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In your opinion the COOLEST TV character of all time. For me it is...

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jimbo fett Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 01:57 PM
Original message
In your opinion the COOLEST TV character of all time. For me it is...
Paul Drake, the private investigator on retainer from "Perry Mason."

Paul was the coolest cat around. He dressed sharp. He never got flustered even when gun was pointed at him. The women all took notice when he walked in a room - even Della.

His white hair and clean-cut look belied the fact that he was very street-wise.

If I could be a TV character, it would be Paul Drake.
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Skittles Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 01:59 PM
Response to Original message
1. wasn't he a drunken sod in real life?
yes, I think he was
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jimbo fett Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 02:00 PM
Response to Reply #1
3. Awww, don't burst my hero bubble.
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chromotone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 05:05 PM
Response to Reply #3
51. Actually, William Hopper ("Paul Drake") was the son of...
Hollywood gossip columnist Hedda Hopper.
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BlueEyedSon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 02:00 PM
Response to Original message
2. John Steed & Emma Peel
Followed closely by
John Drake
Simon Templar

Hmm.... there is a pattern here...
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Screaming Lord Byron Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 02:27 PM
Response to Reply #2
8. Followed by Jason King? For me, it's Tom Baker, the only Doctor Who.
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DenverDem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 02:18 PM
Response to Original message
4. The motorcyclist Bronson
from "Then Came Bronson"
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lpbk2713 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 04:24 PM
Response to Reply #4
45. "Yeah? Well you hang in there."
:thumbsup:
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bmbmd Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 05:01 PM
Response to Reply #4
49. Without a doubt-
Bronson.
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TheMightyFavog Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 08:45 PM
Response to Reply #4
64. Det. John Munch.
End of Line.
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Commie Pinko Dirtbag Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 02:19 PM
Response to Original message
5. The Lone Gunmen from the X Files (nt)
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Ready4Change Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 02:23 PM
Response to Original message
6. Samurai Jack
I would've said Racer X, except he seemed to be wearing spandex tights.
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beyurslf Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 02:25 PM
Response to Original message
7. Come on. The Fresh Prince of course.
I had such a crush. :)
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GalleryGod Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 02:27 PM
Response to Original message
9. David McCallum as ILLYA KURIYAKIN ! Man from U.N.C.L.E.
:smoke: lightly tinted shades even B4 Nicholson!:smoke:

Simply-the coolest!

Your Man in the Faculty Lounge,with the United Network Command for Law & Enforcement ID......
G.G.:hangover:
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bubblesby2002 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 02:30 PM
Response to Reply #9
11. Darn!!
You beat me to it. I was in looooove with him for the longest time. Even had many of his pictures up on my wall. David McCallum is still pretty cool, even at 70+/-.:loveya:
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Beaker Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 02:40 PM
Response to Reply #11
16. he's on a new show-
Navy NCIS.
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Norbert Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 08:48 PM
Response to Reply #9
66. The Man from U.N.C.L.E. oozed cool
Edited on Wed Feb-04-04 08:53 PM by Norbert


McCallum was cool as hell. I wanted to be like him as a 12 year old. This is the only time in my life I wore turtlenecks as they were too ticklish around the neck. But Illya wore them and comfort was a small price to pay to be cool. Another reason I wanted to be like him was the hormones inside me was starting to stir. The advantures Illya and Napoleon had almost alway involved a beautiful young damsel. That was very cool.:bounce:

Mapoleon and Illya, even when they were on the verge of being wiped out by T.H.R.U.S.H. which was every week always kept their cooland even had a tongue in cheek comment to throw in. MFU had a British feel to it and this is when the British Invision had a firm hold on the USA; very cool.
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grannylib Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-05-04 11:03 AM
Response to Reply #9
76. That would be my brother's pick for sure; he loved that guy. Me - Mannix
was pretty cool, and I also loved the old Mission Impossible - they were all cool!
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Adenoid_Hynkel Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 02:29 PM
Response to Original message
10. Charles Montgomery Burns
Edited on Wed Feb-04-04 02:29 PM by ann_coulter_is_a_man
the greatest villian of all time

(bear in mind that I'm referring to the pre-suck Simpsons of today. 98 and before is classic, beyond that, ugh)
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Loonman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 02:33 PM
Response to Original message
12. Cigarette Smoking Man


Actually a non-smoker for many years, he smoked herbal cigarettes that contained no nicotine.
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Az Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 02:34 PM
Response to Original message
13. Spike from Cowboy Bebop
Edited on Wed Feb-04-04 02:38 PM by Az
Mysterious past. Attitude to burn. Absolute elite moves. Fast fast ship. Very definition of cool.

