My mother died 34 years ago today.

[Bertha Venation]

I'll never forget that day. Almost as stunning as her death was my thought when my stepfather wordlessly picked me up from school: "Maybe Mom's dead."

She died by her own hand. My life would be very different, and not in a good way, if she had lived. IOW my life is better because she's gone, and because she died so early in my life. I don't say this with joy; it's just a fact.

Not looking for sympathy. Don't need it.

Anyway, there it is.

This is traditionally the date on which my sisters decorate their homes for Christmas - yes, in celebration. :rofl: We do enjoy our irreverences.

Question: is your life better because someone is absent?

[malta blue]

1. that's heavy Bertha, on so many levels.

:hug:

My life is better because the STBE is absent :D

[Bertha Venation]

2. Here's to STBEs - especially the

E part. :hug:

[malta blue]

3. ...

:toast:

:hug:

[applegrove]

4. Sorry Bertha for your loss. Sounds like you made the best of it and that is what

any mother would want for her chicks.

[Critters2]

5. Wow. Can't imagine. I miss my mom all the time.

Especially at the holidays. Not even sure how to respond. Umm...congrats? :shrug:

[Bertha Venation]

15. I'm sorry, critters.

I didn't mean to hurt anyone with my post.

I'm sorry you've lost your mom. I'm sorry the holidays are hard on you. :hug:

[supernova]

6. Oh yes, I am very happy to have had an EX

these past 11 years.

:D

[Flaxbee]

7. One of my dearest friends celebrates

the passing of his parents. He and his brother are the best of friends, and realize that they were fortunate their parents' influence on them was minimal. I understand. I love my parents, though my dad can be very difficult... My life is easier because I have shut some people out, but that isn't perhaps the same thing (toxic friends).

[mykpart]

8. Yes, and most of them

are members of my family. 'Nuff said.

[SammyWinstonJack]

9. My Mom left me when I was 2yrs old and left me subjected to mean step mothers and other care takers

It shaped my life and not for the good.

[Bertha Venation]

16. BSN

As I said to critters, I didn't mean to hurt anyone with my post. I'm sorry, and I'm sorry for the hurt you've experienced.

[TommyO]

10. My life is better without my ex

The last I heard, he had drunk himself into blindness. It's been a long recovery for me, and it's still going on, but I'll make it, both financially and emotionally.

[Skittles]

11. when my brother died of alcoholism

I remember thinking, "I'll never have to worry about him again." :(

[SammyWinstonJack]

13. So sorry

:-(

[CaliforniaPeggy]

12. My dear Bertha...

Yours is an interesting story, and I am glad you've had a better life because of her absence.

You know I mean that. I've never been really close with my parents, but they didn't damage me too much...

My life is not better because someone is absent, however...

And there are a number of people whose deaths will leave me extremely bereft...


:hi:

[Bertha Venation]

18. Those days are coming, aren't they,

when we'll be heartbroken by someone's death. Sigh.

[old mark]

14. My first wife - not dead, just gone. Her entire family was - is -

fucking nuts, backstabbing, lying, evil - and or course, Christians. They spent their annual christmas get together talking about the "filthy Jews", etc.

They owned huge amounts of real estate, commercial properties, etc, and screwed me for every dollar they could get.

Never looked back - my life is unrecognisably better now.
BV, Merry Christmas.

mark

[Bertha Venation]

19. mark

merry Christmas to you, and I'm glad your life is better.

[blueraven95]

17. ...

:hug:


There are a couple of people who have made my life easier because of their absence, but like you, I don't say that with any joy.

[QueenOfCalifornia]

20. Oh shit

My mother died when I was 14 - that's 37 years ago. She was a mean, hateful woman who told me as often as she could that I ruined her life by being born. She resented me for being alive. My stepfather felt "stuck" with me. I always felt as though I was on the outside looking in. My father, the biological one, killed himself when I was 7, leaving me with the crazy woman, my mom. Had my mother not died I have no idea what would have happened to me. She beat me so severely and so often I think she may have ended up killing me. So, yes, I am better off without her.

I developed a biting wit early on to survive.

My mother had some good things about her. She was intelligent and funny. She was an exceptional cook and housekeeper. She introduced me to my love of traveling. She was mentally ill. I have forgiven her but I have never forgotten what she did to me.

I wish my father had not killed himself. I never got to really know him.

[Bertha Venation]

22. "She was mentally ill. I have forgiven her but

I have never forgotten what she did to me."

Exactly. :hi:

[QueenOfCalifornia]

25. ...

:hug: to you.

[ScreamingMeemie]

21. No. My life is far worse.

The sad part is that he really didn't believe me all those thousands of times I told him I couldn't live without him. He's in my blood.

[Bertha Venation]

23. L.

:hug: I can't imagine.

How's packing going? Are you to the "leave it here!" stage yet? :)

[ScreamingMeemie]

24. Why yes, yes I am...

I am in the smack the kids for not helping, sigh in frustration, I've sweated through enough tshirts stage. :) :hug:

[LaydeeBug]

26. Why do you think you are better off without your mother?

I know that is probably none of my business, but I have to admit I am curious.

[soleft]

27. My gf hasn't spoken with her family in 8 years

In someways I often wonder if would be better if her parents were dead, because they're still out there, and I think part of her clings to the hope of reconcilliation, but the reason she hasn't attempted to see if there's a shot of patching things up is because she knows she's better off and healthier without them.

[Eurobabe]

28. Yes. If my biological father

hadn't bailed on my mom when I was 4, then I wouldn't have my wonderful, witty & loving stepdad in my life.

I saw my real father when I was 18, and would you believe he tried to put the moves on me? I locked my bedroom door in fear that he would come into my room at night. I saw him once more with my husband in 1984 and haven't spoken to him since. My aunt said he hasn't had contact with her for 10 years now. I've made peace with the fact that he's just a strange dude.

In the meantime I enjoy the close relationship I have with my stepdad who legally adopted me in 1967. In my eyes, HE is my father.