What movie scene made you want to punch the movie's creator in the junk the most?

[Danger Mouse]

What movie scene was so unforgivably bad to you, that you wanted to inflict harm on the person responsible for it?

I'll start us off.

Here's a compilation of the most absurd clips in the hilariously awful 1966 'Batman' movie starring Adam West and Burt Ward.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gBbg3Tmf_xQ&feature=PlayList&p=4ABC69783D8D8FAD&index=20

The scene I'm referring to begins at 4:01, and features the most ridiculous leaps of logic I've heard in a movie. Ever. I know it's supposed to be ridiculous and campy, but this level of stupidity cannot be forgiven. Watching this scene will make you stupider. Have fun with that.

When you manage to make 'bat shark-repellent' look logical and reasonable by comparison, you have problems. The cherry on top of this turd sundae? The villains in question probably INTENDED for the four idiots in the clip to draw those conclusions. I don't know which is worse: idiotic good guys pulling ridiculous conclusions straight from their asses, or the fact that their brain-destroyingly stupid conclusions were actually correct.
Now you post yours.

[DS1]

1. Alien Resurrection

when killing off the new alien was a direct anti-abortion message, because after Ripley hugged it, she poked a hole in a window so it was pulled against said hole and slowly had its guts ripped out into the coldness of space.


And yes, I looked up the director, very pro-lifer.

[Danger Mouse]

2. That's awful. Definitely sounds like the cherry atop a turd sundae.

[Fenris]

5. I thought that was the dumbest thing ever when I saw it.

I only saw it once, though. Perhaps my opinion might change, but I doubt it. That whole movie was pretty awful. I'd rather watch Alien3.

[Richard Steele]

111. Dammit dude, what have I told you about reading my mind?

OMG, that film was just such utter, utter CRAP...CRAAAAAAAPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!

If I had known Sigourney Weaver was that desperate for cash,
I would have PM'd her an offer to crash in our spare room
for a year or two.

Sure, I would have tried to to get her drunk and nail her
once or twice a month...but even if I succeeded every once in a while,
that would have left her with more of her self-respect intact
than she had after cashing the check for "Alien:Resurrection".

[TheKentuckian]

131. Same movie but more generally

I've never been more disappointed and bored, though Highlander II comes mighty close.

[fizzgig]

3. i would really like to punch peter jackson in the junk

there are many reasons why, but mostly for the scene in rotk when frodo sent sam away.

i nearly walked out of the theater

[Danger Mouse]

4. yeah, that pretty much made no sense.

i don't mind taking creative liberties with the source material, but blatantly making shit up is pointless and stupid.

[fizzgig]

6. and he did it carte blanche with the two towers and rotk

it's not as if the story wasn't dramatic enough

[Danger Mouse]

8. having not known the books, i wasn't aware of a lot of the changes...

i can understand some changes to help the pacing along, but not...well, all of the shit he pulled out of his ass in two towers.
:P
happy new year, btw. :hug:

[fizzgig]

7. hiccup

:eyes:

[Fenris]

9. "The Black Hole"

The entire final sequence. No, if you're that close to black hole, you cannot simply run away from it. And if there's one thing EVERYONE learns about space is that it's a vacuum and you cannot breathe in space. At all. You will die. Seeing Robert Forrester et al clamoring around the slowly collapsing space ship of Dr. Maximilian Schell (who overacts to the point of extreme pain throughout the entire movie, especially when he gets crushed by a giant TV and dies) while gleefully not wearing space suits or even a goddamn helmet is just maddening. Fuck you, director Gary Nelson. I don't care if the cast thought the space suits looked stupid - IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY GODDAMN SENSE IF THEY'RE BREATHING FINE IN SPACE.


Seriously, fuck you.

[Danger Mouse]

10. I loved that movie as a kid. It was fantastic music. It looks really cool...

but it is so very, very stupid.

[DS1]

51. Yeah

but Maximillion looking over the pits of Hell at the end was pretty badass

[Lethe]

106. dude, Slim Pickens was in it!

Old Bob....stop the hate, man!

[begin_within]

11. A wedding in the middle of the sci-fi "Independence Day"

[Danger Mouse]

13. Nah, the whole 'Jeff Goldblum hacks into the alien mothership computer' scene is much stupider.

The whole movie is dumb, dumb, dumb.

[begin_within]

15. I thought it actually started out really good, but then degenerated with too many subplots

The wedding scene killed all the excitement of the early scenes.

