What would you do in my situation?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

My best friend of 15 years is getting married. She's been my best friend for 15 years but we have known each other since we were 3. We are very close. People say we can talk to each other without even opening our mouths, and we pretty much can. She is getting married in January and really wants me to go.

However, I JUST went to India. If I go the price of the ticket will be around $1350 and I will have taken more holidays than i have. (I wont have any time off till november). I can also only go for a week or so.

I would have gone to her wedding instead of nisha's but nisha had told me first, and i had promised. Plus, i dont really like my best friends husband too much.

With the economy in its current state and the fact that i just went to india, i am very conflicted. I really want to go, but i dont know whether i should.

on edit: She wont forgive me really for not going and will see it as a devaluation of our friendship, mostly because i went to nisha's wedding. I will feel massive guilt if i dont go and some amount of guilt if i do go (guilt from extravagance)

Any advice?

[LynneSin]

1. Save the trip and send her an amazing gift

I think she understand with the cost of flights.

And then perhaps commit to visiting her on her 1st aniversary or an upcoming birthday - something off a few years where you can save up a few dollars for the flight again.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

3. she wont understand and will see this as a devaluation of our friendship.

i suppose i should have added this to my post

[LynneSin]

24. And this isn't a trip you can do just an overnight with

I don't know what to say other than good luck

[Haole Girl]

2. Go!

If she's your best friend, find a way. Life is too short for regrets. :hi:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

4. i would regret it and feel some guilt. already do

[Haole Girl]

5. All the more reason to go then

PM me if if you want, if you need help finding a reasonable fare, & I'll go on the hunt for one for you.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

7. thanks, i will pm you soon.

:(

[NewJeffCT]

20. That is good advice

but I'm not in Priyanka's situation.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

27. thanks, much appreciated

[mokawanis]

6. I say don't go

A good friend will understand the circumstances. I know it's a very tough call and I'm no position to understand the nuances of the situation beyond what you've described...but if I were in your shoes I would not go.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

8. its a little more complex than that. i edited it to add some emotional context

[jonnyblitz]

9. if it were me i would be pissed she couldn't understand why it's

impossible for me to go and I would question why i was ever friends with such selfish asshole to begin with BUT i am from a different culture and have a different attitude and need (or lack of )towards or for "friends". it sounds like you have no choice but to go since you will have none of it from people telling you NOT to go so i suggest you start figuring out how you are going to swing this.I don't know why you ask for advice, seriously, if you have already determined you have no choice. :hi:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

11. i dont think people fully get the context of how little vacation time we get in the US

and thats part of the problem.

i think either way i will be somewhat squeamish about my choices. its not an easy decision for me, because when i do go to india for these weddings i get no time for my family and they get understandably upset.

so thats why i ask. mostly to see if others think its conflicting or if there is an easy answer

[XemaSab]

10. Is the problem money, time off, or both?

If you're short money, can you borrow some from her then pay it back? :shrug:

I would try to go no matter what.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

12. both and my family gets upset when i only go for a week and dont have much

time to spend with them. there are lot of practical reasons for not going and some good emotional ones to go.

[PeaceNikki]

13. Damn, there's no good answer.

I got nothin' but :hug:. :(

[La Lioness Priyanka]

14. thats how i feel. screwed either way.

[PeaceNikki]

17. I'm sorry that you're in that situation.

You either hurt her or potentially hurt yourself and your family. Do what's best for you and your family and try your best to help her understand your predicament.

It'd be a somewhat easier decision for me because there is no WAY I could throw down a cool grand to go to a wedding.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

18. its a little different when your family is somewhere else.

i mean we all make a yearly pilgrimage to india :) .. question is whether i should make mine so soon

[redqueen]

15. Damn...

can you afford to take some of it as unpaid leave, so you can have some later in the year? I would try my best to go.

And yes your family will be upset but... if it was my best friend, I think I would just do all I could to be there, and put up with whatever crap came my way as a result... it's such a big day...

