A little George Carlin humor for this Saturday

[littlejoe]

You know what would be great? To be in a coma. You're still alive, but you have no responsibilities.

"He owes me six thousand dollars."
"He's in a coma."
"Never mind."




You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.



When someone asks you what time it is, glance at your watch and say, "It's either six-fifteen, or Mickey has a hard-on."
Guaranteed they will ask someone else.


Sometimes, when you're burying a guy alive, for a moment or two you start feeling sorry for him. And then it passes and you keep on shovelling.


Wouldn't it be great if Dan Rather snuck up on Tom Brokaw during the news and stabbed him in the head?


Live and let live, that's what I say. Anyone who can't understand that should be killed. It's a simple philosophy, but it's worked well in our family.


Jesus doesn't really love you, but he thinks you have a great personality.


When you read about all the presidents who had affairs, you feel sorry for Gerald Ford. Apparently nobody wanted to fuck him. Except Betty. And she was drunk a lot.




Have a good day, people!

[waterman]

1. Man, that stuff was funny!

[Catholic Sensation]

2. my personal favorite line

Jesus was a cross dresser

[Dissenting_Prole]

3. George was great, but...

he's startting to lose his edge. I saw him live in Ontario back in December and he came across as a bitter, old man. I can only assume he dumbed down his show to suit the working-class town he performed in, because most of the show was fart jokes, as opposed to the usual thought-provoking material that I expected.

Also, he read 12 minutes of the show from script notes, since he was preparing new material for his HBO special. Myself, I don't usually pay money to see rehearsals.

End of rant.

[littlejoe]

4. Agreed. Still funny, but crotchety to a fault. n/t

[Baclava]

5. I liked him better when he was on coke...

Now - he's just old and bitter...

[littlejoe]

6. Thank you for sharing!

[Archae]

7. From "Class Clown"

"There's the fizz, the fazz, the fizzfazz, the ripshit, the tearass, the snorter, and the ones that make you go 'whoof.'"

:D

[7th_Sephiroth]

8. i was watching a george carlin hbo special

and in that lil content advisory it said there was rape, he walked through a door marked girls (restroom) to get on stage

[Archae]

9. Err...

Call me clueless, but I don't get it.

[7th_Sephiroth]

10. censors

thier dumbshits