You might be a Republican if........

[Lostmessage]

1. You're a pro-lifer but support the death penalty.

2. You've ever referred to the moral fiber of something.

3. You've ever uttered the phrase "Why don't we just
bomb the sons of bitches?"

4. You've ever called a secretary or waitress "Honey."

5. You don't think The Simpson's is all that funny, but
you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.

6. You don't let your kids watch Sesame Street because
you accuse Bert and Ernie of "sexual deviance."

7. You use any of these terms to describe your wife: Old
ball and chain, little woman, old lady, tax credit.

8. You scream "Dit-dit-ditto" while making love.

9. You've argued that art has a "moral foundation set in
Western values."

10. You think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in 1969.

11. You argue that you need 300 handguns in case a bear
ever attacks your home.

12. Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you.

13. You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of
the end of racism in America.

14. You've ever said "Clean air? Looks clean to me."

15. You've ever referred to Anita Hill as "that lying
bitch" while attending a Bob Packwood fund-raiser.

16. You've ever called education a luxury.

17. You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle.

18. You own a vehicle with an "Ollie North: American
Hero" sticker.

19. You're afraid of the "liberal media."

20. You ever based an argument on the phrase, "Well,
tradition dictates ..."

21. You've ever called the National Endowment for the
Arts "a bunch of pornographers."

22. You think all artists are gay.

23. You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch lives in
a trash can because he is lazy and doesn't want to contribute to
society.

[BOSSHOG]

1. You stop loving a person after they are born

[truthspeaker]

2. you think Ken Lay is an honest businessman

but Tommy Chong is a master criminal.

[Lostmessage]

3. This one is so true

You're a pro-lifer but support the death penalty.