The law of unintended consequences and handedness. My sinister hand meets my right nipple.

[CorpGovActivist]

So, during my partner's mom's last visit recently, I decided we finally knew each other well enough - and, given all the ribbing we give each other, and how well we like each other - for me to just say, "F*&k it." So, I strolled out into the kitchen without a shirt on to grab the first cup of the day. No big. At least I had on sweats.*

She took one look at me, burst out laughing, and got a giggle fit. She's prone to do that, and it's contagious. Best pre-coffee wake-up I've had in a long time, even though I didn't have a clue in the world why we were laughing.

Once she finally got her breath, and I mine, I just had to know. I mean, sure, I'm no he-man like that brute of a Viking throwback son she raised. But no body hang-ups here. I'm happy.

Well, it turns out that all those years of idly, absent-mindedly tugging with my relatively-useless sinister hand (good for typing, loading a dishwasher, cruising on the highway while rightie rests, and - of course - idle chest play, but not much else) has taken its toll. They're now distinctly assymetrical. A mismatched set. Maybe I should've grown a Pai Mei instead, to help with absent-minded writing.



And now that she's made me aware of it, no matter how much I push, it just won't go back.

This morning's mail included a brochure for "procedures" that could help me "fix" this problem.

God, I love my mother-in-law, even if in the eyes of the law, she ain't.

She has a "big" birthday this month, and payback's a ...

She has no idea that we've arranged a This is Your Life party for her, either.

Payback ideas welcome. Ditto for stories about handedness.

- Dave

*

[One_Life_To_Give]

1. When your a "Dave" whats a chest matter? nt

[CorpGovActivist]

9. I take a more holistic view of what it means to be a "Dave," and refuse to be clubbed ...

... over the head with a single facet of Dave-ness. So to speak.

- Dave

[Zuiderelle]

2. Are you saying you have a habit of yanking on your nipple?

:shrug:

[CorpGovActivist]

6. Not so much a "yank," really. It's more sophisticated than that.

A "yank" would be too pedestrian a word to describe it.

*******************************************************

"The difference between the almost right word & the right word is really a large matter--it's the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning." -- Mark Twain, Letter to George Bainton, 10/15/1888

*******************************************************

In fact, the more I think about it, that little nubbin must be the heart and soul of my writing. It's the 'go-to spot' when I'm rejecting the "almost right word," and trying to gather a little lightning.

When I lie back, it's the highest point on my chest now. Lightning rod?

- Dave

[Zuiderelle]

10. Sorry that I didn't realize the level of sophistication you have for pulling on your nipple.

Is this some sort of common thing people do that I've never heard of before? Like nail-biting?

I think I'd be a little surprised to see someone pulling on their own nipples as a matter of habit. This is one of the oddest things I've read in a while. Well, like a day or two, at least.

[CorpGovActivist]

11. No, the fault was in the writer, not the reader, on that one.

"Is this some sort of common thing people do that I've never heard of before? Like nail-biting?"

No clue, though I do know that a lot of guys have extremely sensitive ones. I'm out of my depth beyond that.

"I think I'd be a little surprised to see someone pulling on their own nipples as a matter of habit."

Well, it's not like I'm sitting at a desk in a corporate office doing it. Though I've heard MUCH stranger stories about what people have done in such settings.

"This is one of the oddest things I've read in a while."

I'm sorry to have burned the retina of your mind's eye.

:hi:

[Zuiderelle]

14. Note that I said... in the "last day or two" ... not enough to burn my retina.

:hi:

Just odd, when you put it together with everything else. Just odd.

[CorpGovActivist]

16. Yup. I'm at peace with it.

"It" being the inherent complexity that is humanhood.

:hi:

[CorpGovActivist]

21. Now on my Amazon wishlist.

[TZ]

3. Ruh-Roh...

A nipple thread. Although not the kind temeah usually prefers, he might have a comment of two....:evilgrin:

[CorpGovActivist]

5. Consider it a temeah-twister. On me.

:evilgrin:

[Dr. Strange]

17. I found this reference on line.

It may help...it may not.
Quantum Boosters in Zero Gravity Environments

[CorpGovActivist]

19. My browser isn't configured for WAV files.

Now I have to figure out how to reset the settings.

Thanks.

:sarcasm:

:rofl:

; )

[marzipanni]

4. Well, I did see a photo of a drawing of a pencil drawn in perspective

rendered with a fine-tipped felt marker on a chest, with the nipple as the eraser.
You could give her the gift of laughter again by sporting a temporary tattoo.

[CorpGovActivist]

12. Oh, now that has potential. If I can learn to make it wink, we're off to the emergency room.

For oxygen for her.

Awesome!

:toast:

[Bake]

7. So just twist/yank/pull on the other one.

There. Problem solved!

Bake

[CorpGovActivist]

8. The right hand is usually occupied with whatever the primary activity happens to be.

I think the neo-cortex controls the right.

I'm not sure I wanna know which part of my brain controls http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Left-handedness">the sinister hand.

But I do know that the sinister hand is important in heraldry. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baronet#Conventions">Baronets' badges are all about The Sinister Hand.

- Dave

[Heidi]

13. My sister unfastened her jeans and showed my ex-husband her Cesarean scar,

as well as the tattoed map of Key West-map on her trimmed nether-regions. Sounds like _you_ have a healthy situation. :thumbsup:

[CorpGovActivist]

15. Very cool! I've got most of my hang-ups in the ol' coat check room, ya know?

As for our mutually-supportive and loving families: I wouldn't trade them for anything in the whole wide world.

Sounds like you've got some fun-makers in your family, too!

:toast:

She is a http://patrickj.smugmug.com/gallery/2140048#110890193">cool customer.

She definitely http://patrickj.smugmug.com/gallery/2140048#110870758">brings out the imp in my guy, and vice versa. I love when she comes to visit, because we tag team him into utter submission.

We love taking her around to see something new each time she visits. The FDR Memorial is a favorite of ours, and she had never been. Our siteseeing tours are always VERY informative, serious and sober where they ought to be, but http://patrickj.smugmug.com/gallery/30137#1048279">filled with moments of levity, too.

She rocks. And she gave me the best present I've ever received. Ever. I send her flowers on his birthday each year.

- Dave

[radfringe]

18. a makeup - coverup tip

[CorpGovActivist]

20. Six more weeks of turtling.

:scared: :scared: :scared: :scared: :scared: :scared: :scared: :scared: :scared: :scared: :scared: :scared: :scared: :scared: :scared: :scared: :scared: :scared: