Headlines in a Bush Presidency (March 2000):
10. "President Streaks Supreme Court"
9. "President Fails In Shoe-Tying Bid"
8. "President To Nation: 'Do These Non-Prescription Eyeglasses Make Me Look Smarter?'"
7. "Bush To Hussein: 'I'm Telling My Daddy On You'"
6. "President Cancels Meeting With Pope After Discovering He's Catholic"
5. "Bush Remembers Setting Nuclear Football Down At The Mall, Doesn't Know What Happened To It"
4. "America Under Siege: Day 16 of President's Head Stuck In Banister"
3. "Even Dumber George Bush III Preparing For 2012 Election"
2. "President Completes 3 Month 'Goodwill Tour' Of Amsterdam"
1. "President Trades America For 'Magic Dog'"
Questions on the Bush application for Running Mate (March 2000):
10. "Ever been president? 'Cause that would help"
9. "Do you party?" (If "No" -- skip rest of questions)
8. "Do you have ideas for tax plans and stuff that I could copy from?"
7. "We already have a uniter on the ticket, how are your dividing skills?"
6. "Are you stupid? We can't have two stupid people on the ticket"
5. "Will you be able to assume the presidency if Mr. Bush is really, really hungover?"
4. "How many lines per minute can you do?"
3. "You're not a narc, are you?"
2. "I tiped this kweschun miself! Kan u tel?"
1. "Dude, what fraternity were you in?"
Signs We're Out of Practice Doing The Top Ten List (February 2000):
10. 8. Jokes out of order
9. 10. perjon tpyohn9g lsit is drnukl
8. 9. Jokes don't make sense Ted Danson monkey clown pie
7. Must pause part way through list to let drummer catch breath
6. Same item appears twice
5. Same item appears twice
4. And the number 4 sign we're out of practice doing the Top Ten List....
Same item appears twice
3. Accidentally end list three jokes early
2. Topic suddenly changes near end of list
1. And the number one Rejected Grammy Category...Oldest Dirtiest Bastard
Numbers from One to Ten (February 2000):
10. Ten
9. Nine
8. Six
7. Five
6. Eight
5. One
4. Four
3. Three
2. Seven
1. Two