My Friend's 13-Year-Old Sister Admitted She Cuts Herself

[THUNDER HANDS]

I was speaking with my friend yesterday and she was all distraught. Her kid sister revealed to her that she had taken a knife to her legs and was cutting herself.

Does anyone know why someone would do this? Is it just a side effect of depression, or is this something much deeper?

My friend is all wigged-out about it, as you'd suspect, and basically swallowed her pride and asked me to help take her, her sister and five of her sister's friends to Great Adventure for the kid's birthday.

It'll cost upwards of $700 probably, but this kid's had a rough life (divorced parents, frequent moving from place to place) and I'd hate to see her heartbroken because going to Great Adventure is the ONLY thing she wants for her birthday.

So I'm going to pay for it, and drive them down there.

I'm either a sucker, a sap, or a guy with the biggest heart in the world.

Probably all three.

So, can anyone answer my question above, what's the deal with cutting yourself?

[GOPisEvil]

1. That kid needs professional therapy, pronto!

And, yeah, you're being a sap, but that's not always a bad thing. Maybe you'll help this kid feel good for a day.

[THUNDER HANDS]

6. she's seeing the guidence counselor at school

The reason she's bringing the five friends along is because these were the five friends who went to the school guidence counselor and told them what she was doing.

So hopefully she has some support group and can get some help through the school. But her family is by no means rich, and probably can't afford to get her to a private counselor.

[Maddy McCall]

10. I hope this doesn't sound mean, but they had better afford one now

because this girl is in trouble.

A high school counselor is not equipped to deal with the mental illness associated with this disorder.

Nor is group therapy the route she needs to go.

Check with your county's mental health service. She can get private counseling, and her parents will pay based on their income.

The mental illnesses associated with this disorder are rather serious. She needs real help now.

[THUNDER HANDS]

13. she lives in Brooklyn

I wish she lived out on Long Island near me, because I bet the county would provide better services than the city would.

But since I'm just a friend of the family (and technically, not supposed to even know she's doing this) I just have to hope that they can get her some sort of outside assistance.

I'll do what I can to help her, even if it's just driving her to an amusement park.

[Stephanie]

25. Brooklyn?

Call the Jewish Board of Family Services for referrals. Also, there are sliding scale therapy clinics in NY. One is Washington Square Institute in Manhattan. You could probably call them and get a referral to a place in Brooklyn.

[soleft]

26. Kudos for Washington Square Institute

I went there when I was in College. Magic Rat - tell your friend this girl needs professional help now.

[meegbear]

2. It is a sign of low self-esteem and depression ....

Shirley Manson, the singer for Garbage, used to do it. Here's a write up on it. It's not large, but it's a start.

http://www.ruinyourlife.com/ThePage.htm?ShirleyManson.htm~textwindow

[Maddy McCall]

3. The person feels so much inner pain that they have to ...

"release" it through cutting. At least this is how the person I knew who did this explained it to me.

He attempted suicide several times. Be careful...this child needs much more than just a trip to Great Adventure.

[commander bunnypants]

4. She needs a therapist

I work with some cutters, and she needs help, a lot of it.

Regarding taking them to Great Adventure, You must do it, she needs it a little fun in her life. A very tough position you are in Magic Rat. Let us know

DDQM

[Maddy McCall]

5. Here is a pretty good website on the disorder and the

mental illnesses it accompanies.

http://wso.williams.edu/~atimofey/self_mutilation/Definition/What_is/Superficial/episodic.html

and another better one:
http://www.bio-behavioral.com/selfmutilation.asp

and another: http://www.healthatoz.com/healthatoz/Atoz/ency/self-mutilation.html

[chefgirl]

7. Some links

This is a subject that has fascinated me for years. About twenty years ago I had a cousin who was about 15 when it was discovered that she was 'cutting'. There was VERY little info to be found back then, and she eventually entered couseling. My immediate family moved away and sort of lost touch for some time with my cousin's family, so I never really learned what kind of resolution she may have found, but I do know that she is a successful, well adjusted adult now and seems to have put her personal demons behind her (or at least, into some proper perspective).

These are some links I found interesting:

http://www.geocities.com/bnl_jgk/mainpage.html

http://ct.essortment.com/whatisselfmut_rfyb.htm

http://www.palace.net/~llama/psych/injury.html


By the way, sometimes we need to make ourselves into suckers or saps because its more important to recognize another person's need. I think they are lucky to have a friend like you.

-chef-

[WyLoochka]

8. Self harm may be a symptom of

Borderline Personality Disorder, then again it may not be. But it is serious. Nice of you to assist with the Great Adventure trip, but it's doubtful that your generosity will stop the self harm. Get qualified professional help.

http://www.mhsanctuary.com/borderline/BPDtherapist/20.HTM

" Self-cutting or self-mutilation is a symptom that often accompanies bpd. Not all people with bpd self-mutilate or cut AND not all people who self-mutilate have bpd. Research has shown that people engage in self-cutting for a variety of reasons including stress-reduction, emotional distraction, "to feel alive", "for excitement", as an attention-seeking act, to act on suicidal feelings to name just a few. Everyone and everyone's situation is unique and a good social and psychological history needs to be obtained in order to make a good assessment of what self-mutilation represents for your friend. Clearly it is a sign of emotional turmoil and upset. For this reason alone it is concerning. Consider talking to your friend about seeking professional help. Be cautious about any explanation by your friend that "it means nothing". It's neither emotionally or physically safe to engage in self-cutting and obviously the consequences can be lethal."

[H2O Man]

9. cutting...