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Exultant Democracy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 02:37 PM
Response to Reply #13
15. I could back that one. n/t
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soleft Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 02:36 PM
Response to Original message
14. Special Agent Dana Scully
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MaineDem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 02:40 PM
Response to Original message
17. John Drake - "Secret Agent"
I would have said John Steed or Illya Kuriakin but someone already did. :)

I especially remember the episode with the offshore pirate radio station.
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Beaker Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 02:43 PM
Response to Original message
18. Harry-O
then Mannix.

then Link- from the Mod Squad.
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Faygo Kid Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 03:03 PM
Response to Original message
19. Bernard P. Fife
Hey, that salt and pepper suit, the Barney swagger, Juanita at the diner, the bullet, the motorcycle episode - the man just had it all.
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11 Bravo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 03:07 PM
Response to Original message
20. Jethro Bodine Clampett
Double-naught spy, doctor, man about town, and heir to a million bucks!
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frylock Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 03:13 PM
Response to Reply #20
22. don't forget, boy jenius
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Beaker Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 03:35 PM
Response to Reply #22
28. and hollywood producer.
that was jethro at his zenith.
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peekaloo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 03:18 PM
Response to Reply #20
23. lol.....my favorite was the fortune teller
Edited on Wed Feb-04-04 03:19 PM by peekaloo
Excuse me sir, are you a medium?

No ma'am, extra large!
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Beaker Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 03:34 PM
Response to Reply #20
27. his last name was never Clampett-
unless he married ellie-may in an episode I missed, and took her name...
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Faygo Kid Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 03:50 PM
Response to Reply #27
32. Yer right, he was Cousin Pearl's son, and a Bodine. Granny was a Moses.
Edited on Wed Feb-04-04 03:53 PM by faygokid
He and Jethrine were Pearl's two children. Pearl was, of course, the wonderful Bea Benadaret, who went on to "Petticoat Junction" before the Big Sitcom in the Sky. Granny's last name was Moses (she was Jed's mother in law - Grandma Moses, ha ha). Also, don't forget fry cook for Jethro - that or brain surgeon were career goals. Say, speaking of cool characters, what about Sonny Drysdale? Dash Riprock?
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terrya Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 03:08 PM
Response to Original message
21. Amos Burke from "Burke's Law"
He was the Police Commissioner of Los Angeles...and rode around in a chauffered driven Rolls-Royce (I never could figure out how he could afford a Rolls on a police commissioner's salary). He was always impeccably dressed and never lost his cool.

For some reason, I was impressed by that. :-)

Terry
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CO Liberal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 03:37 PM
Response to Reply #21
30. And In The Final Season, "Amos Burke - Secret Agent"
ABC tried to cash in on the James Bond craze in the Mid '60s. It didn't work.
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Whitacre D_WI Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 03:24 PM
Response to Original message
24. Stewie Griffin.
Damn you, vile woman!
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Prisoner_Number_Six Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 03:28 PM
Response to Original message
25. Quai Chang Caine
Followed by Mr. Spock. What a team they would have made!
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Khephra Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 03:31 PM
Response to Original message
26. Agent Cooper
Or Number 6.

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peekaloo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 03:37 PM
Response to Original message
29. Jim Rockford
a trailer in Malibu!
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chromotone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 04:03 PM
Response to Reply #29
37. I second that...!
knew when to stand and when to run!!!

http://www.thesandbox.net/arm/rockford/
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jimbo fett Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 05:08 PM
Response to Reply #37
52. Yeah, after Paul Drake it has to be Rockford. For the exact opposite...
reasons. He was always hagggard. Gettin' beat up. Running like crazy in some situation that he had no clue about let alone control over.

But he could fight and he was definitely street smart.

Now, that damned friend of his named Angel is another story.
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DemoTex Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 08:06 PM
Response to Reply #52
57. I love Angel Martin(Stuart Margolin)!
But yes, Jim Rockford was the coolest cat around. Remember when Angel Martin loosed the silverfish in his Caesar salad in the swank restaurant to get the check comped? In the next scene he is in the slammer for fraud. Bwaa haaa haaa!
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peekaloo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-05-04 12:17 PM
Response to Reply #57
78. Angel and Jimmy made a great comedic duo.
I loved the silverfish episode. Also the Isaac Hayes "Rockfish" eps.

Great stories, acting and writing made 'Rockford' one of the all time greats, imho.
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mac56 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 03:39 PM
Response to Original message
31. Lieutenant Columbo.
There's no one cooler.
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CO Liberal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 03:54 PM
Response to Original message
33. John Shaft
You see, this cat Shaft is a bad mother-

SHUT YER MOUTH!!

But I'm talkin' 'bout Shaft!!

THEN WE CAN DIG IT!!!!!

("Shaft" was a series for about 13 weeks on CBS back in the early '70s.)
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Faygo Kid Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 03:56 PM
Response to Original message
34. Who loves ya, baby? Kojak
Well, another post (sorry) but a good candidate. Liked Festus, too.
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MissMillie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 03:59 PM
Response to Original message
35. Sam Seaborne
West Wing
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SaveElmer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 04:01 PM
Response to Original message
36. Jack Lord as Steve McGarrett
Hawaii 5-0

Winner hands down...

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Coventina Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 04:05 PM
Response to Reply #36
38. Praise the Lord!
:toast:
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Forkboy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 04:15 PM
Response to Reply #36
42. Bingo
The hair alone wins it for him.

Damn I miss that show.Imagine,a show from the 70's without car chases and hackneyed premises.
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ohiosmith Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 04:06 PM
Response to Original message
39. Ed "Kookie" Burns. Kookie, Kookie, lend me your comb. Followed by
Sam "Mayday" Mallone. Must be a hair thing.
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chromotone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 04:08 PM
Response to Original message
40. Maynard G. Krebs...craaaaaaazy!
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maveric Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 04:08 PM
Response to Original message
41. Patrick Mcgoohan as #6.
From possibly the coolest show ever. "The Prisoner".

"Who is # one???"
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Dogmudgeon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 04:18 PM
Response to Original message
43. Would you believe ... Maxwell Smart?
I asked you not to tell me that.

--bkl
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MiddleRiverRefugee Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 04:22 PM
Response to Original message
44. Rod Serling was no character, but he was THE MAN
Even on Night Gallery, there was no one cooler. No. One.
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lpbk2713 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 04:28 PM
Response to Original message
46. Colonel Henry Blake
From M*A*S*H
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chromotone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 04:38 PM
Response to Original message
47. "T. H. E. Cat" with Robert Loggia
I remember this show (1966-67) being exceptionally "cool." Cat was a body guard (former acrobat) who hung out in a kind of coffee house. The music in the coffee house was provided by a "super-cool" saxophonist, either performing solo or with one other musician (guitar, bongos, bass). As I recall, he whole program was so laid back, that I'm certain during its air time viewers' blood pressures hit their lowest mark for the week.
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nini Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 04:45 PM
Response to Original message
48. Huggy Bear.
Starsky and Hutch..


way smooth...
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skippysmom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 05:01 PM
Response to Original message
50. Remington Steele
Pierce Brosnan...need I say more?
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Love Bug Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 05:22 PM
Response to Original message
53. Mr. Spock
C'mon, now. No one is cooler than Spock!
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jmowreader Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 06:56 PM
Response to Original message
54. BJ Hunnicutt
Nothing fazed this guy. Not the war, not Klinger, not even living with Hawkeye.
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Djinn Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 08:19 PM
Response to Reply #54
59. But coolness has a sexual element
and everyone wanted to sleep with Hawkeye over BJ or even Trapper
so it's Captain Pierce for me
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HawkerHurricane Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-05-04 03:05 PM
Response to Reply #59
82. Ah, but...
Part of 'coolness' includes unavailability...
BJ was 'untouchable'. Capt. Hawkeye was 'easy'. Too easy, the nurses spent a lot of time trying to hold him back...
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baldguy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 07:41 PM
Response to Original message
55. It's got to be Kosh.
Vorlons invented cool.



"I have always been here."

http://mailbox.univie.ac.at/~prillih3/b5/vorlon.html
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notadmblnd Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 08:00 PM
Response to Original message
56. I showing my age but I was going to marry Stony Brook
I dont remember the name of the show.
Bat Masterson was very cool too.
Chuck Conners-- The RifleMan
Clint Eastwood-- Rowdy Yates. btw.. Clint is the only man I've ever been able to watch spit and not get the dry heaves (Josey Wales)

Yup anyone of them coulda had me.. Me him and Mr.Ed, we would of all lived happily ever after.
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MrScorpio Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 08:09 PM
Response to Original message
58. Secret Service Agent James West
The first secret agent!
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baldguy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 08:28 PM
Response to Reply #58
60. The TV James west, Right?
And the original Dr Loveless was pretty cool too - for a bad guy anyway.
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MrScorpio Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 08:30 PM
Response to Reply #60
61. Yep, James Conrad of course!!
The REAL James West
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Westegg Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 08:35 PM
Response to Original message
62. Hands down. Jack Lord as Steve McGarrett
So suave, so dark, so peculiar, so "hep." Steve McG was equal parts Adam West-as-Batman and Telly Savalas-as-Kojak. Along with a healthy dose of just plain Jack Lord-weirdness.
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CO Liberal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-05-04 08:04 AM
Response to Reply #62
67. With Kam Fong as Chin Ho, And Zulu as Kono
"Book 'em, Danno!!!"
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Beaker Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-05-04 08:18 AM
Response to Reply #67
68. a childhood tv image that pops into my head-
whenever i hear "Hawaii-5-0"...is one of Wo-Fat boarding a submarine and escaping from McGarrett.

