The one-liner thread... I'll go first:

[TXlib]

A woman was in love with fourteen soldiers. It was clearly platoonic.

[Aristus]

1. Mine:

A horse walked into a bar. Now how often does THAT happen?

[Robroy]

17. Hmm..

I walked into a bar and it nearly knocked me out.

[BOSSHOG]

2. Guess what I Herd?

SHEEP!

[mac56]

3. If it weren't for mini-blinds...

it would be curtains for all of us.

[SheepyMcSheepster]

4. I got a new vaccum cleaner, it sucks.

-steven wright.

[Drifter]

16. The only thing that Microsoft ...

could make that doesn't suck ... is a vacuum cleaner.

[mac56]

5. Have you heard about the corduroy pillows?

They're making headlines!

[underpants]

6. Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana

-Groucho

[BOSSHOG]

7. A Priest, a Minister and a Rabbi walk into a bar

The bartender says, "what is this, a joke?

[mac56]

8. College loans are so unfair.

They're charging me for classes I never even went to.

[ScreamingMeemie]

9. A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says,"Hey, why the long face?"

:7

[masmdu]

10. A man walks into a bar

and it knocked out several of his teeth.

[LanternWaste]

11. My two fav's

My two fav's:

"Two guys walk into a bar... you'd think the second one would've ducked..."


"Didja hear about the baby seal who walked into a club...?"




Bad Lantern Waste, veddy, veddy bad :spank:

[rocktivity]

12. So many nice hats.

--Hyacinth Bucket

[Hoosier Democrat]

13. A sandwich walks into a bar...

and tghe bartender said "Hey, we don't serve food here."

[central scrutinizer]

14. Why did the rooster cross the road

to get to the basketball game?

He heard the refs were blowing a lot of fouls.

[Cannikin]

15. Did you hear about the man who left his lazy eyed wife?

She was seeing someone on the side.

[CO Liberal]

18. Hear About The Explosion At The Boarding House??

No word yet on what caused it, but roomers were flying.

:-)

[kmla]

19. Hear the one about the optometrist who fell into the lens grinder?

Me mad a spectacle of himself...

[SOteric]

20. Did you hear the one about

the cannibal who passed his brother on the road the other day?

[TXlib]

23. BAD SOTERIC!

:spank:

[CO Liberal]

21. Hear About The Cannibal Who Was Suspended From School...

...because he was caught buttering up the teacher?

:-)

[CO Liberal]

22. Hear About The Bear That Had Sex With a Giraffe?

He didn't want to, but his friends put him up to it.

:-)

[mac56]

24. Did you hear about the blind hooker?

You really have to hand it to her.

[11 Bravo]

25. Why did the fundamentalist hypocrite cross the road?

His dick got stuck in the chicken.

[rsdsharp]

26. Did you hear about the easy girl?

She was only the cattleman's daughter, but all the horse manure.

She was only the undertakers's daughter, but anyone cadaver.

She was only the telegrapher's daughter, but she di dit, di dit, di dit.

[trof]

27. ...and the termite sez: "Is the bar tender here?"

[blockhead]

28. It was so cold in North Dakota today...

I seen a lawyer walking down the street and he had his hands in his own pockets.

[fob]

29. A dyslexic guy walks into a bra...

nt

[guitar man]

30. Two cannibals were eating a clown

when one says to the other: does this taste funny to you?

[KFC]

31. A skeleton walks into a bar

tells the bartender "I'll have a beer and a mop."

[AlFrankenFan]

32. Yeah.......that's the ticket

:D

[Endangered Specie]

33. A nazi walks into a B.A.R., what a mess.

BAR in this case being a Browning Auto. Rifle.

[Edge]

34. Confucious says....

"Virginity like bubble...one prick, all gone."

[mykpart]

35. Did you hear about the fly on the toilet seat?

He was pissed off!

What happened to Helena Rubinstein? Max Factor!

I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.

[mykpart]

36. Where does the Lone Ranger take his trash?

To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump!

Dyslexics of the world, UNTIE!

[CO Liberal]

45. What Did The Pink Panther Say Aftrer He Stepped On an Ant?

Dead ant - dead ant
Dead ant dead ant dead ant dead ant dead ant......
De-de-de-dead ant.....

:-)

[Edge]

37. You're so stupid...it takes you an hour and a half to watch 60 minutes.

[Seldona]

39. 'I think gay marriage should be between a man and a woman'

Arnold Schwarzenegger

[stumblnrose]

38. Giraffe walks into a bar and says...

High balls on me.

[maveric]

40. I call my wife my melancholy baby because she has a head like a melon and

a face like a collie.

Stole that one from Henny Youngman.

[Dover]

41. Roadkill has more tread than Bush's 2004 campaign.

[ChoralScholar]

42. Did you hear the one about the constipated mathematician?

He worked it out with a a pencil.

[TXlib]

43. Pyros of the world... IGNITE !!!

[TXlib]

44. Oscar Wilde quote

Rich bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men
should be happier than others.
-- Oscar Wilde

[CO Liberal]

46. "If God Drops Acid, Does He See People?" - Steven Wright

:-)

[non sociopath skin]

47. One for the intellectuals ...

Is it true that Oedipus added incest to injury?

The Skin

[non sociopath skin]

48. And one from Oscar Wilde...

"Football may be all very well as a game for rough girls but it it is hardly suitable for delicate boys."

Or words to that effect.

The Skin