I kissed my best friend by accident tonight.

[BeachBaby]

Help me out people - NOW WHAT DO I DO?

I'm PUI, btw - so be gentle.

[TZ]

1. Pretend it didn't happen?

??????????????????????

[BeachBaby]

5. :spank:

:hug:

If only it was that easy. You know who I'm talking about.

[TZ]

8. Unless your feelings have changed for your friend....

I think you had better make it clear that you made a mistake. The last thing either of you need right now, I think is this kind of drama.....
I know you are hurting and he was being comforting..its natural for your affection (but not of the romantic sort) to surface in that way....a kind of thank you expression

[BeachBaby]

11. Believe me, I told him.

I'm just worried that the friendship is toast now.

[XemaSab]

43. Seriously

Pretend it didn't happen.

I have been there, and that's the only thing you can do.

[BeachBaby]

47. I suppose I can pretend.

I just don't think he can. I know him well - and that scares me.

Thanks, hon. :hug:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

2. My dear JerseyGirlDem...

Ah, you too...

I doubt very much that it was really an accident...

But you could just go on as though it hadn't happened...

See what happens next...

I hope it was a good kiss for both of you.

:hug:

[BeachBaby]

6. Peggy.....

this was a huge mistake, for a million and one reasons.

I'm going through a bad time right now, he's going through a divorce.

Recipe for disaster.

Vulnerability is an ugly beast - mix that up with a couple beers and a dance floor, and we got ourselves into a mess.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

10. Believe me, I understand...

But at some level, you meant to kiss him.

Proceed gently and cautiously...

:hug:

[BeachBaby]

12. Oh God, no.

That's just it - HE kissed ME. I should have stated that better in my OP.

And then I yelled at him - he got upset.

I've been friends with him since we were 10 years old. I value him too much to let the friendship fall apart.

This is why I'm asking advice. I don't know how to address this tomorrow, or whenever we talk again.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

13. OK...I see.

I expect he's probably upset too...

Talk to him whenever you see him next.

Tell him how you see this...the mistake and all ...

Sound him out.

I expect your friendship will survive this...

[Tuesday Afternoon]

3. I am assuming that your best friend is a male...

If so, I think it is a good thing and you should do it again.

[BeachBaby]

9. Too much history, TA.

Childhood friends.....I never will see him that way.

We were both looped. He kissed me. I freaked out.

What a mess - and I'm scared to death that we can't repair our friendship.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

18. hmmmm...

that is too bad. WIthout knowing any details, I think he is ready to go to the next level. It is too bad that you are not. He is probably perfect for you. I wish there was a way for you to calm down and quit worrying. When dancing the dance of life, remember to let the guy lead every once in a while. Please, look at this through my eyes of experience. There is a reason you guys have been friends for so long. This could be the best thing that ever happened to you. Think outside of the box. Just chill and let things happen. You can talk about this with him.

[Chan790]

48. I'm glad that TA broached this subject before I did.

There is an non-insubstantial possibility with lifelong friends (not really knowable as to what extent of possibility. Not really important what %; if he does, he does and if not, then not. I hope that makes sense.) that he has seen you "that way"*...but never would have acted upon it. Then the timing and situation was right, you were both drinking and inhibitions were lowered. It happened. Problems arise because sometimes genies can't be put back in bottles. You can know that you don't desire him, but you can't force him to not desire you if he does.

But...ultimately, the ball is in his court so you've just got to wait for him to figure things out. You can feel him out by calling him to just talk and reiterate where you stand. I'd give it a day before calling though if he doesn't call you tomorrow.

Here's to hoping for the best possible outcome. Hopefully, right now he's thinking that he doesn't want to lose you as a friend.

Endnote:

*-For some reason, when I tell my female friends that this happens, they're always dumbfounded. (They're young. I doubt you're that naive.) The friend that goes out of their way to be with them, support them and care for them, the one that has always been there...might also want to be intimately involved. It's the reason that a guy in this boat was such a awesome friend. Because one day you'd realize you adore him and happily ever after. Don't ever buy that guys don't believe in fairy-tale endings. Doesn't make them any less of a pain.