[Danger Mouse]

16. Agreed, the opening was cool.

[DevonRex]

127. Watch it again and think of it as a spoof on America. It actually makes fun of us

in a pretty serious way. The freeperish types LOVED that movie. Sailed right over their heads that the world was saved by a black guy, an alcoholic, a jewish guy and a woman. And that the lovely girlfriend of the black guy is a stripper and a single mom. And that the nicest person in the whole darned thing was the gay guy who cared more about his mother than his own life.

Those are all people that freepers would look down on for one reason or another, whether it be prejudice or faux morality. And once you see the movie in that light, you realize that the "America saves the planet" theme is pretty much snark about our national ego.

Food for thought.

[jobycom]

63. I liked the movie, but there was a really big credibility dive with that scene.

You have to suspend belief for any film, and for alien invasion films more than most, but yeah, that scene was silly to anyone even without a basic understanding of computers.

[Shakespeare]

71. And if memory serves, Goldblum's (government) computer was a Mac.

That pushed me a bit past my willing suspension of disbelief. Other than that, I rather liked the movie (and two friends of mine from totally different social circles AND parts of the country both ended up as prominent extras in it--bizarre).

[jobycom]

107. It was too critical a scene to be that lazy. nt

[DS1]

53. What wedding?

I don't even remember that.

And you don't have to answer

[begin_within]

68. well I'd have to watch it again, but about 2/3 of the way through someone gets married,

I think Will Smith and whoever the bride was

[Tommy_Carcetti]

67. Despite all of its obvious flaws, Independence Day is a fun movie. But....

But the part that bothers me is not that Jeff Goldblum brings down the aliens using a computer virus.

The part that bothers me is that Jeff Goldblum finds out that the aliens are counting down to destroying all the cities, manages to russell up his father, flee New York City along with 5-6 million other people, drive in his dad's beat up old car all the way to Washington DC, another city under siege by the aliens, and reach and get into the White House....all within the time period of four hours.

Seriously. You can't drive from New York to Washington DC in the middle of the night with no traffic on the highway in four hours, let alone when aliens are attacking the cities and you have to get into the White House during a crisis emergency.

[Jamastiene]

12. Laaaaahf is laaaaahk a baaaahhhx of chawcletts.

God, I hated that whole movie, but that part was the worst. Hell, I'm from the south and I'll criticize the south more than anyone, but we don't talk that damn slow and we aren't QUITE that damn stupid.

[Danger Mouse]

14. Sorest Rump was much better.

[Starbucks Anarchist]

21. Worst. Movie. Ever.

:puke:

[Tabasco_Dave]

134. Forrest Gump would have been better with the alternate ending.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TIs-o8YheFE :evilgrin:

[mainegreen]

17. Any movie where the character is using a computer and doing a 'search'...

and all sorts of pictures flash by on the screen during the search. Many, many movies are guilty of this and I always groan, or yell at the screen at this point about how mind bogglingly stupid that is.

Can you imagine if google worked that way? See how stupid it is? It's like having a green sky in a manhatten love story and thinking it's normal.

[fizzgig]

36. that also makes me crazy, but is forgiven in one movie and one movie only

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=drJWxMLrpE0

that is such an awesome movie

[MrCoffee]

47. Holy crap I think I love you.

Such an awesome movie.

[Danger Mouse]

81. ugh, oh man i can't stand that movie.

:P

[Orrex]

85. IMO that's a misdirected criticism, though

You could as readily say "I hate films that don't accurately reflect the way people speak, instead distilling it down into dialogue."

I mean, movie-speech is absolutely not real-life-speech, because real-life-speech would be horrifically boring to watch onscreen. The compromise is a synthesized representation of real-life-speech, and what we get is onscreen dialogue. If it doesn't bother you, that's great--you can enjoy films all the more because of it.

However, you're seeing basically the same thing whenever someone in a movie executes a search or does something else blatantly contrary to real-life-computing: it's not a portrayal of the actual use of a computer (which would be as exciting as watching a Tech Support guy reset the clock on your computer at work because you don't have Admin access); it's a synthesized representation of real-life-computing, and what we get is that nonsense that we see onscreen.

I know you hate it. Every computer person I've ever known has hated it for exactly the same reason. But that's how it goes.


Me, I can't stand it when I watch Beowulf and everyone's speaking in modern English.


YMMV
:shrug:

[mainegreen]

87. But theres no point to it, in my opinion.

It's a form of directoral laziness. Plenty of films have been able to if not accurately, at least interestingly have people use computers, without it glaring out. Progess bar? Sure! Doesn't work that way in real life, but it makes sense in a film point of view. But still, images wildly flashing by, windows popping open like hopped up ravers? And usually the director makes the film come to a screeching halt as twelve people stand around and stare at the blinking/acid screen as they all talk about the search. Not why they're searching, or god forbid, dialog that moves the plot along, but the actual search itself! It's like a giant brick wall in the film that just breaks the spell. Suddenly, they're just actors on a screen, acting out a tired old contrived scene.

At least that's how I see it.

[Orrex]

88. If nothing else, it's an excuse to run a montage

It's similar to the newer trend of the always-in-motion-cam, as seen (and overused) in such films as The Bourne Supremacy. It keeps the visuals moving on the screen, even when the moment is otherwise static.

Know what bothers me more, though? When someone is looking at a monitor, and the letters or images are projected onto the person's face in clear focus. When the hell has that ever happened?

And while I'm on the subject of middling complaints, I have never in my life found a home-use VCR that actually does the Alvin-and-the-Chipmunks voice-garbling that they always show in movies and tv when someone is ff'ing or rewinding a VHS tape. And I've seldom seen it in a standard audio cassette player, either, but every one of them in film does it.

:grr:

[mainegreen]

92. Monitors. Also focus light.

Don't stand at the focal point of a monitor or else it will set you on fire.

:7

Good catch!

[phusion]

18. Not a movie...

but the ending of the Sopranos. :grr:

[Fire Walk With Me]

19. Mmm-mm. Loves me some rantburgers.

Nom

[charlie and algernon]

20. What's 16 ounces, sits in a tree and is very dangerous?

A sparrow with a machine gun!!!!


:rofl:

[Danger Mouse]

22. I also love the scene where Batman is trying to get rid of a bomb.

THAT is comedy gold. Very well-scripted.

[meegbear]

45. Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb!

:rofl:

[moggie]

48. A scene referenced in the latest Wallace and Gromit short

I was delighted to see that bit of homage.

[Oeditpus Rex]

23. The dogfight bits in 'Pearl Harbor'

There was no dogfighting on 7 December 1941 like in the movie because a P-40 couldn't dogfight an A6M-2 "Zero" — especially with the former flown by kids with no combat experience and the latter by the cream of the JNAS, who'd been drilling for months prior to the attack.

I was quite literally yelling at the screen. :grr:

[Danger Mouse]

24. They had to have some heroic scenes of the America kicking Jap ass, dontcha know?

:puke:

[Oeditpus Rex]

31. Why?

We got our asses handed to us at Pearl Harbor and most people know it. What's wrong with the truth? :shrug:

[Orrex]

93. That leads us to another junk-punchworthy moment in a military film

"You can't handle the truth!"

From the moment I first heard Jack's line in a preview for the film, I recognized it as a congenitally hackneyed and over-contrived piece of crap, and yet it was widely repeated for some time afterwards as if it were anything but horrible and lame.

[Sequoia]

83. I couldn't bear to see that movie, but in Tora, Tora, Tora...

which is one of the best WWII ever made (in my opinion)there was some dog fighting going on but the planes came from the ground and not a ship. PLUS....it WAS NOT computer generated CRAP !!!

My pet peeve in big scene movies is computer generated people. Can you imangine "Spartacus" being remade with that crap. Give me the originals anyday. Besides, you can't top the very wonderful Kirk Douglas as Spartacus. Oh wait, that movie was remade wasn't it? I didn't bother to watch it since I knew I'd hate it.

[RevolutionaryActs]

25. "Watching this scene will make you stupider."

You know from experience? :D

[Danger Mouse]

28. Yes. I are very smart good now.

[RevolutionaryActs]

29. Yes, I see.

:eyes:

[gratuitous]

26. One word: A.I.

I have no idea whatsoever how this story was supposed to work. For the uninitiated, the filming of this sci-fi future story was first attempted by the great Stanley Kubrick. He died before he could make the movie, and Steven Spielberg took it over. The story is about a couple with a young son. Dad works at an outfit that makes "supertoys," and the crowning achievement is the creation of a life-size boy.

The son has an accident and becomes comatose. Dad suggests to Mom that they, you know, could have a replacement. The company's latest creation. Mom is rightly horrified. But after a while, Dad brings home the "boy." Boy is just an automaton with programmed reactions, not realistic or lifelike. In order to activate Boy, Mom has to say a series of disconnected words and have Boy repeat them back. Boy will be the perfect 8 year old. After being initially freaked out, Mom begins to explore the what-ifs. She finally decides to activate Boy, who becomes the perfect little boy.

Shortly thereafter, against all hope, original son wakes up. After a brief conflict, the family decides to ditch Artificial Boy in the forest, abandoning him. The story, inexplicably and pointlessly, goes on from there.

The whole idea of the story is just fucking preposterous. An 8-year-old boy who never grows up? Who would create such a monster? Who would take it into their home? Sure, it's nice for about a year. But he'll be 8 next year, too. And the year after that. And so forth. Until you're 65 years old, you've just banged your knee into the coffee table, and you're hopping into the bathroom for the ibuprofen when oops! there's little Marblehead with picture number 8,327 in the never-ending series of drawings of "Mommy and Me." Get the hell out of my way, you little snot!

It's no wonder Kubrick never got the film made. It will be a wonder to the day I die why Spielberg tried to make it. But he deserves a punch in the junk.

[Fire Walk With Me]

27. Like A Clockwork Orange, AI is a study in slavery.

A cautionary tale which no one would ever consider as we approach the Singularity.

[Danger Mouse]

30. That sounds like a fantastic movie...

FOR ME TO POOP ON

[Heidi]

41. !!!

This shall remain my favorite Lounge post for a very long while. Soooooo truthy. :rofl: :spray:

An 8-year-old boy who never grows up? Who would create such a monster? Who would take it into their home? Sure, it's nice for about a year. But he'll be 8 next year, too. And the year after that. And so forth. Until you're 65 years old, you've just banged your knee into the coffee table, and you're hopping into the bathroom for the ibuprofen when oops! there's little Marblehead with picture number 8,327 in the never-ending series of drawings of "Mommy and Me." Get the hell out of my way, you little snot!

[meegbear]

46. I got a feeling Spielberg is the guilty one ...

I can see Kubrick taking a story like that, but Spielberg puts the schmaltz in and ruins the concept.

[cemaphonic]

62. Yeah, Kubrick sat on the material for over a decade.

He obviously knew that it didn't really work as conceived. Then Spielberg comes along and Bam!, movie.

I liked the first half, (despite a bunch of quibbles with the basic scenario - like that resources are too limited for reproduction, but industrially mass-produced, disposable robots for companionship are OK.) but then it just got sappy and silly.

[DS1]

72. I thought Kubrick directed the first half, and Speilberg the second

I mean, the difference was night and day in styles.

[baldguy]

100. Think of A.I. as a horror movie.

[Fire Walk With Me]

103. Exactly.

[petronius]

32. I have never felt the slightest desire to punch anyone in the junk

However, I think that George Lucas deserves to be bitten once by a rabid vole for every millisecond of the Jar-Jar infliction...

[Lucian]

33. Wow.

I just lost ten IQ points watching that clip. That was horrible.

[FloridaJudy]

34. Almost every scene in "The Core"

That movie is so scientifically illiterate that it's laughable. For a hoot of a review see: http://www.intuitor.com/moviephysics/core.html

As a nurse, I always hate those movies in which someone dies gracefully, without mussing her hair or makeup. Dying is an ugly process, even when compassionate people offer adequate pain relief. Worst offender has to be "Love Story".

[hunter]

35. Anakin almost saves his mother...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dgGNoTGOwAA

And afterwards, what the hell Padme? You should have smacked that whiny bastard over the head with a fry-pan and left his dead body out on the curb for the massifs.

Most especially after that, "I don’t like sand. It’s coarse and rough and irritating, and it gets everywhere. Not like here. Here everything’s soft... and smooth..."

I was so hoping for a charismatic bad boy James Dean fast car rebel Anakin when that movie came out, and I get this crap???

:wtf: George Lucas.

[rcrush]

37. The ending to Tim Burtons remake of Planet of The Apes.

Seriously Tim Burton is an overrated douche

[Adenoid_Hynkel]

38. The Dark Knight

because Chris Nolan's fanboys are the most obnoxious little shits to ever live

[skypilot]

58. Hated that damned movie.

Every minute of it. The worst part was when....(SPOILER ALERT)....the Joker shows up at that party and starts terrorizing the guests. He drops that chick off the balcony and after Batman flies down and saves her, the movie just moves on to some other scene without ever giving us the slightest hint of what happened to the other party guests. The movie was already bugging me for other reasons up to that point but after that I realized that I wasn't going to be a fan.

[Mad_Dem_X]

66. I'm not a fanboy, and I loved it

Heath Ledger is fan-fucking-tastic in that movie.

[Dukkha]

114. I'll see your Chris Nolan and raise you

Joss Whedon. His lunatic cult of fans make trekkies look like well evolved socialites. Truly frightening.

[Danger Mouse]

126. Few things are scarier than Joss Whedon worshippers.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

116. All of THE DARK KNIGHT.

A pointless, stupid, totally violent waste of film and talent.

Depressing as hell -- apparently it's for people who don't care what kind of negative depressing shit they feed their heads.

[Monk06]

39. Bear in mind Batman the Movie was filmed when LSD and Cocaine were perfectly legal but pot got you

10 years in the federal slammer. Don't try to
make sense of America in 1966, the year the Beatles
released Revolver and Ken Kesey administered his
first acid test.

[RFKHumphreyObama]

40. Well I don't advocate physical violence and I usually love his work but...

Tim Burton -what on earth were you thinking????

After having made an interesting, challenging and thought-provoking interpretation of "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" which more or less honored his pledge to try and stay as true to the book as possible, he goes and totally changes the ending to the story and the moral of the story in the final few scenes. I was enjoying the movie until then.

Come on Tim, you can do better than this. You are one of the best directors around and most of your works are splendid masterpieces -including "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" until the final scenes.

[WinkyDink]

42. The ENTIRE original "Casino Royale".

[timtom]

99. I just took another look at that 60 years later.

Unbelievably bad -- then, as now.

[raccoon]

43. "Return of the Jedi" when the "rescue mission" from "Star Wars" was recycled.

I mean when they flew their space-scooters in the canals, etc.

Was that the best Geo. Lucas could do?


Also, in FATAL ATTRACTION when the drowned Glenn Close was resurrected and made a last attempt on Michael Douglas' life. At that time, lots of movies were doing that resurrection crap. :puke:

[FloridaJudy]

101. I hated that scene with Luke being goaded by the emperor

It just went on forever, like being trapped in a stalled elevator with a pushy insurance salesperson or a Scientologist.

[meegbear]

44. A Knight's Tale ...

Two ladies are talking with this male peasant. The peasant says something stupid and the two ladies walk away. As they are out of the shot, the peasant puts his hands on his hips and says HELL-OOOOOOOO!

I was on a tour bus and I yelled "Oh God!" and starting reading. I refused to watch anymore of it.

[Sentath]

77. omg, I may be in love

Someone else who despises that pile of dreck ( :!

I was unfortunate enough to have paid to walk out on the dance scene.

[meegbear]

78. I was going to Montreal Pride and it was one of the movies to keep us entertained ...

always brought a book for just such an emergency.

[Orrex]

98. 'Someone else who despises that pile of dreck ( :!' WTF?!?

I wasn't aware that anyone liked it? What's to like about it?

[Mad_Dem_X]

122. Umm...Heath Ledger was cute in it

It was a decent piece of fluff. Not great, but not horrendous either. I don't get the hate. :shrug:

[Orrex]

128. Hey, I'm straight and I can see that Ledger was cute in pretty much everything he was in

Well, the Glasgow smile in his last role didn't pretty him up, but you get the point.

Anyway, I don't like any medieval/fantasy-style films that get too cutesy with the over-modernization. Stuff like Xena and A Knight's Tale just leaves me cold.

But it's gray area, I admit, because I really like modernizations of Shakespeare's works, so who knows?

[Redneck Socialist]

130. Oh man, I love that move

It's hysterical. The nike swoosh on the armor? Great stuff.

[moggie]

49. Any scene in Braveheart

Actually, forget the film: can I just punch Mel Gibson in the junk on general principles?

[CBHagman]

50. I have NEVER forgiven Roger Michell for "Notting Hill."

Say it ain't so, Roger!


Which is a shame, because he's also responsible for the excellent version of Persuasion that came out in the 1990s.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0114117/

But Notting Hill ought not ever to have been made. The character played by Julia Roberts was thoroughly unsympathetic; the supporting players were a good deal more interesting in the leads, which wouldn't have been a problem if the story and its pacing worked, as it did in Mike Newell's Four Weddings and a Funeral; the ending was tacked on; and worst of all, the film relied on those #@!!?&%##!! musical montages that are meant to insult the audience's intelligence by carefully instructing it in how to feel. Ooh, we won't know he's sad unless they play "Ain't No Sunshine." Thank you, Mr. Producer, for clearing that up for us.

I hate Notting Hill as I do few things in life.

[NewJeffCT]

52. Everything related to Star Wars after the opening of Return of the Jedi

the beginning of Return where they rescued Han Solo from Jabba and they had Leia in a brass bikini was good, but it all went downhill after that...

[Tektonik]

54. Requiem for a Dream

garbage

[Orrex]

94. Thank you!

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person who recognizes this fact. Others labor under the delusion that the film is not crap, and I feel sorry for them.

On edit: It's also got to be close to #1 on the list of all-time pretentious titles. And the same goes for the book.

[Beer Snob-50]

55. the 1966 batman and the tv show from which it spawned

were just great campy fun in my eyes. i still watch it any chance i get.

however any scene featuring sophia coppola in godfather 3 are unforgivably bad.

