No "my friends," this is not me!

[Inchworm]

I'd have been home hours ago if I didn't choose to listen to the calamities of others. What a day.

Favorite quotes of the day...

One dude kept telling this story of truck driving and 55gallons of out of state hauled fuel. After about 5minutes of it I said, "Dude, if I wanted to listen to 400 miles of drama, I'd watch As the World Turns."

Nuther dude was having a bad day and brought the ol' "God never gives you more than you can take" adage into the conversation. I laid out the standard, "yea, that Jesus dude is cool."

And yet another describes in detail on how he got out of the troubled life and has been doing good for years...

There were a few more that I'll leave out.

It's like I have a daggone sign over my head that reads "Unload your stuff here."

Usually I don't mind, but I've been 30 minutes behind everything all day...

I think I'll drink :)

Cheers!

:toast:

[Tangerine LaBamba]

1. And now

I've lost the moments it cost me to read your post by someone I don't know about people I'll never meet.

Just keeps going on, doesn't it?

Cheers to you, pal.

[Inchworm]

2. So true

:rofl:

Thanks though. That's all I got. Cannot pay you for downtime :)

:beer:

[Tangerine LaBamba]

3. You might want

to put on your pants.

It's getting cold, and there's always that unfortunate "shrinkage" factor...............

[Inchworm]

4. After my nap

I just realized I needed one :D

:hi:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

6. Love the kitty!

[Tangerine LaBamba]

7. OH!!!!!!!!!!

That's the Downhill Squirrel's long-lost cousin!!!!

[GoddessOfGuinness]

8. Ouch!

He should cover those up with his tail.

[Xipe Totec]

18. I KNEW they were making them smaller now! n/t

[GoddessOfGuinness]

5. So how do you think I feel?

That's what a college "friend" would always say to me when I needed to kvetch about something. No "sorry about that", no "that sucks", no "come get a hug". Just "How do you think I feel" as if my feelings were unworthy of consideration. We weren't friends for very long.

Maybe you should try that line... ;-) :toast:

[Tangerine LaBamba]

9. Once, life closed in so tightly on me,

I needed to back away from everything and just take some time off. I wrote to everyone - this was in the days before the Internets Tubes - and just said I was taking some time off, that I'd be back.

I got phone calls - phone calls! - from "friends," whining about "their needs."

Not one ever asked me what was wrong.

Not one of those people remained in my life.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

10. It's that kind of thing that makes me question...

Is it our poor choice of friends? Do we inadvertently send a message that says "I'm here for you, and don't really matter?" Or is it just that true friendship is exceptionally rare?

I've always felt that I have more acquaintances than friends...not that I don't value that sort of social relationship, but I do like to get together with people at times to talk more personally than casually.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

11. I was always the strong and competent one

I was the one who got all the best men, who had all the adventures, who ended up in what was perceived as a glamorous profession (it wasn't, really), and who, to my great surprise (it took years and a lot of tears), engendered a great deal of jealousy and resentment.

I was there to take care of everyone, but no one wanted to know if I even had a cold. As one "friend" put it, "What am I gonna do without my Tangerine fix every day?"

Now, my friends are very, very few. Not many at all. It's safer that way.

But, I know what you mean about missing the personal. You're not the only one, for what it's worth.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

12. Did you tend to put all the effort into the friendships?

I don't think any of my acquaintances has been jealous of me; but I've been surprised to discover how competitive they can be...and I'm not a particularly competitive person.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

14. No, it was pretty equitable in terms of

making plans, doing things, splitting up the expenses and labors. But, yes, I was surprised to discover that undercurrent of competitiveness.

It all came to a head one evening when a bunch of us - we were all really good friends from college - were gathered at one friend's house for a long weekend. We were passing a joint around (yeah, it was very "Big Chill") the table before dinner, and someone said something about men. Now, most of us had already been married, and some even divorced, but one, named Holly, had never married.

"There are no good men left," Holly said, glaring at me in a way I'd never seen before. "Tangerine has had them all."

I kept it together and simply said, "Not all of them. Not yet."

We never spoke again after that weekend. I have no idea what was going on.

Does that kind of story resonate for you?

[GoddessOfGuinness]

17. Wow...

Sounds like she had a crush on one of your exes or something!

I find things tend to be more equitable now that I don't really have any intimate friends. Before, I would make all the phone calls, make the arrangements to get together, bend over backwards, and be thanked by unreturned calls and occasional blow-offs.

The last straw was with a "friend" who'd professed loyalty and concern and shared numerous personal details about his life whenever I called. But he'd never return my calls, and never think to call off the top of his head. I just attributed it to his being a little spacey.

One day, I called him because I was hurting, and really needed a friend. After talking for about two minutes, he told me he couldn't talk long, and asked if I could call later, at a specified time. When I called, he wasn't there. I called a couple of days later, and he once again said he couldn't talk long and rescheduled a time to call. When I finally was able to reach him, he said he felt horribly "drained" about 5 minutes into the conversation.

To this day I'm not sure whether I was being burdensome, he was being an asshole, or maybe it was a combination of the two. But it really bit.

I haven't done much reaching out since then. If someone wants to be friends they can do the reaching. My arms are tired. ;-)

[Tangerine LaBamba]

20. Trust me on this one:

It's Door Number Two.

