What was the wackiest advice you got from your mom growing up?

[applegrove]

Mine told me that if you get a run in your stocking you just cut off that leg of the stocking. Wait until you have a stocking with the opposite leg cut off and then you wear the two pairs of stockings one on top of the other et voila! you've just saved yourself some money. She also told me what to do if someone goes into diabetic shock.

[KamaAina]

1. Oh, the leg of the *stocking*!

Phew! :scared:

[applegrove]

2. I'll try and be clearer.

[hvn_nbr_2]

3. Did you mean "wackiest" instead of "wakiest"? nt

[applegrove]

4. Yes.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

5. It was good advice really, but I thought it was wacky at the time...

She told me, when I was quite little, that if a stranger tried to grab me, I should kick him really hard between his legs and run like hell.

It was odd because she never explained to me about "private parts" and such, so I had no clue why some stranger would want to grab me.

[LeftyMom]

6. "Don't you think it's about time?" -My mother, on the matter of my virginity, when I was 16.

To be fair, she was a teenager in the Bay Area in the late 60s/early 70s, and she was in theater, and all of her friends were on a whole lot of drugs. She had very unusual expectations for normal teenage behavior.

[applegrove]

8. My mom was the total opposite. When I was sixteen she was giving me poems that

were anti - sex. I bet she regrets it now. I was an angel and still live like a nun though I have life experience.

[LeftyMom]

10. My stepdad was like that. Not with poems, but more with threatening to shoot any boy that looked at

me. :eyes:

To be fair, he and his gf wound up parents really young, and he was just trying to protect me from what they'd gone through. But still, he was overprotective to the point of obsessiveness. Like cleaning the guns when my dates came over kind of stuff.

[applegrove]

11. My dad was encouraging. He used to tease me that he'd put a ladder outside my window

when I was a young adult. Lots of people in my family are solitary so he has gotten used to the fact I'm single and likely always will be.

[Dyedinthewoolliberal]

28. That gun cleaning stuff

works! :)
Dated a girl and when first meeting her dad, he made sure I knew he was a Detroit cop and rested his pistol on the arm of his chair.
There never was a girl treated better then her. :)

[LeftyMom]

30. This was a pistol grip pump action shotgun.

My poor dates. :rofl:

[sasquatch]

35. Detroit cops only kill Strippers now

[MineralMan]

7. I came in the house one time, at about age 10, with an alligator

lizard (google it). It had bitten me on the finger, and was hanging onto that finger for dear life. My mother gave me some advice that I follow to this day. She said, "When it lets go, go wash up for dinner."

[applegrove]

9. LOL! Must have been very confusing. You want sympathy from your mother

when you show up with an animal attached to your hand. LOL!

[MineralMan]

12. Nah. I was a tough little boy. I had brought it with the idea of

startling my mom. You know how little boys are. She was always like that...nothing ever fazed her, and she always had a logical solution to whatever she encountered. At age 84, she's still the same. She just rides it all out.

I've tried to have her calmness in the face of the strange and dangerous. That's why I remember that incident. I try to remember it when strange things happen and emulate her.

[Arugula Latte]

64. When you came in with the alligator lizard, was there a free wind blowin' through your hair?

And did the days surround your daylight there?
Were the seasons crying no despair?
And was this alligator lizard in the air ... In the air?

:shrug:

[foxfeet]

13. That during a lightning storm, one should sit still as far away from a window as possible.

No moving around; you're somehow more likely to get struck by lightning if you do. I move around anyway, to her consternation. I suspect her issue may stem from an episode of "ball lightning" that floated through the farmhouse when she was a child. There were multiple witnesses to the phenomenon.

[applegrove]

14. Yes lightening storms can be traumatizing. My family rented a cottage next door to where ours

would be when I was about 3 or 4. There was a huge lightening storm there and I was afraid of lightening for years after that. A storm would come and my mom would open all the doors in the house because she loved the sound of a storm...which didn't help me much. But I got over it by my teens. How could I not the doors were always open.

[Sequoia]

49. Great balls of fire!

They roll through the aisles of airliners too and Telsa had a pet fireball he kept in a box. He would bring in out to show his buddies, like Mark Twain and others. My mom told us not to stand by the window during lightening too and unplug the TV. Not very whacky advice though.

[foxfeet]

65. No, it's the "sitting still" part that's wacky.

Her issue is that moving around somehow automatically makes one more susceptible to lightning strikes (I didn't express that clearly above). Now if you really want wacky, we can talk about her religion and politics. . .

[Sequoia]

66. Oh now, I had enough of that as a kid.

Not from my parents though.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

15. "Don't forget to douche after intercourse"

:rofl:

My mother to my sister, the day before she got married at age 23. Big Sister was most assuredly NOT a virgin by then.

:rofl: :rofl:

Gawd ferbid that Mom should actually tell us anything factual and useful about sex. :wtf:

[applegrove]

16. LOL!

[Tangerine LaBamba]

19. I got a worse one

Our mother presented my older sister - no, she sure wasn't a virgin - with a gift-wrapped box the night before her wedding.

Mom fled the room before my sister opened the box.

Inside was a douchebag.

My sister told me about it and we just died laughing.

When I was getting married, I was terrified she was gonna do it to me, too, but I was already living with the man I was marrying, so I guess she figured it wasn't worth the trouble.

Thankful for small gifts................

[Manifestor_of_Light]

21. They had this obsession with douchebags.

My mom actually douched with diluted Lysol. That is NOT a myth. They advertised it as a douche!!!

They thought vaginas were dirty and did not know about good bacteria.

My sister worked in a lab and I remember her telling mom not to douche before she went to the gyno for an exam.

:wtf:

[Tangerine LaBamba]

24. LYSOL????????????

I don't care how much you dilute it, it's still LYSOL.

Haven't we come a long, long way?

Lysol?

That's just so disturbing. I suppose it was thought to be a spermicide. Which it probably was. But, imagine the yeast infections!

We are so lucky................

[Manifestor_of_Light]

25. Check this out at mum.org

Lysol ad from the Museum of Menstruation:

http://www.mum.org/Lysol48.htm

[av8rdave]

47. I have a somewhat similar story, though it involves my Dad

There I was, 23 years old, talking with my Dad at my wedding reception.

My Dad says, "I suppose we really should have that talk."

I said, "You're right, Dad. What do you want to know?"

[applegrove]

48. LOL!

[PaddyBlueEyes]

17. If you get caught with weed

tell them its your brothers...rofl

[Gormy Cuss]

18. Wear clean underwear because you may get hit by a car

and you wouldn't want all those nurses and doctors to see your crackly panties, now would you?

[emilyg]

38. Same here.

[DarkTirade]

84. ... well of course, that's the ONLY reason I do it.

:P

[Skittles]

20. don't get married

[applegrove]

55. I've never had any advice from my mom on relationships. And I'm glad. She's no pro though

in the last few years she seems to be having a renaissance and getting good about communication.

[Lil Missy]

22. I had to UN-learn everything she ever said and taught me.

n/t

[applegrove]

50. I had to learn about relationships and boundaries and how not to be a doormat myself.

I didn't get information on human interaction. Though she corrected my grammar quite a bit.

[kwassa]

23. Proper Planning Prevents Piss-Poor Performance

The 6 Pees. So to speak.

My mother never swears, so when she gave me that bit of advice, I almost fell over.

[Aristus]

26. Growing up, I hated the way I looked. I told my mother I thought I was ugly.

Did she say, as good mothers should, "Well, you're beautiful to me, sweetie."?

NO!

She said: "Well, if you can't be good-looking, try to be well-dressed."

Thanks, Mom... :eyes:

[rockymountaindem]

31. Not bad advice

When I was 16 a doctor told me that I'd likely not ever be taller than 5'6'' and that I was 30 pounds overweight. That had me pretty down for a couple of months. Then I decided that there was no sense in being short *and* overweight and proceeded to live on a diet of turkey sandwiches and diet soda lunches for a few months (with no breakfast) and hit the gym like a madman. By the time September rolled around I was approx 30 pounds lighter and was working on increasing my weightlifting abilities. Six years later I still watch what I eat and go to the gym about five days per week. I'm not a whole lot taller than what the doc predicted, but at least I'm in good shape.

[Lorien]

33. Mine would never say anything. She'd just give me a sideways glance

and continue doing whatever she was doing. She would tell my younger sister that she thought I looked like a "retarded ape" when I was a kid. I wasn't beautiful, but I don't think that I was quite THAT bad!

Weird how that stuff can mess with your head, huh?

[bluesbassman]

36. That's a shame your mom felt the need to interact that way.

You've mentioned before about your facial issue, but it was certainly not cool for your mom to say such a thing.

You have proved her wrong though, as you're a beautiful woman inside and out.:)

[Lorien]

40. Aw, thanks bluebassman

:hug:

I'll probably always feel unattractive. I can't blame her too much though; I was born when abortion was illegal, and I was an accident. All the more reason to make sure that women continue to HAVE a choice, because being forced to have a child then pressured to keep it makes everyone unhappy in the end.

[applegrove]

51. I was an accident too. Me and my twin brother were a surprise.

[bluesbassman]

72. You're certainly welcome Lorien.

Regardless of the circumstances, a child should never be spoken to like that. I applaud you for talking about it, and I hope it helps you to move forward. :hug:

[Manifestor_of_Light]

27. "Never order a Zombie. You will turn into one."

:rofl:

Mom had some very practical advice. OTOH, she told me that when she was in college, circa 1940, she and her friends drank Scotch.

My response?? "Mom, you're NUTS!!!" :wtf:

[arcadian]

29. Smoke 15 bong hits a day and you will swim like a dolphin.

I never knew what she meant til now.

[Lorien]

32. "You weren't meant to find love or have friends because you aren't a part

of God's plan". Mom never got over the fact that I was the reason that she was forced to marry my dad, who left seven years into the marriage. She never once said anything like "when you get married someday" or "when you have children..." it was always "you had better learn to take care of yourself because no one else ever will". I do have friends, but I never did get married or had any children. I wish I had, though.

[amitten]

37. How terrible. She wasn't right!

Of course you can still get married. There is someone for everyone!

[Lorien]

43. At 43 I'm afraid those opportunities are long gone

I haven't even dated seriously since college. Every single man who ever pursued me only wanted sex and nothing else, so apparently I lack the "something else" that women need to keep a partner (plus I rarely meet anyone that I find both interesting and attractive). Quite a few of my female friends are in the same boat-the pickings for us are slim out there! There's just far more of us than there are of them,so there will never be someone for everyone. Kinda wish I weren't hetero, but sexual orientation, unfortunately, is not a choice.

But hey, at least I've got cats!

[amitten]

63. 43 is the new 33. Seriously.

Don't give up. I have a close relative that met the love of her life at almost 50, after a bad first marriage and nasty divorce. She is now very, very happy.

You will find someone, too.

[applegrove]

52. Sorry you had a tough go of it. Tis nice to be older and living in a world you make for yourself eh?

Sorry you had such a tough childhood.

[I Have A Dream]

56. I'm so sorry that you were subjected to this, Lorien.

:cry:

:hug:

[Lorien]

73. ....

:hug: :loveya:

My mom did the best she could. She was the victim of abuse herself as a child, and abortions were illegal when I was conceived, so it wasn't her choice to give birth. All the more reason to ensure that women today continue to have a choice and aren't forced into motherhood if they really are opposed to it!(Oddly enough she is now rabidly anti-choice, but that's what born again fundamentalism will do to a person).

