Okay...I want to hear crazy wedding stories!

[catpower2000]

180's thread inspired me, with the story of the bride who projectile-vomited on her wedding day.

So let's hear it--spill nail polish on your dress? Bridesmaid walking down the aisle with her dress tucked into her underpants? Groom passed out drunk on the sidewalk in front of the church? I want to know every gory detail!

Cat :)

[GOPisEvil]

1. OK - this isn't that crazy, but what the heck!!

The last wedding I stood in as best man took place one fine September in Napa, CA. I should mention that this was a Catholic service. One of my best friends was getting married, and he was a tad nervous, as were we all. In an attempt to get a laugh and calm everyone down, I made the following crack: "Hey Father, make it snappy, OK. Notre Dame's on TV, and they just kicked off." Everyone chuckled, and the laughter loosened us all up.

[catpower2000]

2. Hee!

At least BYU wasn't playing! :)

Cat

[GOPisEvil]

3. The funny part is...

...the Father came to me later and told me that he thought I was kidding. I told him that I never joke about Notre Dame football. Since he went to school there, he appreciated that. I figure getting in good with a priest wouldn't hurt; just in case...

[flyingfish]

6. Iranian wedding

Went to a wedding of two Iranian immigrants.
Mainly Iranians in attendance.
The invite said black tie(not just optional).
The relatives were basically NOT wearing tuxes but the non-relative guests almost all were. $110 of mine down the tubes.
The ceremony started about 1 hour and 10 minutes late.
Dinner started almost four hours after the stated reception time on invite.
The only thing on the table was a fruit dish.
By the time I got dinner, almost all of the meat was dried out because it was sitting around for 4 to 5 hours. Buffet line.
Almost the whole ceremony/reception was in Farsi.
A language I do not speak.
And $180 for a hotel room.
I was not a happy camper the next day.

[catpower2000]

11. Wow!

You should have taken back your gift. :)

Cat

[flyingfish]

14. Well, the old excuse was given

"It's their culture."
My reply was, "The wedding took place in the US with many native-born Americans in attendance. I did not realize the culture in the US people valued tardiness so much."

[catpower2000]

18. Oh, I'm fairly certain the Iranian culture doesn't value tardiness either.

To me, that scenario screams "Poorly planned and executed wedding!" much more than "Cultural differences!"

Cat

[radwriter0555]

76. You were pissed about going to a wedding? Grow up. It wasn't YOUR

day, it was theirs.

You weren't there for the FOOD factor, you were there to celebrate the wedding of friends. Oh the horror that you had to look nice and were inconvenienced?

[flyingfish]

108. Sit on your ass waiting for a total of five and one-half hours waiting

then get back to me.

I am sure your tune will change.

[Dem2dend]

4. Here's one

I video tape weddings and I did one for a couple who got married in a BMW dealership showroom at lunchtime.
They had originally decided to get married at the justice of the peace but since so many friends wanted to go to the ceremony, they had it at the brides workplace.
It happened in 1987 and I remember all the details because.. it was my wedding.

[catpower2000]

10. OMG!

Weren't you disappointed? Or was it supposed to be more about the marriage than the wedding itself?

Cat

[Dem2dend]

105. Disappointed?

No, not until about 9 years later.

[Lars39]

5. Just thankful my groom was alive.

Two months before we got married, the college guy boarding house(run by 67 yo Mrs Thompson!) caught on fire in the middle of the night in January. They all barely made it out, mostly in just their long johns, with everything else ashes.

I did not want a candle light ceremony after that.

[catpower2000]

12. LOL!

"No, no thank you, no candles, no romantic fireplaces in the honeymoon suite, we'd like a FIRE-FREE wedding, please!" :)

Cat

[wyldwolf]

7. My reception was at a 5 Star hotel...

...in Atlanta. We had the ballroom for the night but when we got there, we noticed on the marquee we were only listed for three hours.

We were sure it was an oversite but, sure enough, after about 2 hours, they started trying to usher us out. They closed the open bar which we paid to have open all night. Several employees started telling guests it was time to leave.

You DON'T want to know the scene my mother-in-law (who paid for it all) caused.

However, by the time she was through, we were given a 80% refund (which we used to pay off debt) and the hotel was bumped down two stars.

Atlanta people, remember the Hotel Nikko in buckhead? Thank my mother-in-law for contributing to their demise.

[catpower2000]

13. DAYUM!

Remind me never to get on your MIL's bad side! I hope she's a liberal!!!

Cat

[wyldwolf]

27. She WAS a liberal until she remarried into money...

[catpower2000]

33. DAMMIT! Don't they remember where they came from??? nt

[wyldwolf]

34. Yeah, I've told her that she's sold out her ideals for a dollar...

...but I suspect she still harbors her liberalness - just keeps it in the closet.

[TrogL]

8. I'm an organist

and I figure I haven't done my job unless I can make the groom cry out of pure terror.

[catpower2000]

15. HA HA!

Do you play the "Darth Vader" music when the groom is entering?

DUM DUM DA DUM DUM DA DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM!!!!!!

Cat

[Alenne]

9. The maid of honor and the bridesmaids refused to come to the wedding

because they didn't like how the bride was treating them. They had to pick women out of the audience who looked like they could fit the dresses. My sister ended up being one of the bridesmaids. The sad part is the bridesmaids and the maid of honor were her cousins.

[catpower2000]

16. Ohmygosh!

Was she really being horrible to them or were they just being pissy?

