Small engine repair and hypertestosteronism

[short bus president]

Late this morning the new carburetor for my DR Trimmer/mower finally arrived, and I was immediately faced with the dilemma of whether to haul it over to the small engine repair guy down the road and pay through the nose for him to swap out the old part for the new one, or to attempt to do it myself. My engine maintenance skills have been largely limited to the old dirt bike and John Deere tractor I grew up with, and I never did much more than change the oil and lube those. Having lived in dorms and apartments since high school, I'd not had the need to fart around with lawnmowers and chainsaws and such. Nevertheless, I determined, solely on the basis of my infamous "how hard could it be?" theory, that I should try it myself.

After an hour or so of tinkering, I was thrilled and amazed when I pulled the starter cord and the damn thing fired. After a good bit of sputtering and smoking, the evil was purged, and it ran smoothly again. I then enjoyed a cigarette that rivaled the post-coital smoke for pure blissful satisfaction (no doubt with a similar stupid-looking grin on my grimy face). Feeling exceedingly Tim Taylor manly, I proceeded to go forth and knock down the Spring and 1/2 Summer's worth of overgrowth around my house, singing the Kinks' "Apeman" over and over in my head.

Now I've got cuts, scrapes, and bruises on my hands, and some engine mung under my fingernails, and I smell of sweat, non-jelly petroleum products, and cut grass. I've got blisters on my fingers!

Now if you'll all kindly pardon me, I feel the need to venture out to expectorate profusely, and refuse to ask directions.




"I'm a King Kong man, I'm a voodoo man, yeah I'm an apeman..."

[GOPisEvil]

1. *grunt* *GRUNT* *snort*

to be man feel good.

I feel the need to headbutt someone, now. :shrug:

[short bus president]

3. Hmmmmm... seems like just the other day

you were being accused by a certain developmentally-challenged, Salma-obsessed Lounger of constantly having your head up Esso's butt...


;-)

[GOPisEvil]

5. Can you think of a better butt to be up?

;-)

[short bus president]

7. not really,

but you've gotta admit it gets crowded in there when we both show up, and then Gump comes poking around. We should work out a formal time-share arrangement. Or at least a tie-around-the-doorknob policy.

Man, is she ever gonna slap the shit out of us when she gets here!

[GOPisEvil]

8. Either her or her fella...

...either way, we're cruising for a bruising. :spank:

[Droopy]

2. Don't forget the quart of beer while your out

Drink straight from the bottle while still in the brown paper bag.

[ret5hd]

4. and be sure to scratch...lots of scratching....and farting.

[TrogL]

6. small engines are for wimps

My ex-wife took a toyota apart and put it back together again with only two screws and a washer left over. It actually fired and ran (badly) on the first attempt. My contrabution was to stand by the sidelines and attempt to document what she was doing with a CAD package in the obscure hope of being able to put it back together myself and haul on a rope connected to an improvised block and tackle to lift the engine.

[short bus president]

9. Did the missing screws/washer

go on the hamster wheel? I'm ALWAYS forgetting those.

[Kolesar]

11. I changed my headgaskets and took numerous pics as I disassembled it

I still have a rubber-banded stack of photos of what my 89 chevy looked like as I tore it down.

It went back together without a hitch, then ran like a dream. Two years later, the brake lines rusted through so I donated the car. I really did not need a second car. That was a fun project

[radwriter0555]

10. Don't forget to pee on a tree. VERY much a part of the ritual

of being manly!

Ugh ugh, nice knuckles!

:)

[TrogL]

12. watch for the backsplatter

and don't forget to shake - waaaaaaay too many times.

[short bus president]

13. as well as the various itchy plants

and when you're outside, why shake? I say that's the perfect time to employ the Chubby Checker twist method.

[trof]

14. Headgear also important.

No musical groups.
Should fit into at least one of the following categories:
1. automotive
2. NASCAR
3. fishing tackle
4. gunz & ammo
5. beer
6. smokeless tobacco

"Hey, honey? Have you seen my Richard Petty Grand Prix Bass Pro Winchester Budweiser Copenhagen cap?"

[short bus president]

15. D'OH! I was HATLESS!!!

But I did take off my t-shirt to flex the farmer tan for awhile... there's man-points in the farmer tan, right?

[trof]

16. Farmer tan is good.

Lately I've gone for the tank-top look.
Extra points if you wore cut-off jeans AND cowboy boots.
Bonus points for NO tan on legs.
Hazardous duty points if you wore flip flops.

[short bus president]

17. not-quite-cowboy boots

Red Wings.

;-)