HAHAHAHAHA!!

[sasquatch]

:rofl:

[krispos42]

1. *snort*

:rofl:

[kentauros]

2. 2. The Creation

So – so… (singing) Comedy, big fuckoff room… I forgot it now! Oh, yes – the Old Testament! The beginning of the world, the Old Testament. That’s where stuff began, in the Christian version of things. Everyone had big beards, big fuckoff beards in the Old Testament, and the deep voices, (deeply and sternly) “Oh, I say to you… And the lights, and the clouds, and the chariot, and the burning bush… Oh, beard on fire! Shit!” (runs away) Into the Dead Sea… (sizzling sound) “Oh, a goatee!” Even the dogs in the Old Testament, big beards, (sternly) “Woof, woof, I say to you. A biscuit? Thank you.” In English comic books, “woof woof;” in French comic books, “ouaf, ouaf.”

So God… God created the world in seven days! A foolish brag, I feel. If I was God, I’d say, “I’m gonna create the world over a number of days;” not sure how long, might be a bit pressed, you know? Too much pressure, seven days dead! I’d just do it like Microsoft:

“It’s gonna be done by Saturday… Tuesday… next week… about a month… We’re gonna bring it out when we’re fuckin’ ready, right?” I think God was actually in bed, and his Mum said, “Get out of bed, will you, God? You’ll miss the best part of the day!” (His Mum was Mrs. Badcrumble.) “Get out of bed…” She’s just my clarinet teacher, all right? “Get out of bed, God, you’ll miss the best part of the day.” And God, who is James Mason, said,

“No, I won’t get out of bed, Mother, because I haven’t yet created the best part of the day. (mocking sounds) Can’t get me on that one! Boxed that one easy.”

“Oh, you, young scallywag! I’ll box you a bit later…”

So then God created the world, and the first day he created light, and air, and fish, and jam, and soup, and potatoes, and haircuts, and arguments, and small things, and rabbits, and people with noses, and jam – more jam, perhaps, and soot, and flies, and tobogganing, and showers, and toasters, and Grandmothers, and… Belgium.