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It is with the saddest of heart that I must pass on the following news.
Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Sara Lee, Robin Hood, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies and Captain Crunch. The grave was piled high with flours. Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting too much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being flaky at times, he still, as a crusty old man was considered a roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough; two children John Dough and
Jane Dough, who has one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
Follow up
As usual, the media has covered up for a celebrity. In fact it was a suicide.
A reporter from the Enquirer was about to break a story about the sexploits of the Dough Dude. It started with an underage fling with Little Debbie. Probably not his fault...I hear she's a tart. He was caught in the freezer between Betty Crocker's buns and Oscar Mayer's weener. What really put him over the edge was the pigs in a blanket affair.
Some can handle the heat, but he was not able to rise above his vices.
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