it just does.
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DiverDave Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 08:43 PM
Response to Original message
63. Robert Wagner
"To catch a thief"

I was 12 or 13 and I thought that guy was the coolest.
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CO Liberal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-05-04 02:48 PM
Response to Reply #63
79. Close - It Was Called "It Takes a Thief"
Later in the series, Fred Astaire played his cool thief father.
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beevul Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Feb-04-04 08:45 PM
Response to Original message
65. Hard to call.
Doctor Who aka Tom Baker.
"Pappy" Greg Boyington. Black sheep Squadron.
Kosh "We are ALL Kosh". B5
Cade foster. First Wave.
John Crichton. Farscape.
Darian Fauks. The Invisible Man.
Teal'c. Stargate SG1.
"Hawkeye" Benjamin Franklin Pierce.Mash.
Mr. Spock. Star trek.
Assistant director Walter Skinner. X-files.
Ranger Marcus Cole. B5.
G'kar. B5.
Steve Austin . The 6 million Dollar man.
Zena:Warrior Princess.
Artemus Gordon. Wild Wild West.




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Burma Jones Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-05-04 08:23 AM
Response to Original message
69. Meldrick Lewis from Homicide, Life on the Streets
If only for the pork pie hat.
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jimbo fett Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-05-04 10:39 AM
Response to Reply #69
73. You passed up Andre Braugher's character for Meldrick?
Although, I have to admit Meldrick was cool in a dysfunctional kind of way.
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NoPasaran Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-05-04 09:35 AM
Response to Original message
70. James T Kirk
Audacity they name is Kirk.
And he did alright with the alien babes as well.
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Az Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-05-04 09:37 AM
Response to Reply #70
71. Which Kirk
Original Series Trim Kirk, Original Series Fat Kirk, Movie 1 Hair Perm Kirk, or Movies 2+ Ego Kirk.
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Jen72 Donating Member (847 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-05-04 09:57 AM
Response to Original message
72. CJ Cregg.
also: Dana Scully
Doug Ross
Samantha Stevens
Miranda Hoobs
Apu
and
Any of the Fisher family.
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chemenger Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-05-04 10:43 AM
Response to Original message
74. Number 6
Patrick McGoohan in The Prisoner.

Where am I?

In the Village.

Who are you?

I am Number 2. You are Number 6.

Who do you work for?

That would be telling.

What do you want?

We want information. Information.

Well, you won't get it.

By hook or by crook, we will.

I am not a number, I am a free man.
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TheMightyFavog Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-05-04 02:54 PM
Response to Reply #74
80. He drove the coolest car!



I want one so fucking bad! You can get the new ones here in the states in kit form.

http://uscaterham.com/home.html
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Paragon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-05-04 10:46 AM
Response to Original message
75. Mr. Chapel from "Vengeance Unlimited"
Kudos if you know what the hell I'm talking about.
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Dennis Quaranta Donating Member (82 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-05-04 12:13 PM
Response to Original message
77. Rochester
Eddie Anderson's "Rochester" character was more genuine and less stereotypical than anything else at the time.


Eddie Anderson


The Jack Benny Show further crossed boundaries by being the only program for decades that consistently portrayed Americans of mixed races living and working side by side. Jack Benny's ever-present butler/valet/nanny, Rochester (portrayed by Eddie Anderson), had first appeared on the Benny radio program as a Pullman porter but had pleased audiences so universally that he moved into Benny's fictional household. Unlike the popular African-American radio characters Amos and Andy, Rochester was portrayed by a Black actor, Eddie Anderson, rather than a white actor in blackface.

Rochester's characterization was not devoid of racism. As Benny's employee he was, after all, always in a nominally subservient position. Nevertheless, neither Rochester nor his relationship with his employer was defined or limited by race. Like the other characters on the program, Rochester viewed Benny with slightly condescending affection--and frequently got the better of his employer in arguments that were obviously battles between peers. He was, in fact, the closest thing the Benny character had to either a spouse or a best friend.

The complex relationship between the two was typical of the Benny persona and its fictional formula, which relied on character rather than jokes. Benny sustained the persona and the formula, in his regular half-hour program and in a series of one-hour specials, until both wore out in the mid-1960s. He returned to television from time to time thereafter to star in additional specials but never dominated American ratings as he had in the 1950s, when he spent several years in the Neilsen top-20s and garnered Emmy awards year after year.


http://www.museum.tv/archives/etv/B/htmlB/bennyjack/bennyjack.htm


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kmla Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Feb-05-04 02:55 PM
Response to Original message
81. MacGuyver.
He could escape from a Mexican prison, using only dental floss and pigeon feces, save the girl, catch the bad guy, and never mess up his mullet.

All in an hour.
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