-a-Sketch.
ROVE studies the image for a minute, and then hands the ETCH-A-SKETCH back to BUSH.
Rove: Is it...um...squigly lines?
Bush: NO! It's Howard Dean! Can't you tell? Didn't you see how red his face is?
Rove: The Etch-a-Sketch does not contain colors.
Bush: What? Sure it does. Blue, green, red, yellow, they're all there, swirling around. I can even see 'em when I move my finger around!
BUSH holds out his hand in front of his face and moves his index finger back and forth.
Bush: See! Colors!
Rove: I don't see anything, sir.
Bush: You must be color blind, Karl (Bush chuckles, and continues to wave his finger in front of his face).
Rove: Sir, are you on...anything?
Bush: How do you mean?
Rove: It sounds like you're hallucinating.
Bush: No way! Clean and sober, Karl. Been that way for a long time now. Turned my life over to Christ. You know the story. Hell, you wrote it!
Rove: Are you sure you're not on anything?
Bush: Nope! I just took a bunch of Ephedra and drank a bottle of Nyquil.
Rove: Why, sir?
Bush: Isn't that the fad? Kids are doing it all over the country.
Rove: I've never heard of that one.
Bush: Well, that's what I've...
BUSH slumps over, snoring. ROVE gets up and leaves. He returns two hours later.
Rove: How are you feeling, sir?
Bush: Karl! Good to see you! I thought you were going to be here this morning?
Rove: I was, sir. You were...busy.
Bush: Was I? Don't remember. Most times I just hand off projects to folks. CEOs don't do the grunt work.
Rove: Sir, we have a problem.
Bush: Darn it, Karl, how come when you come to see me you always have a problem? You never come with good news. What about that plucky kid from Scotland who is trying to cross the English Channel on a unicycle?
Rove: I'm not aware of that one, sir.
Bush: See, kid's got no legs, so to make money for charity he's going to drive across the English Channel on a unicycle.
Rove: With hand pedals?
Bush: No, I don't think so.
Rove: How would he operate the unicycle if he had no legs to operate the pedals?
Bush: I don't know, Karl, just give it a rest, why do you bring these things up, anyway?
Rove: Sir, you brought it up.
Bush: Uh huh.
Rove: Really.
Bush: Oh, sure, it was ME. Now what were you saying?
Rove: This Newsweek poll shows John Kerry getting 49% of the vote to your 46% if the election were held today.
Bush: Who's John Kerry?
Rove: He's a senator, sir, from Massachusetts.
Bush: Never heard of him.
Rove: He's been in the Senate since 1984.
Bush: Really. Learn something new every day. How can he win? We got Osama. Got the bastard in a spider hole.
Rove: Sir, please allow me to remind you that we did NOT capture Bin Laden, it was Saddam Hussein.
Bush: Oh, yeah, that guy. Didn't we bomb him in 1986?
Rove: I believe you're thinking of Libya, sir.
Bush: Libya? Isn't that a brand of canned vegetables?
Rove: Never mind, sir. We have to focus on John Kerry.
Bush: Right. John Kerry. And he's...a...senator?
Rove: Yes, sir, he's also a decorated Vietnam veteran.
Bush: Pshaw! I served during Vietnam. I'm sure I got a medal.
Rove: You were in the National Guard, sir.
Bush: No, I was in Vietnam. I was a combat correspondent.
Rove: Sir, that's Al Gore.
Bush: Really? My memory of the 1970s is really cloudy for some reason.
Rove: Anyway, about Kerry...
Bush: Hey, Karl, pull my finger.
Rove: What?
Bush: Pull my finger.
Rove: Why? We have to focus...
Bush: Just pull it.
Rove: Sir, can we just concentrate...
Bush: Come on, pull my finger.
Rove: Why?
Bush: Just pull it.
Rove: This is childish, sir.
Bush: C'mon, pull it, I promise not to do anything.
ROVE, sighing, pulls Bush's outstretched finger.
Bush: Wasn't that fun?
Rove: No, sir.
Bush: But I got you! You fell for that trick!
Rove: I believe there's more to it than just pulling the finger.
Bush: Nah, that's how we played it in Texas.
BUSH opens a drawer and pulls out a GAME BOY ADVANCE.
Bush: Karl, if you'll excuse me, I have to make a phone call. I've got one of them new fancy cell phones.
Rove: That's a Game Boy Advance, sir, you cannot make phone calls with it.
Bush: Sure you can! Watch!
BUSH hold the GBA to his ear. Seconds later:
Bush: Laura? How are you doing, darlin'? Good? Just jawin' with Karl. Uh huh.
SIGHING, Rove gets up and leaves.

[gardenista]

1. Love it! Esp. the part about the ephedra and nyquil.

All the kids are doin it!

[scottcsmith]

2. It actually...

...would make your heart explode, I think.

And no, I know nothing about LSD and colors and tracers and the like.

Really.

Honestly.

I'm like Richard Nixon sincere here.

[dmr]

3. ROFLMAO Brillant!

Bush: Libya? Isn't that a brand of canned vegetables?

I loved this!