The Onion: Tiger Woods Putts Baby Into Diaper

[varkam]

The Onion

ORLANDO, FL—Tiger Woods added yet another accomplishment to his already outstanding résumé Sunday when the 13-time major winner successfully putted his baby daughter, five-month-old Sam Alexis Woods, into a fresh Huggies diaper.

Dressed in his signature red shirt, black pants, and black Nike golf shoes, Woods—who has not played competitive golf in three months in order to stay at home and spend time with his newborn daughter—followed the clutch 12-foot putt with a celebratory fist pump before hugging caddie Steve Williams, who was handling the baby's skin ointment.

"The living room carpet was rolling especially fast today," Woods later told reporters, adding that his maid had vacuumed the night before, "so at first I was naturally hesitant about hitting the baby too hard. But Stevie told me to be firm with the putt, since the room goes slightly uphill near the recliner, and we both knew the baby would move slower there. Especially around where we placed the diaper, because of the changing pad."

"Also, Sam-Alexis gained a quarter of a pound last week," said Woods, who took his time lining up the putt of his infant daughter, first studying its slight left-to-right break from behind the baby and then taking a sight line from behind the diaper. "As soon as the baby's bottom left my putter, I knew she was in."

Tiger never ceases to amaze. That man is good! :rofl: