Tonight we put Bella in her bed for the first time.

[Shell Beau]

She has been sleeping in her bassinet (which is at the foot of my bed). She has napped occasionally in her bed.

This is killing me. She is screaming bloody murder back there. I go check on her every 10-15 minutes and let her know I didn't just abandon her. But I want to pick her up and rock her. She has to learn to self soothe a little though and learn how to fall asleep on her own. AAAHHHH! This is killing me.

I know she is fine. She ate an hour ago. She had a diaper change recently. She is just pissed off that she is in that bed and not my lap. :cry:

[Midlodemocrat]

1. I'm breaking from Friday Night Lights to talk to you about this.

Do you want her in her own bed? Or do you not care if she sleeps with you guys?

If you want her in her own bed, you might have to Ferberize her; let her cry it out.

[Shell Beau]

3. Ha! Thanks! I always said that I wanted her to be in her own bed.

Of course that was before she was here.

I am not sure about the crying it out method. This girl can go. And it kills me to hear her cry. I don't think I know what I want. In a perfect world, she would gladly go to sleep in her own bed.

[sasquatch]

2. None of the babies in my family have that problem, then again I descend from Swabians

Maybe we're all aspiring hermits.

[Shell Beau]

4. Must be nice. I waited too long really to introduce her to her bed.

Bad on my part.

[applegrove]

5. Babies are really smart. Poor you. It must be painful to hear her cry.

But you are doing the right thing.

[Shell Beau]

6. She did great!! After an hour of crying, she fell asleep until

12:30. We fed her and put her back in her bed. She didn't wake up until 6:00! Hope tonight goes just as well.

[applegrove]

35. You lucky duck. There is nothing like a baby.

[Shell Beau]

37. I look at her daily in amazement. I still can't believe she is mine.

And she makes me giggle like I have never before. I smile at her doing mundane things. But I am the mama. What else am I to do? :P

[applegrove]

48. Love Potion... that is what babies are.

[Iggo]

54. Crazy, huh.

And then they turn from whatever mundane thing they're doing, look contentedly at you like you're the master of the universe and everything's okay as long as you're around, then they go back to whatever mundane thing they're doing.

Crazy, I tell you.

(Plus, they can make any hat look cool. What's that about...?)

[tigereye]

7. hang in there, mom - a little picking up gradually will do it - might take a

while but she will get it....

Sometimes you gotta let em yell a little, don't worry. :hug:

[Shell Beau]

16. Thanks! I knew being a parent would be hard, but unitl you meet

your little one, you never really know. Her crying just kills me. I about died when she got her shots the other day. I never heard THAT cry. Broke my heart.

[tigereye]

23. yes, I still remember how hard it was to ignore the many yells that occurred

when we quit going into kiddo's room to try to get him to go to sleep, toddler period. Fortunately, they get over it and do go to sleep. It's a little harder with babies, since they really need the cuddling and such, but at the same time, you parents really need the sleep.

Fortunately they eventually grow out of the crying and wailing stage and actually go to sleep on their own with just a bit of coddling. And before you know it, they are taller than you and saying "whatever" a lot of the time! :rofl:


One of the funniest things was when my son was 3-4 and started sleeping in the toddler bed, and he thought it was so funny to come into our room, hunker down and then yell boo! Finally, we had to put a gate on the door to get him to remember that he needed to stay in his new bed so dad and I didn't have to be subjected to hijinks all night long.



Yeah the shot thing is rough. My son still doesn't like em too well, and he's almost 13! (which is also hard to believe.) Seems like it wasn't so long ago that I was celebrating his ability to get his own cup and open the car doors by himself!

[Redstone]

8. Anyone who is a parent can identify with this. Hang in there.

Redstone

[Shell Beau]

17. Thanks! I am trying my best!!!!

:)

[Arugula Latte]

9. My daughter wouldn't sleep in anything other than the bed, next to me.

I just gave up and went with it. I figured, hey, when we were evolving in caves, they probably didn't stick the cavebaby over in a neighboring cave. :)

[Shell Beau]

18. Ha! You are probably right. If this doesn't work out, she will

be right in the middle of the bed between my husband and me. I have no problems with that. I would like her to sleep in her bed for her own sake, but if it doesn't work out, I won't be mad. She can sleep wherever she likes best. I just thought it deserved a shot. She may like it. And judging by last night, she did.

[GreenPartyVoter]

24. Same here, only we had trouble kicking him out. Still wanted to sleep with us at 3 years old.

:P

[Shell Beau]

25. My brother and his wife are going through that now with their 4 year old.

It is hard at all ages I guess!!!

[Arugula Latte]

50. Yep, that's the age ours finally went to the big boy/big girl bed.

Oh well. The years go quickly. They get increasingly less snuggly. :)

[LeftyMom]

10. Wait a minute. She's miserable, you're miserable, so why do it?

This whole crying it out thing makes no sense. She can't talk, she has no way of expressing displeasure but to cry. To ignore that sends a rather terrible signal, that you're not going to answer when she needs you.

If she's not ready to sleep alone, she's not ready to sleep alone. :shrug: There's a reason most babies don't. Sleeping alone kinda sucks, you know?

Let her sleep with you. If she's outgrowing the bassinet get a cosleeper. She'll sleep better. You'll sleep better. It's the nice thing to do.

[Critters2]

12. Having no children, I'm always reluctant to enter these discussions,

but I think I agree with you. I even worry about how babies develop their self-image if they are just separated against their will. But I have no idea the stresses a mother deals with (well, I have an idea, but...), so can just give my .02. I think the idea of a cosleeper is great.

[Shell Beau]

15. I have no problem with her sleeping with me.

Like you, my pets also sleep with me. So between me, my husband, my Lolly, my Hank, and Bella, the bed gets a little crowded. I worry about Bella getting stomped on accidentally. We are going to try Bella in her bed again tonight to see how she does. She ended up doing great last night. Slept better than she has in a while.


Just because you don't have kids doesn't mean you can't have an opinion!! :)

[Shell Beau]

14. I never let her cry longer than 10 minutes without comforting her.

She did eventually go to sleep after about an hour or so, and she ended up sleeping better than she has been. I am not a fan of the cry it out method which is why I checked on her every 10 minutes (until she was asleep). I let her know I was still there. I rubbed her belly and face. I did put her in the bed with us when she finally woke up at 6. We all slept until 8:30. I am going to try again tonight and see how she does. I am doing this more for her than me. I was worried last night about her being in another room, but like I said, she slept better. I think I have been interrupting her sleep unintentionally. We will see how tonight goes. My dog, Lolly has been sleeping with us for 11 years and I get a little concerned with Bella in our bed and Lolly too. Sometimes Lolly roams around the bed. I don't even know how to begin to get Lolly out of the bed.

Being a parent is hard. It really is. I want to do what is best for my Bella. I am not doing this for me.

[LeftyMom]

19. Maybe she'd do better with a cosleeper/sidecared crib or a crib in your room?

I know you went in there frequently, but still... crying for an hour is not a good thing. I'm exhausted just thinking about an hour long cry, and I'm ten times her size and not likely to manage the sort of roaring wail babies can.

But I can totally understand why you want a sleeping situation that gives her her own dog-free space. Personally, I'd rather move the dog, but you have other options short of moving a very small baby to her own room. One would be to give her her own space in your room, either by setting her crib up separately there, using a cosleeper that goes next to your bed (so she's still able to come close to you, but also has her own space) or doing the same thing by sidecaring her crib. This is what I mean by a cosleeper: http://www.armsreach.com/shop-3/the-original-1/black-toffee-short-liner-16.html You can also do something similar with an existing crib: http://www.littlewatkins.com/info-sidecar-crib.html

Letting her cry it out really isn't in her best interest emotionally or in terms of health, so if you want to change her sleeping arrangements I suggest finding a gentler way. http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/handout2.asp

[Shell Beau]

21. Thanks for those sites. I am very familiar with Dr. Sears. I have

his book. I have seen those sleepers before and have considered buying one before.

I am going to try again tonight. If she fights it like she did last night, we will consider another option. I would obviously move my dogs for my Bella. She comes first no matter what. It will be difficult though. I have been trying to figure out how to do it with Lolly. Like I said, she has been sleeping with me since I brought her home almost 11 years ago.

The thing with Bella being in my room is that I have been up and out of the bed and any sigh or whimper she has made. I think I have been accidentally helping her wake up!

[surrealAmerican]

26. I tend to agree with LeftyMom on this one.

You can easily train yourself out of the "up and out of the bed and any sigh or whimper". When she makes noise, just take a deep breath and look at her very carefully while counting to twenty. If she's obviously still awake after that, that's when you pick her up.

[FedUpWithIt All]

28. I have never seen a child go longer than three nights when adjusting to their own crib.

I have done this with all four of my children. It is difficult for a couple of days and it is over. They peacefully sleep in a quiet space of their own. I know people who have to walk their 2 yr old for nearly two hours every single night to get her to sleep. I also know a child who will only sleep if the mother will lay down with him, when she tries to leave the bed he wakes and cries. This woman goes to bed at 8:30 every night because the child WILL NOT sleep otherwise. He is 5.

I feel that all parents have to make tough choices about bringing up their children. The factors are personal and individual. If this is the choice you have made, stick with it. It is a couple of days. One word of advice with this method...until the routine is set, every break in it is a set back and can start the whole process over.

I just put down my 11 month old son an hour ago and he is sleeping peacefully while his father and i get some much needed rest at the end of the day.

[Shell Beau]

29. Thanks! I do realize we are all different with how we want to raise

our children. I would like Bella to sleep in her own bed for a variety of reasons. And none are selfish reasons on my part. She is my world. She comes first. I hope she adjusts. She did great last night. I think it was her best night of sleep in a while. Her doctor also wanted me to try it for a couple of nights. I consider all advice I get. I go with my gut in the end and do what I think is best for Bella. That is all a parent can do.

[FedUpWithIt All]

31. Children can be your world and you are still allowed to think of your own sanity and health.

In fact it is much better for the baby if you do. There are a lot of years that go into parenting a child.

:hi:

Your baby is darling BTW. She will be just fine no matter what you decide because you are an obviously loving parent. :hug: In the end, THAT is what really matters. Your instincts are more spot on to your baby's needs than any one size fits all parenting trend. You will know if she is afraid or hurt. You will know if she is rested or stressed.

I did like you are doing. On the first night i would generally sit in the door way. Second night I would go into the room periodically and let the little one see me. I would rub the baby's forehead for a minute or pat a bottom. It is best not to chat during the little visits.

I realize that this method is not for everyone but it has worked well for our family. Good luck to you and Bella.

[Shell Beau]

32. Thank you so much. You made me feel better about doing this.

I dreaded last night like crazy because my husband and I decided last night was the night to try this. Originally we said the first of the year. Well that came and went and we did nothing. But her doctor gave me some advice that I appreciated. I decided it was worth the try. So far tonight, she cried less than last night (only about 20 min) and is sleeping soundly. I hope that soon she will go in her bed happily. If these 2 nights are any indication, she will. :)

[GCP]

22. What LeftyMom said

Totally agree.

[bigwillq]

11. Let her cry.

She'll get sick and tired of crying soon enough and go to sleep.

Good Luck! :hug:

[mnhtnbb]

13. Separation is tough for both of you. Hang in there.

[Shell Beau]

20. I really think it is harder for me.

And I don't want to not give this a shot because of me. Once my little booger fell asleep, she was out. Usually she cat naps until we go to bed. She actually slept from about 8 to 12:30. And then from 1:00 to 6. She did good.

[kwassa]

39. stick to your routine, and don't change it.

It sounds like you have a good start, with her doing about 10 hours of sleeping.

Is she a good sleeper usually?

The self-soothing idea is VERY important. Once you build the routine, you can put her in bed without her being fully asleep.

[dpbrown]

27. My daughter slept in her own room from the time she came back from the hospital

I can't believe she's going to be four years old this year.

[Shell Beau]

30. I was so paranoid when we first got home from the hospital.

The thought of her being off alone freaked me out. That first week home was crazy. I was a zombie basically. I probably had a total of 3 hours sleep for the whole week. But, that is motherhood. At least in the beginning. I wasn't the first sleepless mother nor the last.


I hear the years fly by. 4 year olds are so much fun. My nephew is 4 and he does the cutest stuff.

[dpbrown]

53. Congratulations. I never thought much about children but now that I have one I love her so much

She amazes me every day and makes me want to be a better person for her sake.

[elleng]

33. How old is she?:

Took us 6 weeks for each of our daughters, but I did not allow them to cry for more than a few minutes. Daughter (24 in a few days!) has mentioned this, as an example of using our judgment.

You will be OK.

[Shell Beau]

36. She is 4 1/2 months old.

I never let her go more than 10 minutes. That is my rule. If she cries for 10 minutes, I check on her, cuddle her, just let her know she isn't alone. But in the car, she has cried for 45 minutes or more. Even with me in the back seat with her. My friends with kids say she is one determined baby. I have already labled her my little diva drama queen. I love that about her though. I love that she doesn't give up. Just like her mama!

[kwassa]

34. How old is she?

[Shell Beau]

38. 4 1/2 months

[kwassa]

43. we did cribs in the other room almost right away

our situation is more unique, we adopted a premature infant after she got out of the hospital and had briefly been with a foster mother, who takes care of infants exclusively. The foster mother, who is wonderful, kept her infants in cribs. We researched it, and went pretty fast to the crib which has worked out well.

And our daughter, now 21 months, is thriving and doing very very well. She sleeps about 11 hours straight every night.

All kids are different, though, and we have often been told that we have an "easy" baby.

[Shell Beau]

45. That is awesome. Sounds like y'all did a great job!

Y'all probably had an easy baby because y'all did so well.

[kwassa]

46. we knew we had a good thing, and tried to keep it going.

It was worked so far!

[GCP]

40. What's the rush?

Why not try when she's 6 or 7 months old?

[Shell Beau]

41. If it doesn't work out, then we will put it off.

I am not rushing it. I just feel like now is the time. She did much better tonight, btw. But, if she ends up backtracking, we will probably bring her back into our room. She actually slept better last night than she has in a long time. I am going to see how tonight goes. So far, so good.


I am not wanting to rush anything when it comes to her. I would love to freeze every moment. She is my first. Hopefully not my last, but it took me 5 years, fertility pills, and a couple of surgical procedures to get her here (not IVF or AI). I want to enjoy every moment of her.

[mzteris]

42. why?

What is the point, really?

Even if one subscribes to that sort of thing (letting a baby cry just to show 'em "who's the boss" thing) FOUR AND 1/2 MONTHS OLD????

Get her. Cuddle her. Let her know she's loved and cherished and NOT ABANDONED.

Don't read those crap psychologists or listen to those old people who say "let 'em cry" - don't do it. Please. Please. Please.

She's a baby. She only wants love and comfort. Give it to her.

[Shell Beau]

44. I have never ever let her cry it out.

Even if I believed in that method, I just don't have the heart to do it.

She never goes without my love and comfort.

I felt like now was the time to try this. Her doctor told me to try it, and I do trust him. He is one caring loving doctor. I am lucky to have him as her doctor. When we are there, I feel like Bella is his favorite and only patient.

I know she is the boss of me. But I don't have that mentality ever. I don't try to prove I am anyone's boss. Even my dogs. I am supposed to be the alpha, but let's get real here, they can rule me too.

I am doing what I feel is best for my Bella. She has gotten to the point where she won't sleep unless she is in my lap. We had to make a change for her sake and mine. She comes first though. I am no longer the most important person. Not that I was because I put my husband before me. I guess that is how I am sometimes. My needs come second. But now with Bella, there is no question. What is best for her is what is important. It is what matters most to me.

[jobycom]

47. Ooo, you breast fed in Olive Garden now!

Good luck!

I have no sage advice. I can sympathize with putting up with an unhappy baby and with other people trying to tell me I'm raising my kid wrong. So, sympathies. :)

[Shell Beau]

49. Thanks! We all know best right?

;)

[Lyric]

51. Despite what many "experts" claim, I think every baby's case is different.

So there's really no one "best way" to deal with this situation; you know your baby better than anyone else, so you know what's best for her and what she needs. In the end, nobody knows better than you what's best for her, so trust your own instincts and fear not.

With OktoberKid, we insisted that he sleep in his own crib every night from day one. Of course, since I was nursing him, the crib was in our room--pushed right up against our bed, actually, so I could reach right over and get to him without getting out of bed constantly--but still, he was in his own bed. When I had to stop nursing (I was taking powerful antibiotics for a month that he couldn't have) we still kept the crib in our room, but not against the bed.

By the time he was nine months old, we wanted to get him used to the idea of his own "space" in a slow and gradual manner, so I came up with a rather ingenius plan. Every night for a week, we moved his crib a foot further away from our bed. At the end of the week, we completely cleared out the walk-in closet in our room, and moved his crib and nursery furniture in there, so it was like a little "bedroom" of his own that was still close to us, and where he could still look up and see us whenever he wanted to (we removed the closet door, of course, and also put a small fan inside that room on the floor, so air was constantly circulating.

When he was about twenty months old, we woke up one morning to find him playing on our bedroom floor--he had climbed out of his crib on his own! That was enough to scare me into getting him his first toddler bed. We made a big production out of it--he got to help us choose the bed, the sheets, the blankets, new stuffed animals, etc. Then we put it into the second bedroom of our apartment along with all of his toys and things, and moved my ten-gallon aquarium full of tropical fish into that bedroom (way up on a high, wide, solid dresser that he couldn't reach at all, and with the cords safely enclosed in cord wrapper) He LOVED the fish, and the aquarium light made a perfect nightlight for him. With the "fishies" in his room to keep him company, he settled into sleeping in his own room with no problems at all, and he's been fine with it ever since.

Good luck to you, dear.

:hug:

[Shell Beau]

52. Thank you! That was an awesome approach in my mind.

:)