Match Game Story: "Bleeding from the neck down, Robert ____ his tie."

[Rabrrrrrr]

Ten words or more in the space to make a story that will entertain others and earn you the applause of your friends - have fun!

[Dr. Strange]

1. Allrighty then...

Bleeding from the neck down, Robert logged onto DU in the hope that someone could help him with his medical crisis. He started a thread in the Lounge (which is, of course, the best part of DU's discussion board), but it was promptly locked by Call Me Wesley. He then tried posting in GD, but once again CMW laid the smack down. He tried once more in the Lounge, but with a misleading title about someone finding bats in their bra, but CMW would have none of it. Feeling light-headed, Robert posted in the 9/11 Forum. Within five minutes, he was inundated with fourteen theories as to why his was bleeding, and how it was a result of the Bush Administration's new weapon. Before he could finish reading all of the responses, his door burst open, and in came Call Me Wesley, with the biggest mother-fucking gun Robert had ever seen. "No threads asking for medical advice. Are we clear on this?" CMW asked. He didn't even bother to wait for a response, he simply turned and left. After changing his underwear, Robert looked down to see how much blood he had on his shirt, only to realize that there was in fact no blood--the red stream on his shirt was simply his tie.

[Rabrrrrrr]

2. Haha!

That's awesome!

:rofl:

[I Have A Dream]

7. Deserves a DUzy!

:wow:

[Dr. Strange]

8. Good--I've been in a dry spell.

I've had to sell some of my past DUzy awards for food.

[Bake]

3. Bleeding from the neck down,

Robert decided that his girlfriend was probably not spousal material when she recommended using razor blades to decorate his tie.

Not as dramatic as the first one, but hey, it's all I got right now.

Bake

[DarkTirade]

4. Bleeding from the neck down, Robert discovered that he was

REALLY BAD at eating with a spoon. Well, with most of the flesh now gouged out, it was gonna be really difficult to properly tie his tie.

[Rabrrrrrr]

5. Sweet! That's pure gross.

Splendid!

:rofl:

[nuxvomica]

6. ...thought, would be an especially gruesome way...

...to die, and he wasn't quite sure how it would be done or whether it would be painful, whether they give you an anesthetic. He had no idea. Being pushed off of a 40-story building into a waiting garbage truck filled with fire ants was probably worse though because you'd probably be awake thoughout the period of shear terror that ends with the period of severe pain. Would the pinching and burning of the fire-ant bites be one's last sensations or the shuddery pain of multiple broken bones? Poisoning was a real crapshoot. Would one turn blue? Would there be swelling, itching, the feeling like ants were crawling all over you? And lastly, there was desiccation. How monstrous that seemed! But he recalled that as one became dehydrated, one lost consciousness. Maybe that wouldn't be so bad, though he wondered about how that was done, too.
"Can I ask how you would do these things?" Robert asked. One of his captors turned to the other and shrugged his shoulders. The other, obviously his superior, pursed his lips and shook his head.
"I'm afraid not," said the "lieutenant", "That wouldn't be fair to the other captives, I guess."
"Then desiccation it is!" said Robert.
"Wow!" exclaimed the lieutenant, "You really sounded enthusiastic there."
"I'm a project manager, so I enjoy seeing tasks completed, regardless of what they may be." he replied.
"If we weren't going to kill you," added the lieutenant, his eyes welling with tears, "I would've liked to have worked on one of your projects."
And so Robert was taken to an Italian restaurant chain's central supply warehouse. His captors broke in and hoisted him up over a huge tank filled with the driest basil on earth. They dropped him in and he soon disappeared beneath the grayish-green flakes. A sucking sound was heard and the faint smell of basil was detected by the captors. They saw a brightly colored cloth rise to the surface. It was no longer held fast to it's now shrivelled mooring. It was..."

[Rabrrrrrr]

10. Wonderful ode to the dedication of the Project Manager archetype.

Tears of pride well up within me.

:patriot:

[nuxvomica]

11. In retrospect, I think I was dealing with some work issues

Deep-seated ones that only emerged through stream-o'-consciousness writing. I think this may be a breaktrough for me. :D

[Rabrrrrrr]

12. stream of conscious, without self-editing, is the way to find out where your brain really is.

I'm glad it helped you out!

[rug]

9. determined after much thought that he should not make a tourniquet with