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Dating, Like Surgery
He'd have to climb four flights either way, usually the back fire escape, and so arrived with an out-of-breath sputter, leaned over the rail outside. I could hear him compose himself like a sheet of music rustling on the piano, a tune well-suited for cranky audiences, allegro, coda, encore and I taught him everything about letting. Letting it come, letting it go, letting it fold over and back and forth and again. The door opened to the kitchen, small and papered by the newlyweds who owned the townhouse before me: he didn't want it anymore, and she did, they argued down to the last signature. I owned a full set of silver spoons and knives, copper-bottomed pots and pans I bought thinking it would make me want to cook. I didn't realize then that the snap, the zing has to be there from the get-go. It doesn't just appear, announce itself one Sunday with butter for a brulee and steamed milk. So I didn't cook for him. Maybe that's why we broke. Though every time, and three total, the split felt false as fractured bone that some intern re-sets with tongs.
He was always later than I expected, twenty-seven-years-old and had never liked a blow job. What were all his women doing? I was sad for them then, thinking of the last brunette's head below his belt, had she knelt, had she not looked in his eyes? The first time it was a procedure, lying down flat, he looked at the ceiling. I didn't break out any of the tricks, the shocker, the bedroom rocker. It was simple like coloring in the lines, a little red here, some pink. I recalled my first go-down with a man who had a girlfriend and kept pushing it at my mouth like a fork, open, open, until I did and he told me I was the best, and he thought I had been around, and I didn't correct him. This one with his hands at his sides looked terrified, his teeth clenched, the collar of his button-down cinched at the neck, he removed nothing but his pants, and before the glory glory he stopped because of a condition, I can't remember what he called it, a condition whereby he needed candy bars, he needed to play with the red ribbon from my hair, he needed to be a boy again, wearing his pants. Of course, he got better. He was very good by the end. And I hope this poem finds his new brunette: What you have, I gave him that. Don't be sad.
Jillian Weise
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:hi:
RL
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