What are some of the biggest bullshit lines you hear from people?

[drumwolf]

Let's think of common phrases/sayings that you hear all the time that indicate the person saying it is full of shit.

Here's mine:

That's just a label/I don't believe in labels

Translation: You've brought up a topic that is extremely inconvenient for me to address for whatever reason, so I'll weasel my way out of dealing with it in an honest manner by dismissing it as a "label."

I'm a nice guy

Translation: I'm either (1) a real pushover, (2) an asshole who doesn't understand why girls don't like me, or (3) playing the role of the nice guy right now because I want to sleep with you.

I'm not a racist, but...

Do I even need to explain this one?

[BlueIris]

1. Any statement that begins with, "Well, what I heard was..."

Which always makes me want to just walk away.

[nomorenomore08]

63. Yeah, third-fourth-fifth-hand accounts suck. It's like playing "telephone."

nt

[Capn Sunshine]

66. and the dependable variant "Some say"

anything that follows that phrase is probably bullshit

[Heidi]

2. "I have lots of gay friends" and "My great-grandmother was a Cherokee princess." (nt)

[skygazer]

3. I don't believe in...

As in, "I don't believe in global warming" or "I don't believe in evolution."

What does that even mean? The breathtaking lack of logic in both those statements is totally worthy of a :wtf:

[DarkTirade]

61. That or, "I don't believe in pre-marital sex."

Umm... I can do a quick google search and prove to you that it exists. :P

[ScreamingMeemie]

4. "No offense but..." and anything that starts with "you people" and/or

"you have to understand..." Guess what? No I don't. :)

[JVS]

15. Don't forget "with all due respect" followed by shitting all over whomever is being introduced

[BurtWorm]

49. That is precisely what I always mean when I say "With all due respect."

Translation: You are due no respect whatsoever.

It's one of my favorite phrases to throw into arguments with right wingers.

[Aristus]

5. "George W. Bush is a good, decent, moral Christian man..."

Biggest bullshit line in HISTORY! :eyes::puke:

[drumwolf]

12. Honestly, I think you don't even need to specify George W. Bush

Anyone who talks about being a "good, decent, moral Christian" about anybody will set off my bullshit detector.

[rcrush]

6. I love you

[skygazer]

7. Oh, and "I've never felt like this before."

[BlueIris]

8. "I don't vote."

Been a while since I heard that one, but still.

[drumwolf]

18. Actually, THAT's not the part that's bullshit.

When someone says "I don't vote," that's not bullshit in and of itself. That's a fact.

What's bullshit is when they say WHY they don't vote: "Politicians are all the same. Democrats, Republicans, no difference."

Translation: "I can't be bothered to understand the distinction between Democrats and Republicans because I'm too busy.... (1) watching American Idol, or (2) stroking my ego by being part of an extreme-left college communist organization or an extreme-right militia group."

[ghostsofgiants]

38. Well in the overall scheme of things, the Democrats and Republicans do sit within a very narrow...

Political spectrum. Is there a difference? Yes. Is it really that big? Not quite. Would I vote for a Democrat if I were American? Pobably. Do people do better under a Democratic government? Yeah. But just because they do better doesn't mean all is well. To assert that it's just ignorant extreme-left ego stroking is just as much bullshit as not voting because of it.

[XemaSab]

48. I've never heard anyone make the assertion that the two parties are the same

who wasn't a total douche.

[unpossibles]

67. me either

And it's usually some cop-out bullshit from a rightwinger. And by "usual" I mean "almost always."

That line is up there with "well, both sides are equally bad" or "the Democrats/Clinton do it too" or whatever.

While I agree that the parties are not that far apart ideologically on SOME issues, on most issues they are vastly different, both in message and in delivery of policy.

[redqueen]

9. "It's all just opinions."

(When discussing politics, science, etc.)

No, it isn't. That's music and art and favorite flavors.

There actually is no such thing as intelligent design/man's activities are affecting climate change/religion actually IS mythology/etc., there is no debate. You aren't entitled to believe snake-oil salesmen because you prefer their brand of nonsense to reality.

[Deep13]

16. You mean there is only one reality?

Damn! I guess I'll have to give up my fantasies and see how the world really works.

[Tommy_Carcetti]

10. "We can still be friends"

B.S., to the max.

[BlueIris]

17. And don't forget, "Maybe they'll be a chance for us again someday..."

Or the rationalization I once heard a person give for using that line: "That's just something people say sometimes."

[Tommy_Carcetti]

29. Or the ever popular "It's not you; it's me" line.

Face it. It is you.

[redqueen]

34. "to the max"?

Really?

:D

[Tommy_Carcetti]

35. I guess we can add "to the max" as well.

:)

[redqueen]

60. No!

It's totally tubular, dude! :D

[Radical Activist]

92. "I'm still getting over a bad relationship and don't want to date right now."

Translation: Right now I'm only having flings with losers and assholes who are better looking than you.

[Deep13]

11. Any statement that assumes disagreement comes from ignorance.

"No, you don't understand how astrology works!"

Actually, I do. That's why I know it is nonsense.

"You obviously haven't read (whatever.)"

Yes I have, but dismissed it.

[rcrush]

13. "I dont care about penis size"

[BlueIris]

22. "No, it's okay, really. I'm just glad you enjoyed it."

[BlueIris]

14. "I just don't see it that way," as an explanation for why

my right to choose is unimportant or racism isn't something we should all work to stamp out. Or it's obnoxious corollary, "I see things differently."

[Bertha Venation]

19. "I'm sorry if . . . " as in "I'm sorry if you were offended."

Say this, if you mean it: "I'm sorry THAT you were offended," or, better yet, "I'm sorry I offended you."

To say "I'm sorry if you were hurt" or offended or whatever is to discount the hurt or offense or whatever, and I even think the speaker belittles the hurtee or offendee or whateveree.

[BlueIris]

20. "It isn't working out."

Ugh.

[BlueIris]

21. "Where do you get your information (links please)?"

[Deep13]

42. Like every known fact has a website. nt

[Deep13]

23. "Who cares about the Constitution, this is serious!"

:wtf:

[Tommy_Carcetti]

24. When debating politics :"Well, if you don't believe in x, just don't do it."

Say, you're debating eating live puppies and kittens and someone who likes to eat live puppies and kittens tells you, "Well, if you don't believe in eating live puppies and kittens, just don't do it!"

Nope. That just doesn't fly by logic. I doubt just because I don't do it makes eating live puppies and kittens any less right.

Or the converse: "Well, if you truly believe in something, why don't you just do it yourself?"

Unfortunately, I think liberals can be guilty of throwing out this chesnut just as much as Republicans. I would shudder when from all reasons why the Iraq War was wrong, the best someone could come up with in response to a Republican warhawk was: "Well, if you believe in the war so much, why don't you go fight in it?"

Like we'd even want to contemplate Rush Limbaugh or Sean Hannity enlisting in the armed forces. Morale is bad as it is--just imagine the poor guy who gets stuck in a fox hole with one of those losers.

[Crazy Dave]

25. Actually I really don't like "labels" and only bring them up occasionally for clarity

As far as people go, gay people, African-Americans, etc. are all people just like me and should be treated and addressed the same. Even if I'm introducing one gay friend to another gay friend for the first time I don't even mention it or say, "____ meet ____, they're gay too", or "I just talked my African-American friend ____ and she said...."

[Tommy_Carcetti]

I try to do that.

But when it involves something cool, say when the first ever African American is elected to the presidency, you can't but help point that out.

[MorningGlow]

56. One of my hobbies is being intentionally obtuse to drive my mother crazy

If I'm talking to my mom about a particular person, and that person is AA, I absolutely refuse to note that s/he is AA. So I'll end up saying, "Oh, I can't remember her name. You know the one--she was wearing the blue shirt....YOU know--she was talking about politics....No? Come ON, I know you know who I'm talking about--she's really tall?" Etc. Invariably (because my mother is from a very different older generation) she'll exclaim, "OH! You mean the BLACK ONE!" :eyes:

[Deja Q]

73. Same here.

And on the (surprisingly rare) occasions I want to troll to uncover others' real emotions, I will consciously neglect to include labels. (Never mind that if a person puts in a label as the start of a topic thread or conversation, others may summarily brand the poster as being racist.)

