I'm a "husband" now. It feels GREAT!

[JanMichael]

But I guess I really have an issue with the term "Wife".

It sounds too proprietory for me, sort of an antiquity...Like a term of "ownership"? Yet there needs to be a label for a partner in a relationship. Is this a post-modern dichotomy of some sort?

I guess this stems from my grandparents. My Grandfather always, always, refers (yes, they're still around) to my Grandmother as "the Wife". The Ironic thing about that is that they have always had an "equal" relationship, decisions were always made together with a leaning toward the "Wife". My Grandfather never really wanted, I can only guess, to be the ONLY voice in the family.

Decisions always took awhile to get made but eventually they did get made. There was always a certain ambiguity in that household.

But now I see that as an honorable position, I wish to have Equality as well. Screw the ambiguities!

So back to labels...Am I daft to not just glom onto the word "Wife"?

[Aristus]

1. Congrats, JanMichael.

Marriage is wonderful. It has its ups and downs, but basically it is terrific.

I remember how freaked out I was when I used the term "wife" for real for the first time.

:toast:

[Lady Freedom]

2. Congrads!

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

3. the role of Wife can be as narrow or as large as the couple

allows it to be. Same with husband.

When two people come together to live as a family, what difference does it make?

We are too friggin hung up on labels.

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

4. Oh, yeah... duh...sorry... Congratulations. Getting married was

the best thing I did until we had children. It is still a great thing 12 years later.
May you find peace and joy only.

[JanMichael]

8. Labels ARE language.

When faced with an introduction one must, or at least make due, with labels or the newly known people will be bere(i)ft of some pertinent information.

Perhaps I'm just being too tight with my new situation?

[Momof1]

5. In a few years, you won't remember when you didn't use the term wife

And if you are really lucky, you won't be able to remember when you weren't called Daddy. Its the best experience in the world. I wouldn't have a damn thing right now if it wasn't for my hubby--which BTW that term bugged me at first too. :)

[DEMActivist]

6. Knowing your "wife" like I do, might I suggest...

you ask HER instead of us what she'd like to be called?

Otherwise, you might get a well deserved *thwack* upside the head. :evilgin:

Congratulations to you two!

[Cha]

7. It always irritates me when someone says "the wife" as opposed

to "my wife" which seems more personal and meaningful!

[JanMichael]

11. Wouldn't "The Wife" be more appropriate?

"My Wife" denotes ownership whereas the other is a title...? I don't want to own anyone!

I'm just bs'ing here but my concern is sincere.

[Cha]

12. I just don't look at it that way as "ownership" it's more like

"my wife" as opposed to just any wife. And you are her husband!

I guess it's just semantics and the way we look at things.

[Scimmio]

21. "The Wife"

At least it accurately denotes the possessor of power in the marriage. :)

Congrats.

[DemoTex]

9. She is not "the wife." She is "Stephanie":

But she is now your wife, so it is completely appropriate that you refer to her as "my wife" or "my wife, Stephanie". My wife Nancy, a long-time womens' activist, has no problems with that nomenclature.

[fishnfla]

10. Its antiquated alright

Just call her "woman" or like the bikers 'round here "old lady".

seriously I've been married now for , for, umm, oh yeah, 13 years. Wife is a term I never use. I call her by her name, people will know who you're talking about. Just say " My Stephanie" Everyone will be jealously like, hey where can I get me one of them.

Congrats at 'ya there JM, aint nothing like being happily married.

[JanMichael]

13. Ack! "My Stephanie"!!!!!!!!!

Thank you!

Honestly, I'm just not keen on the label of "Wife"...

I don't mind her refering to me as a "Husband" but then again we "white males" have been in control in America for what seems like eons, got no problem with the conotations.

Thanks again for the suggestion as well as the well wishes!

[disgruntella]

14. my unmarried friend has a term

for the woman who he has been in a committed relationship with for about 10 years (they also have a 4-yr old son). They do not plan to marry.

He calls her "my sweetheart" :-)

This always makes me smile. I think there are lots of other alternatives to "wife" if the word has bad associations for you.

[Fovea]

18. Indeed

Sweetheart is what I and my sweetie use, and we have been living together for 7 years, just about.

[JohnKleeb]

15. congrads again

words other than wife. my best friend?

[ewagner]

16. Know the problem

Syliva and i have struggled with te "wife" thing for years but have come to just ignore it because the term is so wide-spread it makes no sense to fight it. It really doesn't mean much anyway.

btw...in the unsolicited advice column, I was told before I was married that the secret to a long and happy relationship is this: "When you're wrong, admit it; when you're right, shut up.!!!

Congrats again

[Fridays Child]

17. What you call it, how you live it...here are some people who take such...

...issues very seriously:

http://www.partnershipway.org/

And congratulations, JanMichael!
:toast:

[private_ryan]

19. congrats

and it seems you already feel guilty about something you shouldn't.
"Wife" is as proprietory as "husband". You're her husband and she's your wife.

[Ramsey]

20. Congratulations!!!

I waited a very long time to be a wife. It feels good to have that person that is committed to you and sees you through thick and thin.

[SyracuseDemocrat]

22. Congrats!

:toast:

[cherryperry]

23. Please add my congratulations to you both as well!

Husband and Wife sound just fine to me ... What really gets to me is when they say, "I now pronounce you man and wife". Now, that's offensive; but, "I now prounce you husband and wife" is wonderful IMO. Whatcha think about that?

[wellstone_democrat]

24. congrats and...

"the wife" is generic, and hints at a sort of TV sitcom stereotype complete with "beleagured husband" sighing as he says it.

"my wife" is no more "proprietary" than "my husband"---any terms that describe relationships are really to clue others in on what that relationship is. I would not sweat this one. Does she? You don't say. I'm an old line feminist and I have no problem with it---its the customary designation and everything else sounds awkward and forced. What he truly is is the love of my life---and introducing him that way to strangers sounds not only too cloying but too personal.

As for slow decisions ... sounds like something else at work there rather than just a failure of grandpa to be dictatorial! Maybe neither grandma or grandpa (or one of them) just didn't like to commit to a final decision but dithered! My husband and I are about as egalitarian as it gets and either we agree fast, one cares about something more than the other, or we get down to making whatever decision or compromise needs to be made.

In any event, we are heading into year 15 and I don't think there is anything better in the world than a good marriage or relationship of deep committment. It gets you through a lot--good and bad. Its the best life has to offer.

May yours be as blessed and as happy

[DemBones DemBones]

25. Congratulations! I hope you and Stephanie will be very

happy. I've been a wife since 1967 and can't remember ever objecting to the term. You seem to have a problem with the phrase "the wife" and not the phrase "my wife." "The wife" sounds impersonal. "My wife" doesn't imply ownership but relationship, the same as "my child." (Of course, I have an offspring who always hated the term "child," preferring "kid," but that's another matter!)

A toast to marriage! :toast:

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

26. I deeply hope...

That in these chaotic and uncertain times, you and Steph find a way to beat all odds, overcome all obsticles and grow old together surrounded, nurtured and strengthened by your love for each other. It is a tough world these days, and it takes two strong and courageous people to remain true to their marraige vows and stay together for life.

Remember: Morals are between you and your "higher power". Your god, if you will. Ethics are between PEOPLE. Remain ethical with each other and you will stand a far better chance of remaining together all your days.

I wish the two of you nothing but peace, prosperity, joy, and love.

Especially love.

[JanMichael]

27. Our love is a product of this chaos.

Seriously. If not for the chimp we probably would have never met...

That's a sobering thought eh?

In regard to Steph? I adore, love, respect, admire, worship, and generally bow down, to her existance.

We basically made a choice, the alternatives were inferior. Then we acted on it.

She became me. I have no idea how that happened but it did....

[LeftCoast]

28. Congrats JanMichael!

:party:

[sandnsea]

29. If that's the biggest problem you ever have...

you'll be in wedded bliss forever!

Congratulations and she'll let you know!

[bearfan454]

30. Congratulations !

Enjoy ! I love being married most of the time.ha ha. Just kidding.