[Forkboy]

56. Peter Jackson for the entire middle hour of King Kong.

The first hour and the last hour were good, by holy Hell, that middle hour was some of the flat out dumbest shit I've seen in a movie in decades. Laugh out loud dumb.

And you can't pick on Batman, that movie kicks ass! :P

[kwassa]

60. The highly believable sequance of dinosaurs stampeding over Adrian Brody

and somehow they all miss him!

[Forkboy]

61. That was laugh point number one.

The battle between Kong and two dinos as they fell into the gorge and were suspended by the vines as they dueled to the bottom was the kicker though. I almost shut the movie off at that point. The middle hour was a typical Hollywood CGI orgasm.

[rockymountaindem]

76. A transcript of a conversation I had with a friend about King Kong

Friend: I went to see King Kong with my little brother this weekend.

Me: How old is your brother?

Friend: 17

Me: Did you like it?

Friend: Well, we were about two hours into it and my brother said it was a boring piece of crap. Then I said "well they haven't gotten to New York yet". So my brother yelled out "THERE'S MORE???"

I had to rofl at that one.

[Forkboy]

79. It was pretty rough during that second hour.

:)

The bad thing about your story though is that now the kid will probably never give the original version a chance, and that would be a shame.

Love your sigline, btw! :toast:

[BronxBoy]

57. The ending of Twentynine Palms

Bad enough that jackass director filmed a whole movie that was pretty much about nothing.

But then he films a rape scene that defies logic. AND then follows it up with an even stupider murder scene.

If he had been sitting next to me after the end of that film, I'd be doing 20 to life.

[DarkTirade]

59. I'm a Star Wars geek, do I even have to answer the question?

:P

[Danger Mouse]

80. Meesa Jar Jar Binks. Why you no love me, DarkTirade?

[DarkTirade]

84. Actually I can do a pretty good Jar-Jar voice

whenever I feel the urge to annoy my fellow geeks. :P

A helluva lot better than whatever dumb-ass they got to do it for Robot Chicken. That wasn't even CLOSE.

[Orrex]

124. That's hardly something to be proud of.

Not even geek-proud. :puke:

[jobycom]

64. The freaking lava scene in "Return of the King!"

After what must have been 36 hours of film viewing, we were treated to not just one scene of Frodo dangling endlessly over a lava field from an eagle's claws while trying and failing to look emotional but not physically constipated, but to an encore of the very same scene. So, ten minutes (it seemed) of dangling constipated Hobbit, fade to black, than an inexplicable ten minutes (it seemed) more of the same damn shot. I couldn't tell if Frodo was supposed to be trying to show a different emotion (relief that it was over as opposed to constipation, for instance), or if Peter Jackson just thought that maybe some of the audience might have gone to the restroom and missed some of the danglage, so he decided to give them a second chance.

Either way, the entire series fell off a cliff with that one scene for me. I disliked by tolerated Fellowship, actually thought more fondly of The Two Towers, but by the end of Return I just wanted it to end. I felt like an old Jerry Clower routine, where he's out hunting with Marcell Ledbetter when Marcell climbs a tree to catch a raccoon. The raccoon commences to fighting him, until finally Marcell yells to Jerry "Shoot him!" "I can't, I might hit you!" To which Marcell replies "Shoot up here amongst us, one of us has got to have some relief."

Yeah, if Peter Jackson had been in front of me, I would have felt compelled to make sure he didn't have any children to pass his understanding of his craft on to.

[Orrex]

97. You should be banned from DU for mentioning Jerry Clower

He may be the only person in the universe who's less funny than Jonathan Winters.


But you're right about the lava. For that matter, lava in every film ever made has been portrayed that way. When I complained about this recently here in the Lounge, someone kindly gave me a link to a website with a really solid debunking of this film cliche, but I can't recall the link now.

[FloridaJudy]

104. Was it "Intuitor"?

That site is a hoot for people like me who wince whenever some movie gets the science all wrong. Here: http://www.intuitor.com/moviephysics/

What can I say? I'm a geek.

[jobycom]

105. Not funny?

Fightin' words to a southerner my age, pardner! Dane Cook--not funny. Dennis Leary--not funny. Clower's a riot!

I didn't even care about the way the lava was portrayed. Who knows, maybe lava is different in Middle Earth? The scene was just bloody awful, every way around.

[Orrex]

120. I agree with you on Dane Cook and Denis Leary

But if I lived near someone like Clower, I'd dye my hair, change my name, and move to a new state.

Horrible!

[jobycom]

Must be yankees in general.

No sense of humor. :)

Seriously, ever notice the difference between southern rural and northern urban humor. Northerners laugh at pain, and one liner routines. The butt of the joke is always insulted. Rural comedians like Clower and Minnie Pearl and Justin Wilson tell slower jokes, and the punchlines aren't as cruel.

Favorite Justin Wilson joke: A drunk wanders through a graveyard next to a bar and falls in a grave that just been dug for a funeral tomorrow. He lays there until he hears someone pass overhead, then yells out "Help me! I'm cold!" and hears the person above scream and run away in terror. The next time he hears someone he calls out, with the same results. The third time he hears the slow shuffle of another drunk, and he hollers up "Help me! I'm cold!" A drunken face leans over the opening, looks down at him, and says in a slurred voice "No wonder you're cold, you done kicked all your dirt off you."

Second favorite Jerry Clower joke (the raccoon is the first): Two of the Ledbetter children join the army as teenagers, and take a train to their deployment in Califprnia. At a stop in Colorado, Marcell Ledbetter gets back on the train and shows his brother what he found: two bananas. Bananas were a new introduction to the American diet then, and neither young man had heard of them. So both prepared to take their first bite, and it was agreed that Marcell would go first. Just as he bit into the fruit, the train passed through a tunnel--something else the boys from flat Mississippi had never encountered. Marcell screams out "HoooH! Don't eat that thing, Brother! Don't take a bite of it! It makes you go blind!"

Okay, I'll stop now.

[jobycom]

123. Must be yankees in general.

No sense of humor. :)

Seriously, ever notice the difference between southern rural and northern urban humor. Northerners laugh at pain, and one liner routines. The butt of the joke is always insulted. Rural comedians like Clower and Minnie Pearl and Justin Wilson tell slower jokes, and the punchlines aren't as cruel.

Favorite Justin Wilson joke: A drunk wanders through a graveyard next to a bar and falls in a grave that just been dug for a funeral tomorrow. He lays there until he hears someone pass overhead, then yells out "Help me! I'm cold!" and hears the person above scream and run away in terror. The next time he hears someone he calls out, with the same results. The third time he hears the slow shuffle of another drunk, and he hollers up "Help me! I'm cold!" A drunken face leans over the opening, looks down at him, and says in a slurred voice "No wonder you're cold, you done kicked all your dirt off you."

Second favorite Jerry Clower joke (the raccoon is the first): Two of the Ledbetter children join the army as teenagers, and take a train to their deployment in Califprnia. At a stop in Colorado, Marcell Ledbetter gets back on the train and shows his brother what he found: two bananas. Bananas were a new introduction to the American diet then, and neither young man had heard of them. So both prepared to take their first bite, and it was agreed that Marcell would go first. Just as he bit into the fruit, the train passed through a tunnel--something else the boys from flat Mississippi had never encountered. Marcell screams out "HoooH! Don't eat that thing, Brother! Don't take a bite of it! It makes you go blind!"

Okay, I'll stop now.

[rcrush]

65. Any movie Tim Burton has done.

His least fucked up movie is Sweeney Todd cause he would have to be a complete moron to fuck that up. But usually all his other movies have a lot of suck in them. I hated both of his Batman movies and Sleepy Hollow.

[begin_within]

70. But "Ed Wood" had the best performance of the entire 1990s.

And I don't mean Johnny Depp, I mean Martin Landau as Bela Lugosi.

[Orrex]

95. Landau should get no credit for that performance

Because he was clearly possessed by Lugosi's disembodied soul. There's no other way that an actor could achieve that.

[Lethe]

108. hear hear!

Ed Wood is a fantastic movie

[begin_within]

69. This scene in "Jurassic Park:"

Not the scene where Jeff Goldblum states that Disneyland opened in 1956. That was inexcusable, but what made me want to punch the director was the scene where the kids are on the run, and they come to a buffet full of food. There are lavish desserts and what do the kids eat? They pick up a piece of RAW BROCCOLI and dip it into the dip, while the desserts languish nearby. That stretches all boundaries of imagination to the breaking point.

[kentauros]

133. For me, it would be the entirety of "Jurassic Plotless".

First, no kids. No kids anywhere. Ever.
Second, electric wires to hold back what are essentially giant man-eating lizards?! WTF?

Yeah, I know it's based on a book, and maybe I should read it. Or maybe I have better things to do with my time than read about stupid ideas to resurrect dinosaurs. I always strongly disliked historical geology. Now physical geology? That's where the fun starts! :D

[TZ]

73. The last scene in The Abyss..

It was a great movie..but the ending was sooo...hokey...x(

[Orrex]

90. That's always bothered me

I don't mind the lack of violent decompression, because that's part of the conceit of the film.

