Medieval Re-enactments

[Mobius]

You know, I really like the Ren Fair. I love the romanticized view of what "medieval life" was like. I like seeing the costumes, I like the food and the games and the shops and the atmosphere. Ren Fair's aren't exactly re-enactments or reconstructions though. I've seen and heard about what some people would call "medieval re-enactments" and what I've seen isn't too far from what one would see at a Ren Fair. Obviously, people think that back in the 15th century, everyone was a knight or a princess. How lovely. Just for a giggle, I've decided to come up with an itinerary of Gilly's Real Medieval Re-enactment Day. Here goes:

-10,000 people are invited.
-Out of those people, a lottery will be drawn.
-8 people may be knights.
-1 person my be the local lord or baron
-2 blacksmiths
-1 one princess/baroness/lady
-everyone else is a peasant

ITINERARY:
5am: Wake up call. No showering!

530am: Breakfast time. Breakfast will be your choice of gruel and sour milk, or gruel and stagnant water.

6am: Break-your-back-farming time.

8am: The Get Raped By the Local Baron contest! Contest only open to females. Sorry guys! All interested parties please report to the "castle" and present yourself to the Baron. Winner will be chosen according to looks and hygene. Winner will be raped and beaten then may go back to farming.

10am: More farming

1045am: Gruesome Death Contest! All interested parties please report to appointed knight and prompty keel over and die horribly of plague, dysentary, gangrene, exposure, or starvation. Most colorful and imaginative death wins. All non interested parties please continue farming.

Noon: Lunch time! Menu will be your choice of gruel and beer, diseased chicken and beer, or dried oats and stagnant water.

1230pm: More farming

115pm: Another Get Raped By the Local Baron contest. All parties not interested please continue farming. Runner-up gets raped by a knight.

145pm: More farming

3pm: Tithe time! All present must give 90% of their harvest to local Baron. Anyone non-compliant will be tortured and killed and thier wife and daughter raped then sold into slavery.

330pm: Another Die a Horrible Death contest. All non-interested parties please continue farming.

430pm: More farming

6pm: Dinner time! Menu will be your choice of gruel, oats, burnt soup, rotten meat, or tainted lamb. Beverages will be your choice of beer, vinegar-wine, stagnant water, or sour milk.

630pm: Be Raped By a Knight AND the Baron contest! All interested parties please just remain in your houses. The knights will come and get you. All non-interested parties please go and bury your children who have died of disease and malnutrition during the day.

8pm: Chop wood.

9pm: Free time

905pm: Bed time.

Thank you all for participating in Gilly's Real Medieval Re-enactment Day! Hope to see you all next year! Well, at least the ones that lived.

[MercutioATC]

1. VERY funny...and accurate...

Medieval faires are fun, but not very realistic, unless you believe that everybody was either royalty or a skilled tradesman...

I like the costumes, though...

[FireHeart]

2. he he

That does pretty much sum it all up. It never ceases to amaze me just how foolish (my apologies in advance) those medieval wannabes look when they think "the good old days" were really something to wish for.

I've read enough actual history to know the horrors of those dark days. Pity they don't-or rather didn't. Back in VA Beach, I met a few of them. They just wouldn't face the facts of that era. All the bad stuff (which was enormous in quantity) they ignored completely. When my spouse was TAD to a base in California, they wanted her to join up with 'em. But first she had to purchase a costume ($2800) and take lessons in being a "lady". Needless to say...she told 'em FOAD.

Still...the faires can be mildly amusing. Totally unrealistic, but what the heck--so is Disney World.