[Oeditpus Rex]

4. Accidents happen

But they aren't always accidental. :)

[BeachBaby]

15. I fucked up.

He kissed me and I didn't immediately push him away. I was looped, he was looped.

When I finally realized what I was doing, I pushed him away and told him I wanted to go home.

Cab ride was dead silent. We've NEVER been like that before.

[Oeditpus Rex]

26. I'm sorry; I leapt to a slightly naughty conclusion

After reading your later posts, I realized tee-heeing was not called for. :(



You two need to talk about this lest it fester.



:hug:

[BeachBaby]

27. Thanks, honey.

:hug:

I guess I am asking advice on how to approach it when I talk to him next. I know I have to say something, but I don't know what.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

34. There is a reason he is getting divorced.

However, I see now the problems. If you really do not return his feelings --- I feel sorry for this guy.

[BeachBaby]

35. Girlfriend.....

you are supposed to be helping me here!!!!! :spank:

:hug:

I just want things back to the way they used to be - and since this has happened before (a long time ago), I'm afraid he will disappear.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

37. I am saying all this with love and I know it is hard to hear but,

honey child...I am so sorry. Things will NOT go back as they were...not for a long time if ever. You guys are adults now and he is divorcing. :hug:

You really need to think about things. He could really be the guy for you. Are there children involved?

[GOPisEvil]

7. I am not sure this was accidental.

Drinking only allows you to do things you wouldn't do normally.

You and your friend need to talk this out, assuming this is not something you both want.

[Pale Blue Dot]

28. ...

:thumbsup:

[TZ]

46. I know the backstory here.

And yes, the kiss back was accidental. Her friend has some feelings for her, and she was feeling vulnerable tonight...She let him for a minute because of those vulnerabilities..Unfortunately, she does not return the feelings. This puts a big wedge of discomfort on what has been a good good friendship for many years.

[BeachBaby]

117. Trust me.....

if he was sober, this wouldn't have happened. I've known him a LONG time.

But you're right - it needs to be addressed. I just don't know HOW to address it - or when.

[GOPisEvil]

119. How is the problem, but the when should be soon.

Don't let it fester.

As for how, I just suggest bringing up the subject in whatever clumsy way possible, then let it go from there. I just hope he doesn't shut down over it, and that you actually can talk it out.

[Dr. Strange]

14. Do it again!

I promise I won't hum Rush tunes this time!

:*

[BeachBaby]

20. Baby!

How are you!!!!!

Get your ass back home soon, k? I need you around. :hug: :loveya:

[flvegan]

16. I know who you're talking about. nyah nyah.

"Like your brother", huh? So THAT's how it is in your family.

:rofl:

[BeachBaby]

19. OMFG.

That's it. Your ass is mine.

[flvegan]

22. Promises, promises.

:hide:

[Dr. Strange]

30. As long as you don't mind used merchandise...

:rofl: and :popcorn:

[BeachBaby]

33. You, you.....

ENABLER!!!!! :spank:

[flvegan]

38. We meet again for the first time, eh DuhStrange.

*cue whistling Eastwood type cowboy music*

[3.14158675309]

17. Jesus, you are cruel.

Good bye to you and cruel world, too.

[TZ]

21. .

This post was NOT done to hurt anyone....NOT at ALL.

[BeachBaby]

25. Well, that's nice.

My friend takes things too far, I come here to figure out what the hell to do about it, and I am cruel?

I don't want to lose his friendship - he means the world to me. That is all.

[Dr. Strange]

31. ???

??? ? ???? ? ????? ???????? ?????? ??????? ????? ??? ??????????

[Tuesday Afternoon]

39. I understand where you are coming from

She does not understand but, yes,,,she is being unintentionally cruel to this man.

[BeachBaby]

55. You had better check your email.

PRONTO.

[RiffRandell]

23. You need to chill out and relax .

Jeepers...it's no big deal...laugh it off.

[BeachBaby]

24. It is a big deal.

He tried this before years ago - a LONG TIME AGO.

Then he told me back in May that while he has feelings for me, he knows I don't want anything more.

This is why I'm upset. It wasn't funny. Not at all.

[RiffRandell]

32. Got it. Sorry.

I hope he gets the message, and acts respectful.

