I am no good at relationships

[alarimer]

I sometimes think I need to go live in a cabin away from all of humanity.

I have very nearly ruined what has been (I thought) the best relationship of my life, not that there have been many. I am hoping this turns out to be a big misunderstanding.

I have been dating a guy (for nearly a year) who was very recently divorced for the second time. From the way he talked, it seemed to me that he wanted to keep things fairly casual. This guy by the way is among the best people I have ever met. I am not kidding, kind, understanding, sweet, not a bad bone in his body. And it was okay with me to go slow because I was not sure (and still am not) if I will stay in this town. I don't like my job and want something else and may have to go out of town (or state) to get it. For a while, it seemed like he was willing to go with me, assuming that he could find a job wherever it was.

At dinner tonight, though, he told me he was planning on going back to school here and getting another Masters. And it seemed like he actually wanted to stay here. I said that I would support whatever decision he made and that I was willing to pursue a long-distance relationship for a time if need be. I told him that he was very important to me and he acted all surprised. I mean, I've been with him for a year, why wouldn't he be important to me.

Well, as it turns out, when he was looking for a new apartment a couple of months ago, he was kind of hoping or expecting that I would want to move in with him. And I never appeared to want that (he never came out an asked me directly) so he decided from that that I was only interested in a casual thing. See, I'd been acting sort of casual about the whole thing (although we do not see other people at all- it is not casual in that sense) because I thought that's what he wanted for now, but it turns out that it was what he thought I wanted. I am so confused. To begin with, I have never lived with anyone. I am serious about this relationship but maybe not to the point of moving in (aside from the fact that I have real issues with the loss of privacy and sleeping in the same bed with someone). I never really knew how he felt about me.
He never said he loved me so I thought probably he didn't and so I wasn't going to say it first if I thought he didn't feel the same way. I did finally tell him tonight and he said it back so that is something.

Now I am just really scared that I am going to have to make a decision between this relationship and my career and I don't know what to do.

[begin_within]

1. What do YOU want?

[alarimer]

4. I want both

I want a job I love and I want to be with him. I am not sure it is possible in this town.

[begin_within]

5. How far away would you have to go to get a job you love?

[alarimer]

6. I don't really know

There aren't a huge number of jobs in my field in the best of times and now, probably even less. It might be several states away.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

2. My dear alarimer...

It seems to me that the problem here is the lack of communication. You two must sit down and get it all out on the table...

Talk to each other! Don't be afraid. Get it out. Tell him your feelings and your fears. When you love someone, you need to be able to talk meaningfully to each other.

You haven't lost him ...

Which is more important? Your job, or him? Jobs can be had...partners are harder to come by, IMHO...

Love is worth it!

:hug:

[alarimer]

3. Wel I live in a town where there are not many jobs in my field.

And I truly hate the one I have. I am miserable. He knows it. He hates his job too so he knows how it feels. I have a few prospects here but in my organization it is very hard to move up. There is so much competition. If those prospects do not pan out, I don't see what other choice I have. Keeping the job I loathe is a soul-sucking prospect I'd rather not think about now.

[Radical Activist]

7. You're probably better at them than I.

Do you think he'd consider other grad schools if you got a job somewhere else?

Maybe things will work out when he has time to process the new reality of your relationship. Good luck.

[Breeze54]

8. One of you has to start TALKING!!!!

NOW!!

What and why are you holding back for?! :shrug:

Stop being so shy and tell him/ how you feel!!!!!!!!

DO IT NOW!!!!!

:hug:

You ONLY LIVE ONCE!!!!!!!!!!

Then it's over!

That's IT and you never know how long you have....

Talk to him!!! NOW!!

TELL HIM!!!

Listen to this and then TELL HIM!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5i-gpK0dGs

[redqueen]

9. I thought you were gonna link to this one.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lwSQwWtzMJE

:)