Cat

[Alenne]

20. They were being pissy

They were jealous because she was getting married and their "baby daddy" had no intention of marrying them.

[Skinner]

17. Skinner's crazy wedding story.

(Actually, it's my wife's crazy story.)

It's about 3:30PM on Thursday (our wedding is on Saturday), and I'm at my office working. My wife-to-be is is at the hotel where everyone is staying. She is in her parent's room, along with some other family members and her *wedding dress*.

People are fumbling with luggage and moving things around. Her uncle grabs the hanger with my wife's dress and hangs it up from the sprinkler on the ceiling. The sprinkler goes off, drenching everyone and everything. The floor has about an inch of water, and it's pouring into the hallway and the room next door. Of course, the water has been sitting in a pipe for years, so it's filled with black crud.

My wife's dress is soaked, and covered with black spots. The fire alarm in the hotel goes off. She grabs the dress and runs out of the hotel. A bunch of fire trucks come to the hotel, sirens blaring.

My wife calls me, bawling. She is wandering around Alexandria, Virginia in shock. She's looking for a cleaner, but she has no clue where she's going or what to do. I tell her to stay calm, and tell her that everything is going to be fine. I have no clue what the heck to do.

My wife calls a friend -- you know, the take-control type person who knows how to fix everything. Her friends says that she'll figure something out. Half an hour later, the friend calls her back with the name of a cleaner out in the 'burbs who specializes in emergencies like this. Another friend picks up my wife and drives her and the dress about an hour out to the burbs.

My wife walks into the cleaner, still wet, dress in hand, still barely holding back tears.

The woman at the counter looks her in the eye and says -- in the most confident tone she could muster -- "Don't worry. Your dress is going to be fine." (Thank god for her. She knew exactly what we needed to hear.) We put our faith in her.

At 5:00PM on Friday we pick up the dress and it's spotless. If it weren't for that place, I don't know what we would have done. I think it cost us about $200 bucks to clean the dress. A bargain -- she could have asked us for $2000 (way more than the dress cost) and we probably would have paid it.

(Briefly, another crazy wedding story: Some of you probably remember that our wedding was three days before 9/11. We were supposed to fly to our honeymoon that day, but instead we drove to my parents house and then to Florida. It seemed like we were the only tourists there.)

[catpower2000]

19. Oh. My. GOD!!

Thank gosh for the take-charge friend and the miracle drycleaner!!! With everything else going into planning the wedding, your wife must have been out of her mind when that happened. You did learn something, though. Never let that particular uncle of hers touch ANYTHING, EVER. :)

Cat

[Skinner]

29. My wife was actually in pretty good spirits, all things considered.

Once the problem was out of her hands, she stopped worrying about it (somewhat). Everything turned out okay, and we've got a great story.

[Lars39]

21. Last wedding I went to.......

It was a candlelight ceremony in a tiny little church. THE darkest-during-the-daytime candlelit ceremony I'd ever been to. The time came to exchange the rings, and the groom dropped the bride's ring. The ring rolled away in the dark. All the wedding party was crawling around trying to find it, they eventually had to turn on the overhead lights. Everybody was trying really hard not to laugh, but you just can't hold something like that in for long. :)

[catpower2000]

30. LOL!

Were the bride and groom laughing or were they mortified? And did they find it after they put the overheads on?

Cat

[Lars39]

35. The groom thought it was hilarious, but knew when to stop snickering.

The bride was mortified; spoiled a perfectly planned event, she thought. They found the ring about 3 pews back from the front. :)
That was the most highly decorated, theme-wise, wedding I've ever seen. The bride's parents owned an antique store, and totally transformed the church with a dove/Victorian kinda thang. Very memorable.

[TlalocW]

22. Not my marriage but...

Two of my college friends got married a few years ago. The groom is an atheist, and the bride is a very lapsed Catholic, but they got married in the Catholic church to please her parents. They went to marriage boot camp, and Jim (the groom) and the other men at camp were having a discussion with the priest about Catholic beliefs and marriage when one of the men asked if oral sex was against the Catholic religion (duh). This flustered the padre while he hemmed and hawed around one particular word while trying to explain the church's stance. Finally, Jim yelled, "EJACULATE! THE WORD IS EJACULATE!" at him.

The priest at the church wanted to have a full Catholic wedding, which they didn't want and was pushing for it until Jim said, "Fine, but you have to do it in Latin to make it as Catholic as possible." Matter was dropped.

Jim's best men and the first groomsman were (and still are) gay lovers. The second groomsman was also a hardened atheist.

The bride made the mistake of telling us that when she got fitted for her dress that the tailoress mentioned that one of her breasts was slightly bigger than the other one, and they would have to adjust for that. So when the bride walked down the aisle, at some hidden cue, the groom, best man, and the four groomsmen, in unison, all slowly tilted their heads to the left and raised one eyebrow (if they could) then slowly tilted their heads back up. I was in the pews and about busted a guy trying not to laugh out loud.

Before the reception, the atheist groomsman and I got a hold of a fake tree that we used to steal from the dorm room of another wedding guest when we were all in college together. He had it at a business he had started in town. We put it on the gift table. He exclaimed very loudly, "Hey... That's *MY* tree!" when he saw it. We finally successfully stole it from him 3 years after college. We were proud.

My joke gift to them was a talking MachoMan wrestling doll - harkens back to when we used to get on IRC in the old days and go on a #limbaugh chat channel as HulkHogan and MachoMan and talk politics keeping in character until they kicked us off. The groom told me that when they were driving on their honeymoon, whenever they hit a bump they would hear, "Ohhh, yeah! You're breaking my... (pause as computer figured out what to say next) right arm!" He vowed revenge on me for that.

TlalocW

[catpower2000]

32. LOL, great one!

Sounds like the bride has a lot to deal with between her husband and his friends! She must have a fantastic sense of humor.

I liked the part about stealing the tree best. :)

Cat

[TlalocW]

42. She does have a great sense of humor

I left out a few things that I won't go into.

The one thing I did leave out that I'll tell was where the gay best man was teasingly threatening her with the promise of telling the following joke at the reception:

"I was a little nervous about being the best man at a Catholic wedding what with being gay and all, but then I heard that you had guys here that were hung like this!" (Imitates position Jesus is in on the crucifix)

I think that would probably have gotten him killed.

TlalocW

[catpower2000]

46. ROFLPIMP!!!

Man, that would have been fucking beautiful. You know, you have to take those opportunities in life, because it's a few hours of embarassment up against a LIFETIME of entertainment value!!

Cat

[TlalocW]

56. Well, hopefully there will be a thread about this in a little over a year

So I can talk about my and my girlfriend's wedding that we're planning.

She's a really good sport, wants to do it cheap, and wants it memorable. I'm a magician/balloon twister on the side so SHE suggested I do the decorating. So I'll be blowing up and twisting hearts with lovebirds, teddy bears, monkeys, etc. holding onto them. Animals holding flowers, etc. One I recently learned with teddy bears holding hands and kissing while on a seesaw, etc. will be center pieces for the guests' tables. She's even considering carrying balloon flowers as her bouquet (sp?). I estimate 200 balloons will be needed for the amount of decorating we'll have to do. That puts our decoration costs at $10.00. :)

I'm also trying to put together a "gay 90's" costume for restaurant work - think 1/4 of a barbershop quartet with a multi-striped vest and boater hat. She thinks that would be a good look for the groom and groomsmen.

TlalocW

[catpower2000]

65. Congratulations!

Sounds very cool, what you're planning. And I think it's romantic as hell that she supports what you do so much. :)

Cat

[ronnykmarshall]

23. Not funny, but crazy!

Ok, to start off we had our wedding in Las Vegas. I thought it was going to be nothing but fun, fun, fun!! Oh HELL no!

1. My step father had to have back surgery, so he and my mom couldn't make it.

2. 9/11 - We got married on 9/22 and when the attacks hit on 9/11 I thought no one would be able to make it. Luckly I was wrong.

3. On the day before the wedding, my father took ill. He had a heart condition and couldn't make it. My step mom and him had to go home.

4. Earlier that day, one of my best friends and his boyfreind had to fly back home. In the middle of the night, Kurt had an attack of kidney stones and had to fly back to SF.

5. In the limo to the Viva Las Vegas chapel, one of my more "festive" friends called my partners best friend "a fat cow" at the same time he was hitting on her husband.

Luckly all went well and no one stood up in the middle of the cerimony and objected.

Oh, and the best thing that happened? My mom suprised me and showed up!! She had it planned out for weeks.

[catpower2000]

39. Wow, that's a lot to deal with at your wedding!

Nice of your mom to show up and represent both she and your dad.

Where did you get married? I didn't know they "did" gay weddings in Vegas!

Cat

[ronnykmarshall]

55. Viva Las Vegas does 'em!

The place is owed by two gay men. One of them is the HOTTEST "Elvis" in town. He in fact performed the cerimony.

The story about mom showing up was so cool. My Aunt Pat was comming for sure regardless if Mom did or not. About two weeks before, my step-dad kept telling her that he would be fine and she should go.

So Mom and Aunt Pat had it all figured out. They'd show up and my aunt would call me and tell me to meet her at my hotel. Well, I sort of thought somthing was up. But I didn't want to get my hopes up.

The morning my aunt was going to arrive (the day before the wedding), we had breakfast and I called my aunt on her cell phone. I told her to call me when she got to Belagio (my hotel) and I'd meet her. We were next door at Monte Carlo gambling after eating, my cell phone rings and I missed the call. I noticed the caller ID was my MOM'S cell phone. I figured mom was just calling to check up on me. BUT the voice mail was from my AUNT telling me she was waiting for me in lobby of Belagio. I rushed back to the hotel (my boyfriend was on a winning streak and I didn't have time to wait for him) and met my aunt in the lobby. After I hugged her, I said "ok, where she hiding?". She tried to play dumb and I explained the caller ID screw up they didn't count on. There she was hinding around the corner!

Needless to say we all cried our asses off. In fact I'm gettin' all misty right now.

[catpower2000]

62. AWWWWWWWWWWW, that's so sweet!!

So, did you win anything while you were there?

Cat

[ronnykmarshall]

69. We did great!

We came home about $500 bucks ahead. Not to mention a gift from Tiffany's that our friend with the loud mouth and the iron liver gave us.

[Nikia]

24. At my mother's second wedding

The groom figurine jumped off the cake. I saw it. Some people said that the frosting was melting under it and it fell, but I saw it levitate up before falling. There weren't any skid marks on the cake.
Nothing too crazy happened at my wedding besides my sister bawling as she samg a solo and my step father having to buy white underwear for my little half sister since the bright pink underwear she was wearing were visible through her white dress. Luckily, there was enough time for that.

[catpower2000]

40. Did your mom's second marriage last?

I just wondered after the groom figurine jumped off the cake! Did it turn out to be a bad omen?

Cat

[Nikia]

100. The marriage didn't last

He turned into a real jerk (let his true colors show) right after the honeymoon. Unfortunately, it took them ten years before they finally divorced. Beware, if you see this sort of thing at a wedding.

[SOteric]

25. Ooof. I swear, I've just about seen it all

Some friends of mine had an all karaoke wedding. The were married on the lawn of her mother's '50's style ranch home. The bride & groom each sang a sappy love song to one another in karaoke, then the justice of the peace sang a sappy love song. They quickly dispatched the vows and bride and groom did a sappy love duet. At the reception in the back yard they set up the karaoke machine and video taped all the guests, encouraging them to sing sappy love songs.

Then there's the one where the couple were to be married in the backyard garden of mum's beautiful Victorian 4-bedroom. Only the bride's mum & dad had been divorced less than 6 months earlier and Dad showed up with a buxom bimbo as arm candy. Mum turned the hose on them, destroying the wedding cake and the reception buffet at the same time.

Bride spilled red wine all down the front of her gown just as the music was starting.

[catpower2000]

43. I want to do the karaoke wedding!

That sounds like a total blast. The key would be to decorate everything in pure kitsch. Pink flamingo lawn ornaments, those optic fuzzy balls, plastic bead curtains, etc. That would be totally RAD.

Even though I can totally understand where Victorian-house mom was coming from, she probably shouldn't have lost control on her child's wedding day, eh?

Why on EARTH would a bride drink red wine? Drink WHITE wine on your wedding day! It's Murphy's Law! If you drink red wine and you're wearing a white dress, you WILL spill it all over yourself!!

Cat

[LynneSin]

26. Every wedding I've been in, the maid of honor has been kicked out

Not during the wedding, but before.

I've been a bridesmaid in 4 weddings and all 4 of them had the maid of honor replaced at the last minute because of a falling out between her and the bride.

Wedding #1: Maid of Honor decided to dye her hair green right before the wedding. Didn't quite match the pastel blue dresses we were to wear. When the maid of honor refused to change her hair back she was booted from her position.

Wedding #2: Maid of Honor got into a drunken brawl with the bride a month before the wedding and they stopped speaking to each other. Ironically a few days before the wedding they started speaking to each other and the ex-MOH was invited as a guest. Both of them got married about the same time and both got divorced within a year; probably because they (bride and ex-MOH) spent more time out drinking in the bars then spending time with their husbands.

Wedding #3: Maid of Honor kept skipping all the fittings we needed for our dresses. She gave my friend measurements that were clearly several sizes smaller than what she was and insisted she would fit into the dress when the wedding came around. She ended up gaining 10 extra pounds and the bride had to order extra material to refit the dress. The Maid of Honor didn't show up for the new fitting and the bride was so frustrated she booted her out of the wedding. Since the extra material wasn't needed they made purses for all of the bridesmaids to carry instead. Bride found a relative of hers who fit the extra maid of honor's dress and was promptly given the position.

Wedding #4: Maid of Honor kept procrastinating on organizing a bridal shower for the bride. The mother of the bride and another bridesmaid decided they would organize the party instead and the maid of honor started getting pissy about the fact that "Her privledge of hosting the bridal shower" was taken away from her and tried to align several of the other bridesmaid (including myself) on her side. No one stuck up for her and she was kicked out. The bride also found a relative who fit the maid of honor dress to take the position and ironically the maid of honor had the same exact name as the bride (they were both named Linda and the maid of honor was married to the bride's brother).

I've only been asked to be Maid of Honor once, but at the last minute my friend took the $10k her parents gave her towards the wedding and used it to buy a house. When they got married at the Justice of Peace, the had no bridal party, just said "Show up today we're getting married". To this day they are still married!

[catpower2000]

44. HA, those are good stories...

You know, I have some from the other POV too--brides who are so horrible to their maids of honor that the MOH's really deserve sainthood for making it through the wedding at all!

Cat

[rogerashton]

28. Nobody could find a key to the church.

(The minister was a circuit-rider and the church committee were not, um invited.) My Dad had to burglarize it. Fortunately, Pop was an accomplished burglar. Among many other talents.

[catpower2000]

47. Your dad was a burgler?

Cool! :)

Let's hear some of the other talents.

Cat

[cally]

31. My wedding story

Maybe we should feel sorry for my parents.

My husband and I were starting our first "professional jobs" and were working endless hours.
We were trying hard to plan the wedding and meet all the varying demands of the family. We settled on a building, overlooking the bay, where we could have the ceremony with a minister and then move inside for the celebration. (Ummm. It was adjacent to the zoo.) Everyone agreed but my father kept bringing up that we should check out the location on a busy weekend. We sort of checked on a Sunday and said it was fine. We arrive for the wedding and all is nuts. A small train goes by the building every 5 minutes and loudly toots it's horn. The noise of the animals is deafening. All guests and extended family get involved. I'm feeling like a horde has descended on me. Various people go talk to the train engineer, the zookeeper, etc to at least keep it quiet for awhile. During the ceremony, I notice that everyone is laughing hysterically. I look at my husband, minister, parents, sisters and they are all wiping tears of laughter from their eyes. I look at my dress, my husband's clothes to figure it out. I finally realize that the monkeys in the zoo are hooting. Very LOUDLY. Noone could hear anything other than the monkeys. Noone forgot my wedding.


