Is sexuality a continuum?

[CTLawGuy]

Recent revelations to me by a friend about his sexuality has led me to believe that sexuality is possibly a continuum - that maybe we are not completely straight or gay, but we are some percentage homosexual and some percentage heterosexual.

For example.
Someone who only has sexual and romantic relationships with opposite sex partners are 0% - 5% homosexual and 95% - 100% hetero

Someone who might hook up with someone of the same gender, but only considers people of the opposite gender for relationships are 25% gay and 75% straight.

Someone who has no preference for either is 50% hetero and 50% homosexual.

Finally,
Somebody who tends to favor the opposite gender for relationships but will also have relationships with someone of their own gender, maybe 40% gay and 60% straight. (I know people like this)

What does everyone think?

[everythingsxen]

1. I think it is possible..

:shrug: Sure why not.

All I know is love; if that love were to happen to be for a guy. :shrug: Well.. what would I do? One cannot deny their heart.

Fortunately I am in love with a great woman, so I do not need to ponder such things! :D

[Rowdyboy]

2. I think you're right in general but

I can only speak for 1 person. I am a 100% prime USDA home grown homosexual.

[southerngirlwriter]

3. I think you're right.

Some people have told me that I'm bisexual because I appreciate how beautiful almost all women are.

I don't think that I am, because if I close my eyes and imagine myself in bed with a girl, I want to puke. (No offense to any lesbians on DU; I am sure you feel the same way if you close your eyes and picture yourself in bed with a guy.)

On the other hand, there aren't many men I find myself attracted to. I don't think that men are beautiful in the way that women are. However, male strength and power is something that turns me on quicker than anything else. I have only had sex with men in my life, and I don't see that changing in the future.

The does-who-you-find-sexually-attractive-make-you-gay-or-not debate is one I've had with many friends. I like the way you couched it in terms of behavior, not really attraction.

You make good points here. Food for thought.

[foreigncorrespondent]

9. Next time someone tells you...

...you are bi because you appreciate the beauty in a woman, just tell them to bugger off. Being appreciative of a beautiful looking woman doesn't mean you deisre that person.

Hell there are a lot of beautiful women I truly appreciate looking at, but there is only one woman I desire. :)

On edit: My brain was working quicker than my fingers, had to put a word in I left out. LOL

[southerngirlwriter]

11. Thanks :-)

I think that whole notion goes to the stereotype that gay people are all horny and promiscuous all the time. Lots of people -- even some otherwise very reasonable people I know -- think that gay men want to fuck any guy who will hold still long enough and that gay women want every female. I am not sure why this notion persists, but it's stupid. The most healthy, loving, equal, passionate, and long-term relationships I've ever been exposed to in my life:

1.) My (hetero) grandparents
2.) My friends B & F (lesbians)
3.) My friends D & S (gay men)
4.) My friends B & A (lesbians)
5.) My pastor and his wife (hetero)

Granted, I'm only 25, but I've been exposed to lots of relationships as role models in my life, and gays own 3 of the top 5. Pretty impressive for 10% of the population. :D

[Dogmudgeon]

15. Here's a dumb question for you

If "strength and power" turn you on, what do you consider them to be? How are they expressed?

These attributes have been used to describe everything from liking men with money to enjoying heavy sadomasochistic play. What is it for you?

(Within the realm of your comfort zone and decorum, of course.)

--bkl
120v -- power determined by circuit resistance.

[southerngirlwriter]

19. a couple of different things....

I've never been involved with a guy who didn't have a sensitive side, but I appreciate the strength it takes to be stoic sometimes. I wear my heart on my sleeve; I can't help it.

And yes, I suppose you could say that it's partly a money thing. I've only had one serious relationship with a rich man, but it opened my eyes to a world I had never imagined. Some of my wildest dreams came true -- he was a self-made multi-millionaire, a genius at building wealth without hurting anyone (he treated his employees like GOLD), and if I expressed the merest fondness for something, he could, and often would, make it happen. I said I liked a certain band. I met the band in person less than two weeks later after a limo ride to front-row seats at a show. That was pretty amazing.

But mostly -- probably 95% -- it's physical strength. I need to feel safe and protected, and being with a man whose arms are very powerful and strong is something that I love on a level I don't even really have words for. I feel very proud when, say, at the cleanup for the church supper, it's MY man who can single-handedly move the refrigerator. I know that's silly, but I 'm being honest here.

No, I'm not into HEAVY s/m play, but MODERATE s/m play is something I've experimented with and enjoyed very much.

Thanks for asking -- it's not something I've really tried to put into words before.

[HawkerHurricane]

4. Yes, but...

Not so much gay/straight, but male/female. I think of it as a bell curve...

[CTLawGuy]

5. those are essentially

saying the same thing.

[Bill of Rights]

6. You're supposed

to consider factors such as:
1. Do you have fantasies about men or women?
2. Do you have emotional bonds with men or women?
3. Do you date men or women?
4. Are you intimate with men or women?

A person can look back at her history and answer these questions. I am known as a gay woman, but I have had some fantasies and emotional relationships with men. I can't do the intimacy thing, though. I would consider myself 90% lesbian, 10% hetersexual.

When you watch mainstream movies and see same-sex love making, does it excite you or bore you? How about hetersexual scenes?

Personally I get totally bored with heterosexual scenes and can't get enough of girl-girl romance.

On edit: spelling

[southerngirlwriter]

7. hmmmmm.....

1. Men
2. Men
3. Depends on how you define "date"
4. Men

I guess I still qualify as a breeder. :shrug:

[Djinn]

8. YEP

and so is gender - it's not as simple as the XX or XY chromosome patterns, there are variations.

I used to say I was pretty much hetero, but who knows maybe I could have found a female soul-mate but because I never looked in that direction she passed me by?

I generally find blokes sexually attractive but also think plenty of girls are sexy (Angelina Jolie - cliche right?), maybe one day I'll be with a woman - who cares?

I guess being brought up by parents who always said "with four kids, one's bound to be gay, who cares as long as it's not goats' they're into" and meant it - it's just never seemed to me to be the big deal many (mostly but not exclusively conservatives) make it out to be - that is sexuality itself is no biggie, not the discrimination people face that's a huge biggie

[AngryAmish]

10. Not a continuum

I think it is kinda U shaped. Definitely not a bell curve. Most people are close to 100% homosexual and/or 100% heterosexual. The mean (or mode) picks one sex. In my experience one would need to be a standard deviation away from the mean to be a bisexual.

[Dookus]

12. I think you're mistaken

about that. A lot of people, people you would never suspect, have regular same-sex encounters. One reason why there's a lot of anonymous male-male sex is because of all the married men who step out for some secret indulgence.

[AngryAmish]

14. Many married men do step out

However, it is not by any means a sizable minority. Any of us who have been to gay bars (or forest preserves) realize it is a small percentage of the married population who do such things. Observer bias does come into play at times.

[Dookus]

16. we don't know the real percentage

because the very nature of it makes it impossible to measure accurately. Men won't answer honestly in polls about this.

You think it's a negligible percentage. I think it's larger than you think it is.

[AngryAmish]

17. It depends what you say negligible is

Do you think it is larger than 2% of the married male population that is actively seeking gay sex on the side? Where I live, I think 2% may be high.

[Djinn]

20. another thing to consider

is that there are maybe millions of people who desire same sex "encounters" (hate that phrase) but because of societies and their own prejudices they hide it even from themselves...it'd certaibly explain a lot of the pointless anger and tension a lot of fundies/conservatives have!

[AngryAmish]

24. I do not think so

Many of my gay friends have gone through hell and high water to go to a place where their sexuality will not get them killed. There is a stereotype of the "kinda gay" freeper type who is completely self-loathing but likes to get gay sex on the side. Those married men who do not come out of the closet exist, but they make an impression when around and that does feed into observer bias.

[Dookus]

22. I believe

more than 2% of married men engage in same-sex encounters.

[AngryAmish]

25. You may be right

Assuming my (plainly and concededly so) made up statistics, one married male out of fifty would have sex with a man outside his marriage in a given year. I think you are right. The number is higher than 2%.

[Dogmudgeon]

13. You are what you is

A continuum seems a little 1-dimensional. People seem to have at least eleven.

Even in a single person, sexuality may have dozens or hundreds of manifestations. As a man, I have never been attracted to a man before, but I'd be a fool to think I've explored every facet of my sexuality.

Then again, there's no rule that dictates that a person has to explore every facet of their sexuality, or anything else, for that matter. So you are what you is.

--bkl
Fantasy world,
and Disney girls,
I'm comin' back

[Nikia]

31. Multi dimensional is probably more accurate

We must remember too that intimacy and emotional bonds were not always syanonymous with sexuality and are not necessarily throughout the world. Many people have very intimate emotional bonds with members of the same sex that some people think that should only be reserved for a lover but do not have sexual feelings for members of the same sex. In fact this was considered normal until until recently in this society. The opposite could be true, of course, for gays and lesbians.
Then there are issues of fantasy versus reality in actual sexual acts. Someone might enjoy looking at porn of one sex but not actually want to have sex with members of that sex.
Then there is who you would actually want to have a life long relationship with since monagamy is the accepted norm. Some people are more comfortable with other things though.
I know that I am not hitting on everything, but there are several factors that might not make it easy for a person to define their sexuality so easily. While for many people this may stay fixed, some people may actually change sexualities in these terms. Some may really be 100% on all these things. I don't know if most are. Most people my age (26) and younger who I have been close enough with to have this discussion are not 100% in some way but I don't pretend that this is a representative sample of the population.

[jpgray]

18. We're all a little gay. Bonobos and Classical civs, oh my! (nt)

[AngryAmish]

21. We are not apes.

It makes me berserk when people compare us to bonobos. Why not regular chimpanzees with the incest and cannibalism? We are not apes, we are men. We have free will.

[Jim Sagle]

23. I am not a number, I am a FREE MAN!!!!!

[jpgray]

26. The Romans and Greeks weren't apes. (nt)

[AngryAmish]

27. Then why did you associate Roman, Greeks and apes?

It seems that to compare homosexuals to animals would be about the lowest thing a person could do.

[Dookus]

28. he wasn't comparing homosexuals to animals

He was comparing human beings to apes, and scientifically, it's a very valid comparison.

They are our closest relatives - they can tell us a lot about ourselves.

[AngryAmish]

29. That is my point

Human behavior is so much more complex than what we can observe from lower animals. I do buy evolutionary biology. But we have a VERY complex social structure. We are not rats, we are not whales and we are not apes. We are men with free will and minds of our own.

All that is not to say that gay people were not made that way. I think that they were. But I suspect that more gay people have had heterosexual "experiences" that heterosexuals have had "gay" experiences. (the language does make one wince)

[Dookus]

30. Your point seems to shift

you feigned indignance that he would compare homosexuals to animals. I pointed out that he didn't do that. Then you said I made your point :shrug:

No, we don't draw CONCLUSIONS on human behavior from observing apes. But we do get some evidence. If, in fact, bisexuality is common in apes, our closest relatives, it's an indicator in FAVOR of bisexuality being more common in humans. Not proof, but evidence.