Do your siblings make you angry?

[Darth_Kitten]

:shrug: My sister is making me angry. It's March and she hasn't picked up the presents my Mom bought the grandkids for Xmas. Never thanks us for the presents or anything we send for the kids. Mostly it's US, or rather my mom making contact with her to talk and see how everybody is, my sister is so thoughtless. Honestly, I just don't get her sometimes, I really don't like the kind of person she is now. She seems to defer a lot to her husband, which is funny because she is actually a strong person, but she does tend to follow his lead in things. He's not a bad person, just sees himself as the protective family man. Kids have to be in private schools, must go to church. (gee do they teach in church to be ungrateful and ungiving towards your own family??) :( :eyes: Well, will it kill them to acknowledge the extended family more, especially for the kids' sake? We love those kids and I KNOW it's breaking my mom's heart that everything always has to be so hard. :(

Oh, I wish I could say something, but don't want to make things bad because, trust me, if I said something to my sister it would shake things up. :(

[fudge stripe cookays]

1. Yes, my brother is an asshole.

I have 1 brother, 12 years older than me.

He's sort of an island unto himself. Has never given a damn about anyone but himself, never married, anything.

I went through a really hard time after my dad died. My mom "dated" (for lack of a better word) this loser guy on and off for 10 years. I could really have used a stable male influence in my life. I hardly ever saw my brother because he can't stand my mom, and always thought of me as the bratty kid sister.

We were finally beginning to develop a brother/sister relationship several years ago (I thought). He was supposed to have dinner with my mother and reprehensor and I when rep first moved down from Canada. He didn't show up. My husband and my brother have still never met.

Then he told me he wasn't going to make it to my wedding (after he had already told me he would be there). He "had" to work. He didn't HAVE to work; he chose to work. Every company in the civilized world recognizes family events such as weddings, funerals, etc. Asshole.

We haven't spoken since.

Grrrrrrrrrr. Yeah...my sibling makes me pretty freaking angry.

[dolo amber]

2. Oh, and how

Typical story:

One of my sisters is unable to have kids. A mutual friend of ours called last week to tell me she was having another child, and of course, I was thrilled for her. Then she tells me she'd spoken with my sister earlier and that she'd said "Well, I guess that's good...I dunno, it just seems to me that with 2 kids you have to be twice as scared...I mean, it just doubles the chance something awful would happen to one of your children."

WTF is THAT about?!

But again, that's totally typical of this sibling. Terribly jealous, spoiled, two-faced etc. since day one. :grr:

[WyLoochka]

3. My brother is a huge

disappointment. He's steadily moved over his life into becoming an immoral, unethical bully. Takes advantage of everyone and leverages every situation to the max. His hero is Jack Welch.

[curse10]

4. Not usually

we get along pretty well since we are all older now. Although I seriously question my brother's taste in women.

[NicoleM]

5. Nah.

It's hard to get too worked up over people I see a maximum of twice a year, or not at all.

[GOPisEvil]

6. I killed mine off!

Not really, I'm an only child. Sometimes I'm really happy about that. :D

[commander bunnypants]

7. Not angry, I just dont like talking to my brother

He is a mean, depressed man, who needs to get over thiings that are out of his control.

DDQM

[sybylla]

8. Sounds to me like you have nothing to lose by speaking with your sister

I mean you have essentially already lost your sister. She is no longer the person you grew up with and she has pushed her family aside for her husband. You've already lost her in many ways. As you said, everything is already "so hard"

I've been in your position. There are more ways to lose a family member than by death, and they can all feel nearly the same. That is why it's so hard for you and your mom. But once you accept that it is happening, or has already happened, trying to do something about it is much easier than you would think.

There are several options. First, you have to think of your sister's position. She has a husband and kids who come first. It has to be that way for so many reasons, but that doesn't mean she has to give up her family. There may be tensions between her husband and you that you don't see and avoiding your company makes them easier for her to deal with. This kind of situation requires patience and immense understanding on your part, even though it feels like she is kicking you in the teeth every time she comes up with an excuse to avoid a visit. Rather than getting angry, letting her know you understand will make it alot easier for her to visit on the few occasions when she feels comfortable doing so.

But, if she is in this position because her husband is being controllling, then you have a much greater problem to deal with. Your sister needs help, but she won't take it if you push it on her. You have to be less direct and try to provide her with an opportunity to talk about it. First, she has to feel comfortable doing so and second, she has to think that you sympathize with her situation. You can do this by suggesting, when talking about marriages/relationships other than hers, that control over a partner is wrong. There must be a mutual acquaintance or other family member who is in a similar situation that you can "gossip" about. It will get her thinking about her own relationship and eventually she may come to you to talk about it. By eventually, I mean it may take years. Spousal relationships are one situation where direct intervention may make it more difficult for your sister and delay her getting out of the relationship. You'll have to decide if waiting in the wings is something you can do and if it is the right thing for this situation.

If she is just being selfish and uncaring, then you might as well hit her with both barrels. She will never take yours or your mother's feelings into consideration. The situation will not change by itself. You have nothing to lose except headaches and stress every holiday wondering if your sister will grant your mother an audience. Just beware, your mother may not take too kindly to this as she may then blame you for you sister's not coming around. It all depends on how aware she is of the kind of person your sister is. Some parents can be pretty blind. Trust me, I've been there.

And of course, I may really know nothing at all about what you are going through. You'll have to decide if my advice has any value at all for your situation. :shrug:

I just want you to know that the situation isn't hopeless. There are some things you can do for your own well being as well as your family's. It just takes some thoughtful analysis, a creative solution and perhaps a little tip-toeing.