What music will be played on the speakers in hell?

[LynneSin]

I'm on the phone to DirecTV and they have the musiak version of "Greatest Love of All Playing". I swear if hell had music playing on the speakers 24x7 it would be this song. Someone please jam rusty nails into my ears.

[LynneSin]

1. Now I'm hearing the musak version of "Never on a Sunday"

I don't know what frightens me more = that I'm stuck listening ot this schlock or that I can actually "Name that Tune"

[AllegroRondo]

2. "Lady of Spain" on the hockey arena organ

[ProfessorGAC]

6. Or On Accordion

I'm not sure which would be worse. Well, i do know. A duet.
The Professor

[Turbineguy]

52. As the saying goes:

"You go to heaven, here's your harp.

You go to hell, here's your accordion."

[cloudbase]

68. Backed up by banjos and tubas. n/t

[tigereye]

3. Yanni, Kenny G, and Celine Dion

at least in my head....

[ProfessorGAC]

7. Yeah. And Kenny Will Just Be Playing One Long Note

Such misuse of circular breathing. It was not intended to just show off to the tone deaf.
The Professor

[tigereye]

12. ah, I just dislike him since I would prefer people like Ornette Coleman, Don

Byron, other alternative jazz greats and medieval players like PIffaro to be famous, instead.

I dislike when people use their musical skills for evil and/or blandness.

[ProfessorGAC]

13. Me, Too!

We're in the same book, same chapter, same page and paragraph!
GAC

[tigereye]

17. yay!

:toast:


I was in Toronto once, and I was so excited when I saw a sign on a music store that said "Don Cherry here today." I was bummed when I saw this portly white guy - I thought they meant the trumpeter!


:rofl:

:hi:

[eppur_se_muova]

88. "evil and/or blandness"... where does one leave off, and the other begin? nt

[zanne]

22. And Barry Manilow....nt

[tigereye]

69. he doesn't horrify me as much as they do...

except when I see him on PBS! :rofl:


he paid his dues - it's not his fault if I don't like soft- rock type stuff.

[DarkTirade]

70. Even Satan himself couldn't stand to listen to that.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

4. Whatever it is they play whenever I call the computer help desk at work.

[DBoon]

5. cell phone ring tones

nt

[auntAgonist]

8. anything Donnie Osmond n/t

[carly denise pt deux]

9. elevator music-they will even convert Highway to Hell into elevator music format

Carl

[LibDemAlways]

10. Debbie Boone's "You Light Up My Life" or perhaps, even

worse, Lee Greenwood's "God Bless the USA" - played on an endless loop.

[Beer Snob-50]

14. lee greenwood would be it!!

after the first gulf war, my wife talked me into going to our local airforce base to welcome home some troops, and they played this song about 10 times in the time we were there. i was impotent for about a week there after.

[LibDemAlways]

19. LOL. It is one of the biggest pieces of shit ever recorded, and

a staple at July 4th events. I've had more than one fireworks experience ruined by it.

[Beer Snob-50]

23. they played it at fenway park at the first game after 9/11

everyone stood up during it except for one unpatriotic soul, me!!! i got yelled at by those around me. i just drank my beer.

[LibDemAlways]

24. Why the hell would anyone stand up during that piece of

tripe, other than to walk out on it? People are such sheep. God Bless the USA? What for?

[catmandu57]

30. Followed by kate smith

gawd bless amerikkka.

[carly denise pt deux]

11. country music

Carly

[av8rdave]

42. an eternity of that would be hard to take!

[Orsino]

15. "Let the Eagle Soar"...

...like you were never sore before.

[Wapsie B]

66. My thoughts exactly.

[datasuspect]

16. fran drescher reciting transcripts of DU flamewars and mutual admiration fuckfests

[jakefrep]

47. "Christmas Shoes"

"Grandma got Run Over By A Reindeer"
"God Bless the USA"

[av8rdave]

18. Michael Bolton

Sorry to any Bolton fans out there, but you gotta admit the man sounds like he's perpetually constipated. He's painful to listen to!

[MrScorpio]

20. Tenacious D

[raccoon]

21. "These boots are made for walkin'." nt

[LynneSin]

26. Nancy Sintra version or Jessica Simpson's version

:shrug:

Personally I think in hell they'd alternate between the two singers

[raccoon]

31. Nancy Sinatra. Definitely, that's cruel & unusual punishment. nt

[LeftyMom]

25. The Complete Works of Gewn Stefani

That affected cutesy voice of hers makes me stabby.

[no name no slogan]

27. The seminal works of Kenny Rogers

aka Perry Como with a beard

[Richard Steele]

28. The band in Hell plays your favorite song live, and it's the best version you've ever heard.

Then they do it again and again, for all eternity.

[Initech]

34. I always say that Satan has better taste in music than God does!

Especially if today's contemporary Christian rock is any indication!

[Bake]

29. I know! I know!

Wait for it ...


















AFTERNOON DELIGHT!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

bake

[Z_I_Peevey]

32. Gene Autry

[OneGrassRoot]

33. Oh god, that unbelievably irritating Minnie Riperton song (I think she sang it)...

"Loving you is easy 'cause you're beautiful" and she hits that freakin' high note that I can't stand!!!

It's the one song that I truly despise. Not sure why. I can vividly remember being on the bus in junior high and hearing it on the radio...ughhhhhh.

And that Blondie reggae-like song...can't think of the name of that. Can't stand that one either though nothing compares to the above.

[tigereye]

71. Tide is High?

is that what it's called?


sorry if I'm reinforcing the earworm for ya... ;)

[OneGrassRoot]

76. Yes! That's it....ick. n/t

[Oeditpus Rex]

35. Guitar Hero III

:hide:

[Initech]

36. Hell's radio will be one long, continuous 3-beat techno loop.

[CBHagman]

37. "Shannon is gone. I hope she's drifting out to sea."

Yeah, so do I.

A '70s hit from -- and I'm not making this up -- Henry Gross.

[ProfessorGAC]

38. I Met Him

Not long after he left ShaNaNa, he played a festival (with the Beach Boys, BTO, REO and others; yeah i know, what a trainwreck).

We had back stage passes and we met him. Very nice guy. I do, however, agree about the sappy tune about his doggie.
The Professor

[Z_I_Peevey]

39. Misheard lyric.

I always thought that was "Shannon is gone, I hurt. She's drifting out to sea."

Now I am correct, with an earworm.

[regnaD kciN]

55. ...and "Timothy" by The Buoys...

A "let's find a way to get out of our recording contract" song about cannibalism among trapped miners, which somehow became a Top 40 hit in 1971.

:wtf:

[regnaD kciN]

56. Lots of Huey Lews and the Snooze...I mean News...

...particularly "Hip to be Square."

(Seriously, did the guy ever write a song containing a word longer than two syllables?)

[lightningandsnow]

40. Toby Keith's greatest hits

and his Christmas album as well.

Somewhere, Jesus is saying "THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!"

[sarge43]

41. Techno at 11

or classical: R. Wagner's Festival Overture, Vivaldi's Four Seasons (nice, but not 24/7), anything Paul Hindemith, Mahler's Kinderstotenlieder

[Va Lefty]

43. John Anderson singing "Swingin"

:scared:

[Richardo]

44. Ironically, 'Stairway to Heaven'

:D

[LynneSin]

64. From what Robert Plant has said about that song....

...that would be played 24x7 in his hell too

[SoxFan]

45. Steely Dan

Well, someone had to say it!

:hide:

[LynneSin]

46. You know this thread was about HELLs speakers - not Heavens

I'd love to hear Steely Dan for eternity

:loveya:

[skygazer]

48. All the crap they play on an endless loop at my store

I swear its all a plot to drive the employees insane. :grr:

[undeterred]

49. Celine Dion

from the movie Titanic

[Turbineguy]

50. Rap

[flvegan]

51. Led Zeppelin

:popcorn:

[Taverner]

53. Opera

All of it, especially the stuff by Wagner. But there will be plenty of Puccini as well.

[UndertheOcean]

75. I prefer hell then

[sakabatou]

54. Britney Spears

And any teenie-bop person/band.

[Dr. Strange]

57. More specifically, Britney performs the greatest hits of NWA and Public Enemy.

[KG]

58. phil collins

[Perry Logan]

59. Richard Straus, Gustav Mahler, Philip Glass.

[HughBeaumont]

60. 54 responses and no . . .

AND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII WILL ALWAYS LOVE
YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUOUOU EEEEEEYYIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIYYIIIIIIIYIII

Worst. Fucking. Recording. Ever.

Notice I didn't say worst SONG. I don't mind Dolly Parton's version.

Whitney Houston, like she does to pretty much all of her songs, goes nuclear with every note until all humanity within 1000 miles is reduced to ashes.

[Perry Logan]

86. Deleted

[EstimatedProphet]

61. I don't know but I'm sure you'll complain about how they aren't in the Rock&Roll Hall of Fame

[LynneSin]

63. oh kiss my ass

[doc03]

62. Montgomery/Gentry, Brooks and Dunn, Trace Atkins

Poverty Neck Hillbillys to name a few. Oh I forgot whoever sang Ackey Breaky Heart.

[S n o w b a l l]

65. Feelings ... nt

[nomorenomore08]

67. Michael Bolton. Gotta be Michael Bolton.

[sarge43]

94. That picture: Hell's wall paper

:puke:

[tigereye]

72. ya know, though, it could be really, reallly good stuff

considering some of the great musicians who could have theoretically ended up there.... :rofl:

[hippywife]

73. Whatever it is that's

that really loud hard rock, nothing but screaming shit the kids are playing these days. OMG! We were camping last spring before the season started, it was late and we were bedded down for the night when some kids pulled down to the dock in their car and blasted something at full volume that sounded like the "singer" was totally shredding his throat.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

74. In my hell...

It would be that stuff that sounds like human hairball hurling...I'm not sure what genre it is, except that it's some kind of metal. It would be interspersed with the angriest rap music available, for variety.

[nomorenomore08]

77. "Human hairball hurling"? Are you, by any chance, speaking of Norwegian black metal?

Because I think that's the best description I've read of that type of vocals.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcpRfngJTD4

[GoddessOfGuinness]

78. Sounds like it...

My son's into it, and has been embracing his Scandinavian roots lately.

[femmocrat]

79. "Elvira" by the Four Senators!

Was there ever a more revolting song?

[BrotherBuzz]

80. Blue light special on CPAP, aisle 11.

[Fire Walk With Me]

81. The muzak version of Love is Blue.

Paul Mauriat's instrumental version was featured repeatedly in an episode of the science fiction television series "Millennium", titled "A Room With No View" (originally aired on April 24, 1998 on the Fox Network). During the episode, the omnipresent melody is used to mentally torture a group of youths, by their kidnapper. -Wikipedia

[Joey Liberal]

82. The Oak Ridge Boys n/t

[HuffleClaw]

83. both kinds

country AND western

[Spirochete]

84. Barbra Streisand singing opera n/t

[Xipe Totec]

85. Robot Hell - Futurama

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4O3jWpQ9Yk

[Perry Logan]

87. Rap music, country music, most bands of the 90's. Beck.

[eppur_se_muova]

89. Xmas carol "remixes" featuring heavy metal guitar solos.

OK, that was Barnes & Noble, not Hell, but it gave me an inkling what Hell might be like.

[RevolutionaryActs]

90. Christmas music as sung by Toby Keith.

:scared:

[Zorra]

91. Disco and rap over and over forever.

[martymar64]

92. That dreadful white gospel music

Jeezus, that dreck is awful. Nothing like black gospel which is uplifting, even for this atheist.

[Generic Brad]

93. "You Light Up My Life" by Debbie Boone

It felt like hell the summer that song was number one week after week. It seemed like every radio station on my dial played it once an hour. I could not get away from it.

Please make it go away again.

[Deep13]

95. Up with People

[formerrepuke]

96. "Eye-Hee-Eyeeee-hee-heyeyee Wiiillll Alwaaaays Love Yooou-hoo-hee--hoooo..."

The Whitney version, of course, not Dolly's.

[Bennyboy]

97. Journey, Boston, REO Speedwagon and all the other lame ass

bands that sounded the same in the eighties.

[Kucinich4America]

98. Van Hagar

And probably that piece of crap Cherone sang on as well :puke:

Now playing in the 9th circle of Hell........
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YfTwMgGBARM

[LanternWaste]

99. Anything composed after '81.

Anything composed after '81.

But thinking about it, isn't the definition of Hell "...any body of popular music composed after 1981"...?

[racaulk]

100. Any creation by Will Smith...probably "Gettin' Jiggy Wit' It" over and over and over...

That's my version of hell, at least!

[stuntcat]

101. non-stop Christmas music

:puke:

[China_cat]

102. Lawrence Welk