Mars needs chipmunks

[SoCalDem]

http://www.scarysquirrel.org/page1.html




Mars... so really far away, so very cold and so lacking in... chipmunks. Earth... warm, getting warmer and wallowing in... chippys. Do any of you Patriots see an opportunity here?

Well, we do. See, President-select Bush is very excited about our successful return to Mars and so are we. He's even proposed initiating a program to send men to Mars. It's unclear where he'll get the billions needed to fund such an ambitious program. Perhaps from the sale of Iraqi oil once things settle down over there... But that's not important. What is important is that we consider all our options before sending a manned mission to Mars.

So here's our plan: gather up the millions and millions of chipmunks on Earth and send them to Mars beforehand. The benefits from doing this are obvious. First, all those chippy bodies will generate enough heat to warm the Martian atmosphere while the absence of chippys will help lessen the effects of global warming here on Earth. Second, our explorers will have something to eat when they get to Mars besides astro-food (click chippy for comment).

Ok, we know there are a few kinks in our plan that need ironing. And we can already hear the pathetic mewlings of all you skwerlverts and skwerlhuggers out there: "Boo-hoo, chimpunks can't survive on Mars because there's no (insert long list of items here), and they'll just bloat up and pop like so many spent soap bubbles, boo-hoo."
Well, to the naysayers we ask: Have you ever been to Mars? No! So don't put down our plan until you go there, and then maybe we'll have something to talk about. Right. So, now we just need to identify which chippys should be sent to Mars (in case they all won't fit into the giant space ship being built in the basement of the Vatican).

....snip