He is an asshole, and he was all for sucking the life out of you, but not giving anything in return. That phone tag runaround is an absolute crime. It sucks, and even though I don't know you, I know you well enough - hell, you've got the anteater, and I've got my Aunt Rose, just waiting - to know that you deserve much better.

People want. That's what I learned. They want and want and want and that's it.

The irony of what my friend Holly said about me and men is that it came about a year after my husband had died.

You were NOT being burdensome. You were being human and expecting him to be human, too.

Your arms are tired from holding so many people up for so long. You do deserve a break.

I wish you lived down the street. The stories we could tell each other!

In the meantime, here's to you, with thanks for making me feel a bit less alone:

:toast:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

21. Aunt Rose? Is that the little tarsier?

That is a tarsier, isn't it?

Holly chose an appallingly insensitive time to make that remark. I wonder if she even realizes...

Thanks for your support...It was nice to get to know you a little better. :hug:
If you're ever in the DC area, let me know, and I'll buy you a brew!
:toast:

[Tangerine LaBamba]

22. YES!

That's a tarsier. I love them little critters. Aunt Rose was a hateful old lady who bought the farm - whew! - last year.

Holly never did marry.

Thank you - and if you're ever in Alexandria, PM me. We're already neighbors! How nice!

[GoddessOfGuinness]

23. Holy Cow!

I take my kid to Falls Church for piano lessons every week. We should get together for lunch sometime!

[Tangerine LaBamba]

25. That is a great idea...........

Yes, let's do that.

Isn't this funny?

[GoddessOfGuinness]

27. Small world indeed...

February is a pretty slow month for me work-wise, and a good time for socializing. I'll PM you and we can set up a nice lunch!

[Tangerine LaBamba]

29. Perversely,

this month is a complicated one for me, but we'll get together, of that I have no doubt.

Lunch would be lovely.

Correction: Lunch will be lovely.

:)

[GoddessOfGuinness]

24. That's the view from the Masonic Temple, isn't it?

I've played concerts in the heall there from time to time.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

26. It is

You're quite familiar with my little People's Republic Of Alexandria, as it's known.....................

[GoddessOfGuinness]

28. It's a pretty town...

:thumbsup:
Have you lived there long?

[Tangerine LaBamba]

30. Since 1974,

with time out living on the West Coast and a lot of travel.

But, I've always maintained a residence - and voted - in Alexandria. It's such a lovely blue place.

Where in the DC area are you? Are you far from here?

[GoddessOfGuinness]

32. I'm in MD

Riverdale, to be precise. It's right next door to College Park. I'm about a half hour to 45 minutes from anyplace I need to be.

I grew up in Hyattsville, went to college in Baltimore, then came back here to be a freelance violinist. It's not New York; but there's a fair amount of work to be found in the area. And it's good that most of my family's within 2 hours of here.

[kentauros]

13. Well, at least you still exist.

;)

Years ago I decided to see just how much my friends wanted me as a friend. I stopped calling them to see if they wanted to get together. And that was the end of the friendships. I stopped existing because I didn't initiate the contact.

Luckily, I have some friends again that do call me first, and to me that says volumes about the friendship, too.

I know that some people simply attract to them the folks that have to tell you their life's story and don't want to hear yours. My past-wife was like that (and still is) but unless they're being belligerent about it, just let them vent and help if you can. If they never reciprocate, then you have to find those friends that hold the friendship as dear to their hearts as you do. I know it seems difficult to find them, but I do see people forming friendships like that here, and then getting together in person. My recent friendships have formed due to meetup.com and I never would have guessed that to happen that way, either :D

[Tangerine LaBamba]

15. Good for you!

I think, when we're young, we just take friendships for granted, and assume they'll last forever.

But, people change, responsibilities overtake us, and some get left behind. It sucks, but I think it's part of growing up. I know people who still have the same friends they made as adolescents, and I envy that. But, it's rare.

I think it's great that you're having a good time. Carry on. :thumbsup:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

19. I hear you.

:hug:

I'd always looked on my colleagues as a sort of "freelance family". Then I realized that the ones I thought I was closest to would get together with each other, but not with me. Even had a couple of them stab me in the back (figuratively) for the sake of "getting ahead" in the pecking order. Bleh. Assholes.

[siligut]

16. Here you go, play with Taverner.

He wants some drinking buddies. http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8481170

[elshiva]

31. No, this is you:

[Inchworm]

36. so long as yer Rose...

kiss my neck

:P

[Tuesday Afternoon]

33. Do you have Dear Abby tattooed on your forehead?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kV8VZNe2xM4

[BarenakedLady]

34. I've got a nickel

So here are my woes...

:o

(that's me screaming my woes)

[Inchworm]

35. I'm all.. .. .

smooshy

:*

[Fire Walk With Me]

37. I have a trucking story I'd like you to listen to.

It was a dark night, just like tonight. 10 years ago. I saw the worst accident I ever seen. There was this sound like a garbage truck dropped off the empire state building. And when they finally pulled the driver's body from the twisted burning wreck, it looked like...

[Inchworm]

38. Your story excels in suckage

yup

:hi:

[Fire Walk With Me]

39. Tim Burton/Pee Wee Herman hater...

:cry: :rofl:

http://www.jeremyoswald.com/2006/09/18/tell-em-large-marge-sent-ya/