...is symptomatic of a personality disorder. It is more common in young women than men. It is often more closely associated with attention seeking than with serious attempts to inflict damages. It is also most often a learned behavior....meaning a young girl who exhibits this behavior has probably learned it from a friend or "role model." There have been significant advances made in dealing with this type of behavior. There are many, many qualified therapists out there. I recommend therapy as opposed to the "take a pill & be happy" school of thought made popular by drug companies. As human beings, we have a wide range of emotions that we should learn to deal with, not to smother will drugs. Finally, the greater a person's "support system" (family, friends, school, church, community) the less the need for professional help. But, once this type of "cutting" behavior begins, her family must seek - and support! - professional help.

[prolesunited]

11. My 2 cents

Instead of spending that money on a day at Great Adventure, put that toward a private therapist who specializes in this area. Hopefully, that will help her through the initial crisis point and steer her toward additional resources.

A school counselor is not equipped, nor do they have the time, to deal with this. If the family is low-income, perhaps there is a county mental health agency that charges according to a sliding scale.

Although a day of fun is nice, this girl needs MUCH more than that. I hope you reconsider and invest in therapy instead.

[THUNDER HANDS]

16. if it was my decision I would

But I'm not her brother or her father. I'm just a friend of her sister who was asked to help them out for her birthday.

[prolesunited]

17. You could always propose

this alternative as a better approach

[TNDemo]

12. A book you might find helpful in understanding how their minds work

would be Reviving Ophelia by Mary Pipher.

[flamingyouth]

18. There's also a book just called "Cutting"

I can't remember the author. Both are good to shed some light on the subject. Good luck! :hi:

[southerngirlwriter]

14. I started cutting myself at age 13. I don't anymore.

I can tell you anything you or your friend would like to know, Magic Rat.

This is far more serious than you or your friend probably think it is, unfortunately. :(

Please PM me.

[Skittles]

15. could mean sexual abuse

people injure themselves to make themselves feel; it means severe emotional turmoil. She needs help.

[Khephra]

19. I used to do it all the time

It was usually because I couldn't feel anything, so even pain was better than nothing. Most of the people I know who did this get over it on their own eventually.

[VOX]

20. When I was 16, I did some cutting on my arm, but I was lucky...

I had one hell of a depression going on, my parents were on the verge of separating (they did), I'd endured a painful break-up with a steady girlfriend, and I had become very isolated. The cutting was a very private thing, and as nuts as it sounds, it made me feel alive.

I wore long-sleeved shirts, but a school counselor caught a glimpse of a wound at the cuff. He demanded that I roll up my sleeve, and my life changed. This started the ball rolling, and I got the professional help and counseling that I needed.

It took a year to straighten up, but by age 18 I had gotten myself together.

Cutting is definitely a sign that there are some serious emotional things going on. A teen's world is still small, but their feelings are overpowering and hard to handle. Some adolescents seem to have a peculiar "genius" for self-harm. They are often dogged by feelings of self-loathing, a sense of being marginal and alone. IMO, the girl needs counseling. Now.

[Ilsa]

21. Professional Therapy and possibly meds. n/t

[foreigncorrespondent]

22. Magic Rat...

...this kid clearly needs moe help than she is currently receiving.

She needs to deal with what ever the reason is that is causingher to do this.

I was a self mutilator right up into my early 20's. While I wouldn't take a knife to myself (I couldn't use a knife because of what a knife represents to me, but that is another story) I would however use my fingernails to cause all sorts of damage to myself.

If you can find a free service that would be willing to help her, that would be great. She really needs more help than she is getting.

When someone self mutilates it is usually because of something from their past that has caused them a lot of pain, so the pain they are going through runs a lot deeper than depression.

[bicentennial_baby]

23. My fiancee is a former cutter

He has a myriad of scars on his shoulder. He never recieved help for it, and eventually got over it on his own. This girl should probably recieve some counseling, for her sake.

[Stephanie]

24. Sometimes paired with eating disorders

Watch out for anorexia/bulimia. Nip this stuff in the bud. I know adults who are still grappling with this.

[noonwitch]

27. She needs therapy, it's a "pain makes me real" kind of thing (inside)

I've worked with kids who cut or burn themselves on purpose. They aren't necessarily suicidal, but are usually girls who have been sexually abused. When a kid is sexually abused, a frequent response is to depersonalize that experience, and all painful experiences after. The child/teen ends up subconciously blocking out so many feelings and experiences, she starts feeling unreal, something that a lot of people experience as a brief, fleeting feeling. So a kid who feels this all the time cuts herself to feel something.

[Kamika]

28. It's desperation, and angst.. I can't really explain it

I have friends who did that and I even thought about it for awhile when I had tons of problems in school.. Cutting yourself (mostly your upper arm/shoulder makes the angst go away)

Most girls I know who does this are mid teens.. All I can say is that try and make her life easy.. you don't nessecerily have to dish out $700 worth of stuff.. but just make sure you or her parents are there for her.

Theraphy will help about as much as falling from the 4th floor instead of the 6th floor.


EDIT: You're a nice boy Magic. :thumbsup:

[scarlet_owl]

29. My husband has this problem.

He says that feeling the physical pain of cutting helps him release his anger/sadness/frustration. He hasn't cut in over a year since he has been getting help and medication. It sounds like this girl really needs some counseling.

[truthbetold]

30. Many different reasons.

Depression can be a main factor. It's also linked to eating disorders, because of the control factor.
Cutting yourself gives you a sense of control over your body and your pain. YOU are the one hurting yourself, so even if you can't control your emotions or your life, that's one thing you do have power over.
It's very hard to explain, and not every cutter is the same. But intervention needs to be done as soon as possible, to save this girl from herself.
It's an addicting behavior, and so many have the scars to prove it. Not many are strong enough in their state of mind to stop.