[Radical Activist]

44. so...

you know he has feelings for you that he's suppressing but you continue to drag him along in a friendship that will be a source of constant heartbreak and disappointment for him? I'd say that's more troubling than a kiss.
I don't know your situation so I only write from my experience of being dumb enough to allow a woman to take advantage of my feelings for her when she needed someone around but only as "just friends." I won't be over that stupid mistake for a long time.

[BeachBaby]

45. He approached me about this back in May.

I told him that I love him dearly - and so I understand if continuing a friendship is uncomfortable or hurtful to him.

He told me that the reason he waited so long to tell me, was because my friendship meant so much to him.

Then he told me that he couldn't "afford" to lose my friendship, because I know him the best.

All was good until tonight. And now I don't know what to do about it. And I'm scared of losing my lifelong friend.

I'm sorry you had a rough situation of your own - but it sounds like mine is quite a bit different.

[Radical Activist]

49. It sounds

very familiar but I'll grant that your situation is most likely very different than mine.

Personally, I find it easier to be friends with women I've dated or slept with. I've never understood why some women think that a one time kiss or sex will ruin a friendship. If the friendship ends because he feels rejected then it was only a matter of time before things ended anyway. But if its a one time thing and you both agree that it isn't going to happen again then it doesn't seem like a big deal.

[BeachBaby]

51. I hope you are right.

God, but do I hope you're right. He wasn't in a good place tonight.

Thanks for posting. :hug:

[Tuesday Afternoon]

53. if she can get past it...and if he agrees to quit wanting more of her

then yes...I can see it. With himn going through a divorce all this is teh crazy anyway.

I would not have anything to do with a man in the middle of a divorce and prefer to wait until they have been divorced at least a year before I talk to them with anything other than PURE friendship in mind.

That is just me. YMMV.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

50. what you fail to understand JGD

is that this guy will probably react the same way Radical Activist did. It is the age old difference between men and women. They just see things differently.

[BeachBaby]

54. So he's going to disappear.

Shit - just SHIT. SHIT SHIT SHIT. :cry:

[Tuesday Afternoon]

56. Honey...really...do you blame him? How many times do you

expect this man to rip his heart out for you?

Darling, You have some hard thinking to do :hug:

[flvegan]

63. Yeah, if he's a fucking caveman.

And I read your other response. You know, some guys get it. Some guys get that it's not an "age old difference" that they need to suffer through. Some of us get that it's an "age old difference" that we understand.

Seek to understand before seeking to be understood.

"See(ing) things differently" shouldn't belittle how she sees things.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

69. I am not belittling how she see things...I am just trying to understand

how he see things. If they are going to continue this little scenario then...so be it. The whole thing is a big mess anyway. He is in the middle of a divorce for crissakes.

[flvegan]

77. DK,DC

His scenario. That's Don't Know, Don't Care (DK,DC). Seems from the other posts here that she was pretty clear. Couple good friends had a bit of a misunderstanding on the realm of their potential relationship. BTDT.

I may well be wrong, and I'm happy to be called on it.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

78. I guess we will all have to wait to hear

the rest of the story ;)

[BeachBaby]

81. THANK YOU.

That is all. :hug:

[Tuesday Afternoon]

84. oopsie

wrong place.

[flvegan]

85. :wink:

I gotcha back, and I think you're good on this one.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

87. Do you know the guy irl?

:shrug:

[flvegan]

88. Do I need to?

:shrug:

[Tuesday Afternoon]

89. reckon not

:beer:

[flvegan]

90. What's your fucking point?

Here's another :wink:

Seems you have something else to say.

Please, on my dime, do so...

[Tuesday Afternoon]

91. chill dude...

I just thought that you knew the guy of which she was speaking. that is all.

[flvegan]

92. I know of him.

I know a chunk of the history.

And don't tell me to chill in THIS scenario.

[Shardik]

29. A kiss is never a mistake.

It is something to be treasured and enjoyed.

This one is one you will look back in years to come and smile.

You have known each other for years and hopefully for years to come.

The awkwardness will pass, I promise. And if your friendship is true it will continue.

You worry too much.

[BeachBaby]

36. I respectfully disagree.

He knows how I feel about him - we discussed this awhile back.

He's a good man - the one I trust the most. This is gonna be rough all around.

I can't make myself feel something for him. It just ain't there.

[Shardik]

42. That's okay.

Apparently you kissed back. Just tell him you were buzzed and where it stands. If he's a good man he'll understand.

You worry too much.

:)

[Tuesday Afternoon]

40. not if she won't let it

it takes two.

[Shardik]

52. That's not the way I read it. Of course it's bad if both aren't inclined

to do so.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

57. sounds to me like she is fighting it. I could be wrong, --

Have you read the whole thread?

[BeachBaby]

59. Fighting what?

I don't understand.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

62. look JGD he may have STARTED the kiss BUT you ALLOWED

it to continue. Honey, do NOT play games with YOURSELF. There is too much at stake here. Believe me, I know. I have been where you are now.

[TZ]

67. TA...

Trust me on this. JGD does NOT have those types of feelings for him. She's in a very unique situation here that is impossible to explain.

[BeachBaby]

68. Listen....

I am NOT playing games with myself. I am not in love with the man. We've been friends since we were 10 years old - I simply do not have those kinds of feelings for him.

I have had the month from HELL. The man I was in love with told me two weeks ago that what we have isn't good enough.

I was reminded of that again this afternoon - so my friend took me out for awhile to vent.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

71. alright then...

like the old yeller dog says...a kiss is just a kiss.

[Shardik]

75. WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE!!!

Where did the "old" come into it???

LOL :)

[Tuesday Afternoon]

79. dude

you are an old soul and you know it.

[Shardik]

83. (Laughing) Shhhh. Don't spill the beans.

But an old soul can incorporate itself in many incarnations. :)

[Tuesday Afternoon]

86. that blinking eye ---

talk about an incarnation -- I mean a pink carnation --- I mean I need to quit trying to post in 3 forums at once :rofl:

[Shardik]

65. LOL... Please see my new thread.

You'll know the one when you see it....

:)

[TZ]

60. TA

I know both people involved. JGD's friendship with this man is kinda like brother and sister TO HER. They had reached an understanding awhile back that she knew his feelings but he so much valued that friendship that he was willing to put aside his feelings so he could maintain that valued friendship.
I have a feeling he's going to feel very guilty about what he did...He knows he overstepped the bounds...

[Tuesday Afternoon]

66. maybe when he is sober...

the whole thing is a mess. in the middle of a divorce, no less. I ask again...are children involved?

[BeachBaby]

76. No kids.

Forget about it, TA. I said a million times in here that HE kissed ME (I worded it wrong in the OP and didn't realize until it was too late). I needed advice on how to approach him and somehow clear things up so we can move forward.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

80. my advice

about how to approach him...all I can say is what I would do. Let me ask one more question because I want to be perfectly clear on this part:

Has he ever said anything about his feelings changing for you?

oh yeah...another question

Exactly HOW much did HE have to drink?

[BeachBaby]

100. He told me of romantic feelings back in May.

I told him I couldn't reciprocate, and that I would understand if friendship was no longer on the table.

He wanted to keep the friendship.

We both had Yuengling - I had four, he had six, I think.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

101. I wish both of you the very best whatever that turns out to be.

I sincerely mean that. I have no advice for you. Really, I don't.

[Shardik]

103. What is wrong with him for you?

[TZ]

108. Nothing. Except JGD only has feelings of friendship for him.

Do you think entering a relationship with someone knowing you DON'T feel the same way is a recipe for trouble. Its basically saying I'm in a relationship with you because I feel sorry for you. Thats will absolutely cause feelings of bitterness and resentment.
She has often voiced to me her sadness that she can't return his feelings because if she did...her life would be a hell of a lot simpler...

[Bryn]

41. All I can say is

Awwwww... Sweet! :)

[SPKrazy]

58. well you could always tell him/her

you thought it was me in your mind and you were confused, you wanted to kiss SPK.... but he wasn't there :(




:shrug:










:hug:

[BeachBaby]

61. You goof.

:hug:

[TZ]

64. Don't you have enough girlfriends in the Lounge already...

Or have you forgotten your declarations of undying love already..:hug:

[LeftyMom]

70. How the hell do you kiss somebody by accident?

I can see being half in the bag and less inhibited than normal (I've done a few dumb things in that condition, though not that particular one) but you're still not going to do things you don't want to do. You just kind of lose your "this is a bad idea" filter.