In short, people can be damned if they do and damned if they don't.

All I've got to say is "Damn it, please try and think of perspectives - sometimes they don't fit your cozy stereotypes." :evilgrin:

[BlueIris]

26. "You're not being fair."

[begin_within]

27. Yeah the "label" thing has become trendy, i.e.,

how many men will say (or think), "Yeah, I'll go for it, but that doesn't mean I'm gay (or bi)." "That's just a label and I will not label myself. Now get to work."

[Tommy_Carcetti]

28. Customer service representatives...."I understand your concerns"

No, if you understood my concerns, you'd remove the BS service charge that should have never been put on there in the first place!

[Celeborn Skywalker]

54. We have to say that.

Seriously. Even if it's some asshole who thinks he's owed $10,000 or something, I still have to say that or I'm docked points if the call is reviewed.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

95. And "Your call is important to us"

Well, if it's do damned important, why don't you have enough people answering the phone instead of putting me on hold for 20 minutes?

[Maccagirl]

30. From acquantances: If you ever need any help

or "Please keep in touch!".

[mnhtnbb]

31. "You can trust me. " Boy, do I run the other way when I hear that.

[Deep13]

41. "Believe me..." or "I assure you you..." or "honestly..."

Suggests that the speaker is usually not trustworthy but, according to the speaker, this time is an exception. I do sometimes use "honestly" as a synonym for "frankly." In other words, "this is going to sound really offensive, but it is the truth so I have to say it."

[1gobluedem]

32. "It is what it is"

Huh?

[Tommy_Carcetti]

33. I hate, hate, HATE that phrase.

Perhaps because it reminds me of a crappy job I once said and one of the guys there said it all the time.

[Deep13]

45. Seems like a waste of breath, but it can be a statement of acceptance.

To the question of how could this happen, one might reply, "It is what it is, a freak accident."

[Deja Q]

72. I know what it means, but it is very annoying to hear...

The phrase is just a colloquialism to represent the abject resignation by the person saying it; the person not wanting to look for any hidden details (which may or may not exist either).

They could be like Counselor Troi and say "Sometimes a cake is just a cake", but that's too much verbiage to comprehend, never mind being an esoteric reference to an early-1990s science fiction television show.

[QueenOfCalifornia]

36. I only watch

PBS.

How fucking boring do you want to be?

[XemaSab]

57. There is a whole list of VERY smug lines that in and of themselves aren't bad

but raise the yellow flag for me. (Note well that tone of voice is critical here.)

"I don't have a TV."
"I only eat free-range/organic veal."
"I don't HAVE a car."
"I have a TV/washing machine/car/gill net/whatever but I never use it."
"There's this tribe of people who live in South America/Africa/Nepal/the South Pacific who believe that crack is a sacrament/boy children should be raped at birth/white skin is the mark of the devil/you should have sex with me right now."
"You're so lucky not to have a car... it's really a big hassle and I wish I didn't have one."
"Corporations are all evil." (Chaco, Columbia, and Prana are corporations, asshat. :eyes:)
"Logging is so horrible... we don't NEED wood."
"Clearcuts should be banned."
"Fossil fuels should be banned."
"Chemical fertilizers should be banned." (Note well: usually people saying this have NO CLUE about the difference between pesticides and fertilizers.)
"My girlfriend and I have decided to try monogamy for the month of July."
"Hemp will save the planet."
"Western medicine is nothing but quackery."
"Vaccines are poisons."
"My spirit animal is the wolf/eagle/cougar." (Said by a white person. Sparrows, gopher, and starlings are NEVER white people's spirit animals.)
"If I eat an animal I give an apology to its spirit."
Also, anyone remotely associated with Earth First is probably an idiot.

I heard ALL THIS AND MORE in 4 years at Humboldt State. I'm sure some folks here can add to this list.

Basically, I think every one of these lines is a smug judgement, and NOBODY is more smug than a self-righteous hippie. NOBODY.

[Kali]

68. "I have a gill net but I never use it."

:rofl:


Oh I have a good story about spirit animals, too.

