Having a baby during doctoral studies: Who has done it?

[Writer]

What were your experiences like? Did you complete your dissertation?

Any and all stories are welcome.

~Writer~

[Guava Jelly]

1. um..

Are we going to have a baby?

[Writer]

2. LOL. No.

At least not for a year, at least.

~Writer~

[Guava Jelly]

5. Good

Had me worried there for a second :D

[Writer]

6. Psssst...

I told you to keep it under wraps!

[Guava Jelly]

9. k

mums the word..(I guess thats better than moms the word) :rofl:

[Inchworm]

3. You two again?

I'm still having nekkid poem flashbacks!

:rofl:

[Writer]

4. It's GoPsUx... it's this glow he gets when we discuss...

prenatal vitamins. He especially loves it when I discuss Folic Acid.

~Writer~

[Guava Jelly]

7. Just don't say Riboflavin

I'm at work :silly:

[Inchworm]

8. I can see where folic acid may do it

it's a stretch.. but...

:D

[Writer]

10. Does anyone have a serious comment?

It's like being followed by a group of clowns - geesh!

:P

[rug]

16. The Lounge Parenting Committee:

[Writer]

19. ...

:P

[Orangepeel]

11. not me personally. but two men and one woman did while I was in the program

(the men were three and two years ahead of me, and the woman was one year ahead of me)

Both men finished. The woman left ABD. I started to say "unfortunately," but now she has two kids, works as a lecturer, and is happy.

[Writer]

12. It's much easier for the men. ;)

ABD? What does that stand for?

[Orangepeel]

13. Oh. Sorry. "All But Dissertation".

and yes, it is much easier for the men. The majority of the time, both during AND after.

[Bryan]

15. "All But Dissertation"

n/t

[Dora]

14. I haven't done it, but I wouldn't recommend it.

Pregnancy makes your brain shrink. No joke. http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qn4158/is_19970109/ai_n9648385

Sleep deprivation will make research/teaching/coursework/writing VERY DIFFICULT.

Imagine a PhD program... coursework... oral exams?... teaching assistantships or research assistantships... your own research... your own writing...

Imagine the BS that usually happens in academic departments, e.g., personality conflicts, power struggles, gaming...

Now imagine a pregnancy... the hormone fluctuations that occur during and after pregnancy... post-partum depression... the demands of breastfeeding (if you choose to)... and extensive ongoing sleep deprivation (four months of deprivation for sure, we had disrupted sleep for the first couple of years)...


If you have a choice in the matter, I advise you against it. It would be unfair to you and to your partner. The pregnancy would become a condition that has to be managed in cooperation with your PhD studies. Is that what you want of your childbearing experience? Instead of being able to enjoy each experience singly - the PhD and the babyhaving - they would interfere with each other.

If you were already enrolled in a program and your biological clock was running out, I'd give different advice. Because you're now applying to programs, I think it would be prudent of you to choose one or the other when the time comes.

[Writer]

18. Well the idea would be to take a semester off to give birth and nurse.

I'm 32... I'll be 33 when I enter the program... give say, 4-5 years... I'll be 38 or 39 when I exit.

Tick-tock, tick-tock...

[Dora]

20. I understand the ticktock, I do.

I was 35 when our son was born. I worked fulltime through the pregnancy, and returned to part-time work when he was 8 weeks old, and I was working 40 hours by the time he was four months old.

It was hard having a newborn at home. I was not prepared for the sleep deprivation or the distracting onslaught of worry. Teaching/studying does provide you with flexibility that a full-time working-for-the-man job does not. Regardless of employ, having a baby raises all sorts of issues: Who will care for the child, if not you? who will take the child to the doctor if s/he becomes sick? who will stay home during illness? coping with post-partum depression? Breastfeeding? Where will you pump? Where will you store your milk? Can you bring wee bebe to the office? Will you have an office? A study cubicle?

If you have a good support network around you, it may be manageable for you. My opinion is colored by memories of overriding fatigue and worry. We had no nearby family and no friends willing to pitch in when we needed help. It was just us. Money and time were stretched tight, and the first year of parenthood was an awesome challenge. BTW, writing has been impossible for me - that may not be true for you, but in all events, do prepare yourself for a change in the flow of words.

