If our Pets had the ability to post on DU, what would they say???

[LynneSin]

Imagine God (or your deity and/or non-deity of choice) gave all of our pets the ability to post online here at DU. What would they post about and what would they say about their owners (us).

Personally, I think Abbie would post about how he wants me to spend less time online and more time catering to his needs. Oh, and to stop sending money to DU and instead use it to buy him more catnip.

Mean kittie!!!

[LTR]

1. bhlkjbhlgtikbl;kjhl;kn'pk

'm'juhigugfb'ikjjk'ppjhhiuy8udfr4asfiy

Damn cat jumped on the keyboard!!!

[demnan]

2. Pad Thai is a flirt

He'd want to know if there were cute girls out there in cyberspace he could flirt with.

But he's insanely jealous if I flirt!

[peacebuzzard]

3. Any drivers out there going to the park? Or beach?

two great dogs would love to go.:P

[arwalden]

4. Pick Me Up... NO... Put Me DOWN!! --- Let's play! Scratch my stomach!!

What was that?! Woof! I heard something!! Woof!
Did you hear it too? Woof! It could be danger! Woof!
Attention everyone... strangers in the area! Woof!

You pesky squirrels... get the hell out of my yard! NOW!

Where's my ball? Where's my fuzzybaby?

Cellophane? I heard cellophane!! Let's eat!

-- Mitzi

[meti57b]

5. my cats would gripe ... that I should follow their orders, instantaneously

and not a few minutes later.

[TXlib]

6. Behemoth would post a poll

and one of the choices would be "Mephisto is a hairball"

[LynneSin]

13. Let me guess the other choice

TXlib is a dingbat

[TXlib]

37. Maybe

Or KCDem forgot to feed us, so we'll puke in her slipper.

P.S.

LynneSin is a kumquat.

*duck*

(Hey, you said 'dingbat' was getting old...)

[THUNDER HANDS]

7. I'd imagine they'd talk about sex

Especially if they've been neutered or spayed. I'm sure there's a lot of resentment there.

[LynneSin]

8. I could see Abbie jumping in on that thread

I had the life, the pick of the best food out of the dumpster and plenty of pussykat to fill my nights. But I had to be nice to that big pale blonde thing that walks on 2 legs and look at me now - lost my balls literally speaking!!!!

[hlthe2b]

9. She'd say: please, please, please don't argue with my "Mom...."

Then, she'll get bored with DU and I'll get ALL her attention! Park, mamma, park! We must go to the park! NOW!

[MrBenchley]

10. Something like Phil Proctor's dog haiku:

Look out! Paperboy!
Look out! Come to kill us all!
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

[hlthe2b]

25. Snarf!

[thom1102]

11. Let's see...

Tucker:

PET ME, DAMN IT! I want people to pet me. Anyone know where I could score some catnip? Damn this "War on drugs" shit! Give me your hand, I want to bite and scratch it. Want to hear me sing? Has anyone seen my roommate? I think he might be in the bathroom, I'll get him.

Calvin:

Can somebody please FEED ME! I am frickin' STARVING here! I am going to kill my roommate! I didn't even want him to move in, and since he got here, he refuses to leave me alone! He is always doing catnip (I keep waiting for the DEA to bust through the door) and once he gets high all he does is attack me. I can't even go to the bathroom, because when I come out, he waits and ambushes me. And he is so noisy! I mean I can purr with the best of 'em, but this guy wails! Like he is in a band or something, sheesh! Well, I gotta go, my lap just got here.

[pansypoo53219]

12. my cats would say...

shit, i know Bush sucks, but somebody make her stop screaming at the radio.

[SOteric]

14. They probably still wouldn't, preferring instead

to urge me to dump this load of poopyheads and come snuggle on the sofa.

[Cuban_Liberal]

15. Mine would say:

---Waldo, the ferret: Hi, people! Do you have raisins? What's that in your pocket? Oh, LOOK--- a pen thing to hide! You really like me nibbling on your toes, don't you? Of COURSE you do! Say, did I check under the sofa here yet? Are those SHOELACES I see? Oh, yeah, did I mention that I like raisins? Do you know that it's good luck to rub a ferret's tummy? May I lick your earwax? Did you say you had raisins? Etc., etc., etc. ...

---Sid, the cat: *Yawn* Huh? Did you say something? May I help you type? Where are the catnip toys kept? Are the dogs here friendly? FEED ME! *purr, purr*

---Grover, the dog: Hi, there! My name is Grover, and you are...? Nice place you got here? Will you play tug toy or throw me a ball? Your hand tastes nice! You need some kisses, right? Ummmm, you wouldn't mind sharing those Cheetos, would you? Did I just hear a giant, purple alien? *looks around**BARK!* Now, where were we? Oh, yeah--- Cheetoes and tug toys! Would you rub my tummy? I like you--- you're nice!

