I think my 15 year old

[firedupdem]

had sex yesterday. I'm freaking out. I looked at the computer and he had googled "when do condoms expire?". What the hell?

He was acting weird when he got in last nite. Went straight the shower but still had glitter in his hair when he got out. There was a basketball game yesterday and girlfriend is on the dance team and they had glitter on their outfits etc. Then he went to the girlfriend's house to watch a movie. I called my husband who told me that I should relax and he'll talk to him when he gets in. He's out of town for business this week. I'm only 42 so I'm not an out of touch mom but it just seems too young!

Why am I having such a hard time with this? Am I crazy? Ick!

[Shell Beau]

1. You are having a hard time because that is your baby.

And 15 is young for sex. At least he used a condom.

I do think a talk is warranted. But, he is doing probably what is the norm for kids his age. It has to be scary to be a parent of an active teen. But remember he may not have. Wait to see what happens when your husband talks to him.

This makes me want my Bella to stay 3 months old. I don't even want to think...

[firedupdem]

2. She's adorable!!

He is my baby and all sorts of things went through my mind today. I have met the girls parents but all I could think today was maybe there is more freedom over there than there is here and thats why they always choose her house to hang out at? I guess I just have to wait and see....Yikes! I need a drink!

[Shell Beau]

7. thanks! That is the main reason my husband and I went to

his house in high school (we are high school sweethearts, together for 15 years, married for 7; started dating him at 15). At my house, if we went to my bedroom, the door had to be open and we were both not allowed on the bed at the same time. He had to sit on the floor if I was on the bed and vice versa. And the bathroom was across the hall from my bedroom, and boy did the parents have small bladders. At his house, we could turn out the lights and lie in his single bed together to watch a movie. My parents would have stroked if they had known that.

I will admit though, that we were each other's first. And I was 16. That seems so young. And it is. But at that time, I remember being the only virgin left out of all of my friends. Except one(ok 2, my husband and my best friend). I waited until we dated for a year and a half before taking the plunge.

You are being a good parent. You are aware and plan to have a talk. I really think that is all you can do. Give your son as much info as possible and tell him what you expect of him.

Good luck.

[firedupdem]

10. No bedroom action here....they are in the basement on the couch..

and I must admit I walk around up here a lot and keep talking so they don't ever know when I might come down there. I never usually do but I make sure they know I'm moving around. Who knows what the deal is at her house. I just gotta talk to him and work through this. I just don't want him to screw his life up, or her life up, or mine for that matter!

[Kutjara]

3. I was about that age my first time, but I didn't have the basic sense to use a condom.

Fortunately (for the world) there was no progeny, but it wasn't the result of any foresight on my part. Your son has apparently demonstrated a sense of responsibility beyond his years and, while 15 seems a bit young for someone of my advanced 46 years, it certainly didn't seem so at the time (I remember thinking I was going to die if I didn't. I may even have said words to that effect. The shame. The shame).

[firedupdem]

4. LOL!

Okay you made me laugh! He probably said he was going to die too! He's a cute kid with those puppy dog eyes...I can actually imagine that. I was 19 my first time so I maybe 15 is the norm now...ewwwww

[originalpckelly]

5. Oh my, well at least it sounds like he used a condom.

So I guess that's good, but it is troubling that he's having sex so young. I don't think he realizes what it's like to get a text message letting you know you might be a father. Trust me, when you're young (though I was older at 18) it's fucking freaky. It just seems like your whole life is going to come to an end.

I know people who are in their early 20s having kids and they have a hard time. Your son needs to understand that although there is a choice out there which might mean this risk is non-existent, he is not the one who gets to choose. Only the young lady can decide that, and it's a terrible feeling to think you're going to be a father and having no choice over it. Men make their choice before it all happens, which sucks because aren't thinking about that before the unfortunate circumstance may occur.

If your husband has that talk, make sure he says something about that. Perhaps he'll have his own experience to share.

[firedupdem]

6. I really wish he was here this week. I have stressed to him in my

own mom way that using condoms doesn't make it okay to have sex. He always avoids me with that subject but he and Dad have a different relationship. Thanks for your input.

[Schema Thing]

8. 14 yrs, 9 months

that's the average age of a female to begin having sex in the USA. I picked up that tidbit a few months after we found out that my step-daughter had started having sex (sneaking out) at, you guessed it, 14 years 9 months.


Which makes me feel pretty good about my own daughter, who only had sex for the first time at 16 years 11 months, and then at her mom's house with her boyfriend who she is in love with.

[firedupdem]

9. my son just made 15 this past august...the girlfriend is about to..

be 16. Wow.....14yrs..9 mos. I guess I'm old. Seems so young!

[LeftyMom]

11. That's pretty much normal, I'd think.

I was almost 17, and I was a bit of a prude and had waited quite a bit longer than most of my friends.

[Connonym]

13. I was 18 and way, way later than my friends

I have a 15 year old daughter and I worry about her and her boyfriend. She's on the pill because of cramps and I've pounded it into her head that condoms are still necessary but the thought of her having sex freaks me out a bit. She says she hasn't and we're pretty open about stuff so I don't see that she'd have a reason to lie to me...but on the other hand ACK!!

[LeftyMom]

15. My mom was actually after me to get on with it.

"Do I need to take you to the doctor?" "now when I was your age I was in theater, but..."

Which sounds crazy until you meet my Mom. She's just an overgrown teenager herself. Though in retrospect I think I probably should have gave it up to the boyfriend before the one I did, he was decent enough guy. I'd probably have realized what a douche the one I did finally sleep with was sooner if I wasn't quite so moist for him.

[firedupdem]

18. ha! get on with it!! LOL! Are you serious? Wow...my mom was

such a nerd and I was too!

[LeftyMom]

21. Completely serious.

In retrospect, she was probably right. I was an overly serious kid.

[WannaBeGrumpy]

12. I think that he is lucky to have a concerned mom like you....

a lot of people my age (18) never had involved moms like that.

Remember it may not have happened but if it did and it continues to, making sure he stays safe. Letting him know the extreme importance of safety is the most logical way to go about it and also a responsible way.

Good luck and much love

[rcrush]

14. Just dont tell him that everyone on the internet knows he had sex.

When I was his age that was pretty normal. Everyone seemed to be having sex in high school. Except me of course.

[Shine]

16. Shit. I would be freaking out, too. I've got a 15 yr old son, so I can relate.

my son just turned 15 last month.

He hasn't had a girl friend yet, but he's got friends that are girls that he texts. :D

He went to a movie with a girl once and I think they kissed, that's about it.

I know his innocence won't last for long...

Hey, at least your son was responsible enough to use a condom, assuming he did have sex. You're right, it seems waaaaay too young to me.

I was a late bloomer, myself. What's the rush? I think it's good to take your time with something like that.

Good luck, from one mother to another. :hi:

[firedupdem]

17. Thanks, I need it...

I'm wondering where he got condoms from? Why was he checking an expiration date? LOL! I'm like what the hell is going on? I didn't say anything because I know he'll shut down. Just talked to hubby, he's going to call him tomorrow night and just try to see what's in his head without saying I alerted him to anything.

[GirlinContempt]

19. I don't think there is an age that is right.

Some people are ready for sex at fifteen, some not till they're 20, or even older. I know, it's hard, he's your son. But, sexual activity is a personal choice, and if teenagers are informed, know what it's all about, how to protect themselves and their partners, and are willingly and consentually having sex with one of their peers... that's their choice.

That said, I can understand being freaked out by it. Some parents are freaked out by it when their kids are far older than 15. It's natural to feel that way. But, my best advice would be when talking to your son, if he says he did have sex and did use a condom, praise him for his responsibility, talk to him about the repercussions of sex, and make sure he's fully informed about his decision. If he is, well, just try to encourage him to be safe, careful and thoughtful in his choices.

[grasswire]

22. it may be their choice to have sex...

...but oftentimes the parent has to support the consequences of that choice. If you know what I mean. Who pays for an abortion for a teenager? Who pays to support a pregnancy and a baby? This "personal choice" has expensive risks.

If I had a 15-year-old boy, I would be sure that he had access to condoms and was fully informed about sexual matters.

[GirlinContempt]

29. Yes

but you can't really stop them from doing it. That's why I'm saying that the best thing to do is talk to them about being responsible, make sure they have all the facts, and know what they could get themselves in to. Putting it in quotes doesn't mean it isn't a personal choice, because it is. You can't make it for your kid. Or stop them from making that choice. It's theirs. Just because you set a curfew doesn't mean your kid doesn't have the choice to obey it or not to obey it.

Unless you buy a chastity belt, you're kind of stuck with their choices. And, I know it's cliche, but often forbidding something can make it that much more alluring. I just think getting upset in front of your kid and/or being judgmental isn't going to help at all. Very little will. The best parents can do is try to provide all the information, be open, supportive and caring, and set a groundwork for their kids to make healthy knowledgeable choices.

[NNadir]

20. When I was 16, my Dad found my condom supply.

I was incredibly stupid and hid them in his fishing box because he hadn't gone fishing for a few years. Wouldn't you know it, he got wistful and started going through his fishing stuff.

He came into my room and said, "Well son, I can't stop you from doing this, but if these are yours, keep using them."

It was good advice.

I keep trying to talk to my son about this subject - he's 14 - but he's squeamish about it.

I'm not encouraging it, of course, but I expect it will happen.

[BreweryYardRat]

23. You're worrying too much.

Sounds like he's thinking about it, though. Googling for information on condoms would seem to be a pre-sex sort of thing.

If the search terms had been something like "Holy shit the condom broke, what do I do?" THEN you'd have reason to worry.

But don't go freaking out about it or confront him -- I can't think of a worse thing to do. Just relax.

[harmonicon]

24. man, I'm glad that I'm not a parent - however, I don't think you should worry

For starters, that he's looking up information about condoms is a GOOD thing, whether he's going to have sex next week or in 5 years. Information about that kind of thing isn't wasted.

I was 16 the first time that I had sex. It didn't seem too young then, and it still doesn't now. I think that my parents probably knew, but didn't really mind. I think that they would have rather I was out all night with a girl than out all night with a group of teenage guys getting into trouble, drinking, or taking drugs - I think having a girlfriend helped keep me away from that stuff. Now I think drinking and drugs are awesome.... still not as awesome as sex, but to a teenager, NOTHING is as awesome as sex - not even close.... except for maybe being able to drive a car, which is pretty fucking sweet.

If you don't want it going on, find a way for you and your husband to tell him, but it might not really help.... it doesn't sound too bad at all to me.

[Mollis]

25. Well

You should definently have your husband talk to him when he gets back. It is good that he used a condom, but I agree, and think 15 is too young. Most of the people I know waited until they were 17. It's only 2 years, but there is a lot of maturity between those years, at least from what I see, and I just turned 18, so I know plenty of people between those ages.

[XemaSab]

26. I'd sit him down and have a LONG EXPLICIT talk with him

about pregnancy and STD's.

Nothing will turn a kid into a Puritan faster than seeing a picture of cauliflower dick. x(

[emilyg]

27. Best advice.

[MissMillie]

30. yeah, it's important that he learn that stuff

He should also get some sense about what young girls go through when they have sex, so giving him a sense of the female perspective won't hurt either.

[FedUpWithIt All]

28. A few weeks ago my daughter came to me and told me. It stings.

She is 16. I have been very straight with her about my hopes as well as my concerns. I have also told her that i will love her no matter what.

A few months before that day she came to me and told me that she felt like they were headed in that direction and asked me if i was available to talk about it. She said that my opinion was the only one she trusts and that she needed to talk about the new things/feelings going on with her. We talked for a long time. I told her that i want her to make GOOD choices. I told her that sex might add more emotions than she might want to deal with at this age. I told her that i will adore her no matter. I told her that i trust her. I told her that these relationships don't always last. I told her that she is normal and healthy and that i am proud of her.

When she came home that day i just sort of knew. Later when she called me and asked if we could talk, my suspicions were confirmed. She had told the boyfriend that she would be telling me. The only things i demanded were that they ALWAYS use protection and that she stay safe emotionally and physically. I told her that i would continue to try and make it difficult for them to find ways to be together. I told her that i am not approving but i am supporting her. I told her i loved her more than she could possibly imagine.

Inside i felt sad.

I was surprised a bit at how much it all hurt me. I was depressed for a few days. After a few days it became apparent that she still is the same "pain in my ass" teen-ager. She is not further away or less familiar. She is the same kid. Eventually my feelings settled. She is growing up and this is a stage like any other.

Every few times she goes out i make sure that she has access to more condoms. She thinks this is both annoying and hysterical as she must have dozens sitting in her room by now. Otherwise, I definitely try not to think about it.

No, your not crazy.


:hi: