People who use their kids as pawns in a divorce...

[RetroLounge]

and threaten to limit access because they are the so-called "hurt" party are seriously fucked up, controlling, sad sacks of shit, ignorant, assholish people.

'nuff said.

:mad:

RL

[Tektonik]

1. I was a 'kid' involved in a recent divorce

Well I was 19 at the time (I'm 22 now), and let's just say it fucking sucked being the middleman and having to discuss divorce offers between the sides. Which party would get the townhouse, how much would the other pay, how much would one pay the other for living expenses, etc :crazy:

[RetroLounge]

6. Now inagine being a kid of single digit age...

Seriously fucked up, that.

RL

[CaliforniaPeggy]

2. My dear Retro...

I'm so sorry, sweetie...:hug:

[RetroLounge]

15. Oh, it's not me, it's a friend

but thanks...

:hug:

RL

[bicentennial_baby]

3. PM me, if you wanna...

:hug:

[RetroLounge]

7. Just did

:hug:

RL

[bicentennial_baby]

9. replied, love...

:hug:

:loveya:

[Fire Walk With Me]

4. Selfishness comes in many forms, and this is one of the worst.

[RetroLounge]

5. Agreed...

eom

RL

[graywarrior]

8. It's the lowest kind of low.

As bad as kicking someone in the cajones when they're already down.

[Madrone]

10. I couldn't agree with you more.

The fucked up thing is it's so COMMON.

[Alexander]

11. My parents did that to me when I was 14.

Needless to say, I've been slightly distant with them ever since, and I don't hesitate to lie to them about things that I don't want them to know.

My bullshit detector has always been strong when it concerns older people, especially after the divorce.

It sucks. No child should have to go through that.

[SeattleGirl]

12. Just PM'd you.

[RetroLounge]

14. just replied

:hug:

RL

[Orrex]

13. "Tell your mother that I said she..."

"Oh yeah? Tell your father that I said he..."


I agree with you 100%, RetroLounge.

It's disgusting child abuse in one of its purest forms, when children are at their most vulnerable.

I suspect that in the vast majority of cases, the children are the "hurt parties," regardless of which of the parents is 'right' or 'wrong.'

[eyesroll]

16. Yuck.

:hug:

[RetroLounge]

17. Exactly...

I just don't understand people.

I really prefer dogs...

RL

[eyesroll]

18. PM me if there's anything you need. n/t

[New Earth]

19. imagine the kid being

1 1/2 years old, still nursing, irresponsible dad who never did anything for her tried to take full custody of her out of his own pain?
still healing from it, I think. I didn't know it was such a crime to break up with your kid's dad...fortunately he couldn't stop smoking weed so he failed a drug test...I was nice enough to let it all go and we have joint custody. he is still a piece of shit to be honest. but unfortunately i still care about him as a person.

[NNadir]

21. If there can't be two grown-ups in a divorce, then there should be one.

It's better than zero, I think.

I would imagine that it's very hard to suck it up and try to turn the other cheek and to not become angry, but as difficult as it might be, it might be the thing to try.

I've seen this sort of thing more times than I care to remember, but happily have never experienced myself. I've seen new wives resent kids because the kids were a symbol of the first wife.

In fact, it's going on right now with one of my son's best friends. It's really hard to watch. On the weekends when his "dad" - if you'd call a father who agrees to that shit a "dad" - has custody, mostly the kid lives here with us.

For the early years of my marriage, my wife and I used to sit around saying how my in-laws should have divorced, but years later, when we became parents ourselves, we changed our minds. My in-laws are not selfless people and they're not courageous in any way, but somehow, through all the contempt, they somehow managed to pretend that they were bigger than they really were. It saved my wife and her sisters some extra grief, I think.

[SPKrazy]

20. uhm, yeah they are

and they are fucked up as hell...

lawyer up d00d....

deep breaths.


:hug: :hug:

edit:

just read upthread it wasn't you

but whoever needs to take deep breaths, and lawyer up and fight that shit.

fucked up as hell...

[pipoman]

22. We are lucky

both myself and my wife are divorced, each with a child. We both have open communication with our ex's, have never been in a court room, we even go out to eat as a large family her ex, my ex, their significant others and our boys. That fighting over kids is really sad. Good luck to who ever is having the problem.

[RainDog]

23. condolences to your friend

but no matter what the other party does, the kids will love both parents.

both.

giving them a "safe" place to be, where they don't have to deal with the manipulation, is a good goal. people's emotions can really overwhelm them when their worlds suddenly change. esp. in matters of love. everybody gets hurt in some way in such situations. seems kind of inevitable. but people can also heal.

[badgerpup]

24. Hate it when people do that...

Ex-partner's ex-wife uses their son as a sort of magic talisman. She invokes "Johnny" (not real name) and Daddy is helpless to do anything except what she has demanded requested, or he will be portrayed as a 'bad father who hates Johnny'.* :grr:

Ex-partner (not Jason) has never, ever dissed ex-wife in front of his son, despite EXTREME provocation. Not ONCE.

"Johnny" is turning 17 next month and is no fool. Think he knows he's being used, don't think he appreciates it much.
Hard to tell, this kid keeps his counsel...on EVERYTHING. Even getting him to admit he's hungry...and for a 17 yr old Growing Boy, that takes some doing.

I see a bad moon rising though...:hide::yoiks:

* That boy is half of his heart...has so much pride and love for that kid...
and is NOT ashamed to let "Johnny" know it.

[RainDog]

26. that's really the saddest

when a parent just won't stop. my ex decided it was okay to communicate everything through our kids when they were younger and so I wouldn't find out about important things because my kids forgot to tell me, but my ex would (and sometimes still will) say... well, I told uh... Rainpup.

I very kindly asked over and over to communicate with me -- we could communicate via email, and I would even prefer that so that I could transfer stuff to my calendar. instead, my kids would (and do) feel badly if I don't find out about something and apologize for not telling me something that is not their responsibility to relay.

passive-aggressive stuff, a way to keep you off balance and upset.

I agreed to share custody tho I could have had full, never even went to court about ANYTHING and gave up career ops in other cities so that kids could be with us both. that last part was for them, and I don't regret it, but it's amazing when you are really kind to someone and they still keep trying to hurt you.

[badgerpup]

27. You nailed it.

Passive-aggressive and lack of communication.
Although the communication issues were on BOTH sides here.

Took me the longest time to convince ex-partner that you DON'T lose points by giving out information. :banghead:

I really, really wanted to bang some heads together, so many times...but when you are just the domestic partner, you really have no power to affect how things go regarding any kids that aren't your own.

[Redstone]

25. You mean like my older son's mother? Been there. The only defense is strength.

Remember that last sentence above.

Redstone

[RetroLounge]

28. "The only defense is strength"

Good advice...

:hi:

RL

[Deep13]

29. Yep, nuff said. n/t

[Wapsie B]

30. Sounds like she wasn't listening in class when she took "Children in the Middle"

or whatever they call it in Wisconsin. That sucks dog shit man. Don't ever put kids in the middle of a feud like that.

[BarenakedLady]

31. That sucks.

:hug:

Can't say I'm surprised.

[RetroLounge]

42. Me neither...

:hug:

RL

[La Lioness Priyanka]

32. people who use their kids as pawn are bad parents.

[zabet]

33. They end up losing in the long run.

When the kids get old enough
to understand the complex truths
to the divorce, they will resent
the parent that used them as a pawn.

When I divorced, my son never heard,
and has never heard me say anything
bad about his Father. When he was 18,
We sat down and talked about it. He
is going to be 26 this January and we
have a great relationship.

[av8rdave]

40. That's very true

[Gormy Cuss]

34. You're too kind. People who use access to children as leverage in a divorce

are being bad parents. What kind of lesson is that to a kid?

[lizziegrace]

35. Happens more often than not

and the fighting never seems to end. Right doesn't always prevail. It's who has the better attorney, who the judge is and how the actions of all involved are presented and perceived. And who testifies against you. And for you.

My sister has spent $40,000 defending herself against baseless allegations. This after he signed custody of the children over on three occasions prior. He's just doing this because he can...

Another friend had a lousy attorney and lost her daughter 16 years ago. Her ex told the child her mother never wanted her and didn't want to see her. My friend was devastated and didn't have the money to fight again and the kid was brainwashed.

I'm grateful my ex, as difficult as he's been at times, at least tried to look out for Lelapin's best interests.

[tjwmason]

36. They have a special place saved for them in hell/purgatory...

that's just pure distilled nastiness.

[bikebloke]

37. I was one

The incubator (I refuse to refer to that monster as "mother") wanted to hold on to me for "support money", which she spent on herself. Finally, at age 15, I refused to live with her and her screeching (I was a well behaved kid, despite having shit parents). Afterwards, not once did she ever attempt to contact me - no money in it for her. In the end, she caught cancer and her sister wanted me to fly across the country for a made-for-tv deathbed reunion. Fuck no.

Hence, I have extreme distain for gold diggers and parasitical women.

[bikebloke]

38. I was one

The incubator (I refuse to refer to that monster as "mother") wanted to hold on to me for "support money", which she spent on herself. Finally, at age 15, I refused to live with her and her screeching (I was a well behaved kid, despite having shit parents). Afterwards, not once did she ever attempt to contact me - no money in it for her. In the end, she caught cancer and her sister wanted me to fly across the country for a made-for-tv deathbed reunion. Fuck no.

Hence, I have extreme distain for gold diggers and parasitical women.

[av8rdave]

39. Been through that man...before, during and after divorce

If you're having to deal with that, I am sorry. It sucks. It's so harmful to kids too.

[Inchworm]

41. Yup- those people suck

they are a pox on humanity.

that is all.

:hug:

[TZ]

43. Thats probably about to happen in my family

One family member is denying her daughter access to the rest of the family because she is miffed about someone else's behavior....