Have you ever decided it was time to cut off a friendship?

[drumwolf]

About a month or so ago I decided to cut off all contact with someone who was supposedly a good friend of mine. To make a long story short, he wasn't the most stable person and being around him was way too much drama for too little reward.

Ever had friendships like that?

[redqueen]

1. Yep.

With my old roommate Lisa.

[quakerboy]

2. Only once

Most of those situations seem to die on the vine with me. I am honest with people, and so that sort don't seem real into hanging out with me. Only time I cut a friendship was when someone was interested in me, and I was not in her. I wish her well, but she was never going to understand short of a complete cessation of communication.

[Quantess]

3. Yes.

Many times. Usually it only lasts a few months, but in a few cases it is for good.

[Shell Beau]

4. I cut off a friendship with the gal I worked with. I never really felt

all that close to her but she asked me to be in her wedding after only knowing her for a couple of months. I was so put on the spot that I said yes, but after I switched jobs, I just slowly cut off contact with her. It was weird.

[XemaSab]

5. I have, yes

She was a really good friend through high school, but at a certain point, the drama became too much.

[Mollis]

6. A few times, actually.

I am only 18, but I have gone through many phases of friends.
One I decided to not be in contact anymore because she lied about absolutely everything, drank (was only 15-16), and had a horrible attitude. She lied about her friend killing himself, even. She also broke into the house of my late best friend a week after his funeral. She was a horrible person.
Another was my best friend for about 8 years. She completely changed, lied about a lot of stuff, as well, and started to turn into quite the slut. She was also involved with the breaking into my friends house after his funeral. Then claimed she had a "reason," she just couldn't tell me.

[DarkTirade]

7. I can't recall consciously choosing to do so.

I just kind of start seeing less and less of those people until it just fades away. :shrug:

There have been times when I've avoided people for a short period of time, just for my own sanity. Exes mostly. :)

[Bertha Venation]

8. I've been the unstable one, the one who was cut off.

More than once. I was extremely troubled in my early adulthood and I don't blame anyone for cutting me off. In retrospect, I see they did what they had to do for themselves.

I hope you don't regret your decision. You must take care of yourself first; else you won't be any good to anyone else.


:hi:

[mdmc]

26. yes

my thoughts .. experience as well..

[harmonicon]

9. yep

last year I had a big falling out with several friends of mine - people who I was actually quite close to. Some shit got pulled, and I sent an email saying "explain this fucking shit, or you're no longer my friends". Apparently it was assumed that it would just blow over, but that wasn't the case - I wouldn't make a statement like that lightly. So, yeah, I now have fewer friends that don't seem to give a damn about backstabbing me. Not my loss.

[Haole Girl]

10. Yes

Sometimes a person is better off without certain people in their lives.

[AspenRose]

11. Yep

I have a "friend" from college who was all drama, all the time. Very self-absorbed. Everything was always about her. She never asked about how I was doing, never sent birthday cards, never made it a point to visit. She became exhausting to be around: I got tired of it and only contact her once a year now (a Christmas card).

[HEyHEY]

12. yeap

[raccoon]

30. Yeap? Is that a Canuckism? nt

[Runcible Spoon]

13. ohhhhhh yeah, and not just any friend, my best friend of 8 years

I dumped my boyfriend at the time I dumped her. We all lived together, and they started sleeping together. I could forgive that, since I was on the verge of kicking his ass out anyway, but then they "fell in love" and she started enabling his crazy behavior. He dropped out of school, she lent him money, fed him, cleaned up after him, they both started developing really disturbing behavior, like communicating in code so (they thought) I wouldn't understand. After about 2 months of living in this Den of Insanity, I decided they could fucking have each other. I moved out, haven't spoken to either of them since. I could give a rat's ass about the ex-boyfriend, but losing her still aches. I hear from friends who are still in the area that she isn't doing so well, has no social life, and still lives with him in a shithole apartment. When I hear that, I feel some schadenfreude mixed with pity...

Oh well, GOOD RIDDANCE.

[astral]

14. I had a very self-absorbed friend like that

knew her from Jr. High school, and she would, in the last ten years, call me from time to time (long distance) and go on and on and on about herself, her lovely grandkids, what a great cook she is and how good looking she still is (I wouldn't know; haven't seen her!) and maybe once in 15 calls she paused to ask how me and mine were doing - she wouldn't let me finish ONE SENTENCE before she was back on raving about her stuff.

I found it kind of humorous, after a certain point, and sometimes would just cut her off and tell her I had to be somewhere, other times just let her yak away while I surfed the net. . .

I was never mean to her; I would just never get around to picking up the phone and calling HER. It's been over a year now, I think, since she's called me finally.

She's probably thinking what a self-centered b!+<h I am for never ringing her up <<<LOL!>>>

[Eurobabe]

25. I am going though something similar

with my "best" friend of almost 27 years. To make a long story short, she is stuck somewhere that I don't want to be anymore. This woman (48 y/o) has been yammering about her health problems for the better part of 18 years. Every conversation is all about her, her lousy health, how hard she works, her crazy family, her stupid boyfriend (her words) that she is marrying in January for his health care bennies and retirement plan. She doesn't love him like her first husband, all she wants his $$ and his benefits. I have had to bite my tongue several times because she expects him to sell his townhouse near the train station (he already commutes an hour by train to get to work in the city) and she has been looking at huge houses out in the country for her dogs to roam. Oh, but it doesn't matter that M. will have to add another 30-45 minutes onto his commute.