Brody, the puppy: Toys, toys, toys! *Zzzzzzzzzzzzz* Food, food, food! *Zzzzzzzzzzzzz* Tummy-rub time! *Zzzzzzzzzzz* Puppy kisses! *gnaws on your fingers gently* MORE toys and kisses! *Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz*

Mouse, the mouse: Don't mind me, I'll just cuddle up in your shirt pocket, but PLEASE--- remember I may still be in there before your put it in the clothes hamper! Thanks! *squeek*

:D

[Robb]

16. "Anyone know anything about doorknobs?"

Knowing how it could change the lives of canines everywhere, the dog scientists struggled diligently to understand the "Doorknob Principle".

[RoadRunner]

17. If a dog posted, there would be no difference

from what you see now:

in GD 2004: "Back off or I'm gunna' kill you!"

in GD: "Hey, you're a dog too! Let's go piss on something together."

in Lounge: "Can I lick your butt? You can lick mine."

[Adams Wulff]

18. Emma would say:

"Got any food?
Is that cheese you got there?
Are you gonna throw that ball, or what?
hang on, doorbell, gotta go bark at the unseen predator.
Anybody seen the cat? I hate that thing."

[ProfessorGAC]

19. My Dog Would Post. . .

. . .that Bush is an idiot! And, he'd be right.
The Professor

[Vitruvius]

41. McGruff the crime dog would post "Take a bite out of Bu$h! --

And another bite out of the Bu$h crime family."

[Az]

20. Hey!

Hey! Hey hey hey!

Hey!

Hey hey!

Hey hey hey hey!

[Rabbit of Caerbannog]

21. My obsessive Border Collie would say

enough with all this political shit already! Just throw the fu**ing ball or buy me some sheep dammit!!!

[Chicago Democrat]

22. Can we play? Feed me! Scratch my head.. I love you

Let me taste your face. Your crotch smells nice. I love you. I love you. Can we play? Feed me! Scratch my head...

OMG! OMG! OMG! BARK! Another DOG is walking by! BARK BARK BARK! Whine, cry BARK! OMG Human what is your problem!! Stupid Human! BARK at human! Bark! Whine whimper. Let me taste your face. Oooh what's my human EATING! Let me have some of that bagel. I love you.

[Insider]

23. DU, you should see how big her feet are!

i think thats that's it, first post anyway.

[bearfan454]

24. Glacier, my Japanese spitz, and Charlie, my miniature German Sheppard

would say - Get a Democrat in the White House. Stevo gave us better leftovers when he had more money under Clinton. They still get the leftovers from when I clean out the icebox every weekend. They are both good boys.

[ScreamingMeemie]

26. I want in, out,in,out,in,out...FEED ME!!!!

:hi:

[LynneSin]

27. That's it for pet talk??

:shrug:

[StlMo]

28. "Someone post a link to the milk bone website!"

Also:

"Wooooooooooooo"
"Wooooo"
"Wooooooo - ooooooooo"

[StlMo]

33. "Hey, I see you! Hey, I see you! I'm in charge of this area!"

"Dubya dropped his dog - head first!?"
"Let's go bite his ass!"
"I can sense evil - and damn is Dick Cheney evil!"

[Whitacre D_WI]

29. "If I were just a wee bit larger, I would eat you all."

[slinkerwink]

30. My dog, Max, would probably post that I spend too much time on DU

and ask where the hottest toy poodles site was :evilgrin:

[LynneSin]

31. Does anyone else feel funny when they lick their pee-pee??

That would definately be an Abbie post - he seems to enjoy licking his

[thom1102]

34. If I could do that...

I wouldn't leave the House!

Ba-Dum-Dum!

Thank you, I'll be here till Thursday. Try the veal. Don't forget to tip your Waitress.

[LynneSin]

36. Please don't quit your day job

My cat Abbie seems to get a thrill from licking his. Then he wants to lick me afterwards

YUCK!!!

[Bridget Burke]

32. You'd better clean the litter box the MINUTE you get home....

As you know, we have ways of expressing our displeasure.

[NightTrain]

35. "Arf!"

:shrug:

[TXlib]

38. Thumbs! If only we had thumbs! We could break so much stuff!

[BiggJawn]

39. "Blug! Blug! Blug!"

Goldfish are not brilliant conversationalists...

[geniph]

40. "MOM GET OFF THE COMPUTER NOW AND FEED ME!'

"WE HAVE DISH BOTTOM!"