Why are people still so superficial?

[redqueen]

I'm discouraged, seeing so many people seeming to equate manners with clothing... so many seemingly willing to judge others based on the kind of clothes they wear.

Also with the... the just flat-out dumbness of the "issue".

Clothes?

Really?


On edit: I think that kind of thinking isn't far removed from classism.

[ScreamingMeemie]

1. In my opinion...

Because of books like GossipGirl, which encourages people to look at the covering and not go any further, which is adored by most of the young girls I know. Also, shows like "Ugly Betty", "The Devil Wears Prada", "Desparate Housewives" etal. The public are sheep.

[redqueen]

7. Ugly Betty?

I had hoped that'd be an exception...

[ScreamingMeemie]

8. I cannot stand any of those shows.

I watched "Ugly B" once, hoping that it would be against stereotype. While the main character is, the rest are too appealing to the young kids I know for the message to come across.

[redqueen]

11. Me neither...

I only watched Ugly Betty a couple of times.

[begin_within]

24. "Ugly Betty" is a satire of the whole fashion ethos

Each episode is peppered with tiny jokes and remarks about how people are overly worried about their appearances, starving themselves to look thinner and "better," and judging each other on their fashion sense. They often make remarks about the superficiality of the culture in general or about specific celebrities. The best-dressed characters on the show are the most evil, stupid, selfish and superficial ones, while the plain-dressed ones are the most real and substantial characters.

[redqueen]

26. Plain-dressed?

So... that's polo or button-down shirts with khakis?

From what I gather, those are still on the "acceptable" list.

[begin_within]

45. No, not polo or button-down shirts with khakis

[BarenakedLady]

2. Because it makes people feel better about themselves

Pointing out their perceived inadequacies of others.

:shrug:

[AlCzervik]

4. nailed it.

you can't bring yourself up by putting other people down.

[Ysabel]

43. capitalism...

entity (a) gains at the expense of (power over) entity (b)...

competition is promoted over everything else...

how can equality ever exist in such a system...?

- damn sadistic thing...

[datasuspect]

3. it's because they are rigid automatons who don't even know who they are

and have hopelessly accepted as true every idea crammed down their throats since grade school without even questioning it.

or they are just dumb.

[redqueen]

17. Harsh...

[La Lioness Priyanka]

5. these are two seperate things. people are superficial because we have eyes

and prettiness is appealing.

to a degree manners and clothing are related, because whether you admit it or not most manners are superficial too.

i know a bunch of really polite assholes.

[redqueen]

9. Good point re: manners.

Nobody's arguing that prettiness isn't appealing.

But expecting to others to dress up simply because it suits your preferences? I just do. not. get. that. at. all.

Sure, time and place applies... I'm not saying sweatpants at a wedding reception is A-OK... but that's not what that other thread is discussing.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

10. i dont expect others to dress up because it suits me, but i get why some

people would prefer better dressed and more polite society. those things do go hand in hand.

[unpossibles]

36. my grandfather was a polite asshole

I assumed it was a southern thing with him, but who knows.

Manners and dress can move into non-superficiality gray area in that sometimes I may decide to dress or act in a way to avoid making others uncomfortable, but overall I agree with you.

There have been times I prefer to do the opposite as well, where I am aware that I am breaking certain fashion rules or societal norms, but refuse to let that stop me. What's funny is, back when I did this pretty regularly, it used to amuse me to dress shockingly, but be exceedingly polite to people who gave me nasty looks, just to mess with their preconceptions and stereotypes ("hey, that guy with the green hair and plaid pants is holding the door open for me").

I also feel people sometimes confuse being "well mannered" with being genuinely nice and polite.

[IntravenousDemilo]

46. When you say most manners are superficial, I take it that you mean what I'd mean by etiquette.

For me, a person with good manners is someone who properly appreciates the social aspect of a given situation and goes out of his way not to make someone feel uncomfortable, while etiquette is for those more concerned with protocol, tradition, and adherence to rigid hierarchical structures. There is some overlap, perhaps, in such things as Thank You cards, but even then, etiquette concerns itself more with superficialities: the style of the card itself, what is an acceptable lapse in time before sending, and the idea of fulfilling a social obligation on the grounds that "it's what's done." Manners go much deeper, and they're all about whether you have the impulse within you to send Thank You cards in the first place -- because you're thankful and you appreciate the other person.

If you use the wrong fork at a fancy banquet, you may have committed a breach of etiquette, but if you point out to someone that he's used the wrong fork and make him feel awkward, you have shown extremely bad manners.

[Parche]

6. Naked Is Better

:rofl: :rofl::rofl: :hi: :hug:

[Guava Jelly]

12. I agree

I don't give a shit what anyone wears.
I always wear shorts, Tennis shoes, and T's.
I also get miffed at the Grammar snobs around here.
It's a fucking message board If I want to misuse to,too,two or there, their, they're what's it to ya?
Get over it.

[BarenakedLady]

13. Hi babe!

:hug: :hi:

[Guava Jelly]

14. Hey you

:hug: I miss you :loveya:

[redqueen]

15. You must be rude... or lazy.

;)


The grammar thing is hardly analogous... there is no right or wrong style... there is right and wrong spelling, grammar, punctuation, etc.

However... I can see how the time and place thing applies to using the right word, spelling, etc. If you're writing an e-mail at work to your colleague... spell and grammar check are necessary. In the non-Lounge forums even, I'd say it's not a bad idea to use them. Expecting perfection all the time is a bit much. Everyone makes mistakes. But still... not analogous.

[Guava Jelly]

16. I am a bit of both.

I agree with you on the Grammar.It is important to use it correctly in the real world. I just don't see the lounge as the real world.This is a place of idle chit chat.
I guess it wouldn't bother me as much if I was better at using it. :dunce:

[Parche]

18. Yeah, What GoPSUx Said!!

Ditto......:woohoo: :woohoo: :hi:

[IntravenousDemilo]

47. Why would you necessarily want to misuse to, too, two or there, their, they're?

I mean, deliberately? Seems an odd thing to choose to write something incorrectly on purpose, and a bit churlish if it's just to get a rise out of people -- not that I'm saying that's your reason.

[Guava Jelly]

49. Nothing to do with wanting to

All I am saying is if I am replying to someone and I write something like.
"I don't no anyone who would want too"
People can pretty much figure out wtf I meant.
And i don't need a chorus of assholes pointing it out.
That's all I'm saying.
:)

[IntravenousDemilo]

51. Sorry, I wasn't paying attention to what you just said... I am mesmerized by your pretty bug...

...your... pretty... pretty... bug...

[Guava Jelly]

52. Isn't it pretty

he hee :) I also like shiny objects.

:dunce: (GoPsUx = not he sharpest knife in the drawer)

[IntravenousDemilo]

53. That was also my impression of an average superficial person, as a nod to the OP's question.

I think most people are easily distracted by... pretty... pretty...

[Guava Jelly]

54. ..

:applause: Bravo! I agree 100%

[skooooo]

19. Manners don't cost anything....

I still judge people on manners, regardless of how they look.

[redqueen]

20. Yeah... a thread asking why people were so rude nowadays...

that I wouldn't see a problem with.

But clothes? Really? :wtf:

[skooooo]

21. It's sad that kids aren't taught manners...

..but when you're parents don't have manners, I don't know where they are supposed to learn them.

Colleges now have "etiquette" nights where students eat in a more formal dining environment and learn how to behave with future business customers. That's kind of on the extreme of manners scale, I guess, but it's important for one's self-confidence to know how to behave in different situations.

[Lyric]

22. The most well-mannered people (especially children)

that I have EVER known, have been the poorest of the poor; the rural folks with stained clothes and socks with holes, the ones who wear things ten or more years out of style, because they can't afford to "waste" money on something as non-necessary as "nice" clothes--the ones who sometimes don't even HAVE washing machines. I've never been around inner-city poor folks, so I have no experience to speak from there, but in the rural parts, the poor people are FAR more politely-mannered than their well-off counterparts.

In my experience as an educated person from a dirt-poor, backwoods family...most poor people are incredibly polite, considerate, and generous. I've only met one or two assholish poor people, but I've met oodles of well-off brats of ALL ages, who were spoiled and taught that their own precious selves were more important than anything or anyone else, and therefore treat the rest of society with a perpetual amount of low-level contempt. The blame for America's bad manners has nothing to do with style of dress, and everything to do with Precious Little Snowflake syndrome.

