What to do if someone in your life alternately loves and hates you

[LaraMN]

but has some degree of authority over you and can (and seemingly will) fuck with your life if you don't keep them happy?

If you expected to be free of them in fairly short order, would you just let them screw you over as much as they feel the perverse need to, in order to get the hell away from them (rather than make an issue of what they did, and risk having to deal with them further)?

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. My dear Lara...

This is a tough one, sweetie...

I'm assuming this is about your husband...

Talk to a lawyer, OK?

I don't know what I'd do...

I'm sorry, sweetie...

:hug:

[Midlodemocrat]

2. Yikes I hope not. I was thinking it was one of her professors.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

3. Oh, Midlo, I hope not too...

But I have noticed some rancor between them appearing in her posts...

[LaraMN]

4. Yeah, not my husband.

That would be significantly worse.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

5. I'm relieved to hear this!

:pals:

[LaraMN]

6. Thanks! He's fine (aside from the wrist injury!)

In fact, he probably deserves a cheesecake or something really nice, because I've been a mess and rather mean, lately.

:(

[Tuesday Afternoon]

7. Who(m)ever it is, I would get away from ASAP.

:shrug: :hug:

[Heidi]

8. Be patient. Cats are like that. (nt)

[skygazer]

9. You're describing an abusive relationship

Staying in an abusive relationship and "just let(ting) them screw you over as much as they feel the perverse need to, in order to get the hell away from them (rather than make an issue of what they did, and risk having to deal with them further)" is usually the way people in them rationalize their behavior.

Having done that for some 8 years, I know that all it does is increase their authority over you and fuck with your mind in ways that never fully go away.

I'm done with that - I don't care who they are or what kind of authority they have, I won't let anyone fuck with me like that. And I advise you not to either.

[LaraMN]

11. Mine is a more temporary/situational relationship.

I agree with your characterization, though. I would never allow a person like that to be a continued presence in my life. I've got enough to worry about without unstable, antagonistic people messing with me. Most of us do.

[supernova]

10. Depends on how short order

If it's someone that I will be under from in say, a month or two, I might let them be.

If it's someone that I have to live with for the foreseeable future, then I have to say something. But I have to say it in a way that is professional and takes the emotion out of it. You can also talk to someone above them, again in a diplomatic way.

Assuming of course, this is all work-related.

[LaraMN]

12. Like, within the month, I will not have to see/ deal w/ them anymore.

I think the damage will be minimal given the short time frame that I have to continue to deal with them, and I don't want to draw out the drama.

[supernova]

14. OK, then you've about got it licked

Just try to keep the damage they do minimal when they are in a "down" mood. And don't make any new promises to them.
:hug: Good luck.

[Haole Girl]

13. Should you "let them screw you over as much as they feel the perverse need to.."?

No. Knowing what I know now about life, even without knowing the specifics, I would have to say no.

Good luck. Keep your family safe... and your sanity safe too. :hug:

[Deep13]

15. Ah, you mean my mother.

I finally had to put my foot down and let her know very bluntly that I was not her verbal punching bag and that I would not take any more shit.