Sister's wedding:
She got married in a small town in Alaska. My sister and I stay with her and her husband-to-be in a small trailer way off the main roads. He goes to stay with his family the night before and we stay at the trailer. We wake up to a major snowstorm. We can't drive to the church. We all dress for the wedding and hike out a mile in our wedding apparel through the snow. Lots of snow! We keep falling and laughing hysterically as we try to unbury each other from the snow. Women with bridal gowns and bridesmaid's dresses with hiking boots wading through the snow. We arrive at the fundie church, only church in town, covered in snow and mud and laughing like loons. I keep trying to fix my sis's makeup and apparel and start laughing so hard that I am no help. We finally calm down. Almost stormed the minister when he said man and wife, looked at us, stammered, and said husband and wife. Then after the ceremony and reception, we had to carry the presents miles back and forth at night since the snowmobile had broken down. Probably hiked 8 miles in the snow that day.

[catpower2000]

49. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

The Alaska story is truly priceless. I like it because I laugh with my girlfriends like that, where you can't stop and you can't breathe and you keep setting each other off and there's nothing you can do about, and nobody else around you knows what the fuck you're laughing about. :)

Cat

[trof]

36. Since you asked:

Checking with the florist 5 days before our daughter's wedding we found out he didn't think we had said yes definitely and had done nothing. We found another florist.

I had to pay the tux rental place extra (a lot) to stay open till midnight because 3 of the groomsmen's flight was late.

Four of the groom's family, who had RSVP'd they were coming, were no-shows. Besides a degree of rudeness that I have never before or since experienced, their dinners cost me a well over a hundred bucks. At least they weren't there to drink my booze.

My daughter's future half-sister-in-law was an unrelenting bitch about the guest list ( a complicated story) to the point that our not-overly-emotional baby girl called us in tears twice. I can deal with a lot of crap, but don't you, EVER, make my little girl cry. Towards the end of the lovely open bar/band/dinner reception at La Valencia in La Jolla, the father-of-the-bride ( that would be me) ran into the woman at the bar and let her have it with both barrels. I had been...ahem...drinking at the time. Outside of his divorced mother (not the mother of the bitch) I have had no contact with his family since, which suits me right down to the ground. He's a sweetheart, but his dysfunctional family sux. He agrees.

That was five years ago, and last year they presented me with my first ever grandchild, Jack. All's well that ends well.
:-)

[catpower2000]

50. Four FAMILY MEMBERS RSVP'd yes and then didn't come???!??

Okay, I've never even HEARD of that!

What about your own wedding, trof?

Cat

[trof]

58. I was so hungover,

I dropped the prayer book and was afraid to bend over and pick it up because I thought I'd fall down.
Oh mama.
We eloped, sort of. Families in different cities and we were going to live in yet another city.
I just called her one night and said why don't you come on up here and we'll just do it and nobody will have to worry about it any more.

I was an orphan by then and her family was just relieved to get the "old maid" (she was 24) married off. She had two married sisters, so her dad wasn't too unhappy about not forking out for another wedding.

All in all, it's worked out pretty well.

[Nikia]

101. I had that problem with a few friends at my wedding

I am so glad that my husband hadn't asked one of them to be the best man or it would have just been ruined. My husband still gives him a hard time but he never did give an excuse. One of my friends legitamately had pneumonia. Another couple was at the wedding but had some more important event than my reception. Luckily, we had a lunch time reception at a dinner only restaurant and they only charged us for the food consumed since they could serve it a couple of hours later.

[catzies]

73. La Valencia in La Jolla! You are a great dad!

Will you adopt me, trof? :)

[trof]

92. Tell me about it.

My daughter is a classy broad. (She gets it from her mother.)
That was her first and only choice for the reception. I fell in love with it and the pictures of all the old movie stars who used it for a "discrete" trysting place. "If the walls could talk."
You could almost sense the ghost of Gloria Swanson gliding through the hallways.

But I had no idea that it was the ne plus ultra of cool and whatever until several of the guests came up to me and said "Wow, how did you know (me being from redneck Alabama) that this was the absolute best, coolest," etc. etc. I was bustin' my buttons.

I could have put her through a year or two of a very good graduate school for what it cost, but the memories we all have are well worth it. I told her "we're only doing this ONCE. The next time you go to the Elvis chapel in Vegas".

Leigh always wanted a little sister. If you are independently wealthy and inclined to be very generous towards your adoptive parents I will be happy to oblige.
:-)

[GoddessOfGuinness]

37. It wasn't supposed to rain...

I'm a violinist, and I could tell you soooo many stories about outdoor weddings...

Take the June bride who insisted it wasn't going to rain on her wedding day. She arranged to have her ceremony in a park that doesn't allow tents or other structures. I told her that she was going to have to have adequate shelter from the elements for us and our instruments, or the contract was void. She arranged for the quartet to play in a gazebo. The guests (including 80-something great-grandmas) were to be seated in the full sun. And that's exactly where they would have sat, had there not been thunderstorms and dangerous lightning all morning and into the afternoon.