Good luck.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

16. thanks for the advice v, this decision is exhausting.

[redqueen]

19. Hope you can sort it out rather quickly,

so you can end at least some of the stress related to it, and share in your friend's enjoyment of her upcoming nuptial bliss (albeit with someone you don't particularly care for).

:hug:

[Chan790]

21. Speaking from experience: Go.

I was in this situation and didn't go. Jim hasn't spoken to me since and, in part, it's because he read more into it than there is; he knows I dislike his wife, Kate. (Rightly...she's a spoiled inheritance princess who thinks global poverty is the result of laziness.)

My point is that you should go because it's important to someone important to you and you'll enjoy yourself. It's never extravagant to show you care. It's also not worth destroying a friendship over...it's pretty lame that anybody would consider a friendship devalued because you can't do something for them that they know you can't do; we however have to accept our friends warts-and-all for who they really are. That's kinda what the whole friends thing boils down to...sometimes friendship is lame.

[DevonRex]

22. You will have to go. You value her friendship too much to stay away.

Especially since you don't care for the husband very much. You have a reason for that. She will need all your good wishes and support.

The timing is awful, economically speaking. But the gift of your presence is worth so very much more than anything else.

[hippywife]

23. If she can't understand the

situation you are faced with and would devalue your friendship because of it, I would begin to question how much value she really places on it to begin with.

Loved your pics from India, BTW. :hi:

[mainegreen]

25. You must go. You can make up lost money and time.

You can't make up missing the wedding, especially for someone that important.
Whether or not you like the husband is not a reason to not go.

[Shell Beau]

26. That sure is a tough decision. I can't tell you what you should do, only what I would do.

I would find any and every way to afford to go. If you can't, you just can't. But I wouldn't NOT go because I didn't like the guy.

[mopinko]

28. i have more regrets for the things i didn't do than the things i did.

don't find yourself in your 50's thinking about all the stuff you should have done when you were young.

[conscious evolution]

29. Send her a link to your OP

Then she will know how torn up you are if you can't go.

What a sucky spot to be in.Screwed either way.

[Writer]

30. If you talked to her about everything above, even telling her...

that your friendship is so important to you, but that the money and time off make those circumstances very difficult to go, what would she say?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

31. not so much what she says but feels. in her position i would also be very upset w.me

i dont think she will really say much , i do think she will feel this

[Writer]

34. I see. I can see how difficult this is.

My gut says - certainly not fully understanding your situation - but my gut says to do your best to go. If you think that she'll react poorly and feel slighted in your friendship if you don't go, then by all means - do your best.

But if you can't, then I wouldn't beat yourself up over it. You gave it your best. The next step would be communication.

Have you spoken to your family? Maybe they can help somehow?

I really wish you the very best with this. Economic restraints today are bad enough, but paying for more than one trip half-way around the world in a short period of time is certainly no help.

:hug:

~Writer~

[Rabrrrrrr]

32. If she's really a friend, she'll understand the financial and time difficulties of not going.

Fer God's sake, it's not like you're being asked to spend $30 on a train ride to pop over to Jersey for an afternoon wedding. You're being asked to make a major commitment of time and money for plane, hotel (if needed, anyway), eating out, and whatnot.

Friends forgive. And, quite honestly, my opinion is that if you don't go, there's nothing there that needs forgiving anyway. Your non-presence is not an offense.

You can't be everywhere for all people all the time.

[IndianaJones]

33. I would skip the wedding and make a trip when it is situationally viable. nt.

[onlyadream]

35. Good friends are like gold - go. nt

[skygazer]

36. You know, if she sees this as a devaluation of your friendship

then maybe the friendship is not as valuable as you think it is.

Any true and honest friend should be able to understand and accept what you just wrote. They would be disappointed of course, but would understand your very real conflicts.

Anyone who doesn't is not thinking as much about you as you are about her.

I would explain it, send a nice gift and promise to visit at a time in the future that makes sense for you. And if that is not enough, I would shrug my shoulders sadly and know I did what I could. :hug: