Think Your Landlord is Bad -- Check This Out!

[Stand and Fight]

Posted on CraigsList:

All the tenants I interview aren't good enough (Broadway and Commercial)
Reply to: [e-mail]
Date: 2008-12-19, 6:05PM PST


I am a born again Christian. Why is this a problem for people????! I have a house that's MINE and I PAID FOR IT. I also have a basement apartment for rent. It's a great space for I'm charing very little for it, $480 monthly, for the right tenant. I know it's ILLEGAL to require a Christian in the apartment, against the human rights. That's why I NEVER put this in my ad. Why then does it keep getting taken down?

HERE IS THE AD I POSTED, AND THE AD THAT KEEPS GETTING REMOVED:

Available Immediately – Broadway and Commercial – Showing Saturday and Sunday – Email for directions and additional information.

What kind of apartment is it?

• One bedroom basement apartment with separate entrance
• Tastefully decorated with modern décor
• Approximately 650 square feet
• There is even a window! Security bars installed for your safety and to prevent unauthorized activity
• Closed circuit camera installed for security and safety. One in your suite, one at the entrance, and one in the exercise yard

Rent:
• $480.00 per month
• First month’s rent + ½ month security deposit due at move in
• Small pet allowed with approval and payment of additional ½ month pet damage deposit
• One year lease permitted, option to renew lease at end of the term with no increase in rent
• LANDLORD’S SPECIAL! Move in before January 1st and don’t pay for the remainder of December! That’s significant savings.

Included in the rent:

• Electricity
• Heat – Maintained at 21 degrees with lock box to prevent unauthorized tampering. Additional heating available for $20.00 per extra degree of heating per month. You may not use your oven to heat the apartment. If you do, you will be fined $50.00 per occurrence.
• Air conditioning – Maintained at 25 degrees during the summer with lock box to prevent extra cooling from being dispensed. Additional cooling for sale for $20.00 per degree of cooling requested per month.
• 25" Zenith color television set with basic cable service - INCLUDED IN RENT!
• Wireless internet (with content filter applied to block forbidden/immoral websites) - INCLUDED IN RENT!
• Provision of coin laundry services - You will have your own personal coin laundry washer and dryer machines. Washers and dryers are paid using a token system. Tokens can be purchased through the landlord. Washer tokens cost $4.15 each and dryer tokens cost $3.60 each. You are not allowed to use foreign
currency or slugs in the washer and dryer. Violators will be fined $100.00 per infraction.

About us: (Landlords)

We are conservative, bible believing, God-fearing, born again, evangelical Christians. We interpret the bible literally in every way possible. We live a strict moral code and observe God’s laws in our everyday life. My wife stays at home and teaches our home-schooled children. I work as a pastor at a local congregation and am active in the faith community.

About you: (Tenant)

• You are employed
• You do not participate in lascivious deviant sexual behavior
• You do not choose alternative lifestyles as your lifestyle
• You do not have any criminal history
• You must have excellent character references
• You do not smoke, drink or take drugs. Mandatory drug screening required.


Additional Rules/Conditions:

CLEANLINESS: You are responsible for the cleanliness and orderliness of
your apartment. Beds are to be made before leaving your suite,
countertops must be wiped down, and you must remove all trash. Upon
inspection, if the tenant's basement suite is not clean, the cost of
cleaning services plus a fine of $100.00 will be levied.
LIGHTS: The lights in your basement suite and in the day room are not to
be tampered with. If a light needs repair, report the condition to the
Landlord.
WAKE-UP: Wake up will be at 5:30am each morning. All ceiling lights in
the suite will be turned on automatically.
LIGHTS OUT: Ceiling lights in the suite will be turned off at 11:30pm.
CONTRABAND: The following items are considered contraband – alcohol, illegal drugs, tobacco, weapons, lock picking equipment. If any contraband is discovered to be in your possession, you will be subject to a minimum $1,000.00 fine. In addition, your items will be confiscated permanently. Second offense – you will be evicted without notice. A bailiff will escort you and your belongings off the premises. Your security deposit will not be returned.
SMOKING: The basement suite is non-smoking. Anyone in possession of
tobacco products of any kind or any lighter or matches, will have their
contraband items confiscated and will be fined $100.00.
INSPECTIONS: The Landlord will conduct unannounced inspections to ensure
that these rules and regulations are being followed.
VISITATION: Visitation periods will be on Saturdays and Sundays from
1:00 p.m. until 3:00 p.m. All visitors and their vehicles are subject
to search while on landlord property. Refusal to allow a search can
result in their being barred from all future visitation privileges. All
visitors must sign the Visitor's Log. Unauthorized visitors will be
escorted from the property, and the tenant will be fined $250.00.
I.D. BRACELETS: Each tenant will be issued an I.D. bracelet with his/her
photograph. It must be worn at all times. If you lose your I.D.
bracelet or it is broken, you will be required to purchase a new one at
the nominal cost of $5.00.
EXERCISE YARD: The tenant will have access to the exercise yard in the
area to the back of the property for 2 hours per day from 4:00 pm to
6:00 pm. The tenant is not allowed to bring any personal property to
the exercise yard. Once the tenant leaves the exercise yard on a
particular day, he or she may not return. No boisterous behavior is
allowed in the exercise yard. There is no smoking allowed in the
exercise yard. Minimum fine for exercise yard infractions is $50.00.




* Location: Broadway and Commercial
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 964514051

SOURCE:http://vancouver.en.craigslist.ca/rnr/964514051.html

[TheMightyFavog]

1. Good gods! Is that an apartment or a fracking prison?

Fundies are weird.

[Stand and Fight]

13. I was wondering...

I wonder if your time in the exercise yard is supervised.... :shrug:

[DS1]

2. AWESOME

I love the camera in the suite, and the laundry slugs, and 25" Zenith television, and the content filter.

I hope a meteor hits his house.

[Stand and Fight]

5. We're rolling at work reading this...

My landlord is overly friendly with me -- always wants to have me and my family over for dinner. Now she doesn't seem so bad.

[DS1]

8. I love the fact that lock-picking equipment is under the 1,000 fine list

because obviously someone tried to turn the heat up one degree without paying the surcharge. Or turn the lights back off at FIVE THIRTY in the morning!

Holy shit. Inspections? This guy would have been a natural in the military.

[flvegan]

3. Sounds like a nice jail.

[GOPisEvil]

4. Um, is there a jail located at Broadway and Commercial in Vancouver?

Is the warden a bible-thumping Christian.

Or is this the Salvation Army?

Wow. I appreciate my landlord in a whole new way. :P

[Stand and Fight]

9. Unbelievable, isn't it?

And they cannot understand why the posting gets flagged? :yoiks:

[DS1]

10. I flagged it

for BEST OF CRAIGSLIST! :D

[Stand and Fight]

15. Agreed.

This has to be one of the funniest things I've read this year... One of the other things was a thread on here from a long time ago about a creature named Oscar.

[hobbit709]

6. F**K him and the horse he rode in on

I hope it never gets get rented. Just call him the head screw.

[blueraven95]

7. someone should send this tenant a copy of the renter's rights laws

seriously. I hope this is a joke.

[Stand and Fight]

12. I don't think this would fly in America...

Do they have rules against this sort of crazy in Canada?

[nickgutierrez]

11. This says a lot about the mentality of the religious right.

There's a perfectly good reason this stuff keeps getting deleted. Unfortunately, the poster of this ad always seems to think that it's got to be related to some sort of pervasive prosecution of Christians in our society, and not... oh I don't know... that he/she is running the place like a fucking prison.

[Bertha Venation]

14. Oh, it's a joke.

It has to be.

[Stand and Fight]

16. We hope it's a joke.

I know and grew up with some BACs and they can be freaky.

[Pierre.Suave]

17. Holy Crap

is that even legal in Canada?

I sure as hell dont think it would be legal here and I can not imagine the person that would willingly enter into that agreement.

[TK421]

18. This has to be a joke, if it's not I hope someone moves in and shits all over the place

[LynneSin]

19. If my choice was this or going homeless in Vancouver well

I'd give the streets a try

[KamaAina]

27. It actually sounds a great deal like many homeless shelters

many people experiencing housing insecurity :eyes: do in fact choose the streets over places with such stringent rules (and often rampant theft to boot).

[MrsBrady]

29. ick -- and i've SEEN the homeless in Vancouver

NOT a pretty thing.

[Pierre.Suave]

20. I could not help myself

I just had to e-mail my thoughts about the ad to them...

edit: DAMNIT!!!!! the e-mail bounced.

maybe their content filter bounced it due to the obscene language...

:P

[Stand and Fight]

26. Post, post, post!!!! n/t

[TK421]

21. Another requirement not listed on there " Don't wake the Gimp "

[mainegreen]

22. It must be a joke.

No way I buy that's real without outside confirmation.

[ZombieNixon]

23. Jesus crap.

My landlord barely cares if we're a week late with the rent and never asks any questions when we need repairs done. I appreciate the guy even more now.

[Lyric]

24. I would swear that the bottom part is mostly copy-pasted from either

a low-security detention center (like juvenile hall) or a homeless transitional shelter for families.

Either way, there's no way that this is real.

[Orsino]

25. One-year lease, but with time off for good behavior. n/t

[billyoc]

28. Wow, Canada has a south, too.

:hide:

[Robb]

32. Worst part: it's us.

:D

[billyoc]

33. hehe, yeah.

:hi:

[sarcasmo]

30. That sounds like basic training.

[yellowcanine]

31. If my landlord turned on the ceiling lights at 5:30 am I would take out the bulbs.