I did something really stupid.

[grasswire]

I wrote an email about concerns several family members have for the wife of a family member. This young woman (mother of a toddler and pregnant) has, we have realized, some mental health issues regarding untreated and debilitating anxiety. I wrote to another family member about our concerns. The email was forwarded without my knowledge and she read it. The damage is incalculable. We were hoping to encourage her to get some help soon. Now she is furious.

I'm crying a lot today.

[redqueen]

1. Oh shit...

can you talk to her? She's furious on the surface, but it's pain and sadness underneath.

I hope it was gently-worded at least. :scared:

[grasswire]

2. it won't be seen as gently worded

It was a very specific list of the manifestations of her mental state. Part of her state is the tendency to assume a victim mentality and to dramatize things. I posted that list here a couple of weeks ago just to get a reality check from detached people, and DU-ers expressed significant concern.

So, no, I suspect that she is over the top. The person that forwarded the mail did incalculable damage.

[peruban]

3. Yeah, that kind of sucks.

I've learned to keep my mouth shut about family and just treat them as accommodatingly as possible.

[Midlodemocrat]

4. Yikes. Having been the recipient of an email like that, I can

tell you that she won't see you as helpful. Perhaps you can try to tell her that you are afraid for her safety and the safety of the children and that you weren't being unkind, just worried.

I know for me, the ravings came from a member of the family who is considerably less than stable. She said horrible, horrible things, but I finally stepped up and took the high road.

In fact, she's arriving tomorrow for the holiday. Give me strength.

Best to you. :hug:

[crispini]

5. Oh dear.

Dear, dear, dear.

Email is a dangerous thing. That person totally should not have forwarded it. But of course you're probably also blaming yourself for writing it. How awful, I hate that "I should have done something else," feeling deep in the pit of your stomach. However, the person who forwarded it is ultimately to blame, although I know it does not help the ugly situation.

[applegrove]

6. Emails are dangerous. Actually letters are dangerous.

[Kat45]

7. Why did the person forward it to her?

Was it accidental? Was the person trying to cause trouble? Did they think they were helping?

[grasswire]

9. a shit stirrer -- and I should have known

But it was an emotional evening and I was very concerned for the young woman, her husband (my relative) and the toddler. I wrote about the concerns several of us have. It was passed on to the husband, and she happened to be next to him when he opened the email.

[Danger Mouse]

8. Something this sensitive was probably best left out of an e-mail.

You never know who you can really trust with one of those.

[grasswire]

10. post in haste, repent at leisure

Live and learn. And the sad part is that I should have known not to trust this recipient.

[Danger Mouse]

11. it's not your fault, the idiot you forwarded it is at fault.

[emilyg]

12. Contact the person and make peace.

[Blue Diadem]

13. She's probably embarassed and hurt too.

What in the world was the person thinking that forwarded your email? It has put both you and that family member's wife in a tremendously awkward and embarassing situation.

I hope you're able to discuss with the wife of the family member why you wrote the email, that you were and are genuinely concerned for her and not just talking behind her back. I can't imagine what she must be feeling right now.

Goodluck grasswire.

[travelingtypist]

14. I was always one of those that could never let it lie.

You didn't do anything wrong, but the family will probably rally around
the person playing "victim" and want you to eat the shit sandwich. Don't
do it.

If you believe your concerns are legitimate and you're worried about her
children, then she needs help. Tell everybody in no uncertain terms if
she doesn't get that help, you'll take your concerns to the proper
authorities, i.e., a child welfare check from the local sheriff's office
or contacting Children and Family Services.

2 cents. Take it from the "identified patient."

Good luck.