*sighs* I'm beginning to hate people.

[Neoma]

I've never had a social network by church or school, because I've never gone to either. The people I used to know were really only acquaintances and since I've moved to a new state, I continually try to be out and around to meet people. So, I've been brushed off a lot. I've been asked, "Who's your daddy?" and I've met a lot of idiotic or rude people that I don't want contact with anyways. It makes me similarly anti-social, but not in the non-friendly way. Just in the way that I hesitate to meet more people, because of the way people treat other people.

The only way it seems that you're able to get friends, is if you dumb yourself down and grumble about your romance life... Or maybe the only way is to join a book club or continually hang around a coffee shop until someone comes to their senses. Or maybe even go to college where that's supposedly the best place to get friends, besides joining a religious group...

[Haole Girl]

1. That's why I have cats

:hug:

[4 t 4]

5. Good Luck to you

moving to a new state must be really hard again Good Luck !

[Haole Girl]

7. I think you posted this in the wrong place

Though I'd love to move to Hawaii or California, I'm not.

:shrug:

[JVS]

2. That's odd. I've never heard of "Who's your daddy?" being asked in anything but a context where...

the asker would "know" you quite well.

[Neoma]

8. Not exactly asked, but implied a lot.

It usually happens in small towns. At the one I was at, it was harsh. No one smiled at you, no one said hello. You were just an speck that didn't matter unless they could pinpoint how you belonged in the community.

[Blue Diadem]

24. some small town folk will ask who's your daddy, granddaddy, mommy and grandmommy.

Then they'll ask your nationality, your religion and where you came from so they can inform you their town is so pure that city folk might just mess it up.

And that's before they even say Hello.

[Orangepeel]

3. what's wrong with joining a book club?

:shrug:

[JVS]

6. Books suck!

[Neoma]

9. Well, not sure if I would fit in.

I don't really feel like being dictated on what to read because I own hundreds of books that need to be read. Plus I've met a few assholes that believes there's only one way to interpret books, and I honestly don't want to be in that sort of crowd because it seems a bit narrow minded.

But I might join just to see if they are actually like that. Why not...tried everything else.

[trof]

4. Here's where I've found like minded people:

See if your library has a 'Friends of the Library' group, or some such.
If not, start one.
Your librarian will be very happy to cooperate.
I see by your profile you like to read.
So do they.
I enjoy the folks in our club a lot.
Made some good friends there.

[Neoma]

10. Thanks for the advice.

Never heard of a "Friends of the Library" group. How does it go?

[grannylib]

11. Is there a Meetup group in your area?? (progressive politics)??

Do you like to garden, or do crafts of any kind, or do you speak another language? Volunteer at the local food shelf or soup kitchen; volunteer for a local politician's campaign; go to the museums or art galleries or what have you...or the local parks board, or arts council...
Or you could try convenience stores...I met several good friends there, including my husband!!
Good luck, I hope you'll find some way to connect with like-minded, friendly folks!

[Neoma]

12. I can't drive.

It limits what I can and can't do...

[grannylib]

26. Ah, that can indeed be limiting...and I don't recommend hitchhiking

anymore (although that used to be my main mode of travel, before I broke down and finally got a car when I had a child to transport around as well)

[Deja Q]

13. Don't hate people.

Maybe be annoyed, but don't hate. At which point they win.

I know how you feel; I too never had a social network and many people have no clue about me until I start telling my story - at which point PTSD is considered. Rightly so...

And it's not just, or certainly as much, "dumbing down", it's conforming to stereotyped standards about ___ group as well (age group, gender, whatever it is, one has to conform to what they think it is about. End of discussion.) That lemming style of thinking greatly upsets me, especially in the freest country on Earth.

But don't hate. Just observe and people-watch. At least we're not as bad as they are. ;)

[Mabus]

14. When we moved last year we went to some meetups

PDA, DFA, etc. We thought it was the best chance to meet like-minded people and it worked. We stuck around after the first one and talked to the organizer. Now he's one of our best friends. He invited us to a few things he thought we would like and gradually we've found a few good friends. We don't have nearly as many as we did back home but we continue to find more as we go to stuff that we're interested in.

[CBHagman]

15. There isn't one way.

The only way it seems that you're able to get friends, is if you dumb yourself down and grumble about your romance life...

I'd counsel against the notion that either grumbling and dumbing down are called for in this situation.

Or maybe the only way is to join a book club or continually hang around a coffee shop until someone comes to their senses.

"Comes to their senses"? What does that mean? That if someone hasn't befriended you, that person doesn't have any sense?