She kept putting off the start of the wedding for a break in the clouds which clearly was not going to come. Finally, the park officials allowed the wedding party to use an art gallery which was on the grounds. Oh brother! :crazy:

[catpower2000]

54. You know, people don't think about that...

The full sun, I mean. My cousin and his wife got married in a beautiful arboretum on September 7th. When they were planning their wedding, I said, "You know it's going to be hot as hell, right?" (Everyone hears September and thinks lovely, fall weather). They waved me off.

Well, the day of the wedding was at LEAST 85 degrees and much hotter in the sun. Half of the wooden rental folding chairs were in the sun, half in the shade. Of course, all the first people there asked to be seated in the shaded chairs. So, not only did the people who had to sit in the sun feel slighted, they were also totally blinded by the sun and had to hold their programs over their eyes to even ATTEMPT to see what was going on during the vows. (The video is comical to watch). BTW, that half included the groom's mother and father, who had to watch the thing on video afterward, since they were blinded during the actual ceremony. Also, all the guests on that side were soaked through with sweat by the time it was over.

Cat

[TlalocW]

38. Another friend's wedding

A friend of mine married Martha Stewart's evil clone a few years ago (since divorced - she was cheating on him). Anyway, that friend, our other best friend, and I always promised we would have swords at each others' weddings, and she thought that we were serious and even asked her fiancee, "They're not really going to have swords at *MY* wedding, are they?" Not "our wedding" but "MY wedding." :)

At the rehearsal dinner, my friend's dad gave them a photoshopped picture of them together - there was a word balloon going to the bride's mouth saying, "Of course you can have swords at our wedding! And spears and nunchuks and anything else you want!" The priest looked at it, and we explained the joke, and he exclaimed, "No swords at church!"

The wedding was the most overblown one I've ever been to - full Catholic wedding, six groomsmen/bridesmaids on each side (only 50 people showed up), and the priest threw in a few things that they didn't practice in the rehearsal including sending the couple over to put roses at the feet of the holy family (friend isn't Catholic, his ex-wife is). Their back was to most of the guests when over there, but I could see his face, and know him as well as I do, just the expression on it was hilarious. She was reverently praying at the feet of the holy family, and he had his arms clasped in front of him and was rocking back and forth on his heels while looking up at them, thinking, "Yep... This is the holy family all right. This wasn't in the rehearsal though... Yep."

Finally reception time. And what do the happy couple first see when they make their grand entrance? The decorative set of sumarai swords on their holders on the wedding party table that our other friend and I had bought them. His face was lit up with delight. Hers had a smile on it that didn't reach her eyes. The groom cut the cake with the long sword.

TlalocW

[catpower2000]

57. HAHAHAHA!!

She sounds like not a very nice person--serves her right!!

Cat :)

[Mandate My Ass]

41. My outdoor wedding got rained on

There's a really beautiful Victorian estate near where I live that I just fell in love with at first sight. Not only was the building gorgeous, but the Victorian gardens were breathtaking. There was a huge clearing with a massive old oak tree about 50 yards from the building where the ceremony was going to take place (or so I thought).

Planning an outdoor wedding is always iffy, but the weather reports looked good all week, with spotty rain supposedly ending the day before the wedding. WRONG!

I woke up on my wedding morning thinking I'd need an ark to get to the place it was raining so hard. And not shower hard--but a drenching, steady downpour without a break in the sky.

OK, I sobbed, but then my husband called and said it'll be alright. How, he couldn't say. However, when I got to the estate, they had moved all the tables onto the huge wraparound veranda where the reception would now take place.

The string quartet sat in an alcove beneath the winding staircase where I found out that I would now be making my entrance to the large living room where they had set up folding chairs. The woman who showed us the place couldn't believe I didn't want to do that originally, which was part of the decision to have it outside. It just seemed so "drama-queenish" to me to come down that winding staircase with everyone looking up at me but I ended up doing it anyway.

The caterers did a beautiful job moving everything into the dining room and setting up little food stations throughout the downstairs because they couldn't fit everything in the one room.

It eventually stopped raining and we had a great time, although the day was *nothing* like what we'd anticipated. Everybody except my immediate family and the wedding party thought we had planned it exactly that way and said it was the most intimate wedding they'd ever attended.

[catpower2000]

63. It actually sounds quite beautiful the way it turned out!

Thank goodness you had a capable staff and didn't have to think of everything yourself! When I was in my cousin's wedding, it was my job to take care of any little problem that cropped up with the vendors--florist, caterer, site manager, etc. Which is why I was rooting through dusty old drawers in the basement of the building for a cake knife 30 seconds before they were supposed to cut the cake. (They had to cut the cake then because the photographer was leaving.) :)

Cat

[BritishHuman]

45. When my father remarried earlier this year...

The family of the bride presented him with a really cute gift (I won't say what just yet).

According to the traditions of her people, they both had to cut out its heart with nail scissors.

[SOteric]

48. It's nice

to get that out of the way right up front, don't you think..?

[BritishHuman]

51. It was very entertaining for the guests, too...

It took a while - it was pretty tough and nail scissors aren't as sharp as you think.

:evilgrin:

[SOteric]

53. I'm sure they're not Zarfy, either.

;-)

[BritishHuman]

60. Nobody is but you...

I have a picture of the mutilated remains hung in the reception hall, if anyone is interested...

(of the wedding gift, not SOteric)

:evilgrin:

[SOteric]

61. Phew! Thank goodness.

I've read your flash fiction, you know.