JMHO.

[skooooo]

23. Manners...being polite and considerate...

..come from a sense of humility toward others. Rich brats who haven't been taught that they're no better than anyone else probably will never get it.

[redqueen]

25. The manners issue was the only thing I could get a handle on...

to make that 'dress like crap' thread make any sense.

:crazy:

[Boojatta]

27. When did the anti-superficiality movement begin?

[redqueen]

30. I don't know.

But if it hasn't started, I'm starting it now. :P

[Boojatta]

32. Well, if it's starting now ...

then you need to wait at least a couple of weeks before asking why people are still superficial.

[redqueen]

34. Pbthtthbhtbht.

:P

In this country, I would think it started in the 60's.

[jobycom]

28. It's not superficiality, it's a sign the soul is dying.

People's minds are closing to self-expression, individuality, and differing standards. It is a sign a person has stopped growing. The next step is voting for Dan Quayle.

[redqueen]

31. You can express yourself in khakis and a polo shirt.

C'mon now.

;)

[jobycom]

37. Not talking about how a person dresses, just how they judge others.

If they are judging others on dress and clothing, they've got issues.

[ForrestGump]

44. I did, once. I was an INDIVIDUAL.

Well, I could have been.

When I was meeting with prospective PhD advisors, back way long time ago, I got myself gussied up good (by my standards at the time) with tan Dockers, brown Rockport-style shoes, and a navy blue Izod shirt with the alligator on its breast. I was, indeed, styling. So I took my new look to Berkeley to meet my potential mentor (I ended up not going there but with one of his ex-students -- this dude was a silverback of high prestige whose reign began in the '60s -- but he did become a mentor of sorts after I ran into him at conferences later on) and knew we were off to a good start when I entered his office and saw him dressed in tan Dockers, brown Rockport-style shoes, and a navy blue Izod shirt with the alligator on its breast.

He was, admittedly, always noticeably better dressed than most of his peers in my field, including all of his students who'd by now reached high positions in academia but dressed like Jimmy Buffet imitators, but I thought it was pretty funny and just hoped he'd not be expecting me to dress that way every day. I began to suspect our commonalities were even deeper when I saw he had exactly the same (way ahead of its time) late '70s SCUBA regulator that I'd scrimped and saved for (and rode my bicycle to town, 20 miles each way on what turned out to be the hottest day of the year, to buy) back when I was 15 or 16.

I guess I was looking more like a clone than an individual, then. It was that stupid yuppie-scum alligator that did it.

[Chan790]

38. No...the next step is...

liking what you've been told to like by our fine corporatist overlords.

[jobycom]

39. True enough.

Might result in the same thing, though.

[1gobluedem]

29. I don't think manners and clothing go hand in hand

I agree, some of the rudest people I have ever met have been the best dressed.

BUT...(donning my flame proof suit)...I do believe in being properly dressed for the workplace. No, that doesn't mean suits and ties and pantyhose and all that. My office is pretty casual but there is still a distinction between office casual and sloppy. It's been my experience that when people are dressed sloppily their work gets sloppier. Feet go up on the desk, there is more lounging, less attention is paid to what needs to be done. Maybe it's psychological but I think people pay more attention when they are dressed for work. If one dresses the same for everything then the most casual attitude seems to prevail. My work clothes are comfortable but they are definitely my work clothes. When I go home, I change them to ultra casual. I don't lounge around in my work clothes and I don't work in my lounging clothes.

But maybe that's just me....:shrug:

[redqueen]

33. Ah no... I should have put it in the OP...

I'm well aware of the 'time / place' thing, and that makes sense.

[unpossibles]

35. I agree, I enjoy dressing up but also have disdain for the "requirement" to look a certain way

blech. No thanks.

[DarkTirade]

40. I think it IS classism.

Not just related.

[RadiationTherapy]

41. PM me a picture of your butt and I'll tell you.

[Redstone]

42. You'll say that while you're wearing THOSE shoes? Where do you shop, Goodwill?

(You knew THAT was coming, didn't you?)

Redstone

[quakerboy]

48. because they are people

[Lethe]

50. Scott Kleeb declares them so

why do you questions the all-knowing Kleeb?

ye shall pay the price of the unbelievers!