John Kerry MUST do a few things to get my vote!

[vi5]

He can make me a sandwich. A good sandwich. Not one with some flimsy bread. I'm talking a big 6" hoagie roll. And none of that cheap processed loaf stuff. I'm talking Boars Head fresh cut smoked. This may alienate the pimento loaf vote but I'm simply sick and damn tired of the democrats catering to the processed meats. When the democrats stop taking me for granted as an afficianado of store baked turkey breast then and only then will they have my vote!

Then he can apologize to me on behalf of the girl in first grade who referred to me as a "poopyhead". It will be his responsibility as president to make right, that long standing injustice which to my mind has been a blight on civilization for far too long. This may lose him the 7 year old girl vote, but I'm sorry I've compromised for far too long and any candidate not willing to see this is not worthy of my vote.

Then I would like him to sing the best, most sincere version of "I'm a Little Teapot" I've ever heard.

Then, if I feel after this that he has met 100% of my demands as a voter and worked VEEEEEEERRRRY hard for my vote I may decide to grace him with my vote in November. I have no doubt that he will be utterly consumed with making sure that he has my vote and will be more than willing to sacrifice all others to acheive that lofty goal.


*sigh*
Sadly, many a post in GDP2004 are not that drastically different than the tone of this clearly sarcastic post. I weep for our future.

[displacedtexan]

1. Bill Clinton was too conservative for me!

But I campaigned for him and voted for him in the GE in '92. And he was one of the greatest presidents we've ever had!

If you don't join the Democratic Party, support the Democratic Party's candidate, and vote for the Democratic Party's candidate, you're not a Democrat.
I wonder how many DUers have actually joined the party and keep their membership up to date.

Just my opinion.

[Wetzelbill]

2. Touche'

[vi5]

7. Same here! I was going to do a separate post on this...

I was totally lukewarm on Clinton. But there is no doubt in my mind as to his stature as president and that it affected a climate change in the country that was 100,000,000,000 times better than anything that had happened the 12 years prior.

[Faygo Kid]

3. Actually, I would like him to buy me off

He can afford it, and I could use the money. Also, homemade chili. And a nice bowl of New England clam chowder, from scratch. OK, that would do it.

[PROGRESSIVE1]

4. There are two things he must do to insure my FULL support.

1) Admit that we were lied to about the reasons for going to war
and get an international coalition to work with us in Iraq.

2) Oppose the PATRIOT ACT.

[BL_Zebub]

5. Maybe if he sold me his soul, he could have my vote

I own Bush's soul, but it wasn't the wisest investment :evilfrown:

[Exultant Democracy]

6. mmmmmm...sandwich.

[stopbush]

8. So, LMGTS: for you, Kerry's IWR vote (etc) is on the level of

a hoagie, being called a poopyhead and/or singing a kid's song.

Nice attempt at dismissing legitimate issues. How republican of you.

And they're worried about Sharpton having a repug embedded in his campaign.

Sheesh.

[corporatewhore]

9. take this back to GDP2004