Ashcroft Detains Janet Jackson's Right Breast

[Gunit_Sangh]

Found this at MSNBC .. it's hilarious.

By Andy Borowitz
Newsweek
Updated: 2:48 p.m. ET Feb. 04, 2004

Feb. 4 - Just hours after singer Janet Jackson shocked the world by exposing her right breast at the conclusion of Sunday's Super Bowl halftime show, Attorney General John Ashcroft ordered the offending breast detained "indefinitely," Ashcroft confirmed today.

"Janet Jackson's right breast has been taken into custody and sent to Guantanamo for questioning," Ashcroft told reporters at a Washington briefing on Wednesday. "We'd very much like to know what the breast knew and when it knew it."

Jackson's right breast was being held under a little-known provision of the Patriot Act which enables the government to detain celebrity body parts that make surprise naked appearances at nationally televised sporting events.

Under that provision, Ashcroft explained, Jackson's right breast will not have access to a lawyer but may face a military tribunal at some point in the future.


Rest of article ...

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/4163446/

[lostnfound]

1. Houston Police Dept News Release: No criminal charges to be filed

I ran across the police report totally by accident -- searching for crime in my neighborhood:
http://www.ci.houston.tx.us/departme/police/nr020204-1.htm

Good to know HPD is right on top of it!

Date: February 2, 2004
Subject: No Criminal Charges To Be Filed For Halftime Performance

In response to multiple phone calls from the public, Acting Chief of Police Joe Breshears reiterated that no criminal charges would be filed in connection with the Super Bowl halftime performance of entertainer Janet Jackson. Chief Breshears announced that he has re-verified with both the Harris County District Attorney’s Office and the City Prosecutor’s Office that it would not be appropriate to file criminal charges in this case.

Some watching the performance were upset when Ms. Jackson’s breast was exposed, thus prompting phone calls to the police department questioning why no criminal charges were filed. Chief Breshears pointed out that at the time of the incident representative’s from the District Attorney’s Office and the City Prosecutor’s Office were consulted. From the start the impression was that what had occurred on stage would not support a criminal charge. Both offices were asked to re-visit the issue today and both came to the same conclusion once again.

The question was also asked if it would be appropriate to file any assault charge against Justin Timberlake. The filing of a criminal charge against Mr. Timberlake would only be considered if Ms. Jackson herself pursued the filing of a charge. A prosecution of such a charge would have to proceed under the theory that Mr. Timberlake intentionally or knowingly caused physical contact with Ms. Jackson when he knew or should have reasonably believed that she would have regarded the contact as offensive or provocative. Given the fact the contact occurred during a dynamic performance would make this very hard to prove.

Lastly, Chief Breshears noted that actions that may seem in poor taste do not necessarily rise to the level of violations of Texas law.

[Don_G]

2. So, Justin Timberlake

Is A "Rip off-Into-Accessable-Advertising" agent?

Whatever...when only a few companies control the Media and ger "jacked" off their projected sales, they have no other option than to search elsewhere for their poor judgement.

[put out]

3. Couldn't he just make us pay

for a $5,000 blue piece of fabric to cover up the offending breast? I thought that's what he did to the aluminum sculpture of a woman baring one breast.

[izzie]

5. I think it was more like 20,000 but lets not play tit for tat about it.

Go Christian right.

[texastoast]

4. LOL

Thanks!