Do you love one/some of your kids more than others?

[InvisibleTouch]

And if so, do you beat yourself up over it?

It's one of those deep dark secrets that parents aren't supposed to admit, even to themselves, but I suspect it's more often true than we want to believe. I've seen it in my own family background - my mother is much closer to my brother than she is to me (which is truly fine by me; I'm not big on the cloying-togetherness/reveal-your-every-thought symbiosis that she seems to think is normal), just as her mother clearly prefered her brother (my uncle) to her. Something she claims to acknowledge and accept and not really mind, but I do see the occasional flicker of resentment come up.

In my own household, I've been grappling with it among my own kids - that is, my dogs. When I kept mainly reptiles, fish, arachnids, etc., of course I had my favorites, but the others truly didn't seem to notice or mind. And of course everyone received equal care. Now it's dogs - and I do have my favorites, can't help it - and the others know it. Of course I love them all, but some (there's the deep dark secret) more than others. One guy, from the moment he was born, was just "the one" for me - he radiated such a good-natured serenity that I found I just couldn't part with him, even though I hadn't intended to keep more than one puppy from that litter. He is my 70-pound lap dog. Even if he gets into trouble, I find I just can't be angry with him.

I think it's awful, truthfully, but can hardly help how I feel. Worst of all, I hate that the others feel bad, even though I do my best to lavish equal time and attention on each one. Whenever I'm paying attention to one, another will invariably be giving me an affronted look.

Anyone else have this dilemma? I'm interested to hear your experiences, regardless of what species your kids are.

[annabanana]

1. Love?.. no

However, one is MUCH "easier" than the other.

[RandomThoughts]

2. Just a guess

But they probly arn't your kids then :)

[rcrush]

3. If I have kids I will make them fight in armed combat for my affections.

Its the only fair way.

[Critters2]

7. That does seem fair. nt

[skygazer]

4. I have three kids and have totally different relationships with each of them

But I don't think I can define it as loving one more than the others - it's just a different way of relating to each other.

My kids are all adults now - my son is 21, my daughters 26 and 28.

My oldest daughter and I are kind of like oil and water. She is stubborn and opinionated and so am I and we tend to rub each other the wrong way. She can also be sweet and funny and is very smart. We have a more cautious relationship than that i have with my younger daughter who is very like me in other ways. We have the same political outlook and taste in music, we both like a lot of the same things. She and I have a closeness that is more like a friendship than anything else.

My son is very laid-back and sort of laconic. He and I are able to be quiet and introspective together. We communicate silently a lot.

I don't love any of them more than the others but I spend my time with each of them differently.

For what it's worth, I've also had lots of animals at a time and found the same was true with them. Not so much favorites but different relationships with different individuals.

[Arugula Latte]

5. I can say with 100% honesty -- No.

I love them with equal overwhelming love. However, I might love them in slightly different ways, perhaps ... I dunno. It's hard to explain.

[Critters2]

6. I have a favorite cat. But if you tell 'em I said so, I'll deny it. nt