God punishes Ashcroft for anti-gay marriage stance

[Maddy McCall]

WASHINGTON - Not a fan of bigotry, the Good Lord has seen it fit to strike down Attorney General John Ashcroft for his attempts to prevent US cities from issuing marriage licenses to gay couples.

While giving a speech advocating a constitutional amendment that would say marriage is strictly a union between a man and a woman, a flash of light appeared from the sky and the Attorney General began clutching his side in pain. He is currently hospitalized in an intensive care unit for a severe case of gallstone pancreatitis, a painful condition.

Ashcroft's ambulance was also delayed on its way to the hospital by a plague of locusts. While being being wheeled into the ER, Ashcroft was pelted with frogs and fish that seemed to come from the sky.

His condition apparently worsened after receiving a phone call from a concerned President Bush, who told Ashcroft a gay midget joke to cheer him up. "How does a gay midget announce to the world that he's gay?" said Bush. "I give up?" said Ashcroft. "He comes out of the cupboard!" According to eyewitnesses, the Attorney General's laughter was interrupted by his ECG flatlining for a few seconds. Luckily the critical care nurses were able to revive him.

more satire at: http://thewiredpress.com/archives/culture/20040305_ashcroft_god.html

[boobooday]

1. Kind of like

Kind of like when Pat Robertson was praying for the hurricane to hit the gays and his compound got destroyed instead.


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