I love the local news. It keeps one well informed.

[Tom Kitten]

Today's top headlines: it snowed yesterday! It's cold out, so if you have to go out, be sure to bundle up! And now for a live report..."Look at this shopping center parking lot! It's covered with ice and snow! And there are no cars! Is this a bad omen for retailers who depend on Christmas sales for their livelihood?" "Live from the side of a freeway - traffic is light and drivers seem to be well behaved...no wrecks yet! What gives? Back to you, Jeff and Kimberly!" Jeff and Kimberly: "ha ha ha ha!"

[trof]

1. Well, we had what amounted to an 'infomercial'.

Some attorney paid for two masseuses to come to his office and give 5 minute 'chair massages' to his "stressed out" secretaries and paralegals.
There was a 1 minute video clip, complete with info on how YOU can get this service.
And this was NEWS.

And there were 2 cute puppies from the local shelter up for adoption.

Oh yeah, and you should be sure and lock your car while you're in the mall shopping.
Good advice.
:sarcasm:

[Z_I_Peevey]

5. Hey, I saw a national report on dollar stores.

Did you know there are stores that sell everything for 99 cents? It's true! And people shop there to get bargains! It's a sign of the times!

[rcrush]

2. Our local news team likes to test for poop.

They go into random business and swab door handles and the floor to test for fecal matter. Then when it comes back positive they make it a big story and ask random people in the parking lot how horrified they are cause poop is everywhere.

[Fleshdancer]

3. I decided local news was too scary to watch

Apparently every pedophile ever known could be living RIGHT DOWN THE STREET! Everything I eat will probably MAKE ME SICK! All local restaurants ARE FILTHY AND NOT UP TO CODE! Fortunately Texans are usually spared the winter weather drama reports. The reporters don't start getting excited until TORNADO WATCH season.

Silly local news.

[Tom Kitten]

4. Late breaking update

Now they're interviewing John Q. Public about what it's like being outside in the cold and snow...Reporter" "What's it like being out here in the cold and snow" John Q.: "Well it's a bit nippy out here, I'll say that!" Reporter: "How are you managing to deal with all this cold and snow?" John Q.: "Well, I try to dress for it...Wear warm clothing, you know, that sort of thing..." Reporter: "Well there you have it! Live from the streets of >yourcityhere<, it's back to you, Mike and Julie!" Mike and Julie: "ha ha ha ha that's good advice! And now for this just in from our weather room..." "Weather room: It's still cold out there! Maybe more snow in a few days!" Mike and Julie: "Thanks, weather person...you heard it here first...It's cold outside and more winter is on its way! So bundle up!"