[Heidi]

34. "Never trust a boiled egg

or raw chicken."

[Puglover]

44. Oh dear.

Now I know why you are so twisted dear. :hi:

:loveya:

[Manifestor_of_Light]

39. More good advice from Mom.

"Men are like buses, there's always another one coming down the street".

"Men will be your best friends. Women are shallow and jealous and catty." This is very true. I have had very few women friends in my life, because they have to be really smart and not jealous of me.

One longtime close girlfriend stopped talking to me because I a)had curly thick hair; b)started dating a man that she was interested in, but didn't date. I've been with him for 14 years.

She couldn't stand it that I had good hair and a nice boyfriend. She stopped returning my phone calls.

:wtf:

[Puglover]

41. "ALWAYS change your underwear, you could have

a car accident and end up in the emergency room." Lord. :eyes:

[Rabrrrrrr]

42. Get dressed quickly after a bath so a crow won't fly off with my tiddler.

As a small boy (like 2 to 4 years old), I always found that funny and laughed when mom would say that after she washed me.

I also find it funny that mom liked to use the word "tiddler", which I've rarely heard anyone else use.

[ogneopasno]

45. Never date a guy with a stupid lacy garter hanging from his rear-view mirror.

Also: Don't date guys who work on the college newspaper (this was funny, because that's how she met my dad, and they just celebrated 40 years).

[Lady Effingbroke]

46. always vote republican.

:eyes:

[Z_I_Peevey]

53. Never have sex unless you get something for it in exchange.

Didn't follow the advice, BTW.

[applegrove]

57. I should think not.

[margotb822]

54. Don't wear that lipstick--people will think you're having sex

I was 12 and it was my first foray into makeup. Even to this day, I'm not a big lipstick wearer.

[applegrove]

58. I wore a long jean skirt (way down below my knees) and knee socks to

my drivers test. My mom commented that I was trying to be sexy. I couldn't believe that. Just another wacky comment from her.

[Bertha Venation]

59. Not wacky, but the best.

Don't run with a sucker (lollipop) in your mouth.

I'm not kidding. That's the best advice she ever gave me.

But I'm not bitter. :7

[LaraMN]

60. "Stop stealing my socks and trying to play mind games with me!"

Yeah...


:crazy:

[LynneSin]

61. Whatever you do - don't take your pants off (after my 7th date with my first serious boyfriend)

Of course she was 2 dates late with that advice

[LisaM]

62. She told us that when we were visiting our friends, we had to do what they wanted

because we were company. Then she said when we had friends over, we had to do what THEY wanted because they were company.

It basically left us feeling unempowered in whatever situation we were in. I still haven't really resolved it!

[Manifestor_of_Light]

67. Why did you get your ears pierced? That's barbaric.

Because, Mom, we don't want to wear those ugly, painful clip earrings.

"Well then why don't you get your nose pierced while you're at it?"

Well guess what Mom, nowadays the kids DO get lots of places pierced. They were lucky.

[applegrove]

68. I had to wait till I was 16 to get my ears pierced. I had to wait until I was 13 to grow my hair

long.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

71. "Don't wash your hair every day; you'll RUIN it!!"

This was in the 60s when the old ladies went to the beauty shop every saturday, got their hair ratted and sprayed (yuck), and never touched it in between times.

We had long straight hippy dippy hair that was greasy, of course, because we were teenagers. We HAD to wash it every day in the shower so it wouldn't drive us crazy.

I never found out what "RUIN" meant, in reference to my hair. :wtf:

[WinkyDink]

77. Well, I got the same advice. Ignored it. LOSING MY HAIR rapidly (age 59)!

[applegrove]

79. Are you really loosing hair? Or just going grey? I'm 43 and going grey. It looks

like my hair is thinning because it is so translucent.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

80. I still have a full head of curly hair and I wash it every night in the shower.

I'm in my 50s and female.

So they were wrong.