She runs from one doc to another to find the GOD who is going to cure her. I guess one of the final straws for me (to pull back) was during a recent conversation when she actually listened to me for 5 sec. and said "oh you are in a funky mood, you are not my sunny, fun friend today, I'll call you back later." I thought, you selfish beo-yatch! I listen to you whine, complain, dump for years and I happen to be in a not so great mood when you call, and you have the audacity to blow me off. How RUDE!

I've always known that she has a self-centered streak, I guess it just really bothers me now, especially in light of her treatment of her new fiance. Even though it is sad, I haven't lived close to her for over 10 years, I suppose it just fizzled out, and for the better.

[malta blue]

15. Yes - it was very difficult because I was the only person that

actually gave a shit about him. :(

I tried to just ignore him. I am sorry to say that the last time I heard from him was the night he died of a cardiac infection that he contracted in Africa. He was only 33. :cry: He called me and I ignored that call. I did not learn of his death for another 5 weeks and was devastated.

[enigmatic]

16. yes

For a chunk of people out there, Drama is their drug of choice. 24/7, never a break.

Drama isn't my drug, so I stay as far away from them as I can.

[Turbineguy]

17. Once

He died shortly thereafter. When I am your friend, it's for life. Your really have to screw up.

[BlueIris]

18. Oh, yeah. And I'm so much the better for it. nt

[lildreamer316]

19. Yep.

May have to do so to another..it's looking like too much crap also.
It sucks.

[InvisibleTouch]

20. Several times.

Although I'm pretty nonjudgmental with my friends and acquaintances, there are certain lines that shouldn't be crossed, and I expected (silly me!) loyalty from my friends. Blatant public knife-in-the-back is pretty much the point of no return for me. There are people I have cut out of my life from one moment to the next, and have been infinitely better off for it. I've also been better off for not expecting so much from the next set of friends. :)

[Quantess]

23. Truer words have never been spoken.

Blatant, public, knife in the back, or would that be a knife in the heart announcement of embarrassing stuff done in a mean spirited way, is enough to make me never want to ever speak to my former best friend of 10+ years.

No way. It's already been 2 years since that horrible night.

[emilyg]

21. Yep.

[RetroLounge]

22. Yeah.

Divorce will do that...

RL

[Eurobabe]

24. Yes, a couple of times

The older you get, the less likely I am to settle for drama queens or kings. It's healthier! :hi:

[Mad_Dem_X]

32. Yes, sometimes you need to do it

for the sake of your own mental health and emotional well-being.

[BreweryYardRat]

27. Yeah.

He was getting way too into hard drugs and dealing, and his personality was also changing from "decent" into "jackass."

[MorningGlow]

28. Sadly, yes

It's happened several times in my life, most recently with my two best friends, a couple of years ago. It was all about drama (there's that word again--it's appeared so many times in this thread!), this time in our coven. My best friend of 30 years and I had been founding members of the coven, and my second-oldest friend of 15 years was the high priestess. When the drama and politics and gossip and infighting got to be too much, I knew it was time to take a break. But I knew it was going to be permanent. I haven't seen or spoken to them since. I still miss them--rather, the people they used to be. I don't like who they've turned into recently. I don't miss that at all.

[The Doctor.]

29. Several.

Biggest pet peeve; serial liars and people who reinvent events and edit their memories.

Buh-Bye.

[Mad_Dem_X]

31. I ended a long-distance friendship after 21 years

We wrote back and forth to each other starting in 1986 (she's in CA, I'm in DE). We met once, when she came for my wedding. She was/is very emotionally immature. She started to criticize me on how often I wrote and how long my letters were. Finally, I sent her an email basically saying, "If you no longer want me to write to you, I won't." I cut off all contact with her after that; I didn't need the aggrevation.

[mulsh]

33. yes, one of my oldest and closest friends.

We'd been friends since we were around 12. He was the only friend who my mother couldn't stand. and I had some seriously sleazy friends at the time.
as we moved into our 20's & 30's it slowly dawned on me that this guy was a text book sociopath. that he had no ability to empathize and lacked even rudimentary compassion. he espoused solid "liberal" values but not in any personal way.I avoided him for a number of years. shortly after I got married we had a bit of reconciliation. When my wife met him. her reaction was " I don't care what you do with him but I don't want him in my house or anywhere around me.' similar to my mom's reaction. Around this tiem he pulled a couple of despicable acts with some mutual friends and that was it. no contact for over 10 years. I ran into him recently and the years haven't improved him. He's still a sociopath.

[Iggo]

34. Yep.

When I quit dope I cleaned house. About half of 'em went quietly. The others I had to have "the talk" with. Ugh. It sucks when you have to tell grown-ups "we can't be friends anymore." I got real good at it, though.