So I would suggest you start by taking some responsibility for your actions.

Then, when you're sober and it's been a few days sit down and think about whether you really meant to kiss your friend, before you even start thinking about the implications for your friendship either way.

[BeachBaby]

72. I worded it wrong.

I was a bit PUI, as I stated in my OP. I should have said that he kissed me.

It hasn't been a good night.

[TZ]

73. He kissed her.

Instead of her breaking it off right away, she let it linger for a moment before she broke it off...She knew he was hurting..I think it was compassion for her friend (and the alcohol) that did it.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

74. thank you

You are saying this better than I.

[LisaL]

82. If he got feelings for you, but you don't have those feelings for him,

then it's not a recipe for a good friendship. The guy might be hanging around you hoping you change your mind, but you seems to indicate there is no chance of that happening. Seriously it doesn't sound like a good thing to me.

[BeachBaby]

116. I honestly don't think that he was "waiting" for me

to change my mind. We've been friends for close to 30 years now. And he knows how I feel.

I truly believe it was a situation of vulnerability, mixed with comfort and familiarity, with a dash of beer.

[RoyGBiv]

93. How do you "accidentally" kiss someone?

Did you trip and smash faces?

I don't know your circumstances, so I'm not going to pretend I speak with any actual awareness. I have read this entire thread and have noted that apparently a lot is going on here that some people know a lot about while most do not, and all the fine details seem quite important. Yet, you've asked publicly for advice. There's nothing wrong with that, but it's not quite fair to those who initially gave advice that would make perfect sense otherwise.

How did this "accidental" kiss happen? You started the thread indicating an action on your part, which is one picture. You clarified later saying he kissed you and that you yelled at him, which is another picture. You clarified further saying he kissed you and that you didn't push him away immediately. In other words, you seem to have kissed him back, if only briefly and without much gusto. And, you were "looped." That is yet another picture altogether, especially to people who don't know all these details.

Do you see the problem?

I think you should examine your motives, for one, and you need to examine what you're getting out of a relationship where you know the other person has romantic feelings he is attempting to repress while going through an emotionally traumatic situation himself. The "recipe for disaster" began long before this kiss. You don't just turn that stuff off, and you need to be as aware of it as he is and act accordingly. Words spoken logically mean nothing when the emotions take over during a moment of being "looped."

Now, let me tell you why I'm commenting on a situation about which I don't know much. I do so in the hopes of it giving you some perspective.

I've been this guy. Hell, I may still be this guy. The fact I don't truly know that *is* the problem. Words are one thing. Actions are another. Body language is still another. And, words can have vague meanings.

I won't bore you with my whole story except to say I have a treasured friend I've known since she was 12 and I 15. We've never dated. We've had periods of time where we didn't live near each other, and one or the other of us has always been involved in a relationship with someone else whenever we were close geographically, until recently that is. But, we've always been very intimate emotionally. We've been through a lot of bullshit in our lives together. I helped her break free from an abusive husband who tried to kill her one night. She helped me through my divorce and my drinking problem. She's my daughter's "spiritual mother" (my daughter's phrase) and her son, just today in fact, told a complete stranger at the park who had asked him if his parents were around that I was close enough to one.

Let's just summarize by saying we're close.

My story breaks company with yours after this. We've had "the talk" (which has been a series of long talks over two years now), and we still don't know for certain where we are.

The point is that people who have known each other that long and have not been romantically involved during that time face special challenges. If you want to maintain your friendship, once that barrier has been crossed by either of you, that friendship has to have specific rules that you *both* follow. He broke a rule.

But, based on my reading, you did too.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

95. thank you RoyGBiv

from all that I hold dear...thank you.

[BeachBaby]

96. Christ.

Thanks for being so supportive.