But this magical undersea civilization, based on plasticized water or whatever, rises to the surface and looks more metallic and artificial than the entire fleet of conventional ships? What happened to the blinking, shimmering jellyfish-ships?!?

Also, James Cameron seems to use hypothermia only when it suits him. Several times in the film they mention how fatally chilly the water is, and then Ed Harris and The Big Guy swim for, I don't know, 100 yards or so underwater and are still in good enough shape to beat up a SEAL? Granted, Biehn was a total nut by then, but at least he hadn't been chilled to the bone and nearly asphyxiated right before that!

Same thing with Lenny in Titanic. He'd have frozen to death before they even got off of the boat, having already completely immersed himself in frigid North Atlantic brine.


Damn you, James Cameron! DAMN YOU!

[EastTennesseeDem]

74. Twilight: The baseball scene

But I guess neither the author of the book nor the director have any junk. Still though, I'd like to give them a stern reprimand.


Same goes for my girlfriend, who dragged me to the theater to see it.

[rcrush]

75. The Fountain.

Made me want to punch Hugh Jackman in the junk.

[Danger Mouse]

82. I'm glad to see so many junks being punched.

:hi:

[crimsonblue]

86. any and all with Tom Cruise

hate that douchebag.

[Saboburns]

89. A musical starring Rick Meranis and Steve Martin

And a giant man eating plant.

[Zavulon]

91. I'm cracking up over here.

I've got that DVD and now I actually want to watch it.

Really, I'm laughing so hard I look like there's something wrong with me. Another great part of the scene is how close they had to stand to each other for that ridiculous discussion.

This can't match your example, but there was a scene in the second Die Hard movie describing a Glock as a porcelain weapon or some such. Can't remember the wording now, but even when the Glock was new to the market nobody would have bought McClain's dumbass description.

[ElboRuum]

96. Star Wars Episode III

Darth Vader: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Me: *Kicks Lucas in the crotchal region* (of course after the previous two movies, he is now wearing a cup).

[Zero Division]

102. The Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer scene in Nell

Granted it's not the only thing in the movie that strains credulity, but the courtroom scene where Nell speaks for herself is laugh-out-loud hilarious, especially since it brings to mind Phil Hartman's brilliant unfrozen caveman lawyer character. It's one of the stupidest things I've ever seen in a serious drama.

[Lethe]

109. Pretty much any and all of the scenes the Star Wars prequels

hey, GL, why dont u get some actors who can actually act? And why cant you write some decent dialog? Thanks for ruining my childhood you fuck.

[PVnRT]

118. Portman, Hayden and MacGregor all act very well

The failure lies with the director, not the actors.

[CreekDog]

110. "The Village" when they revealed it was all a hoax

it was mainly an issue for me because they talked so stilted during the whole movie, like 18th century or something. that stiltiness was just to tell the audience, we're gonna mess with you for 2 hours. :eyes:

[LSdemocrat]

112. The "ending" of the "Blair Witch Project"

Certainly made me want to punch someone to get back the money and time I spent watching that nonsense.

[Lethe]

113. also, i want to say the scene in the new Indiana Jones flick

where he gets inside a fridge to survive a nuclear blast and gets projected a mile a way

gimme a fuckin' break.

[SeattleGirl]

115. The entirety of "The Nightmare Before Christmas"

I know, I know. It's enough to revoke my membership in the Lounge, but really, I cannot stand that movie. :puke:

[Danger Mouse]

125. Shock! Gasp! It's one of my favorite movies.

[kentauros]

132. Yes, it's time to revoke your Lounge membership for this

Well, either for this or the constant complaints about the snow up there :P

[PVnRT]

117. Any scene where people are walking near lava unprotected

Lava is HOT. The air around it is HOT. Your lungs would be raw and the amount of carbon dioxide in the air would be choking you to death. Your skin would be blistering.

Ever see actual researchers around a lava flow? Notice what they're wearing.

[carlyhippy]

119. Pulp Fiction-Vincent Vega stabs Mia in the heart with that big needle

I can't even watch it.

[ProudToBeBlueInRhody]

121. The end of "The Mist"

Also, the ridiculous train derailing scene in "Wanted".

[soleft]

129. Gwyneth Paltrow's Head in a Box

Now when ever I see a David Fincher movie, including Benjamin Button, the first words out of my mouth are, well, at least there was no Gwyeth Paltrow's head in a box.

[JenaLaw]

135. original version of The Outsiders...

I loved the book as a kid...but the editing on the movie was horrific!!!

The entire novel was filmed, and re-released as a Director's Cut...but the version that made it into the cinemas / original home release is so poorly editied. So many scenes mention events that happen in the last 1/3rd of the book...which was totally cut out. Yikes!