The tale of the Red Neck Christmas Tree

[Ekirh]

Sadly I don't have a picture of it. I've told this two years ago . . but now that the Redneck Tree is no more, the story should be told once more.

In 2005, My Mom was worn out come Christmas time. Tired, cranky, not feeling very festive. My Mom made a decision that would live in infamy.

She told the Dad unit and my Brother they had tree decorating duties for the year.

And oh what a tree it was my fellow Duers... what a tree it was.

Instead of tinsel... fishing wire was wrapped around the tree.

Instead of bulbs. . . Emptied crushed beer cans. . . . .

and there was lights.. lights inside of used shotgun shells wrapped around the tree. A few Hunter Hats were added around it . .

Then to top it all off.. there was no star. There be no brightly lighted up star on this tree. Oh noes said my Dad and Brother. they took deer antlers... yes real fucking deer antlers, and placed it on top of the tree. The Redneck Christmas Tree was born. Dad loved it, Brother loved, it, Mom accepted it . . I just glared at it while I used some random Christmas Present to bang my head in (I should note I'm not a Christmas Tree fan to begin with, I always joke I want a damn shrub).

In 2006 The Redneck Christmas tree would make it's umm glorious return, but now we are in 2007 and my Mom with an amazing resurgance of Christmas spirit said no more, and the red neck decorations vanished and were replaced with the traditional ornaments and lights.

However, the Red Neck decorations I've been told have been stored away for safe keeping, so that one day, when Mom doesn't get around to it in time . . the Redneck Tree would live once again to greet us all on Christmas morning . . .

And that, is the tale of the Red Neck Christmas Tree.

[Gonzo Gardener]

1. It must have been beautiful...

and that reminds me of the tree my college house mates and I decorated. It was strung with lights, individually wrapped multicolored condoms, hand-rolled joints hung like icicles from paper clips, candy canes, and trimmed in silly string.

:smoke:

[DarkTirade]

2. I'm still trying to find pictures of my uber-geeky christmas tree from last year or the year before.

I'll have to ask my old roommate if he's got pics.

[Ekirh]

3. Indulge me . .

How much uber geekiness are we talking here?

[DarkTirade]

4. There were lightsabers hanging on the tree

and a crashed speeder bike in pieces below. Instead of an angel, we had the poor speeder-bike pilot clinging to the top of the tree for dear life.

And just to make it a non-demoninational sort of geekyness, we threw in a pair of Harry Potter glasses in there so that all the decorations wouldn't be Star Wars ones. :)

[Ekirh]

5. LOL Nice. .

I love the idea of the speeder bike pilot clinging for dear life.

[DarkTirade]

6. It seemed appropriate at the time.

The tree was given to me by one of my uber-geek friends, and my roommate was also a geek (the speeder bike and pilot were his. Although it was the exact same toy that my brother had when we were growing up. :) )

[RushIsRot]

7. When I was in school in the Army in El Paso, Texas, I was a lowly

private and my wife and I had very little money. I got a large tumbleweed and trimmed it into a cone shape, then my wife whipped up some soap suds with something to stiffen them so we could put fake snow on the limbs, we made icicles from tin strips cut from cans, strung popcorn and a few other hand-made ornaments and had the best Christmas tree I can ever remember.