[RoyGBiv]

99. Now wait a minute ...

You ask for advice in a public forum where thousands of people can read your request who have not one clue what the details of this relationship are. Someone gives you advice based on what little detail he can gather and his own personal experiences. And you're insulted?

I don't know what you mean by being "supportive," but, frankly, that little comment gives me a clearer picture of this whole situation. I'll avoid expanding on that because, now, I don't really think what you're wanting is advice.

If you just want someone to make you feel better about it all, even if it means blowing sunshine, then ask for that. What you asked was, in caps no less, "NOW WHAT DO I DO?"

I gave a suggestion and tried to offer a perspective you need to consider if you really want to make this work. There's no 1-800 number for quick fixes to emotional turmoil.

I hope you work things out, but you're only going to do it if you're both honest with yourselves and act accordingly.

In any case, I'm sorry that you seem offended by what I've said.

[Shardik]

98. So well said.

If I could rec a post I would.

[Lucian]

94. Usually when I kiss someone...

it's on purpose. I've never kissed a girl "by accident".

:shrug:

[BeachBaby]

97. I posted PUI - I was a bit buzzed. And very upset.

He kissed me - and I didn't know any other way to word it other than it being an "accident". I know that if he was sober, it wouldn't have happened.

[Lucian]

102. Ah.

Gotcha.

[MilesColtrane]

104. Don't worry.

Romo's heart belongs to Jessica.

[CreekDog]

105. i don't think this is your fault

these things do happen anyway, regardless of who's at fault.

but if you don't have feelings for him and you said you don't, i hate to say it but i think you need to be absolutely direct with him, perhaps painfully direct. he's going through a divorce now, he needs to know that if he's doing that with any thought that he could have you afterwards that it's not happening. of course, i don't know that story, but if this has entered his mind, he needs to know what he's giving up.

i'm sorry you're going through this. once a relationship is this unequal it's really hard to get things back to the way they were, if not impossible.

hope i'm not too much of a downer here.

give yourself a break. you had slow reflexes but you tried to stop him. you did what was right.

:hug:

[TZ]

109. .

Very nice, Creekdog. I think this guy knows her feelings, but the alcohol got to him.
:hug:

[orleans]

106. OMG! I AM SO UNCOOL. WTF IS PUI??? n/t

[Locrian]

111. PUI = posting under the influence....

[Hippo_Tron]

107. If you were friends before, I don't think it will ruin the friendship

Sometimes a kiss is just a kiss and nothing more. I had a friend decide at the last minute (clothes were already off) that she wouldn't have sex with me and while it was awkward as hell the next day, everything was fine in a week or so.

[NJmaverick]

110. Best thing you can do is to act like nothing happened

while joking about it, once or twice. The joking will give him an opening, if there is something he wanted to say about the matter. Other than that, you should be fine.

:hug:

[bigwillq]

112. No biggie.

The past is the past. If you and this person are really good friends, it won't affect the friendship!

[Orrex]

113. Is your best friend a horse? If not then I don't see the problem.

Heck, even if your best friend is a horse, it's no big deal as long as both parties are unattached and consenting.

[MorningGlow]

114. After reading this whole thread, I can honestly say

:hug:

JGD, I have so been there, and I know how these things can happen. It's not your fault. If you did kiss him back, it was only from some alcohol-accelerated desire for comfort during your difficult emotional time, not to encourage your friend.

However, you will have to face the fact that you might not be able to maintain your friendship with this guy. Again, not your fault, not his fault. He can't help his feelings for you, and you can't help NOT having those feelings for him. But as long as he feels that way about you (and they will remain no matter what he tries to do to squash them), they will hamper your friendship. I don't want to say that to you, but from my experience it's the truth.

When I was in college I had a male friend. He was going out with someone else but had feelings for me. We tried dating for a couple of weeks, but I realized quickly that I didn't have those feelings for him and couldn't summon them up no matter what. I loved him dearly, as a friend, like a brother, but nothing romantic. He couldn't understand why, and I couldn't tell him, because there was no explanation--it just what was it was (or, rather, wasn't).

We stayed friends but weren't overly close. He went back to his girlfriend but still had feelings for me. He broke up with that girlfriend and got another. I graduated and moved back home and things were working out fine. He married his girlfriend and they moved to my city. We all hung out together but the wife (whom I had known in college) didn't trust me. (She had no reason to worry on my end, though!) So I stopped hanging out with them. They divorced. He sought me out. We had dinner. I thought it was two friends getting together; he had other ideas. And there we were, 10 years later, rehashing the same things--"Why did you break up with me?" which translated into "Why don't you have feelings for me?"

It turned out that I had just met the man I was going to marry, so we parted ways but stayed in touch by phone. The last time I saw him was at my wedding. He had a new girlfriend. I saw in our newspaper a couple of years later that he got married again (to a different woman). He's a partner in a local business. That's all I know. I haven't spoken to him and would never look him up. I miss him, but there's no way we can be close. :(

If you and your friend can achieve some other outcome where you can stay friends, I say go for it. But that'd really be tough to do. Good luck.

[MineralMan]

115. Ah...a little awkward...

Some folks seem to be intruding too much in this situation, and that's too bad. It's an awkward situation for you, and for your friend, but it's not an unusual situation. It's happened to me more than once in my life. Friends who don't have a romantic relationship get a little bit in their cups, and lips meet.

Afterwards, when they're sober, it's embarrassing and awkward. What has always worked for me is a chat over a cup of coffee, soon after the event.

More than once I've been in the position of wanting a romantic or sexual relationship with a woman who is a friend, without that feeling being returned. A few times what happened to you has happened to me. Given the choice of continuing a friendship and ending it, I've always opted to continue the friendship after having a talk. Eventually, the romantic feelings dropped off, but the friendship remained.

A little pain is always involved, but no friendship is without that if it's a real friendship.

In a couple of cases, the friendship continued even after much more than kissing went on, followed by rethinking the activities the next day. Those took a little longer to get over, but the friendship won out.

Don't act precipitously, but chat about what happened with your friend. It should work out OK, with a small awkward period. If it doesn't, the difference in feelings may be too large. That's a sad thing, but it happens.

Best wishes to you!

[Giant Robot]

118. I just want to give you something to think about

Because from reading this thread it looks like he really shocked and angered you with the kiss and breaking of rules that entailed.

I understand he is your best friend and you do not want to lose him. I'm with you on that.

What I want to put in your brain is his perspective so you can chew on that too. Yes obviously I have been there and doen that and have the sadness to prove it. He has been holding these feelings for you for I am guessing a long time not just when he shared them with you. He is divorcing like you said. He is in the middle of a lot of emotional turmoil right now. And the push/pull of wanting to be your friend but not having you as a romantic partner yet hoping secretly yet wanting to do right by you yet hoping if he acts just right yet.....

When you have your talk after all parties have calmed sufficiently, you may want to think about what is best for your best friend. Is it fair to keep that up? I'm not saying you can't be friends anymore but I am suggesting you may need to take a break from him so he can sort out his own thoughts and feelings. And honestly so he can fall out of love with you.

It's not fair to you. It's not fair to him. You are not going to get fair out of this. You have more of an ability to stop this than he does I suspect. Just think about it is all I ask.

[Locrian]

120. Different Drum Lyrics

You and I travel to the beat of a different drum
Oh can't you tell by the way I run
Every time you make eyes at me
Wo-oh

You cry and moan and say it will work out
But honey child I've got my doubts
You can't see the forest for the trees

Oh don't get me wrong
It's not that I knock it
It's just that I am not in the market
For a boy who wants to love only me

Yes, and I ain't saying you ain't pretty
All I'm saying is I'm not ready
For any person place or thing
To try and pull the reins in on me

So good-bye I'll be leaving
I see no sense in this crying and grieving
We'll both live a lot longer
If you live without me

Oh don't get me wrong
It's not that I knock it
It's just that I am not in the market
For a boy who wants to love only me

Yes, and I ain't saying you ain't pretty
All I'm saying is I'm not ready
For any person place or thing
To try and pull the reins in on me

So good-bye I'll be leaving
I see no sense in this crying and grieving
We'll both live a lot longer
If you live without me

[RagAss]

121. I'm guessing you believe in Free Will ?....that's too bad....because there is none.

So go on and let life continue to live you.....and smile.