[applegrove]

83. I loose tons of hair down the drain when I wash. Fortunately I have alot of hair.

[MorningGlow]

69. "Maybe you should...lower your standards"

I had a huge crush on a guy in college and she thought he was too good for me!
:rofl:

Turned out I was too good for HIM. :D And although he enjoyed the fact that I was crushing on him, he never asked me out.

[TommyO]

70. Advice from Mom to kids, compliments of Uncle Bonsai

Available on their "Boys Want Sex in the Morning" CD:

Don't Put It In Your Mouth

Don't put it in your mouth
You don't know where it's been
Don't assume it's candy for a minute
Don't take it from the ground
Or from a strange old man
Other kids have vanished when they did it

Don't bring it in the house
Because it's not a toy
Don't you ever point it at your sister
Go put it in your room
I'll wash your mouth with soap
Then I'll put you two in separate comers

Did you bring enough for everyone
Keep it to yourself or share
Go upstairs and think of what you've done
You're just not my kid, I swear

Don't swing that thing around
You just might poke an eye
Wipe that grin before it sticks forever
Don't leave it on the floor
Or feed it to the dog
If you break it you wont get another

How many times do I have to tell you
In one ear and out the other
Don't try talking with your mouth full
You're behaving like your father
If you want to grow up healthy
Knock it off and put it down
Keep it clean and safe for later
And don't you put it in your mouth

Don't put it in your mouth
What If you should choke
Even though you didn't choke the last time
You'd jump right off the bridge
Because the neighbor did
You should try to make your brain work sometime

Let me see your hands
Both hands both sides
Stop that sniveling now and blow
What is best for you is best for me
Don't ask why or how just go

If you don't want to eat
We'll find someone who will
Starving kids in India will love it
And you'll just go to bed
And stay there for a week or
Put it in your mouth and swallow it

How many times do I have to tell you
In one ear and out the other
Don't try talking with your mouth full
You're behaving like your father
If you want to grow up healthy
Knock it off and put it down
Keep it clean and safe for later
And don't you put it in your mouth

(Knock it off)


More at http://www.unclebonsai.com/

edited to correct an egregious grammar error.

[frogmarch]

74. Guys might have flings with

girls who have pierced ears and tattoos, but they don't marry them.

[crimsonblue]

75. My mom told me never to blow into a bong

because you get bong juice everywhere. Thanks, mom!

[TheCentepedeShoes]

76. Two car related

From when I was first learning to drive: You will probably have a lot of accidents because other drivers won't see you (What? I'm the invisible person driving the invisible car? I see THEM just fine)
From a few years ago: You might get better gas mileage if you didn't run the radio (I probably could have had an accident then, my eyes being rolled up in my head)

When she didn't let me go to some kid or teen function (birthday party, football game, dance, etc): They will have just as much fun without you there (ouch)

[InkAddict]

78. Gems from Mommy Dearest...

"Don't sit on the table until you're able" - HUH?

"Every date is a potential mate." - No pressure huh, 14 years old....especially since I was allowed to even go out in a mixed group until I was a teen-something in the late 60s. Not even close 'cause girls just wanna have fun, but I fell for marriage too darn early in life anyway...going on 40 years. Know what, when they give you away, they really, really mean it.

Of course, there was always, "Kittens grow up to be cats."

[Stevenmarc]

81. She told me to tell my 4th grade nun

to take a shit in her habit and pull it over her ears.


She apparently didn't like the letter she sent home with me.

[mainegreen]

85. I just blew tea all over my monitor

:rofl:

[Tom Kitten]

82. not allowed to date or see girls until I was 18

Dad was fooling around, see...

[sarge43]

86. I got the classic "always wear clean underwear because

you could be in an accident, taken to a hospital and what would people think" routine. Seemed to be an article of faith with her generation.

I pointed out that if I wound up in an ER as star of the show, the state of my delicates would be the last thing on anyone's mind, least of all, mine. (The beginning of my fabled career as a smart ass.)