Or maybe even go to college where that's supposedly the best place to get friends, besides joining a religious group...

Friends are not "gotten."

[Neoma]

17. Um...

I'm not saying that grumbling or dumbing myself down is a way either. But I've seen many opportunities to get friends if I had only lowered my standards. And I mean "Come to their senses" meaning to stop being so rude.

[skygazer]

16. In reading your OP and your replies to the posts in this thread

It sounds like you're carrying a lot of preconceived notions about what people are going to be like before you've actually found out for sure. It also sounds like you have somewhat narrow guidelines for who you will open yourself up to be friends with.

Most of the time, even the best friend you'll ever have will have some traits that will bug you. Part of being a friend is moving beyond that and accepting each other. Friendship is also about having genuine interest in other people, not just wanting them to conform to what you want so you will have some built-in companionship. Friendship, like any relationship, requires work, communication, understanding and a sense of humor. And you have to be a friend to have a friend.

A book club is not about being forced to read particular things - it's about getting together with other people who like to read and sharing that interest. And you don't need to "dumb yourself down" to be a friend but you do need to understand that not everyone is going to be interested in the same things, or have the same knowledge that you do. Try to be flexible, and allow yourself to give people a chance.

[Neoma]

18. ...

I don't see anyone trying to meet me or inquiring about me when I meet them. I literately open up to everyone I meet. But I also try choosing friends for life because I'm tired of acquaintances. I know what being a friend is, I have a best friend. (Though, he's normally called fiance.)

In a more recent post I've explained, "I'm not saying that grumbling or dumbing myself down is a way either. But I've seen many opportunities to get friends if I had only lowered my standards." ... Lowering standards as in talking about sex 24/7. That was in Adult Education class where I was learning about math to get my GED. There were frequent discussions about this, like how the bigger your feet are, the bigger the clit, etc. Excuse me for not accepting them as potential friends.

I have never been in a book club, and that was just what I thought it was. And I wouldn't say that I'm not flexible or not giving people chances. I give people chances day after day. I just happen to be brushed off, day after day.

[rockymountaindem]

22. The second paragraph of your post is right on

That's exactly what I would say to an ex-friend of mine who basically dumped me (as much as friends can do that). That is, of course, if that person and I still talked to each other.

[lightningandsnow]

19. I know the feeling.

Try being in high school. Heh.

In all seriousness, are their any kind of activist groups or events where you live? I'm very active in the LGBTQ community, feminist community, and various anti-oppression causes, and that's how I've met most of the friends I actually like. You meet some really interesting, intelligent people that way.

[Neoma]

20. I wasn't in highschool.

I have my GED. :)

I'm not opposed to groups or anything. I like the idea a bit. But I just don't see why I can't meet people that's not group related... (Like I've been trying for the past three months.) So far it hasn't been working, so I might as well join a few groups. It's just rather upsetting that social contact has to be limited to such things. :(

[whistler162]

21. Remember the words of the great 60's philospher....

L. Van Pelt

"Humanity I love, it is people I can't stand."

or was it C. Schultz

[smalll]

23. Find a nice bar.

Not too fancy, not too dive. A localish, neighborhoody type of place that's not SO local or neighborhood that it's essentially a "closed shop" patron-wise. I found one where I live now, thank God. And no, most people there aren't drunks. There's music on the weekends, trad Irish stuff on Sunday afternoons, a quiz nite once a month, etc. etc.

Of course, the problem with this for most people, and perhaps you too (I don't know where you are) is that such a bar may not be reachable to you without driving. That rules it out. (I don't have to drive, don't even drive at all now, as I live in a city with great public transportation. Unfortunately, I may be forced back out into lonely (for singles) suburbia some time this year because of economic/job issues, but that's another story...)

If you can find a place like that, it really can become a "third place" for you. I've made friends with all kinds of people there of all ages.

We all need people. I know I value "my local" (pub) here. Good luck to you. I hope you find some people for yourself, before you turn into a misanthrope whose main hobby becomes "pit rescue" or some such.

[Neoma]

27. I'm underaged to drink alcohal.

[DarkTirade]

25. The college thing worked for me when I moved here.

Easy to find like-minded people when you have a place where you can choose your interests, majors, clubs, ect. All of my friends are either people I met in classes that I enjoyed or my fellow geeks from sci-fi club.

[Neoma]

28. Won't be in college for over 6 months.

Too much free time!

[DarkTirade]

29. Hmm. Well, after that, best I can suggest is just to follow your interests.

See if there are any groups that do things you're into in the area. Best way to meet like-minded people is to find people who like the same things you do. :)