[XemaSab]

70. Do share...

:popcorn:

[Kali]

77. Local Indian guy (actually raised in LA, not affiliated with any local tribes)

taking blond German tourists in a hiking tour to the local "Indian Cave" (big granite boulders leaning up against each other). (oh and crossing a posted fence to do it - lots of great PC symbolism to discuss there, too) I'm sitting in my van at the end of our road waiting for the kids' school bus - about this time of year when it gets dark early. I'm watching his little group climb the fence, come around a curve in the road and get into his jeep, drive off. Right behind them emerges (my second life time viewing of) a mountain lion. Follows exactly their path - through the fence up the road and around the curve, before veering off into the brush.

Few weeks later. I run into him at some local music event. I ask "So, is the lion your totem animal?" He says "Huh?" and I tell him the story above. He gets this absolute look of horror that quickly changes to "inscrutable" and mutters something like "wow that is cool". But I know it scared the shit out of him. Hee hee. He never knows what to do with me because I know he is putting on an act. But its good shit and I only wish I could handle the tourists the same way.

[XemaSab]

81. Lions are cool

And I would say in order to claim an animal as your totem, you should have at least seen the critter once. Which rules out 99% of Americans. :P

[Kali]

86. I'd give him being stalked and having it witnessed.

:rofl:

[Mr. Blonde]

74. But this is my only line

"There's this tribe of people who live in South America who believe you should have sex with me right now."

And here you call it bullshit. It is like naked man it works two out of every three times.

[mike_c]

82. oh you wanna go there, do you...?

I'm a Humboldt Stater who has no TV, is an aging hippie, life-long stoner who hates capitalism, corporations, and industrial forestry. Hemp is cool. Monogamy, well, the less I say on THAT topic where certain other people know my user name, the better, I think. Hemp IS the utter shiznitz. I unequivocally endorse Earth First! Well, most of the time. I've spiked trees for Jesus, back in the day.

Oh, and I'd be tempted to submit a grade change and flunk you in BIOL 330 retroactively, just to piss you off-- you're beautiful when you're angry-- except that my spirit wolf said he'd hide the bong if I did.

:evilgrin:

[XemaSab]

84. Yeah, but you eat meat, use chemicals, drive a truck, and have a degree in science.

Which makes you a fascist in many eyes. :P

[WildEyedLiberal]

89. Did you know my ex?

:shrug:

He was a HUGE pseudo-green, by which I mean he used "environmentalism" to shove his perceived moral and intellectual superiority down everyone's throat. The "I don't have a TV" line was one of his favorites, and conveyed with every drop of smug self-righteousness that he could muster. In that simple statement of fact he managed to convey that he thought that anyone who had ever owned or watched television was about ten leagues beneath him. What a fucking jackass.

Preachy smarmy lefties are JUST as bad as preachy smarmy righties.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

37. I love you.

Biggest Bullshit Line EVER...my experience anyway. YMMV

[raccoon]

39. "I hate to say, 'I told you so,' but...." nt

[LanternWaste]

40. So little time, so many answers...

1. "I don't judge people..." (we all do)

2. "Shoving their beliefs down my throat.." (again, we all do-- from political proselytizers to religious canvassers)

3. "With all due respect..." (that's a giveaway that we're about to presented with a lack of respect)

4. "This may not be a popular position to take" (translated: not only do I love being a martyr, I'm also a difficult person)

[victoryparty]

43. "Oh, I think Sarah Palin is brilliant!"

Yes, I actually heard someone say this during a recent visit to MO. I remembered the line from Mencken: Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American People.

Sigh.

[NewJeffCT]

44. Anything that followed "My friends..." before the election

courtesy of John McCain.

[crimsonblue]

46. I just read on a website the other day

that chicks dig the long ball.

[ogneopasno]

47. "I'm so...." (wacky, drunk, honest) -- I hate it when people TELL me what they are. Because

usually, they aren't.

[XemaSab]

58. My experience:

Usually when someone says they're SO drunk, they're telling the truth and you should take a few cautious steps backwards. :P

[ogneopasno]

62. Heh. My experience: When someone says "I'm SOOO drunk" it means they're looking to score.

[XemaSab]

64. Either looking to score or vomit

Sex with really drunk people isn't that great.

Either way: back up a few steps. :P

[MilesColtrane]

90. Still, given the choice between not that great sex and no sex...

Yes, I am a pig.

[Twillig]

99. That's the punchline to a 'blonde' joke.

"what's the mating call of the blonde....?"

[Tommy_Carcetti]

50. "Ronald Reagan won the Cold War"

[meegbear]

51. TRUST ME

Q.E.D.

[Zavulon]

52. "I hate Bush as much as anyone, but..."

You see that here a lot. Trolls, trolls, trolls.

[harmonicon]

53. when they yell this at you:

"she lives with her boyfriend!!" what crap.

[sarge43]

55. "Sure I respect you baby."

Yes, yes. Shouldn't have asked in the first place.

[Oeditpus Rex]

59. 'I hate to tell you this, but...' and 'I'm sorry, but...'

You freakin' love to tell me this and you most certainly aren't sorry to do so.



BTW, your second "definition" is partially flawed. Some of us really are nice guys.

[otherlander]

65. Can I say something about the third one?

I know it's often used to preface the person saying something that's totally racist, but what if it was used in another manner? Like, I'm not a racist, but I still benefit from racist institutions?

[Kali]

69. I'm never doing that/going there again. Ever.

right.

[Deja Q]

71. Perception being 9/10ths of the law, of course...

Or in this case, 2/3rds as for one of those three examples it is YOU playing the inconvenience card. :)

After all, even Mike Stivic got tired of Archie Bunker and told him time and again "Why do you always have to label people?" Unless Mike really didn't care...

[XemaSab]

96. Check your quote

:hide:

[IntravenousDemilo]

75. Here's a good one:

8" cut, smooth body, swimmer's build, 30-ish.

In personal ads, this generally means 5" cut, patchy body hair + backne, the kind of build you get from swimming between the couch and the fridge, and 39.

[Mr. Blonde]

76. What if people call you a nice guy?

Oh and, "Nickelback isn't awful."

[crim son]

78. "I'm not offended,"

usually said angrily & with fuck you overtones.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

79. "I'm only trying to HEEEELP youuuu"

BARF.

Said by bitchy little seventh grade girls. Used by control freaks as a coverup for the fact that they think you are incompetent to run your own life, and they'll be glad to tell you what to do -- even though you did not ask for their help.

[rvablue]

80. Amen to this....dealing with someone like this right now!! n/t

[Jamastiene]

83. OMG, I can soooo totally relate to that.

I can't stand it when somebody tries to "help" me. If I am unable to fight them back, it usually costs me one way or another.

[Fire Walk With Me]

85. "We are fit to judge you."

That of course always from people who were content to allow Bush to do whatever he wanted for eight full years.

[Inspired]

87. Don't take it personal, it's only business.

[frogmarch]

88. "Don't take this the wrong way, but..." and

"I don't mean this the way it sounds, but..."

[Radical Activist]

91. "I've never done this before"

Translation: I did this with three different guys last week and I'm going to tell my sucker boyfriend he's a nice guy when I dump him tomorrow.

[FloridaJudy]

93. "So-and-so means well"

Like fun. You never hear anyone say this about genuinely kind, decent people: it's always said about the grade A assholes you're forced to put up with.

[old mark]

94. From "Human Resources" - " We're very concerned about your

use of sick leave", and " What can we do to help you?"

Translates to "we have tried to find ways to fire you for being sick, and we just can't - so far - give us time, though...."


Bastards.

( Actually nearly everything you hear from Human Resources is bullshit.)
mark

[mcctatas]

97. "I promise I'll change"

or any variation thereof.

[Rabrrrrrr]

98. "I'm pregnant, fawn over me and be excited!" and "Do you want to hold my precious little perfect

child, look I fucked! hold him oh isn't he a darling and aren't I just the most amazing person ever to have had sex and then have a child look at that don't you wanna hold him?!?!?!"

[Name removed]

100. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[BlueIris]

101. "I'm not one to gossip."

Usually thrown out there just before someone hurls a big pile of rumors at me.

[Tommy_Carcetti]

102. "I'm not feeling very well. I shouldn't have had all that bran and prune juice to eat."

That person is truly full of shit.