I got an email from a girl I dated 39 years ago

[BOSSHOG]

She was in the eighth grade, I was in the ninth. She was my first true love and I have never stopped loving her even though I have not seen her since June 1969. We didn't break up, our family just moved far away, which broke my heart. We exchanged letters (remember them) for a couple of years but eventually drifted. My wife of 33 years knows of her as do some of my coworkers of many years ago. I have attempted to contact her and eventually through a schoolmate (from the class of 73) made the connection. Now. Should I tell my wife I got the email? When I saw the subject line, my heart almost stopped and I am somewhere on cloud nine at the moment. I am incredibly happily married but just need to respond to this email.

[Iggo]

1. Respond. Talk to her once. Then it's over.

I've been through this. That's the way to do it.

And to answer the most important part of your OP, "Should I tell my wife I got the email?"

You bet yer ass you should tell her.

[Madrone]

2. It depends on your wife - and your relationship with her.

#1 - is your relationship good and stable at the moment, or are there any underlying issues that could cause your wife to feel threatened by the interest in corresponding with another woman?

#2 - is your wife jealous, or is she confident and easy going?

The answers to these questions would determine whether you should tell your wife or not. Taking you at your word that you are *incredibly* happily married I would say you should DEFINITELY tell her - IF she's not the jealous type. If she is jealous, telling her may open a can of worms.

If you were having some issues in your marriage corresponding with this person could be a very dangerous move that could end up hurting everyone involved.

[BOSSHOG]

8. I don't believe my marriage

could be better or more stable. My wife is also my best friend and she knows of my first love and even teases me about her on occasion. I'll tell her this evening but I do intend to answer the email.

[Madrone]

34. Well in that case...

DO it. I wouldn't want my husband to do it and NOT tell me (because that would mean he didn't trust me) and I wouldn't want him to NOT do it either - because I wouldn't want to be the cause of him making a decision he may regret.

If you still have that kind of relationship after 33 years, good on you! You are a rare specimen. :) :thumbsup:

[Orsino]

3. Talk to your wife now.

Without knowing the nature of your relationship, I'll still say that she should have been the first to know. Please share as much of your feelings as you are able.

[northzax]

4. nope

you should immediately start email this other chick, reliving the past and eventually leave your wife to meet her in a cramped hotel room in Baton Rouge only to discover you don't actually have anything in common since 1969.

of course you should tell your wife.

[BOSSHOG]

6. Awesome advice

Do you have any cramped hotels in Baton Rouge to recommend?

[northzax]

18. dupe - delete

there is nothing to see here. why are you still reading? can you not understand it was deleted? what the heck is wrong with you, troll? huh?


no really, why are you still reading this? stop it already. move along, nothing to see here. nothing at all.

[northzax]

19. I recommend the following places

The Remorseful Lion
The Inn of Tawdry Regrets
Chateau Bad Idea
Hangover Hotel


and, of course, the Super 8 out on River Road. :)

by the way, I found this over in GDP, I think you may have been playing with it?

[redwitch]

28. If I ever need romantic advice I am coming to you!

You are teh Awesome!

:loveya:

[Rabrrrrrr]

5. Yes - tell your wife about it.

If she freaks, then something is wrong with your wife. You have the right to be in touch with whoever you want to be in touch with. Especially since your intent does NOT seem like it's to go off and have a fling with her. But, even though your wife has no real right to declare who you can and cannot be in correspondence with, it's still good form to let her know right away - because if you keep it secret and she finds out later, then it looks really, really, really sneaky, if it wasn't intended that way.

[trof]

7. Been there, done that.

I dated a girl for a while in college.
Over the years we kind of kept up with each other through a mutual friend. "She always asks about you and I fill her in on whatever's going on in your life."

In addition to being 'romantically' involved I genuinely liked her and we parted as friends.
She never married. I did.

She and her family were in the restaurant and real estate businesses in and around Miami.

20 or so years after college I was flying a trip with fairly long layovers in Miami. I decided I'd like to talk to her and my friend supplied her phone number.

Before I called her, I talked to Miz t. about it.
I explained that the woman really was just a friend and I would like to chat with her and catch up on what each of us had been doing since college.
Miz t. wasn't exactly overjoyed, but said she understood and if I wanted to "that badly" I should contact the woman.

I did and we had a nice long telephone talk.
She met me for a long breakfast the next morning where we talked a lot more. I think we were both curious about what the other looked like after all those years.
And that was that.
Still married to Miz t. 39 years in April.

Yep, I'd talk it over with your wife.

[BOSSHOG]

10. I believe I'll

answer the email and tell the wife. She has known about my old Girlfriend since we have been married (which will be 34 years this April) and has been very cool about it, even teasing me. Mrs B is my best friend. I don't think I'd want to meet my old GF just catch up on the past 39 years via email. And she now has a different last name so I assume she is married as well.

[Fleshdancer]

9. If I were your wife.....

I wouldn't have a problem with you talking to her (or anyone) unless you tried hiding it from me. I think it's cool that you have a chance to talk to your first true love and it'll be exciting to learn how your lives turned out after all these years.

[BOSSHOG]

33. I think it was silly of me

to ask the question about telling my wife. I have every intention of telling her. She'll be home in a few hours. I anticipate that she won't care if I emailed her back. I'm reminded of my first duty station in the Navy when I told my Chief that I was homesick so bad it hurt and he said good. At least you have someone someplace that you love and apparently loves you. I'd rather you be homesick then not give a damn about whoever is at home. The flame for my first love has burned brightly for pushing 40 years now and I am so glad to hear that she is okay, which I detected from her email.

[Arkansas Granny]

11. By all means tell your wife. You say that she already knows about

her so you've obviously discussed her before. She must have been someone very special for you to be so happy at hearing from her after all these years. I would advise you to be careful in your response to the email and try to remember that neither of you is the same person you were back in '69.

:hi:

[BOSSHOG]

12. Granny knows best

thanks for the great advice. The wife knows of her and knows that I was head over heels so to speak. But I have been happily married for almost 34 years and intend to stay that way. Thanks Granny!! Growing tomatoes this spring??

[Arkansas Granny]

14. Tomatoes for sure. I've been looking through the seed catalogues

to pick out some that I think would do best in our hot dry summers. We'll be able to start the seed in the house soon.

[BOSSHOG]

20. I got some exotic sounding tomato seeds

to experiment with this year (Oaxacan jewel and Costoluto Genovese) but I know the majority of our crop will be Creoles which I will buy as plants when they are available. They are delicious.

[monmouth]

13. Good way to handle the e-mail is at the top of your mail, "How wonderful

it was to hear from you. Mitz and I are incredibly happy and live in....... We've been...... Always include your wife with what you two are doing, then leave it asking her questions. Be over before you know it. Been there..

[BOSSHOG]

15. I don't know if I am wrong

but I don't want it to be over. I have no desire for any kind of relationship with her. But damn did we have a sweet little romance (almost 40 years ago.) If I email her back she'll know all about my wife and I do believe she is married as well. I still have a couple of pictures of her and of her and me and have kept every piece of correspondence we exchanged and my wife knows about that shoe box in the closet which I haven't looked into in decades. I consider myself lucky to have met two wonderful women. I'll do nothing to hurt my wife (or her husband.)

Garth Brooks song "unanswered prayers" is creeping into my mind.

[monmouth]

17. Then of course, there was that "Raymond" episode..LOL. Oh lordy...n/t

[BOSSHOG]

16. Dupe - Sorry!

[pitohui]

21. there is nothing positive that can come of this

would you be happy if your wife was corresponding with and maybe even planning to meet her middle school boyfriend?

so many of the problems of the world are because people can't let the past be the past

the BEST result is that you meet, realize jesus she's old and so i am, and your previous memories are spoiled, the worst result is that you learn you've been hunted down because she'd having some midlife crisis and gone all stalker-ish

why even open an email from someone purporting to be a romantic interest from days gone by? isn't it a little creepy that this was middle school and she's still thinking about it?

sorry to be the little note of negativity but i have never seen any of these turn out well

[BOSSHOG]

30. Actually

it was I who precipitated her email. I had posted on the High School Webpage three years ago. I recently got an inquiry from a friend of her brothers who gave me her brothers email. I emailed him, a month later I get an email from her. My wife has kept up with classmates throughout the years and she is going to a birthday party for one of them at the end of this month out of state. I know of her old boyfriend and they have seen each other over the years. I doubt she was still thinking about it. She just got a message from her brother. I appreciate your perspective and know that I have to trod lightly. But damn I was in love, 39 years ago.

[Connonym]

32. I don't think there's anything wrong with it

You're not looking to cheat on your wife, you're touching base with someone from your past who really meant something to you. My mom is 70 and she corresponds with her very first boyfriend after they met again at a class reunion a few years ago. I recently got in contact with my first serious boyfriend and found out he and his family are moving back to the area and I can't wait to meet them. I've got no hanky panky on my mind and I know he doesn't either. We were just once very important in each other's lives and that becomes a part of you. Now if you were planning on keeping all this from your wife and meeting with your old friend in secret then I'd say it's a problem but if both of you are on the up and up I think it's wonderful to reconnect and laugh about the past. Make new friends but keep the old and all that.

[pitohui]

22. delete board is burping EOM

,

[pitohui]

23. delete EOM

.

[KansDem]

24. Man, you are so LUCKY!!!

Last October, I met up with a woman who I haven't seen for 35 years. I was in southern California on family business and knew she worked at a community college there, so I dropped in unannounced. Needless to say, she was surprised! We chatted for about 20 minutes or so before I bade her farewell.

The unique thing about this is, we weren't "boyfriend/girlfriend," but just good friends. I met her in ninth grade, she was in seventh, and our friendship lasted until my second year in college, about the time she graduated from high school. I moved away and we lost touch :(, but I feel now I loved her then (not "in love" mind you), and for 35 years, the memories of our friendship always brought a smile to my face.

But I was really happy to see her again! :)

We exchanged cards and I emailed her a few weeks later after I returned home. She replied and I replied to her reply, but haven't communicated since :(

But it was a real thrill to see her again!!! :D I don't know, but there's something about reacquainting with someone from long ago when you are facing the last couple of decades of life! It's like coming full circle: you and she shared some wonderful times in your youth, and now you can share some wonderful times in your "old age."

Write her back!!! And do it now!!!

[KansDem]

25. self-deleted

double post

[Parche]

26. Hey Boss

Even tho you are married, you can still have friends that are 'females'
I still talk and email and do trips for my ex, who is now married, and I will always
be 'in love' with her.........just dont get in trouble with your wife so she sends
you to the 'brig' :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
:patriot:
:hi:

[Whoa_Nelly]

27. You ask if you should tell your wife

Do you not respect her?

If not, then why are you married to her?

'nuff said

[BOSSHOG]

29. I suspect it was

a silly question. I will tell her first time I see her this evening. We have been happily married for two months shy of 34 years. She knows of my high school romance and teases me on occasion about her. I respect my wife and trust her and love her. But I do appreciate your asking me that question.

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

31. DIVE! DIVE! DIVE!

Danger incoming!

Yes, it sounds like your wife would understand you getting the email. If you respond to it, not so much.

(The "Dive" yelling? just something I saw in a movie. I'd need some powerful drugs to get me into a submarine. Much prefer muddy boots.)

[wain]

35. I'd want to see a recent picture first

life doesn't always turn out as we imagine

[BOSSHOG]

36. That cuts both ways

I have no plans or intentions of meeting her but just to know that she has had a good life and is happy is good enough for me. Lord, I wouldn't want her to see a picture of me if romance was in the offing.

[wain]

37. Thanks a really honest answer

I wish you the best in whatever you do

[BOSSHOG]

38. We've exchanged

two emails each now and nothing untowards has gone on. She is divorced and in another relationship now. She has grown children. And I must say I am very happy that she lives a long way from us. And I told my wife that I was going to email her and she was good with it.

I'd rather be running too. In the 80's and 90's I was running a thousand miles a year, now the knees don't want to play anymore. Lord I loved a ten mile endorphin high.