[catpower2000]

64. What in heaven's name are you two talking about down here??

I DEMAND TO BE LET IN ON THE SECRET. :)

Cat

[BritishHuman]

67. Which part?

Zarfy or the impromptu cardiac surgery?

[catpower2000]

70. Definitely BOTH!

I missed something!

Cat

[BritishHuman]

74. Zarfy is from the "Hottest Guy" Thread

This Post, in fact

And the cardiac surgery is a few posts up from this one (about my father's second marriage).

Zat help?

[catpower2000]

77. Okay, Zarfy I get...

but what in heaven are you talking about with the heart and the nail scissors?

And WAIT A MINUTE...did I miss a new DU romance?? :loveya: SOTeric, do you live in England?

Cat

[SOteric]

78. I don't 'live' in England

but I have been known to spend a lot of time there. And I wouldn't say there's anything new between BH and I, but he was suddenly convinced there was no reason to keep it under wraps any longer.

[catpower2000]

79. But wait, wait...

Did you meet each other on DU? Have you met IRL yet?

Cat

[SOteric]

We did not meet at DU

He's been my lover for the last 5 years.

[catpower2000]

82. AHHHHHHH!

Now I understand. Which one of you introduced the other to the forum? And how can you stand to be so far away from one another? And how often do you get to see each other? And are you planning to live in the same country at some point?

Cat

(I'm very nosy.)

[SOteric]

84. I introduced him to the forum

We have a hard time once in a while, but we manage. As often as is logistically and reasonably possible. Yes we're thinking of Canada. He thinks our little Banana Republic has a crap government.

[catpower2000]

86. How did you meet?

And why don't you move to England? (I hear it's rad.) And where in Canada? And he's right about our gov't--I wouldn't emigrate here at this point in history for all the tea in...er, England!

Is he really hot? I want to see a picture!! :evilgrin: (But don't worry, getting nowhere near his boxers!!!!!)

Cat

[SOteric]

97. I have a job here, and some

commitments to the Shoalwater tribe, and an assortment of issues that cannot be simply picked up and moved. He has some of his own. We met over a discussion of how clever he is on a usenet forum. A short time later he took a short-lived position with an American firm located just a short distance from my home.



Is your curiousity nearly satisfied yet...?

[catpower2000]

98. *sigh* Okay, okay, I just like to hear good love stories. :)

He's very cute. You're a lucky lady. Thank you for sharing all these details--it gives me a fuller picture. :) Hope you all find a way to be physically together soon.

Cat

[BritishHuman]

89. A controversial view around here...

I'm sure no-one on DU thinks the US government is crap.

It would have to improve several-fold to reach those giddy heights...


And SOteric has often visited my little island, as I have her big one. I'm hoping to go over again later this year (fingers crossed).

[BritishHuman]

85. The heart and the nail scissors...

Is not nearly as exciting as I made it sound.

It was a bedsheet decorated by all of the bride's family, with a big red heart in the middle. After cutting it out, they had to step through the hole to cement their love. And the heart is apparently draped on the wedding bed (I didn't inquire further).

[catpower2000]

87. Aww, that's a nice tradition... :) nt

[BritishHuman]

90. Well sure, once I tell you it was a bedsheet...

If I'd said it was a goat you wouldn't have thought so. :evilgrin:

[SOteric]

71. Maybe she means

that macabre fiction you've been known to coble together for the "Fail-to-suck" festival.

[TrogL]

80. You mean the bride's mother, of course

Wasn't she supposed to be left on an ice floe.

[BritishHuman]

95. I'm sure she was a very nice woman

She just didn't speak any English.

It was great - all these new "relatives" I didn't know, and I hardly had to talk to any of them! ;-)

[TrogL]

52. LP

A distant cousin got married. At the wedding the bottom of one of his shoes said "LP" in big white letters.

Turns out pranksters had put "HELP" across both shoes and the groom got distracted before he could get rid of the second two letters.

My second wedding second reception (no I will not explain) left everybody on tenterhooks wondering if anybody was going to fall into the pool.

[catpower2000]

66. You WILL explain!!

Or else! (I don't know, it's an empty threat, but explain anyway!) :)

Cat

edit: typo

[TrogL]

91. For the same reason that

my first wife had two funerals.

Bet you're sorry you asked.

[catpower2000]

93. Oh my god...

Sorry and incredibly curious at the same time, but I'm DEFINITELY not asking any more questions.

Besides, what I was actually asking about was, why were you afraid someone was going to fall into the pool?

Cat

[MiltonLeBerle]

59. Eloped to Hawaii- and broke the news to the folks over the radio.

while we were on Kauai, a pair of disc-jockies from our city were there as well, broadcasting their show via satellite back home. My wife's parents always listened to the pair- so when we got back from the ceremony on the beach, we stopped by where they were broadcasting from, they talked to us on the air, and my in-laws were listening, and that's how they found out.

[catpower2000]

68. Wow! Were they happy about it or not? nt

[MiltonLeBerle]

72. they were happy about it-

they had been unhappy about us living together for two years prior to that.

[catpower2000]

81. Really? Do parents still get upset about "living in sin" these days? nt

[cmf]

75. A few funny things happened at my wedding 3 years ago.

First, my groom and his groomsmen were running errands around town when they stopped at Arby's for lunch. They had just picked up their morning suits at the same mall. They were halfway across town when they figured out one of the groomsmen left his tie at the restaurant. So they stopped off at a formal wear store to pick up a new tie. The forgetful groomsman ran in and bought the tie. When he got back to the car, my groom asked him, "Did you make sure the stripes were going the right way?" The forgetful groomsman replied, "Yes. I double checked."

I didn't know about this story until a few weeks after the wedding. I was looking at all of the pictures and asked my husband, "Why does so-and-so's tie have stripes going the opposite direction?" Yeah, I guess he should have triple-checked. :eyes:

Other highlights include the wedding coordinator yelling at my *deaf* sister-in-law, and the best man dropping the rings. Other than those minor things, the day was perfect!

[catpower2000]

83. So, is a wedding coordinator necessary?

Were you glad you hired one, or did it turn out to be a waste of money? (I harbor a secret desire to be a wedding planner.)

Cat

[cmf]

88. She came with the church.

Another one came with the B&B at which we had our reception. The church lady was ok, the B&B lady was awesome. I would have definitely hired her.

Wedding planner is one of my secret dream jobs, too. Along with professional organizer. I think planning someone else's wedding would be 1,000x more fun.

[catpower2000]

94. Oh, hell yeah!

SCREW planning your own damn wedding, it's too much stress!! But planning someone else's--ah well, I'm so anal-retentive, I love to make order from chaos. I suspect you're the same (hence the secret desire to be a professional organizer, can't get one past me!) :)

Cat

[MountainLaurel]

96. Vehicular problems

The bride and groom had to get their car jump started to leave the reception: The best man had left the headlights on following the trip from the wedding site to the VFW hall.

[catpower2000]

99. Hee!

At least there were other people around and it didn't happen on a remote mountain pass while they were on their honeymoon!

Cat

[Sheet22]

102. Not too crazy, but...............

First, my nephew (who was about 4 at the time) who was my ringbearer decided, at the last minute, that he really didn't want to be a part of things. He threw the pillow with the rings on it, yelled "NO!" quite loudly, and ran to his mother sitting in the second row. Then, my ushers completely missed the cue and didn't have the aisle runner spread out when my perfectly established and rehearsed musical cue came up. Finally, my mother forgot to stand as I started to walk down the aisle, so I proceeded in to everyone seated. UGH!

P.S. The marriage only lasted like two years-I guess I should've taken all the cues and known better.;)

[catpower2000]

103. I have YET to see a wedding with a young ringbearer/flower girl...

where the small children DIDN'T ruin the ceremony. They invariably start to cry, run to their parents, or start talking VERY loudly at the most solemn moment of the vows. I'm sure there are weddings where the children are perfectly behaved, but I've never seen or heard abut one.

Cat

[Sheet22]

106. Like I eluded earlier...........

That was one hint, that I even did it in the first place-the 4 year old ring bearer and in the end, the whole marriage. I don't regret going through the relationship with the man, but never should've married him, should've listened to my nephew when he said "no".

Lessons learned.

Living with regret is not really living. Me:hippie:

[librechik]

104. the SWAT team showed up at my wedding...

but it's a long story, and I've told it before. They didn't break the door when they kicked it in!(small favors)

[Pert_UK]

107. EarlG+friends missed wedding...Wrong cake...DJ nearly got beaten up

Wedding on Long Island, New York and I was the Best Man.

Firstly, several friends who'd flown in from the UK managed to miss the ceremony because they'd booked into a hotel and not checked the distance to the wedding venue, which was more than an hour away......EarlG had broken down on the way driving from DC and didn't arrive until late in the afternoon...

The DJ was a COMPLETE ASSHOLE who was self-obsessed and totally unsuited to doing weddings - he was only interested in getting attention for himself. For example, he kept screaming into the mike "Why aren't you dancing?" while everyone was sitting around eating their meals.

While I was giving my speech to congratulate the Bride and Groom the DJ came out from behind his decks, lay down and started yawning and pretending to go to sleep.......some of my friends had to have a quiet "word" with him and told him to behave himself or they'd beat the crap out of him.

Then it turned out that the shop had delivered someone else's wedding cake too.......

On the plus side, everyone had a great day and my two best friends are still happily married!

P.

[Blue-Jay]

109. I got one!

So my band gets hired to play at a friend's wedding reception... They hire a caterer who's chef has a special dish, and insists on making a big production out of it.

Dinner is ready to be served, and the chef runs out of the kitchen, high-stepping to some weird music into the crowd, and holding a huge pan of flaming chicken parts above his head. (one-handed, mind you). As he rounds a corner, he slips and the flaming chicken part go EVERYWHERE, setting some kid's pants on fire. The kid runs around screaming (he was about 10 years old) with his pants ablaze, and proceeds to jump into the large vat of iced beer.

Thankfully, his leap into the ice extinguished the blaze, and he was frazzled but unhurt. The poor chef spent the rest of the night shaking and freaking out, probably imagining the ensuing lawsuit. No real harm was done, and nobody was sued. God bless America. Still, it was pants-crappingly funny.

_________________________________________________________

Another crazy story: Last year, my fiance told me that she needed to take a weekend off by herself to "think about things". It was a month before our scheduled wedding. She returns home and tells me that she "doesn't think it's a good idea that we get married." I deal with it and we part ways, without any major animosity towards each other. Nine months (to the DAY) later she gives birth to Benjamin Michael. No, there's no chance that he's mine, trust me. WooHoo is that ever a craaaazy story!

OK. The first story is funnier.


Hmmmm. I tried to post this a few minutes ago, but it look slike there was a glitch of some kind...