This is our son, Jacob, at Halloween this year. He will turn three years old in February.

[Orangepeel]

27. a word of caution for the interested -- many doctoral programs are very much "working for the man"

The traditional model is essentially an apprenticeship, and research assistants often have very little clout and/or power. There are assholes in all professions, and more than one professor expects graduate students to be at his/her beck and call.

When people are picking doctoral programs, they often consider reputation of the school, the renown of the faculty, success of recent graduates, location, and the amount of monetary support (all rightly so). It is more rare to consider quality of life during the program. Anyone considering starting a family during the process should definitely think about how doctoral students are treated.

[Writer]

40. Well I might not get in, anyway.

One of my recommenders has been a bit slow in issuing his recommendation. It's now less than two weeks before one of my school's deadlines.

[skygazer]

17. Certainly would liven up a dissertation

I had my babies in hospitals. :hi:

[DS1]

21. ANKLES AWEIGH!

wait...

[hunter]

22. My wife.

She didn't take any time off. I worked when she was off school, she was at school when I wasn't working.

I don't remember so much about the details, probably because it was a crazy experiment in sleep deprivation.

[AspenRose]

23. One of my friends did it....Chemistry degree from Michigan

eom

[Breeze54]

24. I think my sister was pregnant during her doctoral studies and

her son is now a successful adult and she graduated and became the VP of 2 companies!

She made it to my wedding at 7 months pregnant and she made a beautiful Matron-of-Honor!

She made it through the pregnancy and delivery. She became very gainfully employed

afterwards and I think that experience helped her get through breast cancer treatments

while working at her new position at a new company and now she has her own consulting

company and is sitting pretty! ;) You can do it, if she could. She wasn't exactly the

'Mommy' type at all but she made it. You will too! :hug:

[Writer]

26. What a neat story!

Good for your sister. What was her area?

[Breeze54]

28. She has her Masters in Higher Education and

her PhD in Research and Statistical Analysis/Marketing Research and Development.

It opened a lot of doors for her.

I wish you well! :D

[electron_blue]

25. Not me, but I've known women who did.

One woman told me she did it deliberately bcs she saw that time as the most flexible of her life. Other than courses, she could study and work on research when she had the time. She had a supportive husband who was already employed.

I wouldn't expect to do anything other than grad school and baby-related activities. No social life for 5 yrs or so, but you know a lot of grad students don't have social lives anyway...

Good luck!

[rockymountaindem]

29. Locking

Bodily function thread.

[GOPisEvil]

30. I have a friend who started her doctoral after having a kid.

He's 2 1/2 now. It's stressful, but her husband helps a lot. She is just starting out, and is just now starting to work on her dissertation. Updates to follow. If I remember, or if you remember to ask.

She has a blog I could point you to I suppose. http://boxingoctopus.wordpress.com/

[Writer]

32. Hey - she's attending UT.

That's my alma mater (BS RTF '97).

[GOPisEvil]

36. Correctamundo.

She also teaches undergrad classes.

She also did time at the University of Colorado, for undergrad or for her Masters. I forget.

[Writer]

37. LOL... that's where I earned my Master's.

That's rather funny.

~Writer~

[GOPisEvil]

38. She's getting her PhD in...ummm...English, I think.

Or maybe Literature. I'm such a bad friend. Of course, I'm REALLY friends with her husband. I'm not an expert on her life story. :D

[Writer]

39. Well that's where we differ.

Mine will be in Mass Communication.

;)

[RetroLounge]

31. You're pregnant?

Don't look at me, I was with Jamie Lynn Spears...

:hi:

RL

[Writer]

33. Nar. No pregnancy.

I'm thinking about doing that midway through, though.

[RetroLounge]

35. Good Idea

Make the kid call you Dr. Mommy...

:hi:

RL

[Pierre.Suave]

34. Just stay at home...

...and cook, clean, and raise kids like women are supposed to do...


































jk, dont do that.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

41. You can do it.

to wit....your letter of application;)

[mitchum]

42. I know many who have had a cow during doctoral studies...

but no babies