Is there something wrong with me?

[phgnome]

I just realized this morning what my biggest turn-off is...guys who are too dependent on their mothers. Am I nuts? I don't mean I'm just put off by it or that I find it an "unattractive" characteristic in a person -- but when I start seeing it in a guy, I start experiencing physical repulsion and if I were attracted to them before, all physical attraction comes to a grinding halt. Even the slightest hint of "mama's boy"-ness and even the most intense physiological indications of attraction immediately vaporize and I don't want to have sex with them anymore...ever.

I've noticed this happen a number of times now...when I see the guy borrowing money from his mother, or a mother's overly pampering attitudes towards the guy, or if I see the guy's mother doing his laundry for him, or cooking for him on a regular basis...stuff like that.

Am I crazy? Is there something wrong with me? Does that mean I have issues? Is it something that I should talk to a therapist about or is this normal for other people, too?

[KCDem]

1. how old are these guys?

If a mom were doing laundry (occasionally) for her 25-y-old son, that wouldn't bug me; otoh, if it were for her 40-y-old... that'd be a different story altogether!

I've been married for 6 years now. We live 850 miles away from my in-laws and see them once or twice a year. But whenever we do, my MIL gives my husband shampoo and deoderant. Hm, guess I'm not good enough to do that? :shrug:

[commander bunnypants]

2. A good friend of mine has that problem

She does everything for him. My wiife wants to keep setting him up, but I tell her it wont work., I actually feel sorry for him. He is a good guy though.

DDQM

[radwriter0555]

3. A woman wants an independent man. This is a perfectly normal

reaction on your part.

I can't stand a man who's a push over or a wuss.

Could be a cave-man type response as well, the whole jealousy of the mate's mother, when the wife is supposed to take that place in the household.

Perfectly NORMAL.

[ihaveaquestion]

4. Nothing wrong with you.

There is something wrong with an adult who depends on his/her mother for basic things such as laundry, cooking, or cleaning. Anyone who hooks up with such a person can expect to be similarly exploited.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

5. There is nothing wrong with you...

There is, on the other hand, something wrong with someone whose mother is still doing that kind of stuff for them. Find a guy who's mom lives HUNDREDS OF MILES AWAY...There you have a man who can take care of himself. lol
Duckie

[phgnome]

7. Good advice, Duckie

But, for me at least, men who live far away from their mothers are rare and hard to find.

[phgnome]

6. They're usually nice guys, too

Generally, these are guys between 27 and 36.

And it's not that I don't like them as people or anything. They're generally nice guys, maybe as a result of being loved by their mothers. And it's not that I dislike them when I see it happening. But once I notice it, that magic love potion running through my veins just vanishes. I don't think anything different of them and I'm not even really conscious of it happening at the time but I will never be "in the mood" anymore with them. He'll ask me "What's wrong, why aren't you attracted to me anymore?" but I don't have the heart to tell him because it might destroy the relationship he has with his mother. Should I tell the guy the truth about this? I don't want to destroy what he has with his mother. It's a bond of trust a guy has with his mother and I don't have the right to crush it because the guy might fear in the future that he'll scare off other women. But do I lie about it when they ask why?

[YellowRubberDuckie]

9. I've experienced that...

And with the BF I have right now, it's really hard because his mother lives right around the corner from them, and we see them quite a bit. My role in his life to her seems insignificant, as if I'm just a fleeting fancy instead of the one he's chosen to spend his life with. It makes me very sad because I've never done anything for her to think this way. And I genuinely love his parents...
Don't tell the truth. It won't be a good thing. There are a lot of guys out there who's mother isn't like this. Good luck. But you might just have to suck it up and get over it. I don't mean that in a bad way. Sorry to be so blunt, but you might be giving up some great guy because his mom is crazy.
Did you see Saturday Night Live this weekend? There was a skit with Megan Mullally(Karen, Will and Grace) as a mom who's son comes home with his fiancee. She treats him like he's five making him breakfast, playing hide and seek, etc. His girlfriend gets wigged, and tells him to tell him to stop treating him like he's five. But then he runs out for some reason, and she and the girlfriend talks. The GF gives the mom the ring he gave her. THE MOM PUT IT ON! It was royaly messed up, but it was hilarious.
Duckie

[amazona]

11. you don't owe anyone a post mortem

I don't get this deal about guys wanting to know why you're not interested in them any more. Does it help to know that you no longer find them sexually attractive? If a guy is pressuring you to explain why he is no longer a turn-on, he is a creep -- NOT a nice guy -- and he should be avoided in my humble opinion. If you don't have those feelings for a guy, you don't have those feelings; nothing is gained by discussing the matter in drawn-out detail. Do you really think any of these guys will change when it's pointed out how terribly unattractive it is for a grown man to be hitting up his mother for cash and laundry? They already know in their heart that it isn't manly adult behavior. Just my humble opinion...

People who are users to their own mother will be users to you. Run!

[amazona]

8. it means you have strong self preservation skills

The man who treats his mother like a maid will eventually treat his wife like a maid. Why would you talk to a therapist about it? There is little evidence that therapists have healthy interpersonal relationships and a lot of evidence that their relationships are more troubled than average. Go with your instinct. There is nothing less attractive than a 25 -- or a 55 -- year old baby. You can be a mother to a man or you can be a passionate sex partner, but your body is telling you the truth: You just can't be both.

[BigMcLargehuge]

10. Moooooooom!!! phgnome is complaining about our copdependence again!!!

seriously, my Mom and I are pals and we aren't codependent. Hell I even live in different state than she does.

Which of course means, I have just edged out several people on the attractiveness scale!

[phgnome]

12. heh heh!

Naw, it's nothing like that. It's cool when a guy is friends with his mom. I'm not talking about that.

I'm talking about a guy who runs to his mom at the first sign of any problems in life or anything that requires him to think. Or, when a mother is overbearing on her son.

The situations I'm talking about: the guy treats his mother like a mother and I wouldn't necessarily say that the guy sees his mother as a friend. Big difference there.

And, all too often, I see these mothers pushing their sons to become dependent on them. They offer to give their sons money for their cellphone bills or to fix their cars. The guys I'm talking about do not have their own mechanics -- they take it to the guy who fixes their mother's car.

When I meet a new guy, I'm not interested in meeting his mother first. I want to meet his mechanic and